Thanks for the wise words Liz. It's nice to always feel welcome. I really hope we don't have to worry about coming back with our tails between our legs confessing indulges and fails - I am totally rooting for us to have a perfect 21!
Amy, thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your honesty and letting me know I am not alone. In regards to the carrot, you're right, I'd usually let it go. But this time, that one bite just made me want EVERYTHING. I mean it, I started eating a massive amount of random things. If I did not have a taste at all, I wouldn't have done that. Some days I can handle a bite (usually do when prepping dinner) but this was later at night and it just went terrible!
Anyways, some thoughts for today. I brought some really gross foods for lunch today. Back to the topic of leftovers. I brought some things just to "use it up" and I am so completely unsatisfied. I think I'm going to start making new attempts to stop this behaviour. I don't expect anyone else in the house to eat nasty fare to use it up. Why should I be any different? I am entitled, like all of you are too, to really enjoy my meals. I normally do, but when I try to be all virtuous about not wasting, it's not a good thing. I'm going home and throwing out that savory cheesecake. If the rest of the egg salad doesn't get eaten, so be it. Don't get me wrong, I like leftovers, but when they no longer taste good or if I didnt like them to begin with, they must go. Period.
Day 2 - Wed. May 2
#1: one toast with pb and chia seeds. Cafe au lait with whole milk. 1/3 bagel with bit butter and cream cheese.
#2: slice bread with egg salad; apple, cut up veg; few bites savory cheesecake and some oatmeal. Weird, I know.
#3: beef stew and maybe polenta. Cucumber and tomatoes.
Sinnie 2012
Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating
As a mom to two kiddies, I am also 'guilty' of wanting to use up the leftovers.
Thing is, I feel guilty about throwing them away and I feel even more guilty if I gave them to the kids even though they would be perfectly edible .... I know, can someone please explain??
As oolala very wisely and kindly pointed out one day, this is just diet head talking! I guess we shouldn't feel guilty about discarding leftovers or out of date food or any other foods for that matter, like old clothes that clutter up our cupboards, if they haven't been used within 6 months (in the case of food, I guess that is a bit extreme, but you get the picture -
)... just toss em in the garbage!
Thing is, I feel guilty about throwing them away and I feel even more guilty if I gave them to the kids even though they would be perfectly edible .... I know, can someone please explain??
As oolala very wisely and kindly pointed out one day, this is just diet head talking! I guess we shouldn't feel guilty about discarding leftovers or out of date food or any other foods for that matter, like old clothes that clutter up our cupboards, if they haven't been used within 6 months (in the case of food, I guess that is a bit extreme, but you get the picture -
)... just toss em in the garbage!No S-er since December 2009
Streamlined S Days: 6/25/12
SW: 170 /CW: 127
Weight loss to date: 43 lbs
Streamlined S Days: 6/25/12
SW: 170 /CW: 127
Weight loss to date: 43 lbs
Agreed, Sinnie & Roxy!
Lately i'm trying to think, "if I wouldn't choose it at a restaurant, should I give it to myself now?".
If the answer is, "no", then don't eat it!
That's why I stick to pretty simple good ingredients.
Trader Joes, Costco for good veggies, a little fat, a little protein, a ww carb.
And that's the main base for me to feel "satisfied."
I have to have something from each food group (except doing the paleo diet awhile back has kept me from fruit much...which is dumb).
Same goes for my kidlets. I don't want to feed them stuff even I wouldn't eat.
The only exception is the once in a blue moon fast food nuggets.
YUCK. They love them, but I wouldn't touch them.
Alright. That's all for now!
Keep up the fantastic work!
Lately i'm trying to think, "if I wouldn't choose it at a restaurant, should I give it to myself now?".
If the answer is, "no", then don't eat it!
That's why I stick to pretty simple good ingredients.
Trader Joes, Costco for good veggies, a little fat, a little protein, a ww carb.
And that's the main base for me to feel "satisfied."
I have to have something from each food group (except doing the paleo diet awhile back has kept me from fruit much...which is dumb).
Same goes for my kidlets. I don't want to feed them stuff even I wouldn't eat.
The only exception is the once in a blue moon fast food nuggets.
YUCK. They love them, but I wouldn't touch them.
Alright. That's all for now!
Keep up the fantastic work!
Liz
Hey guys, I agree with you both. Last night, I threw out the savory cheesecake. I KNEW I was not going to eat it, and if I forced myself, it would still be wasted food (waisted too;))
Anyhow, I sadly report that day 2 was a failure. I did really, really well all day. I started to get stressed/depressed last night and I tried really hard to put nothing in my mouth. It worked for a bit, but slowly I just caved. I had a slice of swiss cheese and a couple strawberries. A lick of peanut butter and another homemade cookie (I allowed myself one after dinner). The good news is I stopped there. As far as binges go, that was really tame. I knew I had to stop. OK, hubby also helped me stop Funny enough, he actually told me this morning I look skinny and how much do I weigh? I said I don't know, I haven't weighed myself in a week or so. I definitely have not lost weight, but it's to hear anyway.
Why did I fail when I was so gung-ho about everything? I guess I was having a bad night. DH works a lot and I find that can be depressing. I stay home with his daughter a lot, and while she is a nice girl who loves me, she is very needy and wants to talk to me ALL the time. She often has friend problems, and gets obsessed with boys (she has a touch of aspergers) and it can really grate my nerves. But I don't let it show because she needs someone. Anyway, it was a long night, I felt isolated and alone. I also moved into my husband's house back in the summer and although I'm only about 40 mins from my old neighbourhood, I miss my family and friends tremendously. I still make an effort to see them often, but it's not the same. Hubby really wants to move closer to his work which is about an hour away, and as much as I don't want to stay in our current house, I REALLY don't want to move even further. This weighs on me. In addition, I want to have a baby and it's not happening. Lots of stress. Don't know why I'm spilling it all out now.
Still feeling very sad today. I can't snap out of it. DH leaves tomorrow until Tuesday. Sucks.
#1: I made these pancakes from one egg, some buttermilk and multigrain/chia seed/buckwheat flours. Ate with a bit of syrup and banana.
#2: leftover stew and pasta; apple
#3: I'll make ribs and tortellini
Anyhow, I sadly report that day 2 was a failure. I did really, really well all day. I started to get stressed/depressed last night and I tried really hard to put nothing in my mouth. It worked for a bit, but slowly I just caved. I had a slice of swiss cheese and a couple strawberries. A lick of peanut butter and another homemade cookie (I allowed myself one after dinner). The good news is I stopped there. As far as binges go, that was really tame. I knew I had to stop. OK, hubby also helped me stop
Funny enough, he actually told me this morning I look skinny and how much do I weigh? I said I don't know, I haven't weighed myself in a week or so. I definitely have not lost weight, but it's to hear anyway.Why did I fail when I was so gung-ho about everything? I guess I was having a bad night. DH works a lot and I find that can be depressing. I stay home with his daughter a lot, and while she is a nice girl who loves me, she is very needy and wants to talk to me ALL the time. She often has friend problems, and gets obsessed with boys (she has a touch of aspergers) and it can really grate my nerves. But I don't let it show because she needs someone. Anyway, it was a long night, I felt isolated and alone. I also moved into my husband's house back in the summer and although I'm only about 40 mins from my old neighbourhood, I miss my family and friends tremendously. I still make an effort to see them often, but it's not the same. Hubby really wants to move closer to his work which is about an hour away, and as much as I don't want to stay in our current house, I REALLY don't want to move even further. This weighs on me. In addition, I want to have a baby and it's not happening. Lots of stress. Don't know why I'm spilling it all out now.
Still feeling very sad today. I can't snap out of it. DH leaves tomorrow until Tuesday. Sucks.
#1: I made these pancakes from one egg, some buttermilk and multigrain/chia seed/buckwheat flours. Ate with a bit of syrup and banana.
#2: leftover stew and pasta; apple
#3: I'll make ribs and tortellini
Hi, cutie.
Wow you have a lot going on in your life. Lots of changes and tough stuff. I can't imagine how tough and isolating it must feel to be so far from former family & friends and be with your stepdaughter. It's hard being one-on-one so much. I realize it's easier for me to have all my kids around than one sometimes!
I'm so sorry you are stressed. These are big decisions and real-world problems that you and all of us face.
It's probably helpful for you to write this out, though, as it helps to see what is going on behind the food.
I know I eat emotionally all the time and I'll tell ya: it DOES help....
only at the time.
I know you were "gung-ho" but that's no more reason to NOT fail.
In fact, sometimes I worry the more "I CAN DO THIS...ROCK ON!" I am, the more I'm "setting myself up".
Don't think of it as a month. 21 days, or even a week.
Think of it just as a day. Or hour. THe best decision for this minute.
And maybe, just maybe, at the end of the month you'll say: wow. I did it!
And if it means you had a few reds, so be it.
You stopped after you realized things were getting out of hand.
That's great.
Here for you. I'm sorry there's no magic pill to make life problems wash away. Find something that makes you happy and DO that. A passion, service, a job, exercise.
I've had a rough couple days emotionally and realized I've been saying "YES" to everyone but myself. Watching lots of others' kids, volunteering, doing doing doing.
WHICH is nice, too, as I stay busy. But it's also good to say "NO" once in awhile. And do something that just makes YOU happy.
Hang in there girl.
Wow you have a lot going on in your life. Lots of changes and tough stuff. I can't imagine how tough and isolating it must feel to be so far from former family & friends and be with your stepdaughter. It's hard being one-on-one so much. I realize it's easier for me to have all my kids around than one sometimes!
I'm so sorry you are stressed. These are big decisions and real-world problems that you and all of us face.
It's probably helpful for you to write this out, though, as it helps to see what is going on behind the food.
I know I eat emotionally all the time and I'll tell ya: it DOES help....
only at the time.
I know you were "gung-ho" but that's no more reason to NOT fail.
In fact, sometimes I worry the more "I CAN DO THIS...ROCK ON!" I am, the more I'm "setting myself up".
Don't think of it as a month. 21 days, or even a week.
Think of it just as a day. Or hour. THe best decision for this minute.
And maybe, just maybe, at the end of the month you'll say: wow. I did it!
And if it means you had a few reds, so be it.
You stopped after you realized things were getting out of hand.
That's great.
Here for you. I'm sorry there's no magic pill to make life problems wash away. Find something that makes you happy and DO that. A passion, service, a job, exercise.
I've had a rough couple days emotionally and realized I've been saying "YES" to everyone but myself. Watching lots of others' kids, volunteering, doing doing doing.
WHICH is nice, too, as I stay busy. But it's also good to say "NO" once in awhile. And do something that just makes YOU happy.
Hang in there girl.
Liz
Thanks for the awesome post Liz. What really struck me was this:
"Don't think of it as a month. 21 days, or even a week.
Think of it just as a day. Or hour. THe best decision for this minute."
I am actually writing that out on a card to keep with me. My biggest obstacle can truly be spur of the moment failures, like one minute decision that brings me over the barrier from success to failure. I can't assume I'll have a successful night, ever. I need to understand that i have a problem with food, that truly I don't believe will ever be solved. I always, always go back to food for comfort or entertainment.
DH pointed out to me that "food is not love" - sounds funny but I kinda use it like a drug. I said but when I am stressed, after a few bites I can feel that serotonin high and I feel calm temporarily. He says "food doesn't solve your problems, it just makes you full..."
I only wish it were that easy for me. Food does so much more than fill me up.
In any case, I think I need to accept that without clear, enforced rules, I will always be a binger. When I do well, I think "I'm cured! I have no issues with food! I'm just like a naturally thin person!" And to some extent it is sorta true. But then I get too proud and stress hits and I binge. That is why free-for-all weekends aren't good for me, because they keep the binge monster alive. For me, it's not a good thing. I hope to get to a place where constant discipline and rules, day in and day out, will help this become such 2nd nature that binging is not a distraction or comfort anymore, but a foreign idea.
Onto yesterday (Thursday). It was a failure again. I decided that I would wait for hubby to eat dinner since he would be home by 6pm or so. So I prepared dinner for S-DD and admit to nibbling on broccoli but didn't count that as a failure. I did taste a couple things as part of the cooking and was otherwise good. Then I tried to stay out of the kitchen. Didn't feel hungry, so all seemed good. Then I found out DH was going to be a bit late. So I decided I'd make myself a coffee. I did that and also had a cookie, which was divine. At dinner, I wasn't really hungry but ate anyways, and somehow that extra full feeling made me keep snacking while I cleaned up. Then I started binging a bit - had 3 more cookies. I did stop myself but the damage was done - I went to bed feeling extremely full and gross. Despise that feeling so much.
I think I went wrong by "allowing" some snacks to compensate for being so "good" (for me, waiting to eat dinner is a big deal and almost rewarded myself with that initial cookie thinking I deserved it). If that's all I had, its fine and dandy, but I am such a slippery slope kinda gal most days.
Maybe I should eliminate sweets. I don't know. When I can handle it after a meal, it can add such pleasure to my day.
Today has been good.
#1: cafe au lait and banana (not hungry!)
#2: 1/2 huge kaiser roll with 1 slice swiss, salami and turkey w/ tomato slice and apple
#3: going out for dinner
Since dinner will be a tad later than I'm used to for a weekday, I might make a coffee. This is my new trick and am realizing may be the key for my snacky moments. I'll save my coffee's for when I really need a snack instead of the habitual coffee after dinner or whatnot. I recently begun using decaf so I don't get shaky (caffeinated in the morning). I bought this amazing frother and the milk really substantiates it. Vanilla soy milk is wonderful in a latte! I'm going to try using this a substitute for the snack/sweet urge. Mildly caloric, I don't add sugar, and might save me on many days. I'll start thinking of it as my "safe drink" or "saving drink"
"Don't think of it as a month. 21 days, or even a week.
Think of it just as a day. Or hour. THe best decision for this minute."
I am actually writing that out on a card to keep with me. My biggest obstacle can truly be spur of the moment failures, like one minute decision that brings me over the barrier from success to failure. I can't assume I'll have a successful night, ever. I need to understand that i have a problem with food, that truly I don't believe will ever be solved. I always, always go back to food for comfort or entertainment.
DH pointed out to me that "food is not love" - sounds funny but I kinda use it like a drug. I said but when I am stressed, after a few bites I can feel that serotonin high and I feel calm temporarily. He says "food doesn't solve your problems, it just makes you full..."
I only wish it were that easy for me. Food does so much more than fill me up.
In any case, I think I need to accept that without clear, enforced rules, I will always be a binger. When I do well, I think "I'm cured! I have no issues with food! I'm just like a naturally thin person!" And to some extent it is sorta true. But then I get too proud and stress hits and I binge. That is why free-for-all weekends aren't good for me, because they keep the binge monster alive. For me, it's not a good thing. I hope to get to a place where constant discipline and rules, day in and day out, will help this become such 2nd nature that binging is not a distraction or comfort anymore, but a foreign idea.
Onto yesterday (Thursday). It was a failure again. I decided that I would wait for hubby to eat dinner since he would be home by 6pm or so. So I prepared dinner for S-DD and admit to nibbling on broccoli but didn't count that as a failure. I did taste a couple things as part of the cooking and was otherwise good. Then I tried to stay out of the kitchen. Didn't feel hungry, so all seemed good. Then I found out DH was going to be a bit late. So I decided I'd make myself a coffee. I did that and also had a cookie, which was divine. At dinner, I wasn't really hungry but ate anyways, and somehow that extra full feeling made me keep snacking while I cleaned up. Then I started binging a bit - had 3 more cookies. I did stop myself but the damage was done - I went to bed feeling extremely full and gross. Despise that feeling so much.
I think I went wrong by "allowing" some snacks to compensate for being so "good" (for me, waiting to eat dinner is a big deal and almost rewarded myself with that initial cookie thinking I deserved it). If that's all I had, its fine and dandy, but I am such a slippery slope kinda gal most days.
Maybe I should eliminate sweets. I don't know. When I can handle it after a meal, it can add such pleasure to my day.
Today has been good.
#1: cafe au lait and banana (not hungry!)
#2: 1/2 huge kaiser roll with 1 slice swiss, salami and turkey w/ tomato slice and apple
#3: going out for dinner
Since dinner will be a tad later than I'm used to for a weekday, I might make a coffee. This is my new trick and am realizing may be the key for my snacky moments. I'll save my coffee's for when I really need a snack instead of the habitual coffee after dinner or whatnot. I recently begun using decaf so I don't get shaky (caffeinated in the morning). I bought this amazing frother and the milk really substantiates it. Vanilla soy milk is wonderful in a latte! I'm going to try using this a substitute for the snack/sweet urge. Mildly caloric, I don't add sugar, and might save me on many days. I'll start thinking of it as my "safe drink" or "saving drink"
A few things, though there are so many things that jump out that I could comment on:
-spur of the moment failures. so my thing, too
-i'm actually quite impressed you tell all this to your DH. mine knows about stuff, but i keep it from him to not bore him. he'd say, "why do you worry about food?" whatever.
