automated eating tracker

Counting carbs/calories is a drag. Obsessive scale stepping is a recipe for despair. If you want to count something, "days on habit" is a much better metric. Checking off days on a calendar would do just fine, but if you do it here you get accountability and support. Here's how. Start a new topic in this forum called (say) "Your Name Daily Check In." Then every N day post a "reply" to that topic as to whether you stayed on habit. A simple "<font color="green">SUCCESS</font>" or "<font color="red">FAILURE</font>" (or your preferred euphemism if that's too harsh) is sufficient, but obviously you're welcome to write more if you want. On S-days just register that you're taking an S-day. You don't have to do this forever, just until you're confident you've built the habit. Feel free to check in weekly or monthly or sporadically instead of daily. Feel free also to track other habits besides No-s (I'm keeping this forum under No-s because that's what the vast majority are using it for). See also my <a href="/habitcal/">HabitCal</a> tool for another more formal (and perhaps complementary) way to track habits.

Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating

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Octavia
Posts: 686
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 8:01 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Sat Apr 27, 2019 4:52 pm

Hi Auto,
I so sympathise with this difficult phase. How’s a girl supposed to turn down wine at friends’? It’s impossible. I hope you get chance to rest and catch up with everything (like self-care) soon.

Try not to feel too bad about forgetting the child. I have done the same. DH’s mum once left him in his pram (aged zero) outside the supermarket and got all the way home before she realised. (This must have been in the halcyon days when mothers left babies outside the shop!) Our heads get overloaded and stuff gets deleted.

Use disorder: I has it. :lol: mainly with chocolate but a little with alcohol. I’ve been battling it all week, and losing.

I once read about a psychological technique called ‘glimpsing’, by Dr Claire Weekes, in her anxiety books. It’s good for obsessive thoughts. Throughout the day, if you catch a glimpse of pleasant normality in your head, you simply acknowledge it, be glad of it, then let it go. As long as you don’t go looking for them, glimpses of normality should then multiply. So....could we apply this to our ‘disordered usage’? Simply notice the moments when we’re NOT doing it, not craving it, not thinking about it? Notice it, acknowledge, be glad, then let the moment go? Like now: I’m sitting on the sofa, not drinking and not eating chocolate. It feels OK. Perhaps these moments will multiply, if gently encouraged in this way!

I think the things you’ve pinpointed get right to the essence of what we’re doing here at No S...trying to tame a part of ourselves that doesn’t seem to be under our direct control. I will get back to you when I discover the answer. Now, back to the laboratory....
:wink: :lol:

automatedeating
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Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun Apr 28, 2019 6:19 pm

Thank you Octavia for your encouraging post. About the forgetting to pick up the child (luckily he is a 13-year old and has a cell phone, so it could have been far more horrifying), and also your comments relating to the "use disorder", as we shall call it. :-)

I'm intrigued by the "glimpsing" technique. That said, I'm grooving it with my Middle Earth Meditations and I like to think they are helping me. One "experiment" at a time, ha.
Now, back to the laboratory....
I love this! I think long-term NoSers are "biohackers" through and through. :lol:

Sunday, April 28

S Day

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, bacon & eggs
L: 2 pieces of pizza, 1 glass of milk, 1 chocolate-covered macadamia nut
D: leftovers - taco meat nachos w/guacamole, cheese, sour cream
Dessert: (will be) ice cream
Kombucha instead of wine. I gave it up last summer due to the sugar. But it doesn't have a lot of sugar and it's very enjoyable. Nearly enjoyable as wine. Expensive, though - so doesn't really save me money compared to buying wine.

Drinking
Abs Day
I signed up for a coach on Coach.Me. to support my "changing relationship with alcohol". It is $20/week. I am going to go exactly 3 weeks alcohol-free, with my coach's support and hopefully this forum will keep me on track. You guys are all always so supportive of me. My in-real-life friends don't know the extent of my alcohol struggles, so I appreciate the support on this forum. I'll also say this, though -- when I "fail" with my alcohol goals, I ALSO appreciate that no one here is too tough on me. I think that would make me clam up a bit or stop coming on here. I wonder if that has happened to forum-users about their food fails. Probably. It's human nature, I suppose. What a funny, tricky balance between lovingly holding our friends accountable to what we know they really want, but not pushing them to make changes they aren't ready to make.
Anyway, after 3 weeks Sexy and I are going on 2-night hotel get-away/hiking outings + lazy hot tub evenings and I will have alcohol! After that, I'll either have another stint of abstinence or I will restart a moderation attempt. One day at a time, isn't that the motto? ;-)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
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Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Mon Apr 29, 2019 1:33 pm

Monday, April 29

124.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
D: hamburgers? This would be a good night for that with everyone home after 5ish.

Drinking
Day #2 of my 20 day Clarity Challenge
Working with a personal coach on this.
One idea I had is that, after the 20 day challenge, I can consider giving up WINE forever and replace it with Hard Kombucha (yes, this is a thing). It is 4% alcohol and sold at my local grocery. It tastes good to me and has purported health benefits. These match wine, which tastes good to me, has purported health benefits, but wine bottles are too big, lol.
The thing about not drinking. It's easy and it's easy and then suddenly, one day, it's super hard. And I give in.
My coach says the HALTSS acronym helps some people deal with cravings.

H - hunger
A - angry (how about anxious?)
L - lonely
T- tired
S - stressed
S - sad

Moving
Just for this week, I'm going to try afternoon walk/jogs. For two reasons - #1 - I am teaching 5 classes and I am extremely efficient in that 6-7am morning hour. In the afternoon I am not. #2 - It will be a good replacement behavior instead of drinking. Today - I will try to go on my walk/jog after dinner, about 6:30pm I think. Heads-up - this could be a total flop.
Update - just finished dinner, have a pile of grading to do, I'm so tired (and full), this evening walk/jog thing is probably not a smart plan for me. I'll try to get out there though. Update - I did go for about 40 minutes. It was beautiful outside but I felt anxious. I'm not sure I felt guilty for leaving home in the evening like that, or if it's just that I typically feel anxious in the evening (hence the wine habit). Whatever. Not sure but anyway did the walk.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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lpearlmom
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Location: Arizona

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by lpearlmom » Tue Apr 30, 2019 5:31 am

I think it’s great you reached out to a coach. I guess we’re both realizing me need some extra help with our different issues. Im so glad that theres a few of us here that can talk about our struggles with drinking too. I really have nobody in my real life i can talk to about it. In fact, Im super sensitive to any comments regarding my drinking even if its meant to be playful so it’s nice to be able to talk about this stuff in a judgment free zone for sure.

Anyway, I know you’ll figure it all out in time. Also, thanks for your continued support. Really appreciate it. 💜
💜💜💜 Please no body or food shaming. Eyes on your own plate. 💜💜💜

3/14-210 lbs;
3/19-163 lbs
7/6-176 lbs









Instagram "lpearlmom"

nonoodles
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:08 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by nonoodles » Tue Apr 30, 2019 11:36 am

I’m older than you guys - about to turn 66. We were recently talking with some good friends about what changed that made us all suddenly become daily drinkers. When our kids were growing up, it was strictly a wedding and bar mitzvah type thing. I think it was when our world went from cocktails to wine that drinking seemed so innocuous.
My husband and I kind of made an informal rule that the bottle lasts two nights, but there are plenty of times we keep topping off. Then a cold turkey “reset” (ie abstinence) seems to help and then after that one glass works again. That nice feeling of warm and fuzzy optimism.
When my boys went off to college, the alcohol culture was huge and still is. I (which they no doubt heard as blah blah blah:) would always tell them just because two beers feels good, more will not make you feel better. I still have to tell myself that. Really about everything!
Wondering what about your drinking feels out of control- frequency, amount, behavior? Curious.
Oh, and since we are all pretty weight conscious or wouldn’t be here once when I totally quit for six weeks I lost five pounds no sweat 😂😂😂

automatedeating
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Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed May 01, 2019 1:25 am

Thanks Linda - lovely to have you stop by my thread today. You're the one that inspired me to find a coach, actually. :-) I just felt like I'm worth it, ya know? It's OK to pay for a bit to try and get a little better handle on this.

Nonoodles - I'm reading a book called "Naked Mind - Control your drinking" and it is emphasizing how pretty much everybody increases their drinking over time. So, the sooner the heav(ier) drinking begins, the worse the eventual slide. It sounds like at my age you were only having cocktails at special occasions! So I'm much farther down that slippery slide than I'd like to be. What feels out of control... let's see 1) frequency - it's nightly if I'm not on top of it. 2) Amount - it's 3-4 glasses if I'm not on top of it. 3) Behavior - just kind of lazy and not as interactive with my kids. Ultimately, I know that my kids need a better example about alcohol intake. In January and February I was really great about limiting alcohol intake and I did see a weight dip. However, right now I'm focusing on dealing with alcohol cravings so I may be eating ice cream some nights. :roll: One vice for another!! :| In general, though, I have a list of 18 "replacement" behaviors that my coach had me make. It's a good list and ice cream is only 1 of the many options to make it through.

Avoiding alcohol is not hard for about a week or two. And then when the stress hits, I just cave. I go from A+ resistance to F in what feels like a matter of hours.

Tuesday, April 30

123.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries, 2 pickles
D: big salad, 1 hot dog w/mustard, 1 glass of milk

Drinking
Abs day
Kombucha as replacement
walk/jog with dog after dinner

PersonalLearning
Reading the book "This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol"
I have highlighted this passage:
If only you could quit for some unknown length of time, your desire for alcohol would diminish. You would finally be like all the people you know who seem to be in control of their alcohol, who seem to be able to take it or leave it. But wait. Are you weak-willed in other areas of your life or is alcohol a strange exception? I am distinctly not weak-willed, as people who know me can attest. Isn't it strange that I seem to lack willpower in this area?

Also enjoying a new Peter Attia The Drive podcast:
https://peterattiamd.com/robertsapolsky/
The pervasive effect of stress: Is it killing you?
In this episode, Robert Sapolsky, Ph.D., discusses the widespread impact of stress on our physical and emotional health as well as the mechanisms by which it can precipitate chronic illness, dementia, depression, and more. He also provides insight into the factors that contribute to the stress response (and our ability to handle it) such as social rank, personality, environment, and genetics. Lastly, we discuss how our behavior is altered in the face of stress and how that not only has a pervasive effect on a personal level, but also on society as a whole in how we interact with each other.