-doesn't sound funny at all that you use food as a drug. that's why we are here. i felt calm last night after cookies. and yes, i had chocolate tonight. a bit too much, actually. but it calmed me. i'm actually torn if it was a bad thing, though. i ate healthy all day and i know it was a technical red, but maybe i need that little carrot at the end of stick?
-i relate that i need to accept, too that i'm a binger. yep i said it. i am. i'd love to say i'm not. but i am. and i need the rules. i LOVE to think i'm above them. that i'm "cured". because i've had counseling in the past and i have such a wonderful life how i could be a binger?! and i'm "naturally thin". but the point is: i use food the same way an obese person does, just less food.
-let's get to a place of constant discipline with rules day in and out
-i have the same feeling about sweets at the end of the day. is that a reason we SHOULD eliminate them?
-i truly believe SNACKING is a huge thing for you (and me) and a big culprit to binges.
-I started reading a recommended book tonight called "UNHOOKED: HOW TO QUIT ANYTHING" written by 2 addiction therapists. It's riveting so far. I'll be writing about it on my blog. And delving deeper into the "whys" of my eating.
No S is wonderful for the surface habits, but they emotional stuff is what I need to deal with, quite frankly.
You would love this book, I think. I'm only a bit into it, but think it will be helpful.
well i better go. i had a fail tonight. not focusing on it right now. not too sure about my rules anyway. it involved too much sweets, but 3 healthy meals. i don't have a problem with the 3 plated meals. it's just that darn, "it's friday and we're picking up treats for the movie, i want and deserve some!".
ta ta. sorry for the big epistle.
xo
-spur of the moment failures. so my thing, too
-i'm actually quite impressed you tell all this to your DH. mine knows about stuff, but i keep it from him to not bore him. he'd say, "why do you worry about food?" whatever.
-doesn't sound funny at all that you use food as a drug. that's why we are here. i felt calm last night after cookies. and yes, i had chocolate tonight. a bit too much, actually. but it calmed me. i'm actually torn if it was a bad thing, though. i ate healthy all day and i know it was a technical red, but maybe i need that little carrot at the end of stick?
-i relate that i need to accept, too that i'm a binger. yep i said it. i am. i'd love to say i'm not. but i am. and i need the rules. i LOVE to think i'm above them. that i'm "cured". because i've had counseling in the past and i have such a wonderful life how i could be a binger?! and i'm "naturally thin". but the point is: i use food the same way an obese person does, just less food.
-let's get to a place of constant discipline with rules day in and out
-i have the same feeling about sweets at the end of the day. is that a reason we SHOULD eliminate them?
-i truly believe SNACKING is a huge thing for you (and me) and a big culprit to binges.
-I started reading a recommended book tonight called "UNHOOKED: HOW TO QUIT ANYTHING" written by 2 addiction therapists. It's riveting so far. I'll be writing about it on my blog. And delving deeper into the "whys" of my eating.
No S is wonderful for the surface habits, but they emotional stuff is what I need to deal with, quite frankly.
You would love this book, I think. I'm only a bit into it, but think it will be helpful.
well i better go. i had a fail tonight. not focusing on it right now. not too sure about my rules anyway. it involved too much sweets, but 3 healthy meals. i don't have a problem with the 3 plated meals. it's just that darn, "it's friday and we're picking up treats for the movie, i want and deserve some!".
ta ta. sorry for the big epistle.
xo
Liz
I'm so sorry you've been struggling! It is hard, and having a husband myself who is home late most of the time and travels a lot, I can relate! But - you and Liz have made some great insights here. Hang in there - you will be able to reduce the bingeing little by little. A podcast that has been really helpful to me in the past year to make big changes to my eating behavior (might be something you could listen to when having your coffee and waiting for your husband to come home 
):
http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/2 ... eight-loss
Scroll down to the bottom and listen to them in order, if you're interested. Most of what she says is totally compatible with No-S.
Have a good weekend!
): http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/2 ... eight-loss
Scroll down to the bottom and listen to them in order, if you're interested. Most of what she says is totally compatible with No-S.
Have a good weekend!
Liz, never apologize for the long post! I am aware of how much thought you put into what you write and genuinely want to help people. God bless you. You're such a kind soul and I appreciate the time you take to sit down and write such helpful advice. Mean it.
As far as telling DH all this stuff, I initially did not. I'm not sure when it changed, but I guess my issues are hard to hide It's nice to be able to lean on him for support. It's also easy because he is a natural NoS'er. And he doesn't eat regularly sweets. I don't get how some bodies have such instincts to stop eating or not want more food or not want a sweet...He actually tells me I have to "break the addiction". He acknowledges he doesn't understand and can't relate - but tries to keep me on track as per my request
Amy - thank you sooo much for posting that link. I started to look through and listen to a couple. Love it!
Quick update on the weekend. Friday night went out to dinner with a friend and was quite hungry by the time we sat down. I couldn't decide what I wanted and went with a loaded burger and fries. One 5 oz glass of wine. I ate the entire burger and almost all the fries. I don't know whether it was just too much food, too fattening or what...but I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I was also soooo thirsty and couldn't stop drinking water afterwards which made my discomfort even worse. I couldnt go to sleep so bloated (my stomach was actually hurting from the bloat) so I cleaned, did plank exercises, anything to make it go down.
I'm sick with a cold this weekend, but its slowly getting better. I ate 3 meals only yesterday(partly on account of being sick). So really good there. I've been thinking to maybe cut down on my carb intake - not eliminate but reduce. I eat tons of pasta, bread, and rice. I'm increasing my fruits/veggies and not going to follow the one plate rule. Today has been 3 meals as well. Yay!
As far as telling DH all this stuff, I initially did not. I'm not sure when it changed, but I guess my issues are hard to hide
It's nice to be able to lean on him for support. It's also easy because he is a natural NoS'er. And he doesn't eat regularly sweets. I don't get how some bodies have such instincts to stop eating or not want more food or not want a sweet...He actually tells me I have to "break the addiction". He acknowledges he doesn't understand and can't relate - but tries to keep me on track as per my request Amy - thank you sooo much for posting that link. I started to look through and listen to a couple. Love it!
Quick update on the weekend. Friday night went out to dinner with a friend and was quite hungry by the time we sat down. I couldn't decide what I wanted and went with a loaded burger and fries. One 5 oz glass of wine. I ate the entire burger and almost all the fries. I don't know whether it was just too much food, too fattening or what...but I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. I was also soooo thirsty and couldn't stop drinking water afterwards which made my discomfort even worse. I couldnt go to sleep so bloated (my stomach was actually hurting from the bloat) so I cleaned, did plank exercises, anything to make it go down.
I'm sick with a cold this weekend, but its slowly getting better. I ate 3 meals only yesterday(partly on account of being sick). So really good there. I've been thinking to maybe cut down on my carb intake - not eliminate but reduce. I eat tons of pasta, bread, and rice. I'm increasing my fruits/veggies and not going to follow the one plate rule. Today has been 3 meals as well. Yay!
Hey Amy, yeah I think you are right, it must have been way too much salt. Yuck!
I binged again tonight. I ate a modest breakfast, and very small lunch. It was such a busy day and got home later than usual. I had a chicken breast, bit of noodles and 1/3 slice of pizza and a regular coke (it was right there and although i never drink the stuff, i just grabbed it). Then I was full but feeling stressed and still so much to do...and needed a sweet. Had a homemade peanut butter cup. Couldn't stop there today. I left the kitchen and came back, and had an orange. Just couldn't stop, so I had two pieces of bread with pb & j. Milk. more pb. A few pieces mini wheats cereal. maybe more but im tired and cant remember. This happens when I'm alone. S-DD wasn't home - I wouldn't do this if she was there. So dangerous for me to be alone. But the treats don't seem a fulfilling when I eat them with her there. It's like a distraction from the sweet/snack. I don't know. Hard to explain with the minimal brain function ive got left tonight
Much going on this week between work/home/a wedding im in this weekend. At least DH flies in tonight! Although ill be sleeping by then, at least I get to see him tomorrow.
I'm feeling a bit frustrated but more tired than anything. I just don't know what will ever work for me. I remember when I first involved DH in my food troubles and he helped me stay on No S. I remember night time being the worst and almost wanting to kill him for not letting me get a snack as I "breaked the addiction". After that intial work it got easier. But I didnt keep up on the strictness.
Anyways, more tomorrow. going to bed!
I binged again tonight. I ate a modest breakfast, and very small lunch. It was such a busy day and got home later than usual. I had a chicken breast, bit of noodles and 1/3 slice of pizza and a regular coke (it was right there and although i never drink the stuff, i just grabbed it). Then I was full but feeling stressed and still so much to do...and needed a sweet. Had a homemade peanut butter cup. Couldn't stop there today. I left the kitchen and came back, and had an orange. Just couldn't stop, so I had two pieces of bread with pb & j. Milk. more pb. A few pieces mini wheats cereal. maybe more but im tired and cant remember. This happens when I'm alone. S-DD wasn't home - I wouldn't do this if she was there. So dangerous for me to be alone. But the treats don't seem a fulfilling when I eat them with her there. It's like a distraction from the sweet/snack. I don't know. Hard to explain with the minimal brain function ive got left tonight
Much going on this week between work/home/a wedding im in this weekend. At least DH flies in tonight! Although ill be sleeping by then, at least I get to see him tomorrow.
I'm feeling a bit frustrated but more tired than anything. I just don't know what will ever work for me. I remember when I first involved DH in my food troubles and he helped me stay on No S. I remember night time being the worst and almost wanting to kill him for not letting me get a snack as I "breaked the addiction". After that intial work it got easier. But I didnt keep up on the strictness.
Anyways, more tomorrow. going to bed!
Sinnie I'm really sorry. I'm glad you posted and in detail. It's so important!
"Lead the least secretive life you can."
I completely know how it is. We all do...unfortunately.
If it were me and I had had a small breakfast/lunch/busy day, I would feel such a need to "konk out"/relax too. And that often goes hand in hand with food for some of us!
It's especially tough when no one is around like in your situation.
Be kind to yourself right now especially.
Don't sit and make resolutions and try to figure out how you can "make it up" tomorrow. But instead play out the scene of events and PERHAPS where you could have done something differently.
Or, just don't look back and move along.
I'm glad the husband will be back tonight.
I can see how you'd be frustrated. It's just like, "this again...really?".
Keep it up and find what works for you.
I involved my husband for the first time tonight. And it was helpful, actually.
Take care love.
"Lead the least secretive life you can."
I completely know how it is. We all do...unfortunately.
If it were me and I had had a small breakfast/lunch/busy day, I would feel such a need to "konk out"/relax too. And that often goes hand in hand with food for some of us!
It's especially tough when no one is around like in your situation.
Be kind to yourself right now especially.
Don't sit and make resolutions and try to figure out how you can "make it up" tomorrow. But instead play out the scene of events and PERHAPS where you could have done something differently.
Or, just don't look back and move along.
I'm glad the husband will be back tonight.
I can see how you'd be frustrated. It's just like, "this again...really?".
Keep it up and find what works for you.
I involved my husband for the first time tonight. And it was helpful, actually.
Take care love.
Liz
Thanks Amy and Liz. I should be the poster girl of what you SHOULD NOT do when on No S
Anyways, Monday and Tuesday were both a bust. But here I am, still trying to plug away. Trying to find a solution tailored to me and my weird brain.
I'm currently in some kind of limbo place. I'm not exactly sure what my next steps are. All I know is that I need to stick to 3 meals, firstly. But, I also need to de-mystify treats. I allowed myself to buy a treat right after lunch. Usually it's a tug-of-war for at least half an hour in my head but today I said to myself,
"listen, Sinnie, if you want a treat just go buy one - don't binge, don't sneak, just go buy the friggin thing, get a coffee too and be done with it. Try not to overdo it."
So I went to get a small decaf and randomly choose a chocolate chip muffin. To be honest, I wasn't even sure I needed it THAT badly or even that particular sweet. I just wanted to experiment, take away the whole "OMG, I'm sooooo bad.....this is a no-no....muhahaha, I'm such a rebel
" factor. And it did. I took a few bites, finished my coffee. And I totally don't want anymore. I probably ate maybe half the muffin. I can save the rest for tomorrow.
#1: 1/2 slice bread with pb and chia seeds. Made a small latte.
#2: 7 crackers; 1 slice each: turkey, salami and cheese; apple and cherry tomatoes. 1/2 chocolate chip muffin
#3: 3 small cabbage rolls, bit of pasta and meat sauce, pear, square of dark chocolate and 1/2 store bought cookie (pretty small)
I did end up having 1/2 a bun and 1/2 donut at night. Dh and I got in a small spat, it stressed me out and I ate.
Anyways, Monday and Tuesday were both a bust. But here I am, still trying to plug away. Trying to find a solution tailored to me and my weird brain.
I'm currently in some kind of limbo place. I'm not exactly sure what my next steps are. All I know is that I need to stick to 3 meals, firstly. But, I also need to de-mystify treats. I allowed myself to buy a treat right after lunch. Usually it's a tug-of-war for at least half an hour in my head but today I said to myself,
"listen, Sinnie, if you want a treat just go buy one - don't binge, don't sneak, just go buy the friggin thing, get a coffee too and be done with it. Try not to overdo it."
So I went to get a small decaf and randomly choose a chocolate chip muffin. To be honest, I wasn't even sure I needed it THAT badly or even that particular sweet. I just wanted to experiment, take away the whole "OMG, I'm sooooo bad.....this is a no-no....muhahaha, I'm such a rebel
" factor. And it did. I took a few bites, finished my coffee. And I totally don't want anymore. I probably ate maybe half the muffin. I can save the rest for tomorrow. #1: 1/2 slice bread with pb and chia seeds. Made a small latte.
#2: 7 crackers; 1 slice each: turkey, salami and cheese; apple and cherry tomatoes. 1/2 chocolate chip muffin
#3: 3 small cabbage rolls, bit of pasta and meat sauce, pear, square of dark chocolate and 1/2 store bought cookie (pretty small)
I did end up having 1/2 a bun and 1/2 donut at night. Dh and I got in a small spat, it stressed me out and I ate.
Last edited by Sinnie on Thu May 10, 2012 12:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Let me hear a WOOT WOOT.
I've never been able to "eat intuitively" at all.
But maybe if you have rules within rules.
Like the 3 meals/day. No snacking.
And if you REALLY want the treat, have it.
Pretty reasonable? Esp. since you don't have much (or any) weight to lose?
you can do this Sinnie. And no, you are NOT the "poster girl of what you should not do".
That's what's so great. No-S is a great guideline and Vanilla works. It works for people to lose weight and to get rid of bad habits.
But there is something that arises with Vanilla...the reason why we are eating/binging in the first place and you need to address that.
For me, I get anxious thinking of a weekend free-for-all. That just freaks me out.
But what I'm doing works for now. And I'll tweak later if needed.
XO girl. Wish we could get a treat together at some point. !
I've never been able to "eat intuitively" at all.
But maybe if you have rules within rules.
Like the 3 meals/day. No snacking.
And if you REALLY want the treat, have it.
Pretty reasonable? Esp. since you don't have much (or any) weight to lose?
you can do this Sinnie. And no, you are NOT the "poster girl of what you should not do".
That's what's so great. No-S is a great guideline and Vanilla works. It works for people to lose weight and to get rid of bad habits.
But there is something that arises with Vanilla...the reason why we are eating/binging in the first place and you need to address that.
For me, I get anxious thinking of a weekend free-for-all. That just freaks me out.
But what I'm doing works for now. And I'll tweak later if needed.
XO girl. Wish we could get a treat together at some point. !
Liz
Thank you 
It's so true that No S really makes us look at why we eat. With three substantial (usually) meals a day, one just cannot be truly hungry a couple hours later. It's at that point that I really see my issues. No one else seems to be need anything. It's psychological. When I tried to follow, for years, intuitive approaches, Id be like "oh I guess I am hungry, better go eat!" and let me tell you I think it kept me in that web for way longer than necessary.
Like you, I will tweak as required. I feel content and far less anxious about the whole thing. I need to go with the flow and right now I can't swear off treats and I also can't handle S days. This is in-between.
After dinner, I did have another small treat! I'll update on my post above. Yay!
"Wish we could get a treat together at some point. ! " --> agreed.
It's so true that No S really makes us look at why we eat. With three substantial (usually) meals a day, one just cannot be truly hungry a couple hours later. It's at that point that I really see my issues. No one else seems to be need anything. It's psychological. When I tried to follow, for years, intuitive approaches, Id be like "oh I guess I am hungry, better go eat!" and let me tell you I think it kept me in that web for way longer than necessary. Like you, I will tweak as required. I feel content and far less anxious about the whole thing. I need to go with the flow and right now I can't swear off treats and I also can't handle S days. This is in-between.