An observation on morning walks and evening walks:
My morning walk/jogs are invigorating. I move pretty fast, I look all around, I feel empowered.
My evening walk/jogs are meditative. I move much slower, I stare at one spot on the grass for a long time, I feel like I'm processing in slow motion. I think I need them both! Probably every day!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

ladybird30
Posts: 540
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 10:41 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by ladybird30 » Wed May 01, 2019 5:38 am

Hi Auto - I've never had addictive problems with alcohol, so nothing to offer there. (I stopped drinking when young because it made me feel terrible).
But I sympathise with your struggles, and wish you all the best with them.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

nonoodles
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:08 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by nonoodles » Wed May 01, 2019 10:44 am

Oh boy do I get it. It’s like me and sweets. (You’ve heard that country song “if I have one I have 15..”) I’ll go cold turkey for a (sadly short) while and actually decrease my cravings. Then I’ll think, “I can be a regular person and have just one piece of cake” Hah! Never happens and I never learn 😹😹 Sometimes I think I love wine for its sugar.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed May 01, 2019 5:11 pm

Thanks Ladybird for the support. We don't all struggle with the same stuff, but we can still be there for each other. Thank you.

Nonoodles - yep, I think it is SCARY-similar to sugar addiction. This is an epiphany for me.

I am TIRED of having moderation attempts take up valuable bandwidth. If that's how some of you guys feel with dealing with sweets, argh - I get it and it SUCKS.

Wednesday, May 1

122.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries, 2 pickles
D: steak, tortillas w/guacamole
kombucha for fun

Drinking
Abs Days Forever? ha, that would be one less thing to track, I guess.
My coach had me make a timeline of my life with key important events. Then I had to add in my relationship with alcohol at various points. It was extremely helpful and I had some epiphanies. Believe it or not, some were actually so personal and sensitive that I can't quite even describe them on here.

Moving
Last couple nights I've done evening walks. I missed my more invigorating morning walks so did that this morning. I think maybe I need to be a 2 walk day person, lol. At least if I'm a person that doesn't drink in the evenings.
Also been working on my stretches to hopefully get better at the Wheel Pose.

PersonalLearning
Finished a podcast this morning that I had never finished. Can't believe I had forgotten about this one. Fantastic stuff.
https://peterattiamd.com/domdagostino/
In this episode, Dom D’Agostino, one of the smartest people on all things related to ketones, digs deep into the research and application of these molecules. We discuss ketone esters, diesters and monoesters, racemic ketones, medium-chain triglycerides (MCTs), C8 (caprylic acid) on the exogenous ketone (EK) side of things. We also cover a lot of Dom’s fascinating work with hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBOT). If you’re just curious about ketosis and/or HBOT, or working on a dissertation related to nutritional biochemistry, there’s probably something in this episode for you to take away.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu May 02, 2019 2:00 pm

Thursday, May 2

122.2

Kind of embarrassing thing happened. I shared some private things with my online coach and her reply made it pretty clear (in a very kind way) that she is a coach, not a counselor. Which of course I should have understood, but I felt filled with shame when I read her reply. My eyes are kind of filling up just typing this. Made me realize also how much shame and guilt I have built up around my drinking. I am so done with this! Bandwidth, emotional collateral, $, on and on. If this were a specific "S", I'd be ready to murder it.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
D: Date night. Ugh. What's date night without wine? Talk about going into the lion's den of temptations. :cry: :cry: But I know it's important to go on date night. Maybe tonight we can get take-out and watch a movie at home - set the kids up with their stuff. And, maybe splurge on food I would typically save for S Days. Yes, that's a good idea! We could get Indian Food - ah!!!! I'll run this idea by Sexy.
Update - The lamb coconut curry I had was amazing. I enjoyed every bite. In fact, I definitely could have had seconds "just for taste", as my 13-year old said. I asked him if he was full, and he said "Yes - I would only want to eat more because it tastes good". And I thought - "out of the mouths of babes". Unlike Challenger, though, I did have thoughts to get more on a couple of occasions throughout the evening. I ultimately drank TWO diet sprites, 1 glass of milk, and 1 cup of kombucha. But made it green to bed.

Moving
Got in two walks again yesterday, but today not. I have spent some time doing journal type stuff. I also have to get some more grading done. Teaching 5 classes this quarter and having active kids really means I am not home very often! Second walk yesterday was while waiting for kids' activity bus to return from track meet. Challenger, by the way, is fast! He's smooth like running water. :-)

PersonalLearning
Still reading "This Naked Mind". I generally like it, but some of her science is off (yes, that sort of thing bugs me) and she is sure in the camp of alcohol is a pure poison, bla bla bla. She's also a little woo-woo. Nonetheless, I'm probably coming around to be a tee-totaller, but this mental process is painful. Are all of these addiction books going to be so mushy? Any recommendations out there for me? :-)
And no offense to my online coach, but I kind of don't need what she's offering. It's like daily suggestions, etc. I guess what I actually want is a real counselor. Maybe. I also don't want to go see the counselor and have them give me a guilt trip for not obviously thinking I should abstain forever.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

nonoodles
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:08 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by nonoodles » Thu May 02, 2019 7:48 pm

I’m no expert, but if a coach or counselor or anybody for that matter makes you cry, and not in a good cathartic release kind of way, then where’s the help in that? Even if this person is advertising themselves as “just a coach” you should still be made to feel safe and comfortable when exploring your thoughts and feelings. I feel kind of appalled on your behalf!
To me it sounds like you are trying to get a handle on your drinking before it becomes a real problem, whereas now you are quite functional, but not at the level you would like. Maybe try baby steps. Get the alcohol out of the house so you are more present and productive with your family. If it’s not there you can’t drink it. Then you only need to worry about social occasions, where a drink or two might be just fine and totally appropriate. You seem so together that I’m sure you will biohack yourself to a place of comfort on this issue. Go Team :)

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 03, 2019 1:18 am

Go Team! :-) Yes! Thank you Nonoodles. I am pretty sure I am not going to pay for this coach anymore! I'm sure it's a good fit for some people, but it's a little too much like a self-help book for my tastes. Don't get me wrong, I love me a good self-help book, but I have those at my fingertips, kindle, library, and podcasts. I think I did actually want a friend that I could be completely honest with. I was looking in the wrong place.

And yes, baby steps! Alcohol is most definitely out of the house at this point. Now I just have to resist any urges to buy some on the way home from work. Social occasions are few and far between, and I've never worried about drinking inappropriately at those. Tonight on my way home, I told myself - I can relax with good food. I can relax with a good book. I can relax with a nap. I can relax with a kombucha. I can relax with a diet sprite. If needed, I can relax with vanilla ice cream! I can relax with reading articles on Medium. I can relax while listening to a podcast, or on a walk, or - you get the picture. I don't need alcohol to relax.

Well, so I got Indian take-out (coconut curry, pure bliss), and now I'm in my PJs and curled up with a cat.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

ladybird30
Posts: 540
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 10:41 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by ladybird30 » Fri May 03, 2019 6:22 am

automatedeating wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 2:00 pm
I also don't want to go see the counselor and have them give me a guilt trip for not obviously thinking I should abstain forever.
It's my understanding that counsellors in the field of alcohol addiction are moving away from the "must have total abstinence, it is the only way to go model". And even if they honestly think that is the best thing for you, a good one shouldn't give you a guilt trip. A good counsellors job is to help you find what is the best way forward for you, and to help you to achieve it. The trick is to find a good counsellor.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 03, 2019 1:42 pm

Ladybird, I bet you are absolutely right. I was just thinking last night that maybe I'd call my insurance today and learn about if any counseling is covered. I've always just paid out-of-pocket in the past, but I don't want to this time. Feeling weird about counseling this time, rather than excited or looking forward to it. :|

My coach actually did give me a cool exercise to work on this weekend - she asked me to draw a flower on a page. The 5 roots should be labeled with my "self-care" activities (this forum is totally one of those, btw), 5 petals with my personal strengths, and then, nearby, 5 weeds labeled with my main life stressors. Ah, how can I weed my garden today? 8)

Friday, May 3

122.6

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: leftover steak & an egg
during afternoon - 2 glasses of milk
D: eek not sure. maybe later today I'll make my new menu and grocery list and go shopping. Tonight is normally take-out but we just did that last night. Update - got all the shopping done. Had fried drumsticks and a big salad.
Had one diet sprite and 1 cup of kombucha

Moving
Not much. This quarter, teaching 5 classes, I literally feel like I can't push any harder. I sometimes have to use my morning time for reflection (hello forum friends), followed by an hour of grading. By about 4pm, when I finish, my body just isn't cooperating or being productive for grading, curriculum design, or student feedback. The pattern seems to be that I can get 2-3 morning walks/week right now, and that'll have to be OK this quarter. Today I'll try to get a walk in at some point, but this early morning time is my most productive work time. Even spending time journaling or working on alcohol reflections seems like a luxury - but truthfully, this is probably the most significant self-care I do. Not to say the only self-care thing.

PersonalLearning
I appear to have an obsession right now with understanding why, after quitting alcohol, I feel so groggy in the mornings. Quite the opposite of what you'd expect, but I have experienced this before. I wake up early and unable to sleep after drinking the night before (I understand this part physiologically), but I haven't found a entirely satisfying explanation for the groggy mornings without alcohol (I am a morning lark, so it's not normal for me to be groggy in the morning). Will this ever go away? I hope I haven't permanently damaged my neurotransmitters. :|
Update - I found this single sentence that I want to explore more: I learned that heavy drinking boosts levels of acetate ( a chemical found in vinegar) in the brain, that translates into extra energy for the body. from: https://www.recoveryconnection.com/the- ... -drinking/
What's interesting about this is that a) acetate is actually a form of a ketone; and b) this could explain why I've read clinical trials in which the ketogenic diet was a big help for those in alcohol withdrawal.

Update - mystery comfortably solved. I was a habitual drinker. This meant that I would often have 3 glasses of wine (for someone my size, this is probably a helluvalot). The acetate metabolites from the wine would fuel my brain in the early morning hours, so when I first got up, I actually was somewhat energized. Removing the alcohol meant less morning fuel for my brain, and apparently a level of inability to use glucose for energy. So. Now I wake up groggy. No acetate. Inhibited ability to metabolize glucose in my brain. There is going to be a period of adjustment. I think it could take several months, but perhaps I shouldn't have a firm time period like that, in case it takes much longer.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sat May 04, 2019 1:34 pm

Saturday, May 4

121.4

I want to pat myself on the back for my compliance the past few days. I've been super groggy, which often makes me crave comfort food, plus the stress of reading about alcohol use disorder and many related things is emotionally challenging, plus work is crazy and busy and there is just a lot going on. And yet I made good choices. However, multiple times on each day I had to exercise willpower. A big thing is that my husband, who is also trying to quit drinking, has been making cookies EVERY DAMN NIGHT and eating a big bowl of ice cream with cookies on it. That's all well and good for him, but not for me. So many many times I've had to self-talk, "no I don't eat that on an N Day". I had to exercise willpower an uncommon number of times to avoid junk food that was in my face at work too. The night I ate Indian food, which was freaking awesome, was my crowning achievement. Although that is not a typical N Day dinner for me, it hit the spot, stayed within the fence of the law, and gave me a dopamine hit that helped keep me from drinking alcohol that night.
All this combined with resisting wine all week leaves me with, I'm imagining, very weakened willpower muscles this morning. At least it's an S Day!!!

I have made an appointment with a substance abuse counselor. Well, actually, my little county doesn't have much available that way (if I want insurance to cover some of it, that is), and so when I looked him up he mostly talks about family therapy and individual therapy and he sounds a little hippy. But truly, what I will really need help with is managing my marriage and my parenting in the months to come as I change my relationship with alcohol. So he could be a good support to me as I figure out how to navigate my closest relationships moving forward. My biggest regret about my habitual drinking is the example it has set for my children - that they see alcohol as the normal way to handle stress or fatigue or anger or any damn emotion. The stats for them are not good. I bear that guilt and have to find a way to forgive myself and hopefully repair some of that damage. With so much substance abuse in my family, I think there is a good chance they have inherited a predisposition to my behavior. And dang it, my husband's behavior. There. I've said it. He really needs to do something too, and he is giving a half-hearted effort right now, but I can tell he is not to the "done with it" stage that somehow I've come to recently. Anyway, I can only change myself, and that will be hard enough to do. I need to get the log out of my own eye instead of fixating on what he needs to do. But believe me, dealing with that tricky part of this equation will be something I'm really wanting guidance from this counselor for.

I work from home on Fridays and yesterday I got very very little done work-wise. I guess I took a self-care day. I took a bath and read in the tub for an hour. Then I took a 2 hour nap. I mowed the lawn to get my body moving a little bit, and finally later in the day I did some grocery shopping. So. I'm trying to be gentle with myself. I probably need this self-care time, but I do feel concerned I've set myself up for more stress down the road by not getting enough done yesterday. :roll:

I feel like I now understand that this grogginesss is specifically a result of my alcohol withdrawal. Putting it in that spotlight reminds me that alcohol is the reason I feel groggy. If I hadn't gotten to that habitual point with my drinking, I would not be suffering like this right now.

The biohacker in me is trying out "Brain Octane Oil" as a morning supplement in my coffee in an effort to deal with the morning grogginess. It is 100% C8 caprylic acid triglycerides. That means there are 8 carbons in each fatty acid (shorter than most triglycerides). This is a medium chain saturated fatty acid that directly can be used by the liver and the brain for energy (as opposed to longer chain fatty acids that need more processing). I think it could be useful for my healing liver and brain in these next few weeks. I added it to my coffee, along with my normal milk, and it tastes fine. However, it's a little oily and I had to wipe my mouth when I finished drinking the cup. And I only used 1 teaspoon (the directions say to work up to 1 TBSP so as to avoid diarrhea).
Anyway, it's worth a try and these sorts of experiments enliven me; that alone is useful during this hard time.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk & brain octane oil, bacon, eggs & hashbrowns
L: leftover fried chicken and a glass of milk
D: (will be) possibly fish, broccoli, and maybe tortilla chips w/guac

Moving
I'm really not feeling the energy for too much of anything. I think my body is healing and I need to listen to it. A gentle walk would be a good idea, or even just the ordinary movement of housework.

Health Issues that most likely have been influenced/worsened by alcohol:
*weight gain in my 30's
*insulin resistance leading to prediabetes
*kidney stone development
*gut dysbiosis leading to C.dif
*mild kidney disease
*aging of my skin - wrinklier, drier skin than I would expect at my age
*rosacea - some red patches on my skin and the tip of my nose
*heartburn
*prematurely gray hair
*headaches
*prehypertension

Yikes. That's a long list. I need to refer to this list in the future when I am tempted to let alcohol lure me back.

Another list I want to keep, while I'm thinking about this. I do NOT want to go through withdrawal again. The first week without alcohol, I had a freaking massive horrible wanna die headache EVERY day. I only just remembered this, because the second week I didn't have a single headache. Yay! But with the pain of the headaches gone, the grogginess is what I've dealt with. Please I hope this doesn't last too long. I will say that I felt MUCH perkier this morning than I have. Maybe it was the brain octane stuff, but it also could have been that yesterday I was gentle with myself, and took a long nap, and then just took another nap today too!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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Octavia
Posts: 686
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Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Sat May 04, 2019 8:04 pm

Sounds like you’re following your instincts well, Auto. Hope you get chance for plenty of self-care. This is a challenge indeed, but you can do it. Keep us posted and stay as strong as you can. Wishing you all the best! 💐👍

User avatar
Octavia
Posts: 686
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 8:01 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Sat May 04, 2019 8:15 pm

PS. I too feel a bit outraged that your online coach rebuffed you. I get that they can’t give expert advice on everything, but they can surely listen and be there for you. What a painful experience. I hope the new guy is better!

ladybird30
Posts: 540
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 10:41 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by ladybird30 » Sun May 05, 2019 5:23 am

automatedeating wrote:
Sat May 04, 2019 1:34 pm
Saturday, May 4

I do NOT want to go through withdrawal again. The first week without alcohol, I had a freaking massive horrible wanna die headache EVERY day. I only just remembered this, because the second week I didn't have a single headache. Yay! But with the pain of the headaches gone, the grogginess is what I've dealt with.
Well done for sticking with it & getting this far.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun May 05, 2019 2:04 pm

Thank you ladybird and Octavia! I'm feeling really good, empowered. I know hard times will come, but I'll try to enjoy the "sober high" and just make sure I have a big toolbox of supports in place for when the stress hits and the cravings return.

Octavia, my goal with this counselor is to be totally honest. Well, I guess I am always like that with counselors. Here's the problem - I think I tend to impress the counselors with my already strong ability at self-reflection, self-awareness, etc. They don't have a lot of patients like that, is my guess (after experiencing this multiple times in my life). I think I become kind of a "favorite" and they think I'm doing fine. I'm not! Just because I can express my dysfunctions doesn't mean I am dealing with them properly. Oooh, this was a good thing to write down. I'm going to tell my counselor this so he doesn't become entangled by my expressive skills. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: omg, this is making me laugh. I usually don't think of myself as manipulative, but I just realized I can have a counselor wrapped around my finger too easily! And then they are useless to me. Do I sound like a sociopath? Maybe that would be useful to share as well. :mrgreen: :twisted: :lol:
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun May 05, 2019 4:49 pm

Sunday, May 5th!

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, brain octane oil supplement, bacon & eggs, glass of milk
L: leftover fried chicken + diet sprite
D: will be dessert/snack - movie popcorn and a candy at the movies. Taking the kids and some friends to see Avengers at 5pm.
Nice to not feel resentful that I will be out too late to enjoy a glass of wine when I get home. Very freeing to not have to drink wine.

Moving
short walk/jog with HappyHerder. I think I need to really try to get outside every day this week, even if it's just for a few minutes.

Spending
I have a list of items that are all luxury that I would like to buy. I was thinking that perhaps I can set them as rewards along the way for my alcohol abstinence days.
Here are the items (in order from highest to lowest, not necessarily the priority, which I can't decide yet):
1. Samsung Galaxy S9 or something fancy like that - $550
2. Oura Ring (sleep and health tracker) - $300
3. Viome gut microbiome testing - $300
4. Kindle Paperwhite (waterproof & can read in the sun!) - on sale right now for $90

Update - I think what I will do is keep track of "alcohol savings". I will estimate $5/day, which means $35/week or 20 days until I can get the Kindle Paperwhite. I've already got 15 days! Which means I can get the Kindle Paperwhite for my Mother's Day Gift. :D I imagined myself reading in the sun this summer, diet sprite in hand. :-)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
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Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Mon May 06, 2019 1:03 pm

Monday, May 6

121.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk & brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: beef salad bowl w/avocado & onion; 1 glass of milk
1 can diet sprite AND 1 cup kombucha after dinner

Moving
Walk/jog w/HappyHerder - going to work on going every day, even if it's only 10 minutes

PersonalLearning
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray
Ever sworn off alcohol for a month and found yourself drinking by the 7th? Think there's 'no point' in just one drink? Welcome! There are millions of us.

Catherine Gray was stuck in a hellish whirligig of Drink, Make horrible decisions, Hangover, Repeat. She had her fair share of 'drunk tank' jail cells and topless-in-a-hot-tub misadventures.

But this book goes beyond the binges and blackouts to deep-dive into uncharted territory: What happens after you quit drinking? This gripping, heart-breaking and witty book takes us down the rabbit-hole of an alternative reality. A life with zero hangovers, through sober weddings, sex, Christmases and breakups.

In The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Catherine Gray shines a light on society's drink-pushing and talks to top neuroscientists and psychologists about why we drink, delving into the science behind what it does to our brains and bodies.

Much more than a tale from the netherworld of addicted drinking, this book is about the escape, and why a sober life can be more intoxicating than you ever imagined. Whether you're a hopelessly devoted drinker, merely sober-curious, or you've already ditched the drink, you will love this book.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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lpearlmom
Posts: 4155
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 4:59 am
Location: Arizona

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by lpearlmom » Tue May 07, 2019 5:09 am

Wow, that book sounds pretty amazing. Let me know what you think of it, I may give it a go.

The counselor thing is tricky. Im always very honest in the beginning but then as time goes on i feel myself wanting to please them by making them think Im getting better which sometimes involves not being as honest as I originally was. Okay, that was a long sentence but hopefully that makes sense.
💜💜💜 Please no body or food shaming. Eyes on your own plate. 💜💜💜

3/14-210 lbs;
3/19-163 lbs
7/6-176 lbs









Instagram "lpearlmom"

oolala53
Posts: 9608
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by oolala53 » Tue May 07, 2019 6:12 am

I ha en't caught up completely, but I got some good help re:food at various times from a book called Over the Influence. One tenet of harm reduction therapy is that the client comes to the conclusions about limits from education and experience. After years of aiming at moderation with certain foods, I'm now experimenting with pretty much abstinence from them for a few months. Am I kidding myself? I dunno. It just feels appropriate to experiment.

Contrastingly, most problem drinkers (not full-fledged alcoholics, which are a small subset) do eventually find a moderation program that works for them. The moderation might be relatively extreme, as in just a few drinks a year, but it varies. No way to know but to try and given that it doesn't sound like your habit has been life-threatening for you or anybody else, there's room for trying. But it could also mean a period of abstinence.