After dinner, I did have another small treat! I'll update on my post above. Yay!
"Wish we could get a treat together at some point. ! " --> agreed.
DH and I had breakfast today this morning! It was lovely.
#1: scrambled eggs and smoked salmon; half a bagel with cream cheese and plum butter; coffee; 1/4 of a donut*
#2: small sandwich with slice cheese and smoked salmon; apple; blackberries; leftover 1/2 choc chip muffin from yesterday (it was stale though)
#3: bowl of greek yogurt; 1/2 bagel w/ cream cheese and some plum jam; fiber one bar; 2 cabbage rolls; small glass orange juice
These are SO good. Fresh from a european specialty store.
#1: scrambled eggs and smoked salmon; half a bagel with cream cheese and plum butter; coffee; 1/4 of a donut*
#2: small sandwich with slice cheese and smoked salmon; apple; blackberries; leftover 1/2 choc chip muffin from yesterday (it was stale though)
#3: bowl of greek yogurt; 1/2 bagel w/ cream cheese and some plum jam; fiber one bar; 2 cabbage rolls; small glass orange juice
These are SO good. Fresh from a european specialty store.
Last edited by Sinnie on Fri May 11, 2012 1:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
Thanks Amy - it's been going OK. Yesterday was good. I came very close to eating before bed...but told myself, you can do this, wait until morning and have anything you want! It worked!
#1: 1/2 bagel w/ cream cheese and plum butter; greek yogurt; coffee
#2: salami/turkey sandwich on big multigrain bun and an apple; timbit and coffee*
#3:
*Quite proud of myself because the lady at Tim Hortons gave me 2 timbits although I only asked for one. I ate one, and decided since i didn't plan for two, I can maybe have the other one later on at dinner or something Go me!
I weighed in this morning just to see where things stand. 118 lbs. Not my best by any stretch, but I'll take it considering all the bad eating I've done, I can't expect to keep my weight lower. I feel better about things. Anything I want at 3 meals with nothing in between 7 days a week. This works for me. I'll keep going
So busy this week because of the impending wedding on Saturday (which I am the maid of honour).
#1: 1/2 bagel w/ cream cheese and plum butter; greek yogurt; coffee
#2: salami/turkey sandwich on big multigrain bun and an apple; timbit and coffee*
#3:
*Quite proud of myself because the lady at Tim Hortons gave me 2 timbits although I only asked for one. I ate one, and decided since i didn't plan for two, I can maybe have the other one later on at dinner or something
Go me!I weighed in this morning just to see where things stand. 118 lbs. Not my best by any stretch, but I'll take it considering all the bad eating I've done, I can't expect to keep my weight lower. I feel better about things. Anything I want at 3 meals with nothing in between 7 days a week. This works for me. I'll keep going
So busy this week because of the impending wedding on Saturday (which I am the maid of honour).
Last edited by Sinnie on Fri May 11, 2012 4:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hey Liz! Yes, I should have stated that I can have anything I want at those meals - be it a muffin, donut, brownie, piece of cake or chocolate etc. No stuffing myself, but a well-rounded meal. Sometimes, for me, that means I need something sweet in there. Not always, but if I am really craving it, and I don't give in a little, it will come back with a vengence later on.
This mindset helps set me up for success, because failure is less likely. For example, with dinner yesterday I had a fiber one bar which was quite sweet and had chocolate in it. My instict was "shhoot!! that was a sweet I just ate...FAIL!" and i could feel the binge coming. Then, I remembered my thoughts on a new plan where anything goes. It calmed me down. I didn't binge and even managed to not eat again that night (came close). I also scrapped the one plate thing. Never worked for me. I eat until I am full and satisfied. I have a good sense for that. One plate is weird to me! LOL I like a variety of things and can't necessarily always plate it together. Then, I feel like I've snacked or had seconds when I go back for something else...and inevitably I feel like ive failed....then BINGE! So this is a good compromise for me.
I can have anything I want at those meals - be it a muffin, donut, brownie, piece of cake or chocolate etc. No stuffing myself, but a well-rounded meal. Sometimes, for me, that means I need something sweet in there. Not always, but if I am really craving it, and I don't give in a little, it will come back with a vengence later on.This mindset helps set me up for success, because failure is less likely. For example, with dinner yesterday I had a fiber one bar which was quite sweet and had chocolate in it. My instict was "shhoot!! that was a sweet I just ate...FAIL!" and i could feel the binge coming. Then, I remembered my thoughts on a new plan where anything goes. It calmed me down. I didn't binge and even managed to not eat again that night (came close). I also scrapped the one plate thing. Never worked for me. I eat until I am full and satisfied. I have a good sense for that. One plate is weird to me! LOL I like a variety of things and can't necessarily always plate it together. Then, I feel like I've snacked or had seconds when I go back for something else...and inevitably I feel like ive failed....then BINGE! So this is a good compromise for me.
Fantastic. you have a great sense of "enough" for yourself and I applaud you.
You're right though: sometimes you DO want a little o' this, that, etc. and can't quite figure out a way to make it a meal...
I think my "binge" last night would have started as that kind of thinking had I not been so black and white about it. It's just that I was like, "shoot was this dinner? oh no i may as well just keep going".
But if I had mentally said, "oh that was dinner", then I woulda just moved on sans the Reese, huge yogurt/toppings, etc.
Good thinking m'friend.
Take care.
You're right though: sometimes you DO want a little o' this, that, etc. and can't quite figure out a way to make it a meal...
I think my "binge" last night would have started as that kind of thinking had I not been so black and white about it. It's just that I was like, "shoot was this dinner? oh no i may as well just keep going".
But if I had mentally said, "oh that was dinner", then I woulda just moved on sans the Reese, huge yogurt/toppings, etc.
Good thinking m'friend.
Take care.
Liz
Reneew - you made my night reading that! If I can save anyone from a binge with my ramblings than I'm happy
Liz, I had the same episode with dinner tonight. I went straight after work to my friends because I missed the mani/pedi's b/c I had to work. So at her place we all had some wine. I had maybe 2 small glasses. But enough to make me feel hungry and a little "heady"...so my mom's house was close by and I went there. I started to pick at food. I first had some beet salad, then an apple. Then 2 pieces of dark chocolate with peanut butter, and a cookie. Then we had some toast (I had two small slices, with pb and plum jam). A handful of walnuts. In the car I decided to eat that leftover timbit.
I went to the store to pick up some food for us girls tomorrow as we get ready for the wedding. Of course, a PERFECT STORM for a binge. I actually picked up a pre-made garden salad. Then, at the checkout, I told the cashier I'll skip on the salad. Who am I kidding, that is the catalyst t a binge. I felt like a greek salad and thinking its healthy, its OK. But I know I was not hungry for it and god knows what would happen when I got home. So, I put it back and not kidding, I said to myself, "Liz will be proud" hahaha.
DH and SDD are out for dinner. I skipped b/c I did not need dinner after that. There is even a freshly baked chocolate cake SDD made but I came home and smelled it, and decided not to. This new structure is really working in my favour. I will try SO HARD to not continue eating tonight.
Thanks, everyone, for your awesome encouragement!!!!!!
Liz, I had the same episode with dinner tonight. I went straight after work to my friends because I missed the mani/pedi's b/c I had to work. So at her place we all had some wine. I had maybe 2 small glasses. But enough to make me feel hungry and a little "heady"...so my mom's house was close by and I went there. I started to pick at food. I first had some beet salad, then an apple. Then 2 pieces of dark chocolate with peanut butter, and a cookie. Then we had some toast (I had two small slices, with pb and plum jam). A handful of walnuts. In the car I decided to eat that leftover timbit.
I went to the store to pick up some food for us girls tomorrow as we get ready for the wedding. Of course, a PERFECT STORM for a binge. I actually picked up a pre-made garden salad. Then, at the checkout, I told the cashier I'll skip on the salad. Who am I kidding, that is the catalyst t a binge. I felt like a greek salad and thinking its healthy, its OK. But I know I was not hungry for it and god knows what would happen when I got home. So, I put it back and not kidding, I said to myself, "Liz will be proud" hahaha.
DH and SDD are out for dinner. I skipped b/c I did not need dinner after that. There is even a freshly baked chocolate cake SDD made but I came home and smelled it, and decided not to. This new structure is really working in my favour. I will try SO HARD to not continue eating tonight.
Thanks, everyone, for your awesome encouragement!!!!!!
LIZ IS PROUD!!!!
Even though it was a SALAD you made the CHOICE to not eat it. If you had bought and eaten it, the binge monster was the one telling you...eat this and then go and finish 'er out!
YOU ROCKED a real world situation and I'm so proud.
All that sounds really yummy that you had. Enjoy that you DID enjoy some yumminess.
I think I have a hard time when I'm eating not-so-lovely stuff and STILL going at it. Your dinner included some great stuff...salad, chocolate, pb, cookie, toast, nuts.
So that woulda fit on the plate and would have been lovely.
You'll feel so great tomorrow.
I can't believe you avoided the fresh cake! That sounds too good to pass up in my life (my poor boys wish their mom was STILL baking as much as I used to!).
You can do this.
And if you do eat tonight, make it your CHOICE. NOt that you were controlled by something.
xo
Even though it was a SALAD you made the CHOICE to not eat it. If you had bought and eaten it, the binge monster was the one telling you...eat this and then go and finish 'er out!
YOU ROCKED a real world situation and I'm so proud.
All that sounds really yummy that you had. Enjoy that you DID enjoy some yumminess.
I think I have a hard time when I'm eating not-so-lovely stuff and STILL going at it. Your dinner included some great stuff...salad, chocolate, pb, cookie, toast, nuts.
So that woulda fit on the plate and would have been lovely.
You'll feel so great tomorrow.
I can't believe you avoided the fresh cake! That sounds too good to pass up in my life (my poor boys wish their mom was STILL baking as much as I used to!).
You can do this.
And if you do eat tonight, make it your CHOICE. NOt that you were controlled by something.
xo
Liz
How was the wedding, Sinnie?
I had a very indulgent weekend, though it was our 10th Anniversary and Mother's Day. Just WAY too many treats to make me feel sick.
So I started Vanilla yesterday and actually had an N day yesterday. I just need to cleanse out my body from all the crap lately. Mainly just sweets crap.
Hope you're doing well! XO
I had a very indulgent weekend, though it was our 10th Anniversary and Mother's Day. Just WAY too many treats to make me feel sick.
So I started Vanilla yesterday and actually had an N day yesterday. I just need to cleanse out my body from all the crap lately. Mainly just sweets crap.
Hope you're doing well! XO
Liz
Hey Liz! I'm sorry for being MIA the past few days! I will update properly later on but I am sort of with you in regards to going a bit vanilla for awhile. I'm afraid of the binging that happened yesterday (Monday). I dont think its the result of the sweets but I think I was trying to emulate another extremely skinny girl that was also in the wedding party. It just sent me into a tailspin. I need to do what works for me. I also noticed a pair of shorts just did not fit today. I mean, they were too small last summer too...but I couldn't even do them up. Time to get serious.
Today is my sister's birthday and I'm just heading out to my mom's. Always a lot of food. I'll do my best.
B: 2 whole wheat pancakes and fruit (no syrup)
L: calzone (ate out) and coffee with cream
D: TBD
Today is my sister's birthday and I'm just heading out to my mom's. Always a lot of food. I'll do my best.
B: 2 whole wheat pancakes and fruit (no syrup)
L: calzone (ate out) and coffee with cream
D: TBD
haha. i SO did the shorts thing this week. i have these cute grey shorts that are supposed to be kinda tight, but i literally i had to take them off after an hour cuz' they were uncomfortable! :0
too much over-doing it.
it's been good and hard these past 3 days with vanilla.
it's so weird like i have another person in my head saying, "go eat a brownie....screw NO S...you are an exception...you can stop at one."
may or may not be true, but i know how it's THEN so hard to not do the SAME thing the next night and the next.
i SO do the same with other people around. i'll see someone totally thin eating up a storm and copy that. but who knows their situation, right? i have 5 slender sisters who aren't bothered by food much and it's good/bad to be with them. it highlights, though, my mental game with food.
take care and good luck.
too much over-doing it.
it's been good and hard these past 3 days with vanilla.
it's so weird like i have another person in my head saying, "go eat a brownie....screw NO S...you are an exception...you can stop at one."
may or may not be true, but i know how it's THEN so hard to not do the SAME thing the next night and the next.
i SO do the same with other people around. i'll see someone totally thin eating up a storm and copy that. but who knows their situation, right? i have 5 slender sisters who aren't bothered by food much and it's good/bad to be with them. it highlights, though, my mental game with food.
take care and good luck.
Liz
Hey Amy - thanks for the kind words but... I haven`t been doing well 
I started off OK, but it`s just been a downward spiral. I hope you are doing well. I need to update on your check in, I`ve barely gottn a chance to get on this board lately!
Liz, I`m really encouraged by your recent success. Sooo happy for you! I really really want to follow suit.
I need to take some time to analyze what my problem has been. I literally have some kind of lapse everyday. And I`ve got the weight to show for it. up to 120.5. I don`t mean to sound petty, but if I don`t nip this now, we all know how easy it is to let our weight get out of control.
Like yesterday, I started of calorie counting and then realized at lunch that it`s not the answer. I need to work on my HABITS. So i ditched that plan. Did great at dinner. Ate slow, enjoyed, no dessert. THEN, as I am cleaning I start picking at stuff. I decided to have some frozen yogurt. All fairly harmless but it led me down a bad path. I felt gross from continually picking at stuff. Then I made banana choc chip muffins. Before bed I go to put them in containers and of course I have one (they were huge). I feel so gross every morning waking up. what was so close to being a perfect day ended in misery.
Today, I did well, and then after lunch my colleage and I got a coffee. I came back and started munching on trail mix and dried fruit. Nothing crazy but its like I`m testing myself, as a child would. Waiting for someone to slap my hand and say `dont do that!!` Although it wasnt too bad a screw up and ill call it lunch to keep myself from failing....its THAT attitude that is the problem. Its like i just dont care.
My goal tonight is to have one decent plate of food. No dessert, no picking, no snacking tonight and definitely no binging.
Small steps for me. I don`t think I can look past one meal at a time.
I started off OK, but it`s just been a downward spiral. I hope you are doing well. I need to update on your check in, I`ve barely gottn a chance to get on this board lately!Liz, I`m really encouraged by your recent success. Sooo happy for you! I really really want to follow suit.
I need to take some time to analyze what my problem has been. I literally have some kind of lapse everyday. And I`ve got the weight to show for it. up to 120.5. I don`t mean to sound petty, but if I don`t nip this now, we all know how easy it is to let our weight get out of control.
Like yesterday, I started of calorie counting and then realized at lunch that it`s not the answer. I need to work on my HABITS. So i ditched that plan. Did great at dinner. Ate slow, enjoyed, no dessert. THEN, as I am cleaning I start picking at stuff. I decided to have some frozen yogurt. All fairly harmless but it led me down a bad path. I felt gross from continually picking at stuff. Then I made banana choc chip muffins. Before bed I go to put them in containers and of course I have one (they were huge). I feel so gross every morning waking up. what was so close to being a perfect day ended in misery.
Today, I did well, and then after lunch my colleage and I got a coffee. I came back and started munching on trail mix and dried fruit. Nothing crazy but its like I`m testing myself, as a child would. Waiting for someone to slap my hand and say `dont do that!!` Although it wasnt too bad a screw up and ill call it lunch to keep myself from failing....its THAT attitude that is the problem. Its like i just dont care.
My goal tonight is to have one decent plate of food. No dessert, no picking, no snacking tonight and definitely no binging.
Small steps for me. I don`t think I can look past one meal at a time.
I just wanted to update saying that having one small, specific goal to work towards tonight really did the trick. I had a good meal and ate like a civilized person and did not snack or pick at all while cleaning up. I mentally was telling myself - this is it - start thinking of other things to do tonight. I didn't start thinking all black and white, as in, you must do this every day, day in day out etc. I just said maybe another night when you've gotten the binging under control you can have a serving of frozen yogurt/cake/chocolate etc but now is not the time. Funny enough, I didn't even want anything tonight. For me it is 100% mental. If I am mentally prepared I can do anything. If I flounder, get confused, try to make unrealistic goals then I end up getting frustrated and binge. I am not even *thinking* about tomorrow or the weekend. I need to get through tonight. I am feeling confident, but I'm notorious for screwing up at the last second. In addition to feeling better tonight, I got TONS of stuff I was putting off done. I am happy
Sinnie oh how I relate and feel ya! Mainly on the confusion and the "is this the best thing for me?".
I think the most important thing, as we've addressed, is to KNOW yourself best. No one "diet" or rule system will work for everyone. I DO think No-S has a great outline in meeting out body's needs without feeling deprived.
Sometimes when I'm thinking too "big picture", I inevitably fail. Like it's just too much to wrap my head around. I like what you said about one goal. That was to eat a realistic dinner.