I feel for ya! It's crappy to feel in the grip of a substance, habit, or person. Warmest wishes!
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue May 07, 2019 1:43 pm

Im always very honest in the beginning but then as time goes on i feel myself wanting to please them by making them think Im getting better which sometimes involves not being as honest as I originally was.
Linda - this is EXACTLY what happens to me!!!! I guess a good counselor has a shelf-life based on this phenomenon!
One tenet of harm reduction therapy is that the client comes to the conclusions about limits from education and experience. After years of aiming at moderation with certain foods, I'm now experimenting with pretty much abstinence from them for a few months.
Oolala - Your description of the foods that you have tried to moderate and now are having extended abstinence from sums up my alcohol struggles pretty much perfectly. I continue to be amazed at the parallels we humans face in regard to whatever substances get a grip in our limbic systems. The human condition, I guess.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
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Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue May 07, 2019 1:51 pm

Tuesday, May 7

121.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: double cheeseburger w/ avocado, onion, tomato, bacon + 1 glass of milk

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder.
I have a goal to do this EVERY day for 30 days, even if I can only get out there for 10 minutes
I'm on "Coach.me" for 2 goals: No alcohol and Run. My username is Auto E. :-)

Drinking -
Saving at a rate of $5/day - on Thursday I will have enough for the Paperwhite Kindle for my Mother's Day gift.
Then I'll start over again and save for a couple of months until I get enough for one of the following:
*Oura Ring - on sale $60 off for Mother's day!!!
*Viome - on sale $250 off for Mother's day!!! This is crazy maybe I'll have to get them all.
(I do actually have the $$ because I am teaching extra classes this quarter - but in a way it's pretend $$ because it's accumulating each day I don't drink)

PersonalLearning
https://www.outsideonline.com/2380751/s ... er-science
I love it when mainstream opinion finally starts to catch up with the science. In this case, sunlight is good for us in myriad ways, and sunscreen is not good for us.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

jenji
Posts: 599
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:00 pm
Location: Cambridge

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by jenji » Tue May 07, 2019 9:39 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 2:00 pm
Thursday, May 2

122.2

Kind of embarrassing thing happened. I shared some private things with my online coach and her reply made it pretty clear (in a very kind way) that she is a coach, not a counselor. Which of course I should have understood, but I felt filled with shame when I read her reply. My eyes are kind of filling up just typing this. Made me realize also how much shame and guilt I have built up around my drinking. I am so done with this! Bandwidth, emotional collateral, $, on and on. If this were a specific "S", I'd be ready to murder it.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
D: Date night. Ugh. What's date night without wine? Talk about going into the lion's den of temptations. :cry: :cry: But I know it's important to go on date night. Maybe tonight we can get take-out and watch a movie at home - set the kids up with their stuff. And, maybe splurge on food I would typically save for S Days. Yes, that's a good idea! We could get Indian Food - ah!!!! I'll run this idea by Sexy.
Update - The lamb coconut curry I had was amazing. I enjoyed every bite. In fact, I definitely could have had seconds "just for taste", as my 13-year old said. I asked him if he was full, and he said "Yes - I would only want to eat more because it tastes good". And I thought - "out of the mouths of babes". Unlike Challenger, though, I did have thoughts to get more on a couple of occasions throughout the evening. I ultimately drank TWO diet sprites, 1 glass of milk, and 1 cup of kombucha. But made it green to bed.

Moving
Got in two walks again yesterday, but today not. I have spent some time doing journal type stuff. I also have to get some more grading done. Teaching 5 classes this quarter and having active kids really means I am not home very often! Second walk yesterday was while waiting for kids' activity bus to return from track meet. Challenger, by the way, is fast! He's smooth like running water. :-)

PersonalLearning
Still reading "This Naked Mind". I generally like it, but some of her science is off (yes, that sort of thing bugs me) and she is sure in the camp of alcohol is a pure poison, bla bla bla. She's also a little woo-woo. Nonetheless, I'm probably coming around to be a tee-totaller, but this mental process is painful. Are all of these addiction books going to be so mushy? Any recommendations out there for me? :-)
And no offense to my online coach, but I kind of don't need what she's offering. It's like daily suggestions, etc. I guess what I actually want is a real counselor. Maybe. I also don't want to go see the counselor and have them give me a guilt trip for not obviously thinking I should abstain forever.
I, too, sometimes have the reaction to shame that I should avoid it at all cost, but in reality, when I can sit with shame and welcome it to just be with me, I can hear its message and move on. We tend to tell each other "you have nothing to be ashamed of!", which is often rationally true, but the shame is there for a reason, maybe a little bell to tell you something, and it may not be the obvious thing. E.g., it might not be "stop drinking". It might be "I have absorbed messages about addiction that carry a lot of emotional power", or "I have ideas about how a woman should act". If you listen to yourself, you may hear what it means for you.

I believe that shame is something that we should sit with more, and allow it to speak to us, in quiet reflection, without fear of what it might say. This sounds pretty airy-fairy, so take it with a grain of salt.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 173#, BMI 26.7 - 09/05/2019

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed May 08, 2019 2:09 pm

Thank you, Jen! I am feeling pretty airy-fairy these days (throw in a little woo-woo, too), so this is perfect. The counselor I'm going to see if super woo-woo, judging by his website. Maybe if I think he's a little cray-cray himself I won't give in as soon to the desire to impress him (like Linda says happens to her too!)

Wednesday, May 8

121.6

Eating
B: coffee w/milk & brain octane oil
L: (will be) yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: (will be) taco meat salad - I'll use the last of the taco meat + cheese + avocado (can you tell we have ripe avocados this week? :-)

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder. I'm on Day 4 of a 30 day - never miss a day - goal. Come to think of it - I really just want to never miss a day again. :mrgreen:

PersonalLearning
https://www.dietdoctor.com/video/podcast#19
Dr. Robert Cywes is an expert at weight loss surgeries. But if it were up to him, he might not do any of them. His first step is always to help his patients break their addiction to carbohydrates. He still uses surgery in the right situation, but he is the first to admit that surgery without addressing the underlying carbohydrate problem is destined to fail.
His focus on emotional attachment, finding an alternative to meet our emotional needs, and whole lifestyle intervention is a refreshing break from the “just have this surgery and everything gets better” approach. If you or a loved one is thinking about bariatric surgery or struggling with weight loss, this episode is for you.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu May 09, 2019 1:58 pm

Thursday, May 9

121.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk & brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: will tonight be date night? I feel better about going out and avoiding wine than I did a week ago. So that's progress. Still probably best to get take-out and avoid temptation. Update - had a french dip sandwich with avocado slices added (sort of strange, I admit) + 1 large glass of milk. Apparently I am replacing a wine habit with a milk habit. :?:
Bummer - no date night. I forgot that tonight is Creator's Concert. :|
Go ahead and laugh it up (or cry, if you think this is super pathetic) - but I've realized a STRONG trigger for me to drink is kid school events. :| I realized I always have at least one big glass of wine before going (whatever I can slug down). Sexy always drives us to these things. Then I look forward to massively drinking once I get it over with. It's the combination of being bored out of my mind combined with having to talk and interact with other parents. Update - survived the concert. I didn't enjoy it, but thinking back to the last one (when I drank to "prepare" and then drank when I got home) I was actually in a better mood. I think the alcohol actually puts me in a cranky attitude toward the whole thing and lets me sort of wallow in my frustrations.
BUT. And this is a big BUT.
I want some sort of endorphin right now. Ice cream, junk, anything. I think I'll be fine until tomorrow, but I am feeling a little sorry for myself right now.

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder. 5th day in a row. I'm on a "never miss a day again" kick. :lol: Because even on my laziest days I can go out with the dog for at least a few minutes.

Yesterday was a willpower day. I made it through fine but I want to document it here because I'm sure it drained some of my willpower.
First, my car wouldn't start (this is a once a year sort of thing at this point with this car). I had been hoping to head home from work and relax on my back patio. Nope. Spent the evening with AAA. They actually did get it started! Made me a new key and lubed up the ignition with WD40, basically. But then I went to the car dealership and I'm not kidding you - if they'd have sold me the Corolla I wanted for 10K, I'd have done the deal right that moment. I only have $7K saved, but I was ready to just finance the rest. But they wouldn't come down from 13K, so wait I will (which is for the best anyway). But it was fun to just look around and get a feel for the car-buying scene again. Summer was my original plan, by which I hope to have the rest of the money saved.

Oh, and then on the way home from the dealership I bought Creator the previously-agreed upon bribe of a milkshake. So I had to go through DQ line and resist. But then Sexy called and wanted me to pick up fast food from another place on the way home so then I had to smell fries in the car the rest of the way home.

But I made it. No wine. No ice cream. No fries.

Sleeping increasingly better, I think. Quality-wise. In fact, I'm not in bed as many hours but feel better when I get up.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

oolala53
Posts: 9608
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by oolala53 » Fri May 10, 2019 3:47 am

Good lord, your life can be a minefield of food! Great job on building the resistance muscle. Stick to your moderate guns! Look at me, mixing metaphors like a sports writer....
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

ladybird30
Posts: 540
Joined: Sun May 07, 2017 10:41 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by ladybird30 » Fri May 10, 2019 4:57 am

automatedeating wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 1:58 pm
Thursday, May 9

It's the combination of being bored out of my mind combined with having to talk and interact with other parents.
That sounds very familiar to me (just replace parents with any group of people I don't know very well). The easiest way I cope is to find an extrovert who likes talking about themselves and let them do all the heavy conversational lifting.
Three meals a day - not too little not too much, but just right

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 10, 2019 2:13 pm

The easiest way I cope is to find an extrovert who likes talking about themselves and let them do all the heavy conversational lifting.
Bwahahaha! That is funny ladybird! The ironic thing here is that I am generally a talker; I just find mom talk to be so boring. So listening to someone else do mom talk and nodding my head politely appears to decrease my cup of patience/energy/whatever to nil.

Friday, May 10th

121.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, brain octane oil
L: work lunch with colleagues - I got Japanese curry and miso soup
D: nachos with the last of the taco meat.
weird eating day. Feels like I ate a lot but I am actually still hungry. Think I'll go pour a big glass of milk.

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder. I felt quite sluggish this morning. Not tired like sleep-deprived or alcohol-withdrawal, sluggish like my body isn't used to running every morning for 6 days in a row. :-) I just went slow, more walking than jogging, and it was pretty short this morning as well.

I think I have mild agoraphobia. I am so hesitant to ever agree to go anywhere. This never used to be the case. I worry about my animals while I'm gone. But I'm feeling slightly more willing to be adventurous now that I've been alcohol-free for a few weeks.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sat May 11, 2019 4:13 pm

Saturday, May 11

121.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk & brain octane oil, eggs & a "rasher" of bacon. :-)
L: skipped due to extreme car shopping. :shock: Well, had a banana before the party.
D: Creator's party is at an indoor playground - gross pizza there. Maybe I'll wait. Update - I ate 2 pieces of pizza, but it was better than expected. Then I had 1/2 of a super gross cupcake and tossed the rest. Came home and had a bowl of ice cream
plenty of alcohol triggers for me today - decision making about cars; going to a kid event; and the sunny weather (who would have thought that would be a trigger but I have now learned it is). I think I have a lot of reframing/retraining of my ingrained habits. The harder piece is grieving and saying goodbye to the warm glow/high that the first glass of wine provides.

Moving
Walk/jog w/HappyHerder

Spending
will I buy a new car today? going to test drive with Challenger. :mrgreen:
I test drove 5 cars today:

Toyota Corolla
Hyundai Elantra
Mazda 3
Honda Civic
Kia Forte

I liked the Honda the best, but it was out of our price range. The Mazda and Hyundai had visibility issues for me (too-small back windows for a shortie like me). So it came down to the Corolla vs. the Forte. I ended up liking the Forte better based on personal preference, cost, and reviews, etc. So I think we'll go back tomorrow to buy it! Pretty exciting for us.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun May 12, 2019 4:55 pm

Sunday, May 12th

Happy Mother's Day and Creator's Birthday! :-)

I got a Kindle Paperwhite for mother's day + Creator made me an amazing book. So sweet. I cried because my heart was full.
I have visions of reading in bright sunlight this summer with a diet sprite in hand.

120.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk and brain octane oil, bacon & eggs
L: (will be) cheese pizza, apparently, since that was Creator's birthday request
D:
dessert 1: strawberry licorice
dessert 2: ice cream cake for celebration #2 for Creator's Birthday.
Some kombucha to really live it up.

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder this morning.

PersonalLearning
I have discovered a new podcast!!!
It is called "ologies" and I've listened to three - Teuthology (study of cephalopods); Addictionology; and now Hematology. She is funny!

I'm doing well on the No Alcohol front. I'd like to share some thoughts about where I am with this after 3 weeks of abstinence.
1. I believe that dependence on alcohol is definitely on a spectrum. I believe that by making the difference dichotomous (alcoholic vs. normal drinker) many people like myself may delay working on our dependence issues. I personally think we should get rid of the term alcoholic altogether and use the phrase "alcohol dependence" with prefixes like mild, moderate, severe.
2. I have discovered some interesting triggers - and discovered that they are many! For example, virtually any social interaction with a group. I hate it. I hate it! And I like to "self-medicate" to get through it. This tells me - "girl, don't go to parties. You don't like them." That doesn't mean I don't want to hang out with people; on the contrary, I do great hanging with one or two other people. And as a non-drinker now, I want to have one of my replacement activities be to focus on deepening the friendships that I do actually care about. A few other discovered triggers are - busy day, big accomplishment, sunny weather (?), having to politely listen to someone that is boring me.
3. I have talked with Sexy about staying Alcohol free indefinitely and I told both of my sisters I am working on this.
4. Continuing to work with online accountability coach and on May 27th I'll visit the substance abuse counselor for the first time.
5. And lastly, I continue to ponder the parallels of "over"eating with "over"drinking. In my case, after 5 years of multiple failed moderation attempts, I finally am trying abstinence. If this were a food thing, I guess that would mean completely eliminating a particular food that I have tried to moderate for 5 years without success. Think about how difficult it is to pass up alcohol in a social setting without seeming weird. Well, think how people try to force others to eat desserts or other food items. The guilt, the pressure, it's all inappropriate. And I have always disagreed that we should "give in" to our friends and family when they press sweets on us. I find it a little offensive, to be honest. When I consider it in light of how it would be if you substituted alcohol in that situation, well damn, I find it even more offensive. Leave us alone and eat your own chocolate cake, Grandma. :lol:
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Mon May 13, 2019 2:27 pm

Monday, May 13

120.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk and brain octane oil
L: (will be) yogurt w/berries
D: (will be) maybe hamburgers?

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder

PersonalLearning
Sexology: I can't seem to link from my computer but it's from a podcast called "ologies" and it is my new favorite.
I've already listened to one that's all about squid (teuthology), all about addiction (addictionology), all about blood (hematology). They are great - the host is so funny. Much lighter than my Peter Attia podcast. :-)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

User avatar
Octavia
Posts: 686
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 8:01 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Tue May 14, 2019 7:45 am

automatedeating wrote:
Fri May 10, 2019 2:13 pm
The easiest way I cope is to find an extrovert who likes talking about themselves and let them do all the heavy conversational lifting.
Bwahahaha! That is funny ladybird! The ironic thing here is that I am generally a talker; I just find mom talk to be so boring. So listening to someone else do mom talk and nodding my head politely appears to decrease my cup of patience/energy/whatever to nil.
Oh Lord, I am exactly the same. So relieved I am past this stage. Mom talk is exhausting and although I too am quite a talker, I’d feel my life force draining away during these chats. I will remember Ladybird’s term ‘heavy conversational lifting’. It’s what I do when we see FIL. DH just goes on his phone while I express interest in films/plays I haven’t seen and people I don’t know. I find cheerful responses and comments. I have precisely one hour of ‘battery power’ on these occasions, after which I go to the toilet and cradle my head in my hands.

So I’m not laughing about your challenges regarding school events, Auto. :) During these times we are unplugged from any source of interest or stimulation - no hope of meeting our needs - our brains become desperate for a fix, and after these things I would always be desperate for a pizza and wine. They simply use masses of willpower.

Hope your day goes well, without too many willpower drains!

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue May 14, 2019 3:03 pm

It’s what I do when we see FIL. DH just goes on his phone while I express interest in films/plays I haven’t seen and people I don’t know. I find cheerful responses and comments. I have precisely one hour of ‘battery power’ on these occasions, after which I go to the toilet and cradle my head in my hands.
Bwahaha! This is me with my MIL!!!!! They are actually visiting this weekend and I'm already dreading having to discuss the importance of all-weather floor mats, cabinets that close without slamming, and how to teach kids to sort their own laundry.

Tuesday, May 14th

119.8 (!)

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries
D: tortilla chips w/leftover steak + guac; 2 eggs and a piece of bacon.
1 glass of milk
1 diet sprite
OK folks here I am at the end of the quarter (which for me, starts halfway through the quarter! LOL) Last quarter this is when everything started to fall apart and I started drinking wine almost daily again. It's also where my eating patterns lose their planning. I just had to cancel my classes for the second day in a row because Creator is sick with a cold. I'm going in for just one lab this afternoon, and a coworker is helping to cover this morning. I owe her big time.
It gets tricky to have to miss school as a teacher!

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder

Spending
Bought a new car - Kia Forte. :-) My first brand new car. Quite the experience.

PersonalLearning
2-part Ology on sleep - my new favorite podcast:
https://www.alieward.com/ologies/somnology

Finished "Alcohol Lied to Me":
Craig Beck is a well-regarded family man with two children, a beautiful home, and a successful media career. A director of several companies & at one time the trustee of a large children’s charity. Craig was a successful & functioning professional man in spite of a ‘2 bottles of wine a night’ drinking habit. For 20 years he struggled with problem drinking, all the time refusing to label himself an alcoholic because he didn't believe he met the stereotypical image that the word portrayed.He tried countless ways to cut down; attempting ‘dry months,’ banning himself from drinking spirits, only drinking at the weekend & special occasions (and found that it is amazing how even the smallest of an event can suddenly become ‘special’). All these 'willpower' based attempts to stop drinking failed (exactly as they were destined to do). Slowly he discovered the truth about alcohol addiction & one by one all the lies he had previously believed started to fall apart. For the first time, he noticed that he genuinely didn’t want to drink anymore. In this book, he will lead you through the same fantastic process.The Craig Beck quit drinking method is unique: No need to declare yourself an alcoholic. A permanent cure, not a lifetime struggle. No group meetings or expensive rehab.No humiliation, no pain and 100% no ‘willpower’ required. Treats the source of the problem, not just the symptoms.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed May 15, 2019 2:31 pm

Wednesday, May 15th

119.2

OK folks have I lost weight because of no alcohol? Everything else is the same food-wise - actually, I've been having much more milk than ever before. I consider it a nice treat instead of wine. And my milk is 6% milkfat so the calories are 210 in just one cup. :lol: AND I'm adding brain octane oil to my coffee in the morning - that's another 260 calories (no, I don't count calories but I'm trying to make the point that I'm probably consuming the same or more calories than I was when I had 2-3 glasses of wine in the evening)
If so, remind me of this if I'm tempted to go back on the sauce. :mrgreen:

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries + 1 pickle
D: bacon & eggs & toast & 1 glass of milk
1 cup kombucha

Moving
walk/jog - only 10 min - w/HappyHerder - had to drop Creator off at school at 6:40 for a 3-day field trip!!! He's been sick since last Thursday so hopefully he does OK on the trip. But I wanted to be able to check off "RUN" on my coach.me dashboard. :lol:

PersonalLearning
https://www.alieward.com/ologies/epidemiology
How much should you wash your hands? What's the best way to flirt with a stranger on a bus? Why are people scared of vaccines? What conspiracy theory enthralls Alie? Two epidemiologists-named-Erin and hosts of the stellar This Podcast Will Kill You chat about historical horror stories, plagues, flus, tick bombs, milkmaids, witch trials and more as they share their passion for disease ecology.

Note - sent in my Viome sample! Results w/in 3-6 weeks. :-)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

nettee
Posts: 433
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:01 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by nettee » Wed May 15, 2019 9:04 pm

Well done - sounds like the change has made a difference
3 tasty meals a day and loving it

oolala53
Posts: 9608
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2008 1:46 am
Location: San Diego, CA USA

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by oolala53 » Thu May 16, 2019 12:54 am

I saw a post on my thread awhile ago in which you said you had bought a scale that measures bodyfat. Is it a bad time to ask for your assessment on it? It was pretty inexpensive. Not that I'm in the market, but am curious.
Count plates, not calories. Three a day. 9 years & counting
Age 65
SBMI Jan/10-30.8
Jan/12-26.8
Mar/13-24.9 Stayed at +/- 8-lb. for three years Sept/17 22.8 (but more fluctuation)
Mar/18 22.2

There is no S better than Vanilla No S.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu May 16, 2019 2:28 pm

Hi Oolala! I don't even remember the brand right now -- it was only about $30 if I remember correctly. It's a great little scale, although honestly I don't know how super accurate the body fat, bone mass, muscle mass, water %, etc. actually are. I did compare it with the expensive one at school and also with calipers and it did match, so that's a good sign. But it's no water tank or DEXA scan. Mostly what I like is how it keeps my weight on an app and makes a graph for me over time.

Thursday, May 16

120.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: beef bowl salad w/ guac, onion, tomato, cheese
1 cup kombucha
1 cup milk, maybe warmed. 8)

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder

Creator is on his field trip and we got a call last night and again this morning because he still wasn't feeling good. :cry: This is rough. He is a state away and I feel pretty worried about him. My parents live closer, actually, so in a pinch I'll have them go get him.