And you did.
Then move on.
I think sometimes the second you worry about not doing 21 days or something is when you think, "screw it" and then go from there...
Small steps, like you said. One meal at a time. Stay present!
Cheering for you!!
I think the most important thing, as we've addressed, is to KNOW yourself best. No one "diet" or rule system will work for everyone. I DO think No-S has a great outline in meeting out body's needs without feeling deprived.
Sometimes when I'm thinking too "big picture", I inevitably fail. Like it's just too much to wrap my head around. I like what you said about one goal. That was to eat a realistic dinner.
And you did.
Then move on.
I think sometimes the second you worry about not doing 21 days or something is when you think, "screw it" and then go from there...
Small steps, like you said. One meal at a time. Stay present!
Cheering for you!!
Liz
It's so true what you say Liz about thinking too big picture, getting overwhelmed and throwing in the towel.
I should update again on something I just did. I was in the kitchen getting food ready for hubby when I could feel that hunger monster coming on strong. Then, I stopped and allowed myself some fruit. Is that giving in? YES. Should I have resisted? YES. But, a small gain in this is I didn't start to go into secretive binge mode (you know, the whole "DH will be home in 15 mins - how much can I cram in?!). Instead, I chose a small grapefruit and put it on a plate, and enjoyed it. Still feeling hungry, I had an apple. Now, surprisngly, I feel satisfied but not gross full, I suppose because of the choice of food (digests quickly or something!). Although it was a fail, I am proud...If I only ever had fruit, I'd probably be okay..
interesting experiment nonetheless.
I should update again on something I just did. I was in the kitchen getting food ready for hubby when I could feel that hunger monster coming on strong. Then, I stopped and allowed myself some fruit. Is that giving in? YES. Should I have resisted? YES. But, a small gain in this is I didn't start to go into secretive binge mode (you know, the whole "DH will be home in 15 mins - how much can I cram in?!). Instead, I chose a small grapefruit and put it on a plate, and enjoyed it. Still feeling hungry, I had an apple. Now, surprisngly, I feel satisfied but not gross full, I suppose because of the choice of food (digests quickly or something!). Although it was a fail, I am proud...If I only ever had fruit, I'd probably be okay..
interesting experiment nonetheless.
Hi, my friend.
So how was the rest of your night once the hubs got home?
Well I'm glad that you listened to yourself and had some fruit. I think when it comes down to it, if we could do two things really well it would be:
1) listen to our body
2) stay in the present moment
I know I didn't listen to my body tonight and went over-board. Sad I had a fail. But strangely satisfied. I don't know how to explain it....will in my thread.
But as for staying in the moment, so often I'm bingeing or thinking of what's next and not enjoying what's now.
Well...a "fail" with fruit is hard to swallow.
Do what you think is right, though.
Keep it up, love. You're doing great.
Each path is different!
So how was the rest of your night once the hubs got home?
Well I'm glad that you listened to yourself and had some fruit. I think when it comes down to it, if we could do two things really well it would be:
1) listen to our body
2) stay in the present moment
I know I didn't listen to my body tonight and went over-board. Sad I had a fail. But strangely satisfied. I don't know how to explain it....will in my thread.
But as for staying in the moment, so often I'm bingeing or thinking of what's next and not enjoying what's now.
Well...a "fail" with fruit is hard to swallow
.Do what you think is right, though.
Keep it up, love. You're doing great.
Each path is different!
Liz
Thanks you two. Your kind words are always appreciated.
I had a talk with the hubs last night. He said he is worried about my recent eating patterns. He said he feels like I've got this secretive life. I guess I understand where he is coming from. I've asked him to help me; be really strict with me. I am such a food addict. Last night while he is eating dinner at 9pm I am literally there salivating at the sight and smell of food. I actually feel light-headed and irritated and WANT THAT FOOD SO BAD. This is after a day of good, solid meals, plus those two fruits. There is no way I could be hungry - but my body reacts to food like that. It's so odd. Some people can have one martini, one cigarette, one of anything and not become addicted. I can't have one portion of food outside of mealtimes without feeding my food addiction.
Anyways, DH says he will do anything to help me if I want it, but he is afraid of me LOL. I get angry if he tries to stop me from snacking (even though I've asked him). Although, I always thank later (usually the next morning when I feel great). I know I need a "detox". But I can't do it on my own. I really need in-person support in addition to this lovely, amazing, wonderful and supportive group here. If only you girls could be there to stop me at times! I am feeling desperate and ready for a change.
Will keep you posted
#1: 1/2 banana choc chip muffin, 1 plain whole wheat pancake; greek yogurt
I had a talk with the hubs last night. He said he is worried about my recent eating patterns. He said he feels like I've got this secretive life. I guess I understand where he is coming from. I've asked him to help me; be really strict with me. I am such a food addict. Last night while he is eating dinner at 9pm I am literally there salivating at the sight and smell of food. I actually feel light-headed and irritated and WANT THAT FOOD SO BAD. This is after a day of good, solid meals, plus those two fruits. There is no way I could be hungry - but my body reacts to food like that. It's so odd. Some people can have one martini, one cigarette, one of anything and not become addicted. I can't have one portion of food outside of mealtimes without feeding my food addiction.
Anyways, DH says he will do anything to help me if I want it, but he is afraid of me LOL. I get angry if he tries to stop me from snacking (even though I've asked him). Although, I always thank later (usually the next morning when I feel great). I know I need a "detox". But I can't do it on my own. I really need in-person support in addition to this lovely, amazing, wonderful and supportive group here. If only you girls could be there to stop me at times! I am feeling desperate and ready for a change.
Will keep you posted
#1: 1/2 banana choc chip muffin, 1 plain whole wheat pancake; greek yogurt
I agree Sinnie. I understand how it is to want their help, but also to push them away once they help.
Maybe it would help to see someone? I know I have seen my fair share of people, but that was over 10 years ago. I don't think it would hurt me to re-visit that.
I too stand in awe of the WHY. Why last night after frozen yogurt (with huge toppings of REese) did I feel the COMPULSION to eat everything in site? Even though I had had 3 big meals and a dessert.
Why did I come home and hurry and stash any quick eat in my mouth before anyone realized?
I get it.
So get it.
It's good you talked to hubby about it.
I think right now we (I) have to realize what that binge does for us and why we need it.
A good book about a recovered eating disordered gal: "Life Without Ed", Jenni Schaefer. She also writes "Goodbye ED, hello Me". She compares this disease to an actual person in her life. And how she had to say goodbye to him. She really claims recovery.
It really helped me in years past and I think I will revisit it this weekend.
I love NO-S, but don't know if its exact methods are for me. I love the structure compared to Intuitive Eating, but having additional rules make me get all crazy (like last night when I wanted to be a rebel!).
Take care love...
Maybe it would help to see someone? I know I have seen my fair share of people, but that was over 10 years ago. I don't think it would hurt me to re-visit that.
I too stand in awe of the WHY. Why last night after frozen yogurt (with huge toppings of REese) did I feel the COMPULSION to eat everything in site? Even though I had had 3 big meals and a dessert.
Why did I come home and hurry and stash any quick eat in my mouth before anyone realized?
I get it.
So get it.
It's good you talked to hubby about it.
I think right now we (I) have to realize what that binge does for us and why we need it.
A good book about a recovered eating disordered gal: "Life Without Ed", Jenni Schaefer. She also writes "Goodbye ED, hello Me". She compares this disease to an actual person in her life. And how she had to say goodbye to him. She really claims recovery.
It really helped me in years past and I think I will revisit it this weekend.
I love NO-S, but don't know if its exact methods are for me. I love the structure compared to Intuitive Eating, but having additional rules make me get all crazy (like last night when I wanted to be a rebel!).
Take care love...
Liz
I also think it is great and very important you can talk to your husband about this stuff, but sometimes it might be too much for family members to understand or handle and it makes us feel bad when we get all angry at them when they are just trying to be helpful and remind us of things WE asked them to remind us of! (Can you tell I have experience with this? - LOL!)
So, it's tricky. We want their support and understanding but we don't want them to have to feel like they are controlling or checking up on us - like a policeman. This is where an objective outsider who understands all this stuff can be a big help.
Hope you have a good weekend and try not to be too hard on yourself, Sinnie. Hugs!
So, it's tricky. We want their support and understanding but we don't want them to have to feel like they are controlling or checking up on us - like a policeman. This is where an objective outsider who understands all this stuff can be a big help.
Hope you have a good weekend and try not to be too hard on yourself, Sinnie. Hugs!
Glad to know I'm not alone and thank you both for the ever helpful advice.
Yesterday went like this:
Breakfast was an egg, toast with pb & honey, grapefruit
We were going to a bbq, and I was quite hungry so I had one cevapcici (ground beef little roll) and piece of brie cheese. One can of sparkling juice.
At the bbq there were tons of snacks and I had a few mini quiche, some tortilla chips and dip, veggies & dip. 1/2 a sausage, 1 pork chop, grilled veggies and salad. Not tooo bad. Oh yeah, and one light beer and some regular Coke.
Dessert: one cupcake, 1.5 cookies. Felt quite full at this point. Definitely did not need any more.
Then hubs and I decide to go to a movie on the way home. I didn't even really want any treats, but thought i'd bug for some anyways. He, always wanting to make me happy, leaves the seats pre-movie and buys me a big bag of popcorn. Then he says he has a surprise and pulls a bag of candy out of his pocket! It was smarties and I didn't really want that since I had so much dessert at the bbq - I wanted something chewy! He runs back and exchanges it for me! So of course I'm thanking and thrilled and ready to binge. I ate almost the entire huge bag of popcorn and maybe 1/2 the bag or more of the candies. He actually had to whisper at one point that that may be enough, i'll feel sick. I didn't listen, really. And course I did not feel good going to bed or waking up.
I think my plan is still going to be the same. 3 meals a day, and S's when the opportunity arises or as a treat if I've done really well. I'm thinking back to when I was at a weight I was really happy with back in December. I stuck to three meals and had a dessert at night with my coffee. I planned it, anticipated it, felt full after and knew that's it. I don't know why I can't replicate that anymore. Am I fighting food TOO much?
Today has gone like this:
Breakfast was eggs, toast with almond butter, and an orange.
Lunch was some spinach salad, a bit of salmon, some brie cheese, a couple crackers and greek yogurt.
Dinner: DH wants to take us out for dinner downtown, to get out on this gorgeous long weekend. I worry about eating out. I always eat too much and SDD always wants to get dessert. Wish me luck.
Yesterday went like this:
Breakfast was an egg, toast with pb & honey, grapefruit
We were going to a bbq, and I was quite hungry so I had one cevapcici (ground beef little roll) and piece of brie cheese. One can of sparkling juice.
At the bbq there were tons of snacks and I had a few mini quiche, some tortilla chips and dip, veggies & dip. 1/2 a sausage, 1 pork chop, grilled veggies and salad. Not tooo bad. Oh yeah, and one light beer and some regular Coke.
Dessert: one cupcake, 1.5 cookies. Felt quite full at this point. Definitely did not need any more.
Then hubs and I decide to go to a movie on the way home. I didn't even really want any treats, but thought i'd bug for some anyways. He, always wanting to make me happy, leaves the seats pre-movie and buys me a big bag of popcorn. Then he says he has a surprise and pulls a bag of candy out of his pocket! It was smarties and I didn't really want that since I had so much dessert at the bbq - I wanted something chewy! He runs back and exchanges it for me! So of course I'm thanking and thrilled and ready to binge. I ate almost the entire huge bag of popcorn and maybe 1/2 the bag or more of the candies. He actually had to whisper at one point that that may be enough, i'll feel sick. I didn't listen, really. And course I did not feel good going to bed or waking up.
I think my plan is still going to be the same. 3 meals a day, and S's when the opportunity arises or as a treat if I've done really well. I'm thinking back to when I was at a weight I was really happy with back in December. I stuck to three meals and had a dessert at night with my coffee. I planned it, anticipated it, felt full after and knew that's it. I don't know why I can't replicate that anymore. Am I fighting food TOO much?
Today has gone like this:
Breakfast was eggs, toast with almond butter, and an orange.
Lunch was some spinach salad, a bit of salmon, some brie cheese, a couple crackers and greek yogurt.
Dinner: DH wants to take us out for dinner downtown, to get out on this gorgeous long weekend. I worry about eating out. I always eat too much and SDD always wants to get dessert. Wish me luck.
Hope the rest of your day went well. Sounds like enjoyable time with husband this weekend with the movie, going out to dinner, etc. He sounds so accommodating! Aren't husbands in an awkward spot when they know you're doing something you'll regret? Yikes.
I know how it is to look back at a time when you were doing well and think "why can't I replicate that"?
I had a really rough insatiable day and need to get to the bottom of it.
Take care!
I know how it is to look back at a time when you were doing well and think "why can't I replicate that"?
I had a really rough insatiable day and need to get to the bottom of it.
Take care!
Liz
Thanks so much you guys! Love coming to the boards and reading your responses. I'm almost thinking I should use this as a reward at the end of the day instead of eating. Force myself to not check the boards all day in anticipation of the evening, getting to sit and read as a reward for doing well. Mmm. I'll think about that. I often want to keep eating, or have dessert, because I have nothing to look forward to, or am bored, or don't want to do work.
Anyways, I thought I did OK last night. I mean, I was way to full but didn't feel like i ate THAT MUCH!?
For my own records, weight is 121 lbs.
So, in the afternoon we worked outside for about 2 - 3 hours. It felt so good to come and have a shower, and get ready for dinner. I had some bread and salad to start. Then I ordered the spinach and ricotta milanese which came on a plate in 4 pieces. Sounds paltry, but I could only eat half.
I suppose because it was so rich. I also had a caesar cocktail to start.
Then we went to marble slab for dessert where I ordered a junior size "birthday cake" flavour ice cream with reese mixed in. Too full to enjoy but SDD would not be happy getting dessert by herself. So I caved. Oh well, can't say it wasn't fun.
I really want to do this. I am ready. I actually thought I did really well yesterday. I only feel down because of the weight gain. I didn't binge, and that is great. EVen though I overate, I was with my family and it wasn't hidden. It was Sunday of a long weekend at a restaurant, and truthfully, didn't even register as that much food because you know its too much food when people look at you funny or comment if you can eat all that..hehe..none of which happened.
So, this morning we'll make a big breakfast -complete with pancakes, bacon, eggs and so on. My goal at each meal is to take a portion of each protein/carb/fruit or veg. I find that's my best measure. That way, if I have to virtual plate there is no ambiguity.
I have a good feeling. Overly optimistic? Who knows. I'll go with the feeling.
Anyways, I thought I did OK last night. I mean, I was way to full but didn't feel like i ate THAT MUCH!?
For my own records, weight is 121 lbs.
So, in the afternoon we worked outside for about 2 - 3 hours. It felt so good to come and have a shower, and get ready for dinner. I had some bread and salad to start. Then I ordered the spinach and ricotta milanese which came on a plate in 4 pieces. Sounds paltry, but I could only eat half.
I suppose because it was so rich. I also had a caesar cocktail to start.
Then we went to marble slab for dessert where I ordered a junior size "birthday cake" flavour ice cream with reese mixed in. Too full to enjoy but SDD would not be happy getting dessert by herself. So I caved. Oh well, can't say it wasn't fun.
I really want to do this. I am ready. I actually thought I did really well yesterday. I only feel down because of the weight gain. I didn't binge, and that is great. EVen though I overate, I was with my family and it wasn't hidden. It was Sunday of a long weekend at a restaurant, and truthfully, didn't even register as that much food because you know its too much food when people look at you funny or comment if you can eat all that..hehe..none of which happened.
So, this morning we'll make a big breakfast -complete with pancakes, bacon, eggs and so on. My goal at each meal is to take a portion of each protein/carb/fruit or veg. I find that's my best measure. That way, if I have to virtual plate there is no ambiguity.
I have a good feeling. Overly optimistic? Who knows. I'll go with the feeling.
Never too optimistic in my world, Sinnie!
I'm so proud of you. This is great. I agree: you enjoyed and not in binge-mode. WITH family. That's what it's all about.
It's funny b/c when I had a scoop of ice cream WITH my guests/family last night, it almost felt like it didn't count and I wanted everyone to leave so I could "have at it" at the ice cream...
So, it's evident it wasn't a matter of just food. I wanted more!
Keep this up. I'm following in your footsteps. I've fought it too long.
I do have the mod that in rare circumstances if the whole fam goes out to get a treat, I'll go. It just doesn't happen too much.
Your dinner sounded fantastic. Aren't you glad you knew not to eat all of it? And got a kiddie cone? Wow, Sinnie!
I totally agree about your night-time feelings wanting to eat: reward, bored, avoiding work. Let's log on late tonight to get another good kind of "FIX", okay?
xoxoxo
I'm so proud of you. This is great. I agree: you enjoyed and not in binge-mode. WITH family. That's what it's all about.
It's funny b/c when I had a scoop of ice cream WITH my guests/family last night, it almost felt like it didn't count and I wanted everyone to leave so I could "have at it" at the ice cream...
So, it's evident it wasn't a matter of just food. I wanted more!
Keep this up. I'm following in your footsteps. I've fought it too long.
I do have the mod that in rare circumstances if the whole fam goes out to get a treat, I'll go. It just doesn't happen too much.
Your dinner sounded fantastic. Aren't you glad you knew not to eat all of it? And got a kiddie cone? Wow, Sinnie!
I totally agree about your night-time feelings wanting to eat: reward, bored, avoiding work. Let's log on late tonight to get another good kind of "FIX", okay?
xoxoxo
Liz
Sunday night: binged
Monday: Did well all day. Breakfast was a pear. Lunch was salad, brie cheese, crackers and an apple. Dinner was a beef rib, pasta, naan and corn.
Then I found out about my friend's pregnancy was is totally awesome, but made me feel sad. I "fixed" the problem by eating. The annoying part is I DO feel better after eating!!! Hard to change something that serves a purpose
Luckily, it wasn't a binge. I had two pieces of extra dark chocolate, a few scoops of greek yogurt and a chocolate chip pancake. Then I took my green tea and got the hell out of the kitchen. Phew. I should be okay for the rest of the night.
Feeling a bit heavy in my heart. Everything will be okay, I tend to get dramatic about things too quickly.
Monday: Did well all day. Breakfast was a pear. Lunch was salad, brie cheese, crackers and an apple. Dinner was a beef rib, pasta, naan and corn.
Then I found out about my friend's pregnancy was is totally awesome, but made me feel sad. I "fixed" the problem by eating. The annoying part is I DO feel better after eating!!! Hard to change something that serves a purpose
Luckily, it wasn't a binge. I had two pieces of extra dark chocolate, a few scoops of greek yogurt and a chocolate chip pancake. Then I took my green tea and got the hell out of the kitchen. Phew. I should be okay for the rest of the night.
Feeling a bit heavy in my heart. Everything will be okay, I tend to get dramatic about things too quickly.
Well 2 things:
1) SO proud you "got the hell out of the kitchen"! Hooray! You could have kept on keeping on and have felt worse.
2) I totally get the being annoyed about feeling better after eating. What is that!? It de-stresses me, takes my mind off things, and calms my nerves.
I guess we need to learn to "suffer well". And let us FEEL the feelings instead of stuffing them down.
I'm sorry-slash-happy for you about your friend. I know how it is to be happy for someone you love, but it accenting maybe something in your own life you are not thrilled about.
We WILL get this down. You didn't all-out binge and that is something to be proud of. Go to versubat (is that right?)'s negative check-in. I like how she just chronicles what she did wrong, be it even one bite of something.
But that's it. Then she moves on.
No more all or nothing, baby! You can do this and thanks for all your support. Love your posts! Good luck tonight. Stay strong.
1) SO proud you "got the hell out of the kitchen"! Hooray! You could have kept on keeping on and have felt worse.
2) I totally get the being annoyed about feeling better after eating. What is that!? It de-stresses me, takes my mind off things, and calms my nerves.
I guess we need to learn to "suffer well". And let us FEEL the feelings instead of stuffing them down.
I'm sorry-slash-happy for you about your friend. I know how it is to be happy for someone you love, but it accenting maybe something in your own life you are not thrilled about.
We WILL get this down. You didn't all-out binge and that is something to be proud of. Go to versubat (is that right?)'s negative check-in. I like how she just chronicles what she did wrong, be it even one bite of something.
But that's it. Then she moves on.
No more all or nothing, baby! You can do this and thanks for all your support. Love your posts! Good luck tonight. Stay strong.
Liz
I'm sorry you were feeling heavy in your heart (I really understand exactly what this feeling is) but it sounds to me like you handled it very well. I also know what you mean about the fact that food genuinely makes you feel better - I have the same thing with stress - if I eat certain things when I am very stressed, I can feel the real physical change and calming down in my body after I've had the food... So it is hard because we have to give up something that serves a very real purpose for us and does it effectively.
Thanks very much Amy and Liz. Great support and thoughts.
I was able to stay strong last night!
I know this is totally against the grain and what I preach, but I want to try different ways of handling my eating habits and by tracking am hoping to narrow down what works and what sends me into a tailspin. I didn't plan on doing this today until after lunch.
Today's method: rough calorie counting incorporated to my 3 meals
Breakfast was some greek yogurt (~100), toast (~250), coffee (20), pancake (100) = 470
Lunch was salad (100), crackers (70), cheese (100), apple (65) and a donut (250) = 585
Dinner will be salmon (250), brown rice (200) and salad (50) = 500
I know I shouldn't be doing this, it always backfires, but I am just inclined today and want to see if this could be helpful on days I eat dessert (like at lunch). I'm about to throw in the towel, but I stepped back and said there is no need to turn today into a binge. I know we don't believe in this here at No S but it did make me feel better to see the day isn't hopeless. I am not planning on doing this continally, but it is pretty easy to count calories when you only eat 3 times a day! Will update tonight.
I was able to stay strong last night!
I know this is totally against the grain and what I preach, but I want to try different ways of handling my eating habits and by tracking am hoping to narrow down what works and what sends me into a tailspin. I didn't plan on doing this today until after lunch.
Today's method: rough calorie counting incorporated to my 3 meals
Breakfast was some greek yogurt (~100), toast (~250), coffee (20), pancake (100) = 470
Lunch was salad (100), crackers (70), cheese (100), apple (65) and a donut (250) = 585
Dinner will be salmon (250), brown rice (200) and salad (50) = 500
I know I shouldn't be doing this, it always backfires, but I am just inclined today and want to see if this could be helpful on days I eat dessert (like at lunch). I'm about to throw in the towel, but I stepped back and said there is no need to turn today into a binge. I know we don't believe in this here at No S but it did make me feel better to see the day isn't hopeless. I am not planning on doing this continally, but it is pretty easy to count calories when you only eat 3 times a day! Will update tonight.
hi! well, sinnie sometimes you gotta just "realign" yourself and this may help out. i think it's bad to think "oh no i'm breaking this rule". i don't think calorie counting helps ME, though i often do it. but sometimes i'm freaking out about how many calories i've eaten, then "log it" and feel more at peace. so in those moments it DOES help. however, i try to not make it a DAILY practice. i've done that for too many years!
sounds like a yummy day regardless. i hope things are going well. no day is "hopeless", okay. like that one thread of tiny negative qualifications...if we just keep keeping them "tiny', we'll be making progress.
i know I'm no longer thinking "big picture", 21 days, or until July (when i want to have lost a little weight b/c i'm leaving town).
just today. just this meal.
easier said than done.
xoxox
sounds like a yummy day regardless. i hope things are going well. no day is "hopeless", okay. like that one thread of tiny negative qualifications...if we just keep keeping them "tiny', we'll be making progress.
i know I'm no longer thinking "big picture", 21 days, or until July (when i want to have lost a little weight b/c i'm leaving town).
just today. just this meal.
easier said than done.
xoxox
Liz
Thanks my all-too-wise friend. Any other board I'd of been ridiculed for something we know does not work. But you let me have my little moment, and probably knew I'd come to my senses. Well, I did, and calorie counting did not work. I suppose it might have, but for some reason leaving work I was really shaky. I get like that sometimes but it's not for lack of calories, I can't figure it out. Maybe lunch needed more protein? In any case, before I could wait for dinner to be done, I had a pear, then some yogurt, a spoonful of pb, a piece of dark chocolate, sip of OJ, 3 chewy candies. It seemed my blood sugar evened out then. For dinner right after that, it was the salmon, brown rice and salad. Afterwards, I had one spoon of frozen yogurt. So, a bunch of picking at things, as you can see.
Of course, I am ready to jump off the deep-end. I am about to dive in head first to a pile of anything. I mean, why not, I'm already so behind today?
But then I had a thought. Why do I never feel this way in the morning? Like, in the morning I'm full of hope, naturally. But how is it any different if I "start over" now? I'm not articulating this well, but I'm trying to fathom why we always wait till morning to become 'good' again. I'll just have more to fix if I keep going now. I'm still not convinced I shouldn't binge.
I want to.
But at least this thought has made me hold back long enough to give it some thought before I do. I hate these behaviours. I've always had them, I just usually would never post, or stop posting when they started because what was the point of telling everyone what a failure I am. But honesty is helping me change this. Its such a slow process. Tonight would be a huge step for me if I stop here.
Of course, I am ready to jump off the deep-end. I am about to dive in head first to a pile of anything. I mean, why not, I'm already so behind today?
But then I had a thought. Why do I never feel this way in the morning? Like, in the morning I'm full of hope, naturally. But how is it any different if I "start over" now? I'm not articulating this well, but I'm trying to fathom why we always wait till morning to become 'good' again. I'll just have more to fix if I keep going now. I'm still not convinced I shouldn't binge.
I want to.
But at least this thought has made me hold back long enough to give it some thought before I do. I hate these behaviours. I've always had them, I just usually would never post, or stop posting when they started because what was the point of telling everyone what a failure I am. But honesty is helping me change this. Its such a slow process. Tonight would be a huge step for me if I stop here.
Oh I feel ya and I can't say what I would do in your situation, because i wouldn't be a very good example.
But this time is different. Sounds so dumb, but how do we change without changing? I mean sometimes I want things to be so easy that I just change and didn't know it...
Weird.
You have had a slip up just like that one thread noted. Go on your day like you didn't have that slip-up. Normal dinner etc.
You are wanting to get the "most for your money" right now and take advantage of the screw up in order to indulge in even more. But you are wanting to do that because you know you screwed up a little.
Maybe try to preted you DIDN"T screw up. You can habitcal later, or not at all, but in all reality what keeps us bingeing is the "oh my word I already messed up."
But a normal person would have eaten that (not huge amount of stuff), moved on and still had dinner. Or not.
Get really busy. Call a friend for a walk. Go shopping even.
Or just chill but don't dwell on it, k?
This is your time to make that change.
Whether you think you can or can't, either way you are right!
GO SINNIE GO!
But this time is different. Sounds so dumb, but how do we change without changing? I mean sometimes I want things to be so easy that I just change and didn't know it...
Weird.
You have had a slip up just like that one thread noted. Go on your day like you didn't have that slip-up. Normal dinner etc.
You are wanting to get the "most for your money" right now and take advantage of the screw up in order to indulge in even more. But you are wanting to do that because you know you screwed up a little.
Maybe try to preted you DIDN"T screw up. You can habitcal later, or not at all, but in all reality what keeps us bingeing is the "oh my word I already messed up."
But a normal person would have eaten that (not huge amount of stuff), moved on and still had dinner. Or not.
Get really busy. Call a friend for a walk. Go shopping even.
Or just chill but don't dwell on it, k?
This is your time to make that change.
Whether you think you can or can't, either way you are right!
GO SINNIE GO!
Liz
"How do we change without changing?" - I love that, because it is so basic and so true, yet easy to forget. We have to change the way we think about things...and one of the things is that black and white, all or nothing thinking that tells us since we already screwed up we might as well make it worth it. And then conveniently forgetting that it will just make things harder the next day...
There is a very fine line we have to tread between this and the other extreme of expecting ourselves to be perfect and perfectly following the rules all the time. Sometimes I think of it as being a good parent to ourselves: strict enough with the rules to be effective, yet kind and loving enough not to beat ourselves up with the least little failure...
Hope today goes well, Sinnie!
There is a very fine line we have to tread between this and the other extreme of expecting ourselves to be perfect and perfectly following the rules all the time. Sometimes I think of it as being a good parent to ourselves: strict enough with the rules to be effective, yet kind and loving enough not to beat ourselves up with the least little failure...
Hope today goes well, Sinnie!
Thanks for the encouragement guys! I did it! Last night I was able to withstand the desire for more, yet understand that it is just not an option.
BTW, weight is down to 119. I think I'll go back to slightly regular weigh-ins, it has always kept me on task better. I don't get discouraged by it easily.
DH said he wants me to tell him what I eat everyday to help me get back on track. He said he hasn't seen me like this in a long time, and feels I'm hiding my feelings and emotions recently and eating instead. He is a little concerned that I snack EVERY SINGLE DAY after how hard I worked to build better habits.
What always used to help me was just not giving myself an option. Paraphrasing from the No S book "it doesn't matter if you're hungry, you're not allowed to eat." I like that line so much because it takes the decision away. I can kick, scream and whine, but it doesn't change anything. I need to start thinking liek that again.
#1: 1 slice toast (almond butter, jam, chia) and a grapefruit.
#2: salmon, brown rice; apple and pear
#3: tbd
BTW, weight is down to 119. I think I'll go back to slightly regular weigh-ins, it has always kept me on task better. I don't get discouraged by it easily.
DH said he wants me to tell him what I eat everyday to help me get back on track. He said he hasn't seen me like this in a long time, and feels I'm hiding my feelings and emotions recently and eating instead. He is a little concerned that I snack EVERY SINGLE DAY after how hard I worked to build better habits.
What always used to help me was just not giving myself an option. Paraphrasing from the No S book "it doesn't matter if you're hungry, you're not allowed to eat." I like that line so much because it takes the decision away. I can kick, scream and whine, but it doesn't change anything. I need to start thinking liek that again.
#1: 1 slice toast (almond butter, jam, chia) and a grapefruit.
#2: salmon, brown rice; apple and pear
#3: tbd
I used to succumb to the same behavior, Sinnie - once I dented the car fender, I said, "Oh, well!" and drove the car over the cliff!Sinnie wrote:
What always used to help me was just not giving myself an option. Paraphrasing from the No S book "it doesn't matter if you're hungry, you're not allowed to eat." I like that line so much because it takes the decision away. I can kick, scream and whine, but it doesn't change anything. I need to start thinking liek that again.
After working The Beck Diet Solution to help me change my ways of thinking, I made a card that says, "NO CHOICE!" in huge red letters. When the eating urge strikes, I look at that card for as long as I need to, reminding myself that I am not allowed to eat. It works, as you said, because it takes the decision away.
I also have a card that says, "Hunger is NOT an emergency!" That one helps me tremendously too and somehow makes it easier to wait.
For me, sometimes the shaky feeling comes from not having enough carbs rather than not enough protein. Look back at your meals and see if maybe that might be the issue for you.
Anyway, you are on your way to changing your behavior by changing your thinking...and you can do it.
Best wishes as you continue on,
Mimi
Discovered NoS: April 16, 2007
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!
Restarted once again: July 14, 2011
Quitting is not an option...
If you start to slip, tie a knot and hang on!
Remember that good enough is... good enough.
Strive for progress, not perfection!
Yay for you, Sinnie!
And, great advice, Mimi! I love reading others' threads and taking nuggets of wisdom! "NO CHOICE!" Love that. Sometimes I forget that deciding AHEAD of time already simplifies life.
I'm proud that you fought thru the urge to eat more. Ya hate to be strict with yourself, but in all reality, that's the only way to change. You can do this.
I'm impressed your husband is so supportive and notices changes. If you're like me, I DO remove myself a bit from my husband when things aren't going well in the food department. One other MAJOR reason to get sane!
Keep this up, girl. One meal at a time. Don't think too long-term!!
XO
And, great advice, Mimi! I love reading others' threads and taking nuggets of wisdom! "NO CHOICE!" Love that. Sometimes I forget that deciding AHEAD of time already simplifies life.
I'm proud that you fought thru the urge to eat more. Ya hate to be strict with yourself, but in all reality, that's the only way to change. You can do this.
I'm impressed your husband is so supportive and notices changes. If you're like me, I DO remove myself a bit from my husband when things aren't going well in the food department. One other MAJOR reason to get sane!
Keep this up, girl. One meal at a time. Don't think too long-term!!
XO
Liz
Mimi, thanks so much for the insight. When I read your post I immediately wrote those things down on a piece of paper and even taped it so it was sort of laminated!
Thanks for believing in me Liz. I feel bad right now because I did *so* well today, and then blew it after dinner
I was even able to wait until 6pm for dinner (late by my standards on a week night) and I was totally fine - amazing what a proper, filling lunch can do. Well, for dinner (at mom's) there was soup, pork chops, oven fried potatoes and fresh pasta, oh and spinach salad with goat cheese. I did great. Then, as I hung around there for awhile, I was getting really sleepy and started losing the motivation I had earlier, and succumbed to:
-a few pieces of dark chocolate
-one cookie
-handful of lowfat granola
-few almonds dipped in nutella
-bite of ice cream
At least I'm proud of myself for not eating between lunch and dinner. I only had a small glass of vanilla almond milk around 3pm. So that is an accomplishment, and not picking at anything waiting for dinner to be prepared. Some success mixed in there. Wish I didn't wane about eating dessert though. Oh well, progress still because I have no desire to continue binging...and at least it wasn't in secret (was with mom).
Friday tomorrow! Yay!