PersonalLearning
Sober Ever After: A Memoir
Jackie Elliott loves her wine. It makes her feel confident and helps to relieve her anxiety. Drinking wine is normal! Drinking wine is fun!
Until it isn’t.
Jackie refuses to believe she has problem, after all she doesn’t live under a bridge, she is still quite thin (and therefore healthy), and is quite able to function!
As Jackie’s “Drunken Magical Thinking” propels her into a toxic relationship, and her life begins to disintegrate, Jackie has this nagging thought that maybe she should cut down on the booze..
When Jackie starts to have blackouts – complete gaps in her memory after only a few glasses of wine, she suspects that the party might be coming to an end.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

jenji
Posts: 599
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:00 pm
Location: Cambridge

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by jenji » Thu May 16, 2019 7:07 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Fri May 03, 2019 1:42 pm
Ladybird, I bet you are absolutely right. I was just thinking last night that maybe I'd call my insurance today and learn about if any counseling is covered. I've always just paid out-of-pocket in the past, but I don't want to this time. Feeling weird about counseling this time, rather than excited or looking forward to it. :|

My coach actually did give me a cool exercise to work on this weekend - she asked me to draw a flower on a page. The 5 roots should be labeled with my "self-care" activities (this forum is totally one of those, btw), 5 petals with my personal strengths, and then, nearby, 5 weeds labeled with my main life stressors. Ah, how can I weed my garden today? 8)

Moving
Not much. This quarter, teaching 5 classes, I literally feel like I can't push any harder. I sometimes have to use my morning time for reflection (hello forum friends), followed by an hour of grading. By about 4pm, when I finish, my body just isn't cooperating or being productive for grading, curriculum design, or student feedback. The pattern seems to be that I can get 2-3 morning walks/week right now, and that'll have to be OK this quarter. Today I'll try to get a walk in at some point, but this early morning time is my most productive work time. Even spending time journaling or working on alcohol reflections seems like a luxury - but truthfully, this is probably the most significant self-care I do. Not to say the only self-care thing.

PersonalLearning
I appear to have an obsession right now with understanding why, after quitting alcohol, I feel so groggy in the mornings. Quite the opposite of what you'd expect, but I have experienced this before. I wake up early and unable to sleep after drinking the night before (I understand this part physiologically), but I haven't found a entirely satisfying explanation for the groggy mornings without alcohol (I am a morning lark, so it's not normal for me to be groggy in the morning). Will this ever go away? I hope I haven't permanently damaged my neurotransmitters. :|
Update - I found this single sentence that I want to explore more: I learned that heavy drinking boosts levels of acetate ( a chemical found in vinegar) in the brain, that translates into extra energy for the body. from: https://www.recoveryconnection.com/the- ... -drinking/
What's interesting about this is that a) acetate is actually a form of a ketone; and b) this could explain why I've read clinical trials in which the ketogenic diet was a big help for those in alcohol withdrawal.

Update - mystery comfortably solved. I was a habitual drinker. This meant that I would often have 3 glasses of wine (for someone my size, this is probably a helluvalot). The acetate metabolites from the wine would fuel my brain in the early morning hours, so when I first got up, I actually was somewhat energized. Removing the alcohol meant less morning fuel for my brain, and apparently a level of inability to use glucose for energy. So. Now I wake up groggy. No acetate. Inhibited ability to metabolize glucose in my brain. There is going to be a period of adjustment. I think it could take several months, but perhaps I shouldn't have a firm time period like that, in case it takes much longer.
This is so interesting to me about the grogginess. It explains one of the reasons that it is so hard to cut back, because one doesn't see the benefits that we'd expect right away.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 173#, BMI 26.7 - 09/05/2019

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 17, 2019 2:13 pm

Hi Jen - quitting for me seems to be different every week.
Week 1 - headache every day.
Week 2 - overwhelming fatigue, especially in the mornings
(note - I will say that my sleep improved almost immediately, but it was like I was starving for sleep and just couldn't get enough)
Week 3 - energy returned and I felt really good
Week 4 - has seen a return of headaches (maybe from my pull-ups, though, not sure why) and kind of a sadness, a grieving for the loss of alcohol. I feel subdued and tired again.

Friday, May 17

120.8

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries
1 cup milk
D: salmon & broccoli
1 cup kombucha

Moving
Walk/jog w/HappyHerder. Felt sluggish and tired and have a headache. But I went.

PersonalLearning
Oologies - Sharks:
https://www.alieward.com/ologies/selach ... ?rq=sharks
SHAAAARKS. Leading shark researcher Dr. Chris Lowe dishes about bad shark PR, behind-the-scenes Jaws trivia, his thoughts on Sharknado, surfing safety, immune system marvels, cannibal twins, shark personalities, sea sex, and knife teeth. Alie learns that sharks are not the ocean's sociopaths but true evolutionary marvels who suffer from sensationalized reputations and sometimes inside-out butts. Listen up as a science primer during this, the holy Week of the Shark.


Also continuing Sober Ever After

And in the car today, I'm driving somewhere an hour away - I've picked out my favorite topic to listen to (I've been saving up for this one to enjoy it in glory:)

https://www.alieward.com/ologies/microbiology-gut-biome
LOVE YOUR GUTS. 90% of your serotonin is made in your guts and you have hundreds of trillions of friends clinging to you at all times. Microbiologist Dr. Elaine Hsiao is a total badass who runs her own lab investigating the role of the gut biome in animal behaviors. She sat down to chat about anxiety, depression, elusive fecal transplants, autism, epilepsy, kombucha promises, autoimmune disorders, probiotics and more. Alie fanned out pretty hard and asked all of the questions about how your beloved, simmering insides affect your brain. It's gut-busting, mind-blowing info.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Fri May 17, 2019 2:51 pm

I've been interested in the impact of the microbiome on mental and physical health since I read a good book on the subject last year.

So much about our bodies we still don't know
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

User avatar
Octavia
Posts: 686
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 8:01 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Fri May 17, 2019 3:05 pm

Fascinating! I've just started taking probiotics, after being a lifelong sceptic regarding supplements. I'm aware my gut has never been the same since I had gastroenteritis in my teens, and my anxiety troubles started straight afterwards, too. Really excited by the fact that gut bacteria (and its effect on our mental health) is getting more attention right now: it's certainly made me wonder if there's more I can do to help myself.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 17, 2019 10:24 pm

Soprano and Octavia - not sure if I mentioned yet that I sent a stool sample in to Viome
https://www.viome.com/

and I am SOOOOO excited to see my results! I'm going to analyze them with my students.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Sat May 18, 2019 5:02 am

I'd be interested in the results, was thinking of sending one myself but never got around to it


Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sat May 18, 2019 4:57 pm

Saturday, May 18

120.0

S Day

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil, cinnamon roll
L: tortillas w/guacamole, strawberry licorice, diet ginger ale
D: 1/2 a cheeseburger, some french fries, a side salad
dessert: vanilla ice cream

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder - mostly in the woods this morning which was very peaceful.

PersonalLearning
How I Quit Drinking (and how you can too) by Jackie Elliott
Feeling stuck in the drinking spiral? Tried to moderate, but fail every time? Tired of waking up with low level hangover every day, sick of your "booze boobs" and lack of energy?
Quitting drinking is HARD. And worse than that, you feel all alone, because the WHOLE WORLD loves booze!
But you know you have to do something. It's getting worse, and you are feeling out of control. You are frightened that you'll end up as an.......alcoholic (whispers)
Jackie was in the exact same place. And wrote this book for YOU, to guide you through your sober journey without going to any meetings if you don't want to!
This book is a road map. It doesn't hold the 'secret short cut' to sobriety, because there are none, but it does sign-post you through the "getting sober" and guide you towards "living sober" (two very different things).
This book is full of practical guidance for all the phases of the sober journey - what to do when your first pink cloud dissipates, how do you prepare for your first sober outing, why aren't your friends cheering you on? What's up with that?
And when do you actually get to BE sober? And is there life beyond this journey - in the scary new non-drinking world?
This book acknowledges that this journey is dual purpose - to ditch the booze and find oneself - and the power and success of recovery comes when you can use sobriety as a tool in your life, rather than a destination.
Everybody has a unique sober journey - but everyone's path goes in the same direction. This book will help you get there, hopefully without too many detours.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun May 19, 2019 4:26 pm

Sunday, May 19

121.2

Eating
B: bacon & eggs & hashbrowns, coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: Reese's Pieces
D: buffet food - salmon, steak, ham + steamed vegetables
dessert: soft serve ice cream + an interesting cookie/bar type item

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder

heading out for my anniversary trip! See you all Tuesday or Wednesday. :lol:
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue May 21, 2019 10:51 pm

Monday, May 20

Eating
B: bacon & egg sandwich, latte
L: skipped
D: cheeseburger + onion rings
dessert: chocolate mousse - ugh, it was too sweet and I felt kind of sick from it.

Moving
4 mile hike

Tuesday, May 21

Eating
B: bacon, eggs, hashbrowns; coffee w/milk
L: See's candy sample in the store
D: pot roast, broccoli, fruit salad
1 cup kombucha
1 see's candy

Moving
6 mile walk/jog bringing the dog home from the boarding kennel!

Struggling with a bit of anxiety tonight. I probably should not have tried to catch up on emails tonight after returning from our outing, but I have so much to do tomorrow that I wanted to crank out a ton of work tonight. I got most of my grading done and saved the email for last (which was a smart move efficiency-wise). The downside was just that I then have unresolved issues swirling in my head. I need to do some deep breathing.

I just adore my Kindle Paperwhite. It really helps me unplug in the evening (which is ironic, considering it is an electronic). But instead of reading on my phone, where I can get distracted, I remain more in the moment.
I have to stay grounded in the present to prevent anxiety from overwhelming me. I need to stay grounded in the present in order to ride out waves of cravings, whether the cravings are for wine or for .... just something. Like I'm casting about for something.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed May 22, 2019 2:40 pm

Wednesday, May 22

122.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries
mid-afternoon - latte
D: subway club salad
diet ginger ale

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder (only about 10 minutes)

PersonalLearning
https://peterattiamd.com/kevinsayer/
In this episode, Kevin Sayer, CEO of Dexcom, discusses the remarkable benefits of a continuous glucose monitor for the diabetes population. Peter shares his own invaluable insights he’s learned from wearing a CGM including the impact of sleep and stress on glucose as well as the unmatched power of a CGM to drive behavioral change. Kevin also reveals some of the exciting partnerships and future advancements of their products benefiting not only those with type 1 and 2 diabetes, but also for the growing community of people interested in optimizing health and wellness.


Mrs D is Going Without
Mrs. D is an alcoholic, albeit a very nice, respectable, articulate, and groomed alcoholic. This is an honest, upfront, relatable account of one suburban housewife's journey from miserable wine-soaked boozer to self-respecting sober lady. This book is an inspirational tale of self-transformation, addiction, and domesticity. This book lays out the entirely unexpected solo journey Mrs. D took in the first year of her sobriety, and reveals the incredible online support that came through on her confessional blog, a blog intended to be a private online diary but which turned into something else quite remarkable.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu May 23, 2019 3:12 am

Feeling very down. Is it my career? Do I need to quit teaching? I know that I am a good teacher, but I'm not the best. I don't know if I can take this internal disgust/fight/upset with myself any longer. Maybe I should quit. But there's a lot I enjoy about teaching. But so much that I just can't deal with anymore.

Whatever. I'm just having a bad night.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Thu May 23, 2019 4:41 am

Oh no, really sorry to hear that, hugs.