Thanks for believing in me Liz. I feel bad right now because I did *so* well today, and then blew it after dinner
I was even able to wait until 6pm for dinner (late by my standards on a week night) and I was totally fine - amazing what a proper, filling lunch can do. Well, for dinner (at mom's) there was soup, pork chops, oven fried potatoes and fresh pasta, oh and spinach salad with goat cheese. I did great. Then, as I hung around there for awhile, I was getting really sleepy and started losing the motivation I had earlier, and succumbed to:-a few pieces of dark chocolate
-one cookie
-handful of lowfat granola
-few almonds dipped in nutella
-bite of ice cream
At least I'm proud of myself for not eating between lunch and dinner. I only had a small glass of vanilla almond milk around 3pm. So that is an accomplishment, and not picking at anything waiting for dinner to be prepared. Some success mixed in there. Wish I didn't wane about eating dessert though. Oh well, progress still because I have no desire to continue binging...and at least it wasn't in secret (was with mom).
Friday tomorrow! Yay!
Well Sinnie it is what it is: you didn't BINGE and you were with your Mom. I'm sure you had wished for more strictness on your part, but as you said, PROGRESS not PERFECTION.
I think we need to make this a lifestyle change.
I do realize later the night gets, the willpower wanes and so treats around are MUCH easier to grab.
I have such a hard time out of my own home (where there usually are no treats).
Good luck today. Sounds like a delicious meal and a delicious "splurge".
Remember you're not bingeing and that's the behavior to eliminate! (at least for me!).
XO
I think we need to make this a lifestyle change.
I do realize later the night gets, the willpower wanes and so treats around are MUCH easier to grab.
I have such a hard time out of my own home (where there usually are no treats).
Good luck today. Sounds like a delicious meal and a delicious "splurge".
Remember you're not bingeing and that's the behavior to eliminate! (at least for me!).
XO
Liz
True enough about binge behaviour. Glad I kept it somewhat contained and although progress is slow, it's progress. Onward!
Today could have been a disaster. I woke up happy and motivated. I had breakfast and then a shift in schedules at work meant my lunch break at 10am. I could have waited but felt hungry and thought I'd have some of my lunch. Then I felt the slippery slope of dividing it up, and decided to eat the whole thing. There was an event in the afternoon, and I didn't touch anything. I did slip out and get a coffee, no dessert! yay!
So now it's almost my usual time to leave work, and I don't feel any different for having had an early lunch. It's all psychological for me. I'll have my planned dinner and hopefully call it a day. So glad I didn't end up blowing this today. Especially since I heard there are tons of hamburgers left over!
#1: cereal (raisin bran mixed with protein powder and chia seeds and milk)
#2: whole wheat naan with cheese; can of sundried tomato tuna; apple & pear
#3: probably shrimp pasta; chicken legs; salad
Today could have been a disaster. I woke up happy and motivated. I had breakfast and then a shift in schedules at work meant my lunch break at 10am. I could have waited but felt hungry and thought I'd have some of my lunch. Then I felt the slippery slope of dividing it up, and decided to eat the whole thing. There was an event in the afternoon, and I didn't touch anything. I did slip out and get a coffee, no dessert! yay!
So now it's almost my usual time to leave work, and I don't feel any different for having had an early lunch. It's all psychological for me. I'll have my planned dinner and hopefully call it a day. So glad I didn't end up blowing this today. Especially since I heard there are tons of hamburgers left over!
#1: cereal (raisin bran mixed with protein powder and chia seeds and milk)
#2: whole wheat naan with cheese; can of sundried tomato tuna; apple & pear
#3: probably shrimp pasta; chicken legs; salad
I didn't get a chance to log in all weekend. I did okay, but eating out Saturday night made me feel very bloated and not well. I have to be careful eating out at restaurants and have less than I think it will take to fill me up. This is the second time I've felt so incredibly uncomfortable after a restaurant.
Weight was 120 this morning. Not acceptable. Back to Vanilla. I know, I want to laugh reading that too, but I've got a plan and am going to stick to it. DH is helping me out.
#1: 1/2 slice bread with almond butter. Pineapple and raspberries. I even put it on a plate.
#2: rice and beef. Avocado and black bean salad. Coffee with milk.
#3: perogies, avocado/bean salad and pineapple. Veg/fruit blend juice.
Weight was 120 this morning. Not acceptable. Back to Vanilla. I know, I want to laugh reading that too, but I've got a plan and am going to stick to it. DH is helping me out.
#1: 1/2 slice bread with almond butter. Pineapple and raspberries. I even put it on a plate.
#2: rice and beef. Avocado and black bean salad. Coffee with milk.
#3: perogies, avocado/bean salad and pineapple. Veg/fruit blend juice.
Last edited by Sinnie on Mon May 28, 2012 10:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm back on vanilla too. hahah. sounds funny but if we don't believe it, no one will!
120 for you, 126 for me (unacceptable for sure...hate it!).
Started my day well with a run, a nice breakfast, will have fish tacos for lunch, and bbq tonight.
No treats there, though.
Man I feel ya. At restaurants I feel that same way sometimes. It's like I trust them to know how much food I need, ya know?
What is your husband doing to help you out? Just curious so I can possibly use the same methods!
GOod luck girl. Here for ya!
120 for you, 126 for me (unacceptable for sure...hate it!).
Started my day well with a run, a nice breakfast, will have fish tacos for lunch, and bbq tonight.
No treats there, though.
Man I feel ya. At restaurants I feel that same way sometimes. It's like I trust them to know how much food I need, ya know?
What is your husband doing to help you out? Just curious so I can possibly use the same methods!
GOod luck girl. Here for ya!
Liz
You're right Liz! We have to believe in ourselves. I just feel bad that you and everyone else reading my thread has to hear my ever-changing resolutions. Sometimes I read too much, think too much but dont DO IT much! I just need to, quite simply, do it. At this point, I believe in vanilla. I didn't whole-heartedly before because I figured I was OK to have a dessert, a little snack here and there. But I can't! I find it much easier when my meals are really well-rounded. That is why I often gave up before. I would try to scale back or eat "healthy" and it only backfired. Starving way before my next meal and then I'd give in.
Well, hubby is helping me out in the sense that he is holding me accountable. If I screw up, he is going to take something away from me (a punishment of sorts). It could be anything, depending on your life and what's meaningful to you. In a different spin, it could be getting something you want once you've reached a goal (I did this way before and it worked very, very well). This is extremely motivating for me and I like the idea of having someone know about it and keep tabs. It is based on the honour system because clearly I am not with him for much of the day, but I would never lie. This is to help me! So, in a nutshell, we think of something that currently holds a lot of importance for me and depending on what that is, it is either given or with held as incentive to eat 3 meals a day.
Today was an amazing day as far as food is concerned. I had a real easy time and feel like I am actually going to do this. Oh, and I should mention part of my plan is no S days - well, essentially it's 1 dessert each Saturday and Sunday. I don't want to live my life dependent on desserts! A new lifestyle for me...
I think I'll get a lot more work done in addition (if I'm not thinking about food constantly I have to shift my focus to chores and tasks). This, in turn, makes me feel useful and productive which = happy sinnie! Also, I get really moody when I've binged, so this should change that. Lots of reasons to get back on Vanilla!
Well, hubby is helping me out in the sense that he is holding me accountable. If I screw up, he is going to take something away from me (a punishment of sorts). It could be anything, depending on your life and what's meaningful to you. In a different spin, it could be getting something you want once you've reached a goal (I did this way before and it worked very, very well). This is extremely motivating for me and I like the idea of having someone know about it and keep tabs. It is based on the honour system because clearly I am not with him for much of the day, but I would never lie. This is to help me! So, in a nutshell, we think of something that currently holds a lot of importance for me and depending on what that is, it is either given or with held as incentive to eat 3 meals a day.
Today was an amazing day as far as food is concerned. I had a real easy time and feel like I am actually going to do this. Oh, and I should mention part of my plan is no S days - well, essentially it's 1 dessert each Saturday and Sunday. I don't want to live my life dependent on desserts! A new lifestyle for me...
I think I'll get a lot more work done in addition (if I'm not thinking about food constantly I have to shift my focus to chores and tasks). This, in turn, makes me feel useful and productive which = happy sinnie! Also, I get really moody when I've binged, so this should change that. Lots of reasons to get back on Vanilla!
Never oh never would I be tired of your ever-changing resolutions! I relate in so many ways in the reading too much, thinking about it too much, but not putting it into action. You stole the thoughts from my brain!!!
Really, it's nice to see it in someone else and reflect about myself.
I so agree on the back-firing of the having a little dessert. You know I tried that too but I'm simply not "that person". At least yet.
Finish off the entire bag or nothing.
I need to reach moderation, but in doing so, like you, have to almost scale down ANY treats and make food less of a THING in my life.
LIke a NOTHING.
I'm there with ya.
Your husband and your "deal" sounds great. What a good support to "get" you. I tell my husband and kinda rolls his eyes.
I think I'll adopt the S day one desset thing, too. That just sounds o appealing. Make that dessert freaking awesome and then it's not just a free-for-all all day like this past weekend. I really can't handle snacks. And on S days, I eat when I'm not hungry which totally screws up my "enough" button.
So, there I am.
Had a good day, but will leave that to my thread.
Take care and I'm SO there with ya!
Really, it's nice to see it in someone else and reflect about myself.
I so agree on the back-firing of the having a little dessert. You know I tried that too but I'm simply not "that person". At least yet.
Finish off the entire bag or nothing.
I need to reach moderation, but in doing so, like you, have to almost scale down ANY treats and make food less of a THING in my life.
LIke a NOTHING.
I'm there with ya.
Your husband and your "deal" sounds great. What a good support to "get" you. I tell my husband and kinda rolls his eyes.
I think I'll adopt the S day one desset thing, too. That just sounds o appealing. Make that dessert freaking awesome and then it's not just a free-for-all all day like this past weekend. I really can't handle snacks. And on S days, I eat when I'm not hungry which totally screws up my "enough" button.
So, there I am.
Had a good day, but will leave that to my thread.
Take care and I'm SO there with ya!
Liz
Thanks so much Liz! I feel really good about this and as you stated on your thread, each day will be easier if the day before was successful. Success breeds success? Yes, I think so.
It was so hot here yesterday that I wanted a drink in the evening other than water. So I made green tea with some sugar and poured it over a glass of ice. It was OK, but I wanted something else. So I poured a bit of mango juice and it soooo good!
I started to struggle around 9:30pm when I was getting dinner heated up for DH. But I pulled through and feel great this morning. I evened weighed in at 117.5 which is obviously water weight but it feels so good to get it off. I hated that near-constant bloated feeling.
So here is onto Day 2.
#1: two eggs scrambled with cheese; pineapple, strawberries and raspberries; 1 ff yogurt (hate fat free yogurt but all we had).
#2: multigrain bun with one avocado and few pieces of marble cheese. Small apple.
#3: bbq'd chicken breast; leftover perogies; cheesy baked macaroni and cucumber salad
It was so hot here yesterday that I wanted a drink in the evening other than water. So I made green tea with some sugar and poured it over a glass of ice. It was OK, but I wanted something else. So I poured a bit of mango juice and it soooo good!
I started to struggle around 9:30pm when I was getting dinner heated up for DH. But I pulled through and feel great this morning. I evened weighed in at 117.5 which is obviously water weight but it feels so good to get it off. I hated that near-constant bloated feeling.
So here is onto Day 2.
#1: two eggs scrambled with cheese; pineapple, strawberries and raspberries; 1 ff yogurt (hate fat free yogurt but all we had).
#2: multigrain bun with one avocado and few pieces of marble cheese. Small apple.
#3: bbq'd chicken breast; leftover perogies; cheesy baked macaroni and cucumber salad
Last edited by Sinnie on Tue May 29, 2012 10:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Hooray for loss of water weight! I also weighed myself today out of curiosity and was down a few pounds from yesterday. Not like I know it's success, but confirms how BLOATED bingeing makes me.
Your drink sounds great. Stick to something like that to look forward to when you're making DH's dinner!
Day 2 here we come!
Your drink sounds great. Stick to something like that to look forward to when you're making DH's dinner!
Day 2 here we come!
Liz
Yay we are getting back on track, Liz! hehe It took some time but that is okay, I think we figured out a bit about ourselves in the process.
Today was another perfect day! I feel a bit full from dinner but won't let that discourage me - I followed the rules If I happen to get hungry later on, I'm making that yummy green tea concoction. You're right, it's something I can look forward to!
Okay, so 2 days down girl. I hope your day is coming along splendidly! Everyday we build the habit more. I even waited a bit longer for dinner today because DH came home sick, so at least we ate together. It's nice to prove to myself I won't starve if I wait to eat on weekdays a bit longer.
Today was another perfect day! I feel a bit full from dinner but won't let that discourage me - I followed the rules
If I happen to get hungry later on, I'm making that yummy green tea concoction. You're right, it's something I can look forward to!Okay, so 2 days down girl. I hope your day is coming along splendidly! Everyday we build the habit more. I even waited a bit longer for dinner today because DH came home sick, so at least we ate together. It's nice to prove to myself I won't starve if I wait to eat on weekdays a bit longer.
Splendid, Sinnie! We ARE getting back on track. Always one to start with the cliff notes in college, but have to move, by necessity to reading the entire book...it's like this old No-S.
Trying to conform it to MY standards. And, basically make it not interfere or be hard in my life.
But, alas, I'm wrong! I NEED the strictness! These habits' roots are deep!
I'm so grateful you had a green day too! So did I! And I had a bit too much for dinner. One plate, but still. Ate at 8pm, so I was starving.
Take care and keep on keeping on. ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Trying to conform it to MY standards. And, basically make it not interfere or be hard in my life.
But, alas, I'm wrong! I NEED the strictness! These habits' roots are deep!
I'm so grateful you had a green day too! So did I! And I had a bit too much for dinner. One plate, but still. Ate at 8pm, so I was starving.
Take care and keep on keeping on. ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Liz
Strictness is a good thing. I'm finally accepting that!
This has been surprisingly easy. I'm kinda waiting for the big turn of events that usually surprises me where I least expect it and start binging again. Not trying to be a downer; it just always happens out of the blue. Then again, it is all my decision.
Day 3: W: 118 lbs
#1: 1.5 slices multigrain toast with pb/jam/chia seeds. Raspberries. Small glass of milk. Half-caf coffee.
#2: tiny cheese sandwich, some chicken and pasta (my avocado went bad)
#3: chicken, whole wheat pasta with a veggie/beef sauce, salad, pineapple.
I am still hungry-feeling. I know I can't give in but I can feel my inner child ready to throw a WILD tantrum. I can't promise I won't give in tonight. This is bad
This has been surprisingly easy. I'm kinda waiting for the big turn of events that usually surprises me where I least expect it and start binging again. Not trying to be a downer; it just always happens out of the blue. Then again, it is all my decision.
Day 3: W: 118 lbs
#1: 1.5 slices multigrain toast with pb/jam/chia seeds. Raspberries. Small glass of milk. Half-caf coffee.
#2: tiny cheese sandwich, some chicken and pasta (my avocado went bad
) #3: chicken, whole wheat pasta with a veggie/beef sauce, salad, pineapple.
I am still hungry-feeling. I know I can't give in but I can feel my inner child ready to throw a WILD tantrum. I can't promise I won't give in tonight. This is bad
Okay, so I am happy to report that I had a SUCCESS yesterday (only by the skin of my teeth). And only because hubby stopped me! LOL Funny feeling it was, he was comparing it to withdrawal symptoms. I actually didn't feel as good as I thought this morning though. Was still craving that cookie big time. And my weight didn't reflect what felt like intense agony that I couldn't eat. Oh well, I am fully aware and accepting that this is about habit and making strong mental muscles!
W: 118
DAY 4:
#1: 2 slices of toast with pb/j/chia seeds; some berries; tiny glass milk
#2: bbq'd chicken sandwich on bun, baby carrots and ranch dip; pear
#3: turkey sausage, piece of lamb, brocoli/cheddar flavoured rice and veggies
*Had a coffee, juice and green tea later on
W: 118
DAY 4:
#1: 2 slices of toast with pb/j/chia seeds; some berries; tiny glass milk
#2: bbq'd chicken sandwich on bun, baby carrots and ranch dip; pear
#3: turkey sausage, piece of lamb, brocoli/cheddar flavoured rice and veggies
*Had a coffee, juice and green tea later on
Last edited by Sinnie on Fri Jun 01, 2012 12:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I'm SOOO glad you resisted! Hooray for Sinnie. But sorry it's still kinda bugging you and you want that cookie. ONE MORE DAY (about).
From the Beck book:
"Cravings are about want, NOT need. When you think, "I really need this food right now," remind yourself, "Actually I really want this food right now, but I want all the benefits of weight loss so much more. It's worth it to resist because it will get me to my goals."!
(Or, in your case, habit-change over weight loss!)
One more (I'm on a roll! ):
"A very common sabotaging thought is, "Just this one time won't matter," but regardless of the situation, every time DOES matter. Every SINGLE time you withstand a craving, resist emotional eating, and say not to unplanned food, you increase the chances you will the next time. Each time you give in, you increase the chances you will give in the next time, too."
YOU CAN DO THIS SINNIE! And, props to your husband for helping yoU!
From the Beck book:
"Cravings are about want, NOT need. When you think, "I really need this food right now," remind yourself, "Actually I really want this food right now, but I want all the benefits of weight loss so much more. It's worth it to resist because it will get me to my goals."!
(Or, in your case, habit-change over weight loss!)
One more (I'm on a roll!
):"A very common sabotaging thought is, "Just this one time won't matter," but regardless of the situation, every time DOES matter. Every SINGLE time you withstand a craving, resist emotional eating, and say not to unplanned food, you increase the chances you will the next time. Each time you give in, you increase the chances you will give in the next time, too."
YOU CAN DO THIS SINNIE! And, props to your husband for helping yoU!
Liz
Thanks ladies!
Liz, I actually thought about the Beck book quotes you wrote yesterday when I wanted to throw in the towel. It helped a lot! I love thinking of this in terms of the importance of every decision. It makes me see the validity of what I'm doing when it seems insignificant "one cookie can't hurt, right?" line of thinking. Thanks for the reminder - it is almost just a day until I can get my hands on that cookie hehehe. I realllllly want to enjoy a cup of coffee or cappucino and that sweet. Oh it will be nice
CMT - I hear you on the scale. It used to affect my mood but somehow in the past year or so I just accepted the number as information. I like to see how different foods affect it. I stopped weighing regularly the past couple months but I didn't feel it made any difference to me. In fact, knowing I have to face it in the morning, for me, is extra incentive! But you are so right - the # of S days is a very good indicator!
Liz, I actually thought about the Beck book quotes you wrote yesterday when I wanted to throw in the towel. It helped a lot! I love thinking of this in terms of the importance of every decision. It makes me see the validity of what I'm doing when it seems insignificant "one cookie can't hurt, right?" line of thinking. Thanks for the reminder - it is almost just a day until I can get my hands on that cookie hehehe. I realllllly want to enjoy a cup of coffee or cappucino and that sweet. Oh it will be nice
CMT - I hear you on the scale. It used to affect my mood but somehow in the past year or so I just accepted the number as information. I like to see how different foods affect it. I stopped weighing regularly the past couple months but I didn't feel it made any difference to me. In fact, knowing I have to face it in the morning, for me, is extra incentive! But you are so right - the # of S days is a very good indicator!
Hi. I'm glad you relate on the eating FOR other people. I've noticed in social situations I always want to prove I eat anything I want. And will almost go overboard with it. But why do I care what people think?
Weird. Glad you relate. Maybe it stems from being annoyed with people always "watching it" when I'm around them. I take it to the other extreme!
Have a good day!
Weird. Glad you relate. Maybe it stems from being annoyed with people always "watching it" when I'm around them. I take it to the other extreme!
Have a good day!
Liz
Still doing good, but weight isn't changing at all which is unusual when I get back on vanilla, it typically will go down a few lbs from water weight. I guess I really put on "real weight" while I was overeating the past little while. Oh well. Onward!
W: 118
#1: small-ish bowl of mini wheats w/ skim milk, ff yogurt, 2 eggs with one slice toast
#2: multigrain bread, pasta, sausage, veggies, apple
W: 118
#1: small-ish bowl of mini wheats w/ skim milk, ff yogurt, 2 eggs with one slice toast
#2: multigrain bread, pasta, sausage, veggies, apple
Last edited by Sinnie on Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hi friends,
I'm sorry I haven't posted all weekend. We get so busy and I don't get a chance to visit the boards properly. I'm just about to get going this Sunday morning but thought I'd quickly update. Yesterday went....sorta bad actually.
I had a Saturday type breakfast - french toast, eggs, bacon, coffee. Got hungry not too long after actually, and had an early lunch which was not that healthy but filling nonetheless. I had already begun my treats early in the day - I just could not wait. Hubby said I'm like a kid on Christmas morning. It's sad but true. He made me wait to eat until dinner, and we made a lovely steak, wild mushroom risotto, sauteed green beans and started with grilled jumbo shrimp.
Dessert came next. At the table, I had 2 wafers. Then the rest of a cookie. But later on, alone, I proceeded to have one of those gross pre-packaged Little Debbie cakes, and another wafer or two, and another cookie.
I think I feel like I've been trying exceptionally hard but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I don't feel much different physically and usually my weight will at least sorta reflect the effort. I can only chalk it up to eating too much at each meal in fear of getting hungry. Nonetheless, if my hard work isn't "paying off" and I am pretty much the same in terms of weight/body size when snacking -- it's hard to be convinced to "torture" myself LOL.
I am still going to keep trying. I think I need to let go of the hunger fear and scale back on meals. If I feel so hungry all the time but am not losing weight or feeling thinner (like I've always felt in the past) then something's gotta give!
For my own records, weight this morning was 119.5
I'm sorry I haven't posted all weekend. We get so busy and I don't get a chance to visit the boards properly. I'm just about to get going this Sunday morning but thought I'd quickly update. Yesterday went....sorta bad actually.
I had a Saturday type breakfast - french toast, eggs, bacon, coffee. Got hungry not too long after actually, and had an early lunch which was not that healthy but filling nonetheless. I had already begun my treats early in the day - I just could not wait. Hubby said I'm like a kid on Christmas morning. It's sad but true. He made me wait to eat until dinner, and we made a lovely steak, wild mushroom risotto, sauteed green beans and started with grilled jumbo shrimp.
Dessert came next. At the table, I had 2 wafers. Then the rest of a cookie. But later on, alone, I proceeded to have one of those gross pre-packaged Little Debbie cakes, and another wafer or two, and another cookie.
I think I feel like I've been trying exceptionally hard but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. I don't feel much different physically and usually my weight will at least sorta reflect the effort. I can only chalk it up to eating too much at each meal in fear of getting hungry. Nonetheless, if my hard work isn't "paying off" and I am pretty much the same in terms of weight/body size when snacking -- it's hard to be convinced to "torture" myself LOL.
I am still going to keep trying. I think I need to let go of the hunger fear and scale back on meals. If I feel so hungry all the time but am not losing weight or feeling thinner (like I've always felt in the past) then something's gotta give!
For my own records, weight this morning was 119.5
Hmmmm. "Like a kid on Christmas morning"! Sorry, but that's funny! I totally relate. :0
Your meals sound DELICIOUS! Holy moly!
So your only real "over-doing" it was with the Little Debbies, extra wafers and another cookie. If I'm correct, that doesn't seem like THAT much extra alongside your meals? Or maybe you just feel sick.
I can see you're just wondering about this whole "should I even take N days or not", or maybe you are thinking about going back to a small dessert each night? I can't say I don't get tempted to do the same sometimes.
Do you miss snacking? Or do you like the prepared sit-down meals? Sounds like you're really making the most of well-prepared foods.
I understand the fear of hunger. I totally am realizing I like to "load up" too because I feel vulnerable and "unprepared" hungry. But trying to let it be okay.
FEeling for ya, Sinnie! We're all trying the best we can to find the peace we can with food!
Hoping today was any better!
xo
Your meals sound DELICIOUS! Holy moly!
So your only real "over-doing" it was with the Little Debbies, extra wafers and another cookie. If I'm correct, that doesn't seem like THAT much extra alongside your meals? Or maybe you just feel sick.
I can see you're just wondering about this whole "should I even take N days or not", or maybe you are thinking about going back to a small dessert each night? I can't say I don't get tempted to do the same sometimes.
Do you miss snacking? Or do you like the prepared sit-down meals? Sounds like you're really making the most of well-prepared foods.
I understand the fear of hunger. I totally am realizing I like to "load up" too because I feel vulnerable and "unprepared" hungry. But trying to let it be okay.
FEeling for ya, Sinnie! We're all trying the best we can to find the peace we can with food!
Hoping today was any better!
xo
Liz
I do want to change to a small dessert each night, and maybe I'll get there one day, but DH is holding me to my promise of trying 3 meals a day only. He actually also wants me to stop fixating on replacing the habit of snacking with putting other things in my mouth (coffee, tea, etc.). He said, for me, it is a slippery slope because tea turns into bubble tea (happened on Friday) and I start to lose clarity. I am just not like normal people...yet. I want to get there! But I do supplement not being able to snack with other "oral fixators". So, the goal is to only have water in between. Boy, is this ever a life challenge for me. I depend HEAVILY on food/drink for comfort.
I do eat very substantially. But, as you asked, I DO miss snacking. I've always been a grazer. But, I stayed the slimmest for the longest eating 3 meals. Plus, it actually feels like I'm eating, whereas grazing truly makes it feel like you didn't really eat. Also, I used to focus on everything "healthy, low fat" etc and that never made me skinny. Now, I pour on the olive oil, use butter without a second thought (I used to buy light margarine - ick) and eat meat everyday (I used to try to avoid it). I am soooooooo grateful for finally learning and experiencing that I can eat delicious, normal, FATTENING foods without gaining weight and actually lose weight! It's so awesome and that recollection is what keeps me here, because from experience this WORKS amazingly well. But it's not always easy.
Yesterday went good. I had bran flakes with skim milk and blueberries for breakfast. Lunch was tuna, piece cornbread, 2 small apples, and a ff yogurt. Dinner was chicken wings, perogies, and spinach/strawberry salad. 118.5 this morning.
Today:
#1: slice multigrain bread with pb
#2: banana, chicken tornedo, perogies, yogurt and cherries, cornbread
#3: pasta with some cheese, a porkchop and spinach salad. Diet Sprite. 1/2 a cookie.
I do eat very substantially. But, as you asked, I DO miss snacking. I've always been a grazer. But, I stayed the slimmest for the longest eating 3 meals. Plus, it actually feels like I'm eating, whereas grazing truly makes it feel like you didn't really eat. Also, I used to focus on everything "healthy, low fat" etc and that never made me skinny. Now, I pour on the olive oil, use butter without a second thought (I used to buy light margarine - ick) and eat meat everyday (I used to try to avoid it). I am soooooooo grateful for finally learning and experiencing that I can eat delicious, normal, FATTENING foods without gaining weight and actually lose weight! It's so awesome and that recollection is what keeps me here, because from experience this WORKS amazingly well. But it's not always easy.
Yesterday went good. I had bran flakes with skim milk and blueberries for breakfast. Lunch was tuna, piece cornbread, 2 small apples, and a ff yogurt. Dinner was chicken wings, perogies, and spinach/strawberry salad. 118.5 this morning.
Today:
#1: slice multigrain bread with pb
#2: banana, chicken tornedo, perogies, yogurt and cherries, cornbread
#3: pasta with some cheese, a porkchop and spinach salad. Diet Sprite. 1/2 a cookie.
Last edited by Sinnie on Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:52 am, edited 2 times in total.
Glad your DH knows you well enough to help you out. You're so right about snacking not being fulfilling at all. Not to mention kinda time-consuming because food is ALWAYS on the brain, whereas with meals, it's kinda one and done.
I SO get the oral fixation thing. I'm the same! If I'm not drinking diet soda, crystal light, water, or chewing gum, I'm totally WANTING to! It's such a comfort thing, I guess.
I'm also glad you have nixed the "diet mentality" of fat free/sugar free stuff. I used to do that too where I'd just eat MORE of the fat free stuff and not be fulfilled. Life is SO much better with olive oil, butter, and meat!
Take care today. Thinking of you. XO
I SO get the oral fixation thing. I'm the same! If I'm not drinking diet soda, crystal light, water, or chewing gum, I'm totally WANTING to! It's such a comfort thing, I guess.
I'm also glad you have nixed the "diet mentality" of fat free/sugar free stuff. I used to do that too where I'd just eat MORE of the fat free stuff and not be fulfilled. Life is SO much better with olive oil, butter, and meat!
Take care today. Thinking of you. XO
Liz
Thanks for always being able to relate. It makes me feel like I'm not a weirdo
So, last night was good in the sense that I had a small dessert (1/2 a cookie) and didn't follow it with anything else. That was a great thing for me. Later at night, I was feeling kinda fat, bored, lonely, etc and was completely ready to have the food make me feel better. But I just grabbed some OJ and poured a bit in my tall glass of water which kept on track for the night.
I am still wondering why in the past when I've just done my 3 meals, my weight stabilizes lower than it is now. DH told me that just like when I start binging the weight doesn't show up right away. Similarly, when eating properly again, it does the same thing - not instantly but gradually. I suppose that is accurate but not sure why it's like that this time but not before. Sort of curious.
#1: 2 slices ww bread with peanut butter (I laid it on quite thick - was in a huge rush)
#2: spinach salad with chicken and blue cheese dressing. Then I went to Tim Horton's to grab coffees for my and my co-worker. I was contemplating a timbit but knew that is "wrong". Then I remembered I had no real carb with my lunch. So that was a great excuse to try their new bagel "cinnamon maple french toast" toasted with butter. Let me tell you, it was divine, but I did a quick tally of calories and I'm basically at enough for the day. This has me in a bit of tailspin because I feel guilty. I want to lose weight and should've had the healthier options I brought with me (yogurt, pineapple, apple - didn't eat it and stopped after the bagel).
I am going my mom's after work and then my friend's house after that. I really hope that will keep my mind OFF of food, but I don't know if there will be snacks. Yikes. My goal is to have a small, healthy dinner and hopefully save the day.
So, last night was good in the sense that I had a small dessert (1/2 a cookie) and didn't follow it with anything else. That was a great thing for me. Later at night, I was feeling kinda fat, bored, lonely, etc and was completely ready to have the food make me feel better. But I just grabbed some OJ and poured a bit in my tall glass of water which kept on track for the night.
I am still wondering why in the past when I've just done my 3 meals, my weight stabilizes lower than it is now. DH told me that just like when I start binging the weight doesn't show up right away. Similarly, when eating properly again, it does the same thing - not instantly but gradually. I suppose that is accurate but not sure why it's like that this time but not before. Sort of curious.
#1: 2 slices ww bread with peanut butter (I laid it on quite thick - was in a huge rush)
#2: spinach salad with chicken and blue cheese dressing. Then I went to Tim Horton's to grab coffees for my and my co-worker. I was contemplating a timbit but knew that is "wrong". Then I remembered I had no real carb with my lunch. So that was a great excuse to try their new bagel "cinnamon maple french toast" toasted with butter. Let me tell you, it was divine, but I did a quick tally of calories and I'm basically at enough for the day. This has me in a bit of tailspin because I feel guilty. I want to lose weight and should've had the healthier options I brought with me (yogurt, pineapple, apple - didn't eat it and stopped after the bagel).
I am going my mom's after work and then my friend's house after that. I really hope that will keep my mind OFF of food, but I don't know if there will be snacks. Yikes. My goal is to have a small, healthy dinner and hopefully save the day.
Thanks a million for your comment this morning. It really really helped me more than you'll know. Just to de-criminalize food/treats.
I have some work to do in that arena. But I think with my black/white neurotic personality, No-S is good, but also allows for too much of a pendulum swing.
I definitely appreciate the no-snacks, one plate rule.
DH is right about the bingeing not showing up right away. I know that I'm having a little bit of a gradual incline, but probably from the random binges here/there.
Hope the rest of the day goes okay for you. I'm learning a lot about your more fluid attitude. I think it's great you got the french toast, personally. I think you have less of a rigid view of what you should eat than I do. That could really help with your success.
Let me know how things go. Thanks, again for your support!
I have some work to do in that arena. But I think with my black/white neurotic personality, No-S is good, but also allows for too much of a pendulum swing.
I definitely appreciate the no-snacks, one plate rule.
DH is right about the bingeing not showing up right away. I know that I'm having a little bit of a gradual incline, but probably from the random binges here/there.
Hope the rest of the day goes okay for you. I'm learning a lot about your more fluid attitude. I think it's great you got the french toast, personally. I think you have less of a rigid view of what you should eat than I do. That could really help with your success.
Let me know how things go. Thanks, again for your support!
Hey Liz,
Thank you for coming by my check-in. It really is nice to know there is someone who *wants* to hear how you're doing. You seem like such a genuinely nice person.
To update, I binged last night. I should start from the beginning. At mom's, I wasn't that hungry and she didn't really have anything cooked for dinner. We had a bowl of hearty, minestrone soup and a slice of rye bread with plum butter. That was totally filling for me. But, I got struck with an urge to eat when I saw the packaged goods in her drawer (my sis works for a food company and gives all these cookies/granola bars/etc). So, I had two of these soft molasses cookies.
So, at my friend's house later, she put out berries. I knew for habit's sake I should avoid, but ended up having some.