Don't make any rash decisions. It's normal to doubt ourselves from time to time and possibly even a good thing as it makes us strive to be better.

Though sometimes I think we can get tired of doing the same job and can yearn for something different but all jobs will bring their own challenges.

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

nonoodles
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:08 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by nonoodles » Thu May 23, 2019 10:41 am

First of all, I’m so impressed with how you are attacking your alcohol issue. Just dealing with that is probably taking so much out of you. So I agree that now is not the best time to make any big decisions. Sometimes life is especially challenging, and during those times I find it helpful to just put one foot in front of the other for a while and not think too much.
Teaching is demanding and although the summer break is amazing, It must be a tremendous shock every fall get back into the groove.

nonoodles
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:08 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by nonoodles » Thu May 23, 2019 12:11 pm

Except it’s summer!! Can you tell I’m retired 😹😹😹😹

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu May 23, 2019 1:37 pm

LOL not summer yet! I have about a month left. It will go fast. I just need to hang.

Today I get observed, and it is coming at the lowest of my self-confidence, which I know is not good for my performance.

Thank you Soprano and nonoodles for the support. I truly needed it right now and to hear your encouraging words lifts me a bit to get through this day.

I'm just feeling so emotional and weak. This is not typical for me. Nonoodles, it does make me wonder if not using alcohol as a crutch is bringing on this extra emotional challenge - can't gloss it over with alcohol.

I hope I don't break down and cry during my observation today. :roll:

Thursday, May 23

122.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries
D: Caesar salad + still looking for the rest of my dinner. :roll: OK, also had roast beef, tortilla chips w/guac, and cup of milk.
1 cup kombucha

Moving
Will do a walk/jog at work as a reward after finishing my observation. :-) Have to go without HappyHerder though because I am still preparing for it this morning.
Got out there for 25 minutes in the gorgeous sunny afternoon.

PersonalLearning
Still reading Mrs D Goes Without. This book has touched me emotionally; the earlier ones did not. This could be because the authors of the other books drank so excessively I couldn't relate, or it could be because I'm at a point in my quit-drinking that I'm just feeling vulnerable. For whatever reason..... it's good. Monday I go to the counselor for the first visit. My online coach has given me some valuable links - here is one that I was trying to use this morning (but ended up crying and will revisit later -
https://self-compassion.org/exercise-3- ... n-writing/
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Thu May 23, 2019 3:33 pm

Really hope your assessment went well.

You might be on to something re alcohol as a crutch, alternatively could you be peri menopausal?

You're not on your own :)

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

Whosonfirst
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:32 pm
Contact:

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Whosonfirst » Thu May 23, 2019 4:55 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Thu May 23, 2019 1:37 pm
LOL not summer yet! I have about a month left. It will go fast. I just need to hang.

Today I get observed, and it is coming at the lowest of my self-confidence, which I know is not good for my performance.

Thank you Soprano and nonoodles for the support. I truly needed it right now and to hear your encouraging words lifts me a bit to get through this day.

I'm just feeling so emotional and weak. This is not typical for me. Nonoodles, it does make me wonder if not using alcohol as a crutch is bringing on this extra emotional challenge - can't gloss it over with alcohol.

I hope I don't break down and cry during my observation today. :roll:

Thursday, May 23

122.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: (will be) yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: ugh no time to plan yet

Moving
Will do a walk/jog at work as a reward after finishing my observation. :-) Have to go without HappyHerder though because I am still preparing for it this morning.

PersonalLearning
Still reading Mrs D Goes Without. This book has touched me emotionally; the earlier ones did not. This could be because the authors of the other books drank so excessively I couldn't relate, or it could be because I'm at a point in my quit-drinking that I'm just feeling vulnerable. For whatever reason..... it's good. Monday I go to the counselor for the first visit. My online coach has given me some valuable links - here is one that I was trying to use this morning (but ended up crying and will revisit later -
https://self-compassion.org/exercise-3- ... n-writing/
auto, hoping your real life counselor helps you. You contribute too much to society to be taking all these emotional hits. Maybe taking a break from NoS or any special diet might be helpful for a while.

User avatar
Octavia
Posts: 686
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Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Thu May 23, 2019 10:48 pm

Hi Auto,
Sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling so low. You’ve been doing so well on your quest. Just wanted to send good wishes your way, and I hope this feeling passes and you bounce back soon. Hugs from me too.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu May 23, 2019 11:56 pm

Thanks Soprano, Whos and Octavia. You are so great and the empathy is a massive support to me.

I'm feeling a bit calmer. The main thing is that I KNEW this quarter would be tough (remember - going gradeless/no tests/wild style stuff) and I made myself very vulnerable. That's always scary. I got feedback from the class - all good with ONE exception. And what did I do? Freaking Focus on the one bad comment. Which wasn't even terrible - she just said the quarter's not going well for her and she thinks she'd learn more in a normally structured class. Fair enough! I just lost my sh*^. I'm so triggered by shame about my teaching. I'm starting to wonder if my identity is so tied up with my career to an unhealthy degree. :roll:
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
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Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Fri May 24, 2019 4:48 am

I think most of us focus on the negatives. That's fantastic to only have one "negative" I'm not sure I'd call it negative. We all have different learning styles so to have just one student who isn't suited to your style and incidentally is mature enough to acknowledge the issue as partly with him/ her. Is pretty fantastic.

I'm sure when a little time passes you'll see it differently :)

You are a great teacher and I feel I can say that even without really knowing you, why?

Because you care...

Have a great weekend.

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 24, 2019 2:30 pm

Thanks Soprano. You're right; with time I will feel more stable. But dealing with this mini-self-esteem crisis without being able to numb out with wine in the evening has been a challenge. I've been crying over inspiring quotes, being brought to tears by joyful thoughts, and welling up just looking at my kiddos. It's hard not using alcohol to numb out. Feeling all these feelings is a bit much for me sometimes. Thankfully I work from home on Fridays - I have a very large pile of work to take care of, but at least no one will see me if I'm bawling because my dog looks at my funny. :lol:

Back to the work situation, when I started this "experiment", I knew I would have a tough time dealing with my vulnerability (I don't know if I would have been able to name it as vulnerability 3 months ago though - I might have called it fear of failure or self-doubt). But I acknowledged that I'd get through it, my students would get through it, and I would gain valuable knowledge and skills and feedback moving forward to design some new plans for fall quarter. And actually, that is really true. I've learned so much this quarter, and without question have forged better relationships with my students than ever before (in 18 years of teaching). The real stand-out is the relationships I've formed with the struggling students, and the ones that are working hard but not the top performers. And come to think of it, my biggest fear this quarter was FOR the top-performers - that I would let them down. I can say pretty confidently that that has not been the case. The top performers have loved having the time and space to go back and review material and truly get a handle on it instead of just cramming for a particular exam. Anyway, I'm learning lots. I will keep elements of this set-up and I will discard some elements. I am an experimenter at heart and I don't think that is a part of my teaching that I can ever put away.

Friday, May 24

121.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: leftover pot roast & fruit salad
D: not sure yet (can you tell I failed to make a menu this week?) update - I had a McD's double quarter pounder, a few fries, 2 chicken nuggets, and cup of milk.
1 cup kombucha

Moving
walk/jog w/HappyHerder. More of a walk - my right knee is feeling strange. This happened about a month ago and then yesterday I felt it do that little pop thing again. It's definitely soft tissue - either my ACL or possibly my meniscus. Nothing serious but I don't want to exacerbate it!
Yesterday in the car I was rubbing my upper arm and was surprised to find a bulge. It was part of my triceps! Never in my life have I had a "tricep bulge". I broke out in a pretty heady grin. When I got home I made sure to do some of my pull-ups and chin-ups to keep the bulge happy and growing. 8)

PersonalLearning
OK, I know I'm a bit nerdy and I read/listen to things that not everybody's into, but here I'm recommending a book for all of us (which I'm not done with but I know is useful for the lot of us):
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; . . . who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”—Theodore Roosevelt

Every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable or to dare greatly. Based on twelve years of pioneering research, Brené Brown PhD, LMSW, dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and argues that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

User avatar
Octavia
Posts: 686
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Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Octavia » Fri May 24, 2019 8:56 pm

I’m really enjoying your book ‘abstracts’! Thanks for sharing this stuff. It really is inspiring. Also, thanks for sharing those helpful blood sugar number details on Elizabeth’s thread! I have been looking at blood sugar monitors on Amazon. Might get one. Am scared. :roll:

Hope your weekend goes well!

Whosonfirst
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:32 pm
Contact:

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Whosonfirst » Fri May 24, 2019 11:34 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Thu May 23, 2019 11:56 pm
Thanks Soprano, Whos and Octavia. You are so great and the empathy is a massive support to me.

I'm feeling a bit calmer. The main thing is that I KNEW this quarter would be tough (remember - going gradeless/no tests/wild style stuff) and I made myself very vulnerable. That's always scary. I got feedback from the class - all good with ONE exception. And what did I do? Freaking Focus on the one bad comment. Which wasn't even terrible - she just said the quarter's not going well for her and she thinks she'd learn more in a normally structured class. Fair enough! I just lost my sh*^. I'm so triggered by shame about my teaching. I'm starting to wonder if my identity is so tied up with my career to an unhealthy degree. :roll:
I don't think this is unusual at all. I know my identity was and still is somewhat tied to my career as an engineer. Never worried if it was unhealthy or not, it just was. LIke you, I worked very hard to establish that identity, so even a hint of negative feedback would not have been well received either. Teachers who don't care about their career identity are probably not that good at their jobs as you are.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sat May 25, 2019 1:40 pm

Thanks Octavia - glad to know someone enjoys all my book abstracts, lol. It's fun for me.

Whos - a good point about it be normal for me to be wrapped up in my identity as a teacher, and also that it probably indicates I am at least decent at what I do. I would rather love too much than not at all - not a perfect analogy to but I certainly do have a passion for helping my students. The irony is that my reputation has been of that of a demanding teacher, yet I obsess over finding the right equation that will help my students learn maximally in my classes. All my efforts are to that end. This most recent experiment has gotten me to open my eyes a bit more to the reality that students get out of their education what they put in to it; that good students are pretty good whatever the structure of the class; and that changing the structure of the class is not enough to motivate students to learn just for learning's sake (although I think it is certainly a factor).