Then, when I got home around 9:30pm, I was making lunches and got struck by an insatiable hunger. I actually had an out of control/outer body experience. I first had a couple pineapple pieces, then some pb, ripped of a piece of bread and had that with pb, then just finished off the slice...went for a cookie, a yogurt, a random piece of naan, few chocolate chips...just completely bizarre choices. I'm sure there's more but I can't even remember. It's like I knew I was giving in, and it's so naughty, so just quickly see what I can shove in and get away with. You know it's compulsive when you're eating such a random assortment of goods. No normal person would do that.
Anyways, this morning my weight was up to 119.5. Surprised it's only a pound. I felt guilty knowing I otherwise had a successful day. Then I started reading about binge eating and thought if the only thing I get myself to do is NOT BINGE, I will be okay. Big meals - okay, sweets - okay but just never ever binge. Lots of freedom, but no tolerance of that. Stop as soon as I realize I'm doing it.
Then I was quickly reading the boards and decided that 3-0-7 girl's way of eating with 3 meals 7 days a week with a bite or two of sweets alongside might be my goal. I tried that today with success!
Funny you mention about the bagel choice. You know, I used to have a lot more hang ups about what I ate. In fact, that might have been the first time I ever ordered something with butter! Back in the day, I'd only ever get light cream cheese because that is somehow "healthier"? Ironically, I was much fatter back then too. I have learned over a long period of time that what I eat is never as important as when I eat. Frequency trumps food choice every time.
So, today went like this:
#1: yogurt and pineapple and cherries
#2: tuna and naan
#3: I made a few things for dinner: soup (meatball and pasta), tequila shrimp over rice, and spinach and tomato salad.
I decided to have a coffee and half a coffee afterwards with no guilt. It surprisngly wasn't that good. I think the cookies are getting old and losing taste. But, I'm 100% satisfied and have no urge to eat anything else!
I picked very mildly while cooking and cleaning up but truly it was neglible. I tasted the food I was cooking for saltiness, and then cleaning up there was some leftover chocolate chips from DD's breakfast and I had maybe 5 or so.
I feel good about today. Hope this keeps up...
Hugs xo
Sinnie
Thank you for coming by my check-in. It really is nice to know there is someone who *wants* to hear how you're doing. You seem like such a genuinely nice person.
To update, I binged last night. I should start from the beginning. At mom's, I wasn't that hungry and she didn't really have anything cooked for dinner. We had a bowl of hearty, minestrone soup and a slice of rye bread with plum butter. That was totally filling for me. But, I got struck with an urge to eat when I saw the packaged goods in her drawer (my sis works for a food company and gives all these cookies/granola bars/etc). So, I had two of these soft molasses cookies.
So, at my friend's house later, she put out berries. I knew for habit's sake I should avoid, but ended up having some.
Then, when I got home around 9:30pm, I was making lunches and got struck by an insatiable hunger. I actually had an out of control/outer body experience. I first had a couple pineapple pieces, then some pb, ripped of a piece of bread and had that with pb, then just finished off the slice...went for a cookie, a yogurt, a random piece of naan, few chocolate chips...just completely bizarre choices. I'm sure there's more but I can't even remember. It's like I knew I was giving in, and it's so naughty, so just quickly see what I can shove in and get away with. You know it's compulsive when you're eating such a random assortment of goods. No normal person would do that.
Anyways, this morning my weight was up to 119.5. Surprised it's only a pound. I felt guilty knowing I otherwise had a successful day. Then I started reading about binge eating and thought if the only thing I get myself to do is NOT BINGE, I will be okay. Big meals - okay, sweets - okay but just never ever binge. Lots of freedom, but no tolerance of that. Stop as soon as I realize I'm doing it.
Then I was quickly reading the boards and decided that 3-0-7 girl's way of eating with 3 meals 7 days a week with a bite or two of sweets alongside might be my goal. I tried that today with success!
Funny you mention about the bagel choice. You know, I used to have a lot more hang ups about what I ate. In fact, that might have been the first time I ever ordered something with butter! Back in the day, I'd only ever get light cream cheese because that is somehow "healthier"? Ironically, I was much fatter back then too. I have learned over a long period of time that what I eat is never as important as when I eat. Frequency trumps food choice every time.
So, today went like this:
#1: yogurt and pineapple and cherries
#2: tuna and naan
#3: I made a few things for dinner: soup (meatball and pasta), tequila shrimp over rice, and spinach and tomato salad.
I decided to have a coffee and half a coffee afterwards with no guilt. It surprisngly wasn't that good. I think the cookies are getting old and losing taste. But, I'm 100% satisfied and have no urge to eat anything else!
I picked very mildly while cooking and cleaning up but truly it was neglible. I tasted the food I was cooking for saltiness, and then cleaning up there was some leftover chocolate chips from DD's breakfast and I had maybe 5 or so.
I feel good about today. Hope this keeps up...
Hugs xo
Sinnie
Well look at you, you moderate girl. Of course I want to hear how you're doing!
I'm really sorry about the binge. No one understands the "outer body" thing more than myself. That was me last Sunday for sure.
It probably started with all the picking earlier in the day and then you just wanted to feel fulfilled.
I think your goal, as is mine might be to avoid at all costs the BINGE monster. Like yesterday I had a bite of my son's tortillas and that could have lead to a binge. But I tried to not make any judgments about it. Just be neutral and nothing is green or red. Except binges. I think I'll get a red with a binge for sure. Today even could easily be marked red by No-S standards. My time of the month always leads me a little crazy and this afternoon I had a couple chocolate almonds and then gave away the container to get them outta here. I didn't binge and it won't ruin my day. We can do this, k?
I think once I start categorizing good and bad so much, it's a slippery slope. I do like what you said about eating REAL food. No "light" this or that. I remember the fat free stage in the past when I'd eat ALL fat free anything but carbs/sugar galore!
Go to my post and read oolala's comment about the brain circuitry and quitting something. Maybe you are #3, having a small amount often. The sweets will always be there and always a struggle to moderate, but you have less HUGE battles and more constant little ones. hmmm.
Your meals look fan-freaking-tastic. What a lucky family you have. We're dealing with mexican about every night b/c it's easy and always have the ingredients!
xoxoxo
I'm really sorry about the binge. No one understands the "outer body" thing more than myself. That was me last Sunday for sure.
It probably started with all the picking earlier in the day and then you just wanted to feel fulfilled.
I think your goal, as is mine might be to avoid at all costs the BINGE monster. Like yesterday I had a bite of my son's tortillas and that could have lead to a binge. But I tried to not make any judgments about it. Just be neutral and nothing is green or red. Except binges. I think I'll get a red with a binge for sure. Today even could easily be marked red by No-S standards. My time of the month always leads me a little crazy and this afternoon I had a couple chocolate almonds and then gave away the container to get them outta here. I didn't binge and it won't ruin my day. We can do this, k?
I think once I start categorizing good and bad so much, it's a slippery slope. I do like what you said about eating REAL food. No "light" this or that. I remember the fat free stage in the past when I'd eat ALL fat free anything but carbs/sugar galore!
Go to my post and read oolala's comment about the brain circuitry and quitting something. Maybe you are #3, having a small amount often. The sweets will always be there and always a struggle to moderate, but you have less HUGE battles and more constant little ones. hmmm.
Your meals look fan-freaking-tastic. What a lucky family you have. We're dealing with mexican about every night b/c it's easy and always have the ingredients!
xoxoxo
One thing, Sinne.
I dusted off my old "Women, Food and God" book from Geneen Roth and like this bit about obsession and bingeing which made me think of "leaving myself":
"Staying where you are with what you are feeling or seeing or sensing is the first step in ending the obsession with food." She means feeling the pain or whatever and letting those feeling of bingeing happen, but not giving in.
"Obsession gives you something to do besides having your heart shattered by heart-shattering events....
"Obsession gives you a plane ticket out of a particular kind of heartbreak....
"It gives you the illusion of feeling everything without having to e vulnerable to anything. In the drama of obsession, you are the star, the costar, the directory, the producer. Other people, even your children are only stand-ins. Carboard props. When you are crazed about a binge, for example you become so focused on getting the food in your mouth. There is madness in obsess, yes, but its value is that it drowns out the madness of life....
Not bolting (not bingeing) being awake without being drugged by food is asking a a lot."
This makes me think of how hard it is to wait-out the feelings pre-over-eating. And how when I binge, it erases my present world.
And, sorry, but one more thing, she says:
"the greatest blessing of your life is the relationship with food."
Because it makes you stop and realize what exactly is going on when you want to eat when hungry. We can become hyper-aware of our feelings.
Just thought I'd shoot out some things helping me now.
xoox
I dusted off my old "Women, Food and God" book from Geneen Roth and like this bit about obsession and bingeing which made me think of "leaving myself":
"Staying where you are with what you are feeling or seeing or sensing is the first step in ending the obsession with food." She means feeling the pain or whatever and letting those feeling of bingeing happen, but not giving in.
"Obsession gives you something to do besides having your heart shattered by heart-shattering events....
"Obsession gives you a plane ticket out of a particular kind of heartbreak....
"It gives you the illusion of feeling everything without having to e vulnerable to anything. In the drama of obsession, you are the star, the costar, the directory, the producer. Other people, even your children are only stand-ins. Carboard props. When you are crazed about a binge, for example you become so focused on getting the food in your mouth. There is madness in obsess, yes, but its value is that it drowns out the madness of life....
Not bolting (not bingeing) being awake without being drugged by food is asking a a lot."
This makes me think of how hard it is to wait-out the feelings pre-over-eating. And how when I binge, it erases my present world.
And, sorry, but one more thing, she says:
"the greatest blessing of your life is the relationship with food."
Because it makes you stop and realize what exactly is going on when you want to eat when hungry. We can become hyper-aware of our feelings.
Just thought I'd shoot out some things helping me now.
xoox
Liz
I really, really appreciate the quotes you took the time to write out for me. It is something I desperately need to learn. Feeling feelings instead of shoving them down with food. But it feels so awful to admit to yourself you're not happy sometimes. It's much better psychologically to numb it with food. Of course, in reality it's terrible, but at that moment you just live to make yourself avoid those emotions.
I did alright yesterday. Lunch was too small and I was still hungry. I had gone shopping on my lunch and ended up opening the cookies I was bringing to my friends house and had 3 (they were small). I also opened the peanut butter and literally ate a few scoops right out of the container.
For dinner, my friend made hamburgers and salad. For dessert I had a small slice of pound cake with a latte. Picked a bit at the blueberries and green peas on the counter.
I weighed in this morning at 116.5. We'll see if that's a fluke.
Dh and I got into a little fight yesterday because when he asks about my eating that day I get annoyed and put a wall up between us. He says I asked him to help and then when he does I get defensive. He does not like how I change the rules we set when I don't feel like doing them anymore. He doesn't like how he has to coax things out of me instead of me telling him. He is mad that I constantly rationalize why it wasn't a failure. Tough stuff. He doesn't accept excuses and I'm full of them. Problem is, I don't realize i'm doing it.
Anyways, today's menu:
Breakfast: I made a whole slew of things - whole wheat blueberry chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, eggs, hashbrowns.
Lunch: 3 pancakes and fruit
Dinner: TBD
I did alright yesterday. Lunch was too small and I was still hungry. I had gone shopping on my lunch and ended up opening the cookies I was bringing to my friends house and had 3 (they were small). I also opened the peanut butter and literally ate a few scoops right out of the container.
For dinner, my friend made hamburgers and salad. For dessert I had a small slice of pound cake with a latte. Picked a bit at the blueberries and green peas on the counter.
I weighed in this morning at 116.5. We'll see if that's a fluke.
Dh and I got into a little fight yesterday because when he asks about my eating that day I get annoyed and put a wall up between us. He says I asked him to help and then when he does I get defensive. He does not like how I change the rules we set when I don't feel like doing them anymore. He doesn't like how he has to coax things out of me instead of me telling him. He is mad that I constantly rationalize why it wasn't a failure. Tough stuff. He doesn't accept excuses and I'm full of them. Problem is, I don't realize i'm doing it.
Anyways, today's menu:
Breakfast: I made a whole slew of things - whole wheat blueberry chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, eggs, hashbrowns.
Lunch: 3 pancakes and fruit
Dinner: TBD
Saturday was OK (i.e. didn't binge) and weight was 118.5 this morning.
Today I ate A LOT and feel totally gross. Didn't even enjoy dinner because of the snacking. I have decided there is NO pleasure in that. I see now why I don't do it often. I love enjoying food, and eating low quality foods like chips and chocolate does not feel good nor satisfying. I think they manufacture it to make you eat it compulsively but that doesnt translate to enjoyment.
Definitely looking forward to a week of good eating.
Today I ate A LOT and feel totally gross. Didn't even enjoy dinner because of the snacking. I have decided there is NO pleasure in that. I see now why I don't do it often. I love enjoying food, and eating low quality foods like chips and chocolate does not feel good nor satisfying. I think they manufacture it to make you eat it compulsively but that doesnt translate to enjoyment.
Definitely looking forward to a week of good eating.
oh man i completely relate to that kind of eating. i could pretty much say that has been most of my s-days up until now.
today i tried a little harder and it made all the difference.
still too much food, but better than the past.
i HATE the snacking leading to not enjoying dinner. worst ever.
i totally have flashbacks to last sunday eating literally an entire bag of sweet potato chips, alongside other non-quality crap. you don't get satisfied or full from them. just gross.
live and learn.
this will be a good week for us, i can just feel it.
xo
today i tried a little harder and it made all the difference.
still too much food, but better than the past.
i HATE the snacking leading to not enjoying dinner. worst ever.
i totally have flashbacks to last sunday eating literally an entire bag of sweet potato chips, alongside other non-quality crap. you don't get satisfied or full from them. just gross.
live and learn.
this will be a good week for us, i can just feel it.
xo
Liz
Hey Liz,
I feel like this will be a good week too. Something took over me last night and I just continued to eat, eat, eat. I slept poorly as a result - feel so bloated today, my tummy hurts, I have heartburn...so gross.
I'm striving for Vanilla. Although some days if I really, really want a bite or two of dessert I'll just have it instead of binging. I think my default goal, though, should be vanilla no s.
Breakfast was a bowl of bran flakes with skim milk and some cherries. Coffee with milk.
I feel like this will be a good week too. Something took over me last night and I just continued to eat, eat, eat. I slept poorly as a result - feel so bloated today, my tummy hurts, I have heartburn...so gross.
I'm striving for Vanilla. Although some days if I really, really want a bite or two of dessert I'll just have it instead of binging. I think my default goal, though, should be vanilla no s.
Breakfast was a bowl of bran flakes with skim milk and some cherries. Coffee with milk.
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BeingGreen
- Posts: 184
- Joined: Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:50 am
- Location: Portland OR
Thank you, Brianna!
I am starting negative tracking.
Monday June 11 - Oops! Making peanut butter bars and ate the batter and a few chocolate chips. Did not have any of the finished product.
Tuesday June 12 - Wanted to try some of those pb bars with brekkie but picked at it instead. Would have been OK with me if I plated it. Another oops today: after dinner had two big pieces of the peanut butter bars.
I am starting negative tracking.
Monday June 11 - Oops! Making peanut butter bars and ate the batter and a few chocolate chips. Did not have any of the finished product.
Tuesday June 12 - Wanted to try some of those pb bars with brekkie but picked at it instead. Would have been OK with me if I plated it. Another oops today: after dinner had two big pieces of the peanut butter bars.
Last edited by Sinnie on Wed Jun 13, 2012 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hey everyone,
I've been MIA recently. Pretty much status quo here. Still snacking and binging, trying hard not to though. I guess my energies and thoughts have been distracted by other things of late.
I'm not really focused at this point on my food intake/weight. I mean, I really want to eat well and all that, but my mind is so occupied that it's just not as concerning.
Anyways, just wanted to update so you don't think I disappeared off the earth hehe.
I've been MIA recently. Pretty much status quo here. Still snacking and binging, trying hard not to though. I guess my energies and thoughts have been distracted by other things of late.
I'm not really focused at this point on my food intake/weight. I mean, I really want to eat well and all that, but my mind is so occupied that it's just not as concerning.
Anyways, just wanted to update so you don't think I disappeared off the earth hehe.
Hi, Sinnie:
I haven't been on the threads much myself, but wondered how you were doing?
What's new? Are you doing well?
I'm doing fine. No bingeing, but not vanilla.
Fine until night-time treats. Which I'm allowing for now. It's actually keeping me more sane. Though I'd like to lose 5-7 pounds.
But the no-bingeing thing is huge. Just staying steady.
Hope you are well!
Xo
I haven't been on the threads much myself, but wondered how you were doing?
What's new? Are you doing well?
I'm doing fine. No bingeing, but not vanilla.
Fine until night-time treats. Which I'm allowing for now. It's actually keeping me more sane. Though I'd like to lose 5-7 pounds.
But the no-bingeing thing is huge. Just staying steady.
Hope you are well!
Xo
Liz