Saturday, May 25
S Day!
120.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, sausage and eggs and 1/2 english muffin
L: latte
D: filet mignon w/vegetables & potatoes (PF Chang's restaurant for dinner)
dessert -
*piece of chocolate cake
*breaded fried banana
*3 See's Chocolates

Moving
Got to fit in a walk/jog at some point. I woke up just totally wiped out. Yesterday I was ultra-productive but I think it caught up with me and my body is like - take a break, girl! Take a sabbath rest! But no matter how tired I am, taking a short walk/jog can't possibly be overtraining, can it? I mean, I basically go at a snail's pace.
I fit in a measly 5 min walk/jog in jeans. :roll:

It was a big day for me. I spent the day with my sister in Seattle. It was my first time around her since I stopped drinking. She seemed exasperated but didn't give me too hard of a time. Definitely a few comments, but nothing too stressful. I could tell that my body & mind had to give it my all to do that though - because I got home and sank into a deep 10 hour sleep.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Thisisnotabadidea-
Posts: 101
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2019 4:59 am

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Thisisnotabadidea- » Sat May 25, 2019 5:53 pm

Just catching back up with your thread. I LOVE kombucha too, I actually brew my own and mix in homemade fruit juices or syrups of stuff like herbs. Probably higher in sugar than store bought but it's delightful and I fit at least a few into my week no problem.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun May 26, 2019 3:11 pm

Hi TINABI!

:-) Nice to see you around. :D Here's to many kombucha-filled nights! I have a dear friend that brews it and I love when I get some of her homemade stuff. Yum!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun May 26, 2019 7:32 pm

Sunday, May 26

S Day!

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, 5 strawberry licorice
L: ice cream cone, 5 strawberry licorice, 1 bag doritos, 1 diet ginger ale
yep, today is a bit wild. I will go with it. Better than alcohol.
Finished the bag of strawberry licorice.
sister driving up for a few hours while she is in the state.
D: 3 pieces of pizza
dessert - another ice cream cone
diet soda

Moving
Speed-cleaned, went for 25 min walk/jog, may go jogging again with sister, working on a different kind of chin-up where I sort of arch back to use more of my back muscles and less of my biceps.
Whoa - ended up going on a 40 minute REAL run with my sister. I ran the whole way! That's a total first.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Mon May 27, 2019 2:04 pm

Monday, May 27

121.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil + banana
L: yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
1 cup milk
D: burgers w/guac, bacon, cheese, tomato, onion; a few tator tots
1 cup kombucha

Going to the substance abuse counselor this morning. I have three priorities:
1. Practice self-compassion about my teaching so that I can better model this for my children (and just be in less anguish personally)
2. Discuss methods for discussing my alcohol use and now quitting to my children. I consider this an evolving conversation over the years, but I need guidance.
3. Discuss methods for handling my husband's alcohol dependence and developing boundaries and ways to discharge my anger at him about this (I know, ironic that I have the same problem - it's a long story that I never share on this forum so hey - there are some things you don't know about me haha). Suffice it to say I think my biggest reason to drink was to deal with his drinking. Hahahahaha! Have you ever heard such a foolish reason? If you have wondered before if I am crazy, you now have definitive proof. Point being that now that I'm NOT drinking, I have to deal with his drinking. :roll:

Moving
Walk/jog at some point today - in the works.
Did a 40 min walk/jog in the warm afternoon. HappyHerder really had his tongue hanging out!

PersonalLearning
None. Just enjoying some great fiction on my adored and adorable kindle paperwhite.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Whosonfirst
Posts: 460
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Contact:

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Whosonfirst » Mon May 27, 2019 4:45 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Sun May 26, 2019 7:32 pm
Sunday, May 26

S Day!

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, 5 strawberry licorice
L: ice cream cone, 5 strawberry licorice, 1 bag doritos, 1 diet ginger ale
yep, today is a bit wild. I will go with it. Better than alcohol.
Finished the bag of strawberry licorice.
sister driving up for a few hours while she is in the state.
D: 3 pieces of pizza
dessert - another ice cream cone
diet soda

Moving
Speed-cleaned, went for 25 min walk/jog, may go jogging again with sister, working on a different kind of chin-up where I sort of arch back to use more of my back muscles and less of my biceps.
Whoa - ended up going on a 40 minute REAL run with my sister. I ran the whole way! That's a total first.
Wow auto, you're dealing with a lot of stressful stuff. On the chin-up thing, (a favorite of mine), to really activate the back lat muscles , better to do the pro-nated grip pullup. With your hands gripping the bar, imagine you're pulling them apart before you start the pull and with a slight arch, the latissimus dorsi should do most of the work. As you already know, pullups are harder than chins, but do a better job on lat involvement. I hope the counselor is a good one. p.s. I find that pullups are kinder to my elbows than chins in my advanced age.

TexArk
Posts: 799
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 2:50 am
Location: Foothills of the Ozarks

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by TexArk » Mon May 27, 2019 4:48 pm

Hope you continue to find success in your current challenges. You seem to have your head screwed on straight to be able to tackle this. Since we have similar interests, I thought you might enjoy the presentation Ted Naiman put up today. He says he is working on it and to put up with some poor quality. I thought it was fantastic!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrsiFj0 ... 4zSscULUPU
24.7 bmi Feb. 2019
26.1 bmi Sept. 2018
31.4 bmi July 2017

clarinetgal
Posts: 1683
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Location: Western Washington State

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by clarinetgal » Mon May 27, 2019 5:11 pm

I hope everything goes well with the counselor, and with your husband and kids. Best wishes to you!
Committing to a fresh start, with 3-4 plates and no snacking.

1/2018 Current BMI: 31.8
2/2018 BMI: 31.5
4/1/2018 BMI 31.5

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue May 28, 2019 1:09 pm

Thanks everybody - this forum can always be counted on to swoop in with encouragement when somebody is having a rough patch. Thank you.

Whos - thanks for the idea on getting better lat recruitment. I tried that little trick and definitely felt it made a difference. And I'm glad you mentioned the elbow thing, because sometimes on the way down my right elbow feels a little weird. I didn't know that elbow issues were a "thing" with pullups/chinups.

Tex - thanks for the link! I'm going to watch that this morning with my coffee. :-)

Clarinetgal - just wonderful in general to see you around. Thanks for your support.

Tuesday, May 28

Ugh. 4 more week of my teaching quarter and I am limping my way to the end. Boy will I be grateful when I'm done. Surprisingly, I still have plenty of time for doing some things I like (namely, reading, yardwork, and walk/jogs) despite my busy schedule. Giving up alcohol has freed up time in my evenings to get things done - more cleaning, paperwork, and those pesky things on a to-do list that sometimes stay on the list WAY too long.

Counseling session was good. The guy is pretty young, but he has a very unique way about his counseling than I have previously experienced. He is also the first insurance-partial-coverage ever, so that's a bonus.

121.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries + 3 pickles
D: tuna sandwich with salad for me - grilled cheese for kids

Moving
Skipping the walk/jog this morning so I can get more grading done. I'll go this afternoon instead (so she says with confidence at 6am). I think I'll be fitting in a few pullups and chinups too.
Fit in 40 min walk/jog after dinner

One of our cats is sick and I think I'll have to drop him at the vet this morning on the way to work. He hasn't eaten since Saturday and seems very weak and wobbly. He's only 10, which isn't that old for a cat....
Update - Poor kitty has acute pancreatitis and has to stay overnight at the vet to receive IV fluids and anti-emetics. :cry: I love that cat so much. He's such a good kitty. We'll know more tomorrow.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

jenji
Posts: 599
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:00 pm
Location: Cambridge

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by jenji » Tue May 28, 2019 4:22 pm

I have some of the same feelings about my career, in the non-profit field. Shame and fear of failure can swoop down upon me suddenly. It's peculiar. I often have to remind myself that not many people could do a better job than I am doing. It's just hard work. One of my challenges is the "dual bottom line" in nonprofits. We have to both balance the budget financially, and therefore engage our donors, and work to achieve our mission. Often these goals are not in alignment, and sometimes they are completely out of whack. Then, similar to your job, it can be difficult to evaluate the long-term value or impact of our work. It makes for a lot of difficulty in feeling successful.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 173#, BMI 26.7 - 09/05/2019

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed May 29, 2019 1:54 pm

Shame and fear of failure can swoop down upon me suddenly. It's peculiar.
When I read this, I did this big intake of breath - like, "yes!!" that's exactly what happens to me!!! Thank you for succintly putting that painful experience in words.
Often these goals are not in alignment, and sometimes they are completely out of whack.
Oh my goodness yes. I think this is a huge problem in my career - the goals of the institution versus what I know are actually good goals for teaching and learning. NOT THE SAME and it irks and chafes and drives me batty in my career.
Then, similar to your job, it can be difficult to evaluate the long-term value or impact of our work. It makes for a lot of difficulty in feeling successful.
Yes, the ever-present difficulty of not being sure that my methods are working. And if they look like they are working, am I just seeing a transient response that is not going to "stick" long-term? I torture myself with these questions.

Jen, your comments really hit home with me. Thank you so much. I really can't tell you how nice it felt to feel your perfect empathy for me. Thank you. Can we go out for coffee? :lol: :lol:

Wednesday, May 29

120.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: yogurt w/berries
afternoon coffee w/milk + 1 diet soda
D: Family date night to the Mongolian Grill. I got a big plate of stir-fried meats, fish, and veggies. I got a few stuffed mushrooms and some green beans. Full but definitely not overfull.
1 cup kombucha

Moving
walk/jog later in the day, I hope. I meant to get up and grade for an hour and instead I've been doing journaling and self-help stuff. :roll: I know that's important too, but if I don't keep up with my work the stress builds up too much.
Probably some pull-ups & chin-ups at some point.

PersonalLearning

I just want to repost this amazing Teddy Roosevelt quote. It has been on my heart so much lately. It's from Brene Brown's book, Daring Greatly:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

jenji
Posts: 599
Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2017 5:00 pm
Location: Cambridge

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by jenji » Wed May 29, 2019 3:00 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 1:54 pm

Jen, your comments really hit home with me. Thank you so much. I really can't tell you how nice it felt to feel your perfect empathy for me. Thank you. Can we go out for coffee? :lol: :lol:
Would love that. I am in the Boston area (Cambridge), just in case the opportunity arises.
I'm a 49-year-old mom and non-profit CEO
I am 5' 7.5"
Began No S at 184#, BMI 28.4 - 9/25/2017
Current weight 173#, BMI 26.7 - 09/05/2019

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 31, 2019 2:20 am

Thursday, May 30

120.0

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, latte, starbuck's egg & bacon sandwich
L: literally no time
D: fried chicken + a few jojos + 1/2 a banana
diet soda
kombucha

spent part of the day at the ER (Creator's swollen eye) and part at the regular doctor, and still managed to teach all my classes. Creator had an allergic reaction to something.

Cat not doing great, but he did eat a little bit today.

Had my teacher eval - probably the worst ever in my career. I need to seriously work on my confidence. And seriously consider a career change.

Moving
Fit in a 15 minute walk/jog to say I did....
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri May 31, 2019 12:55 pm

Friday, May 31

120.2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil
L: tortilla chips w/guac, 1/2 a banana
D: 3 pieces of Costco pizza, 1 glass of milk
I totally was ready to have a fail night. I even told Creator I was going to eat his mini-snickers that have been sitting on top of the microwave for 2 weeks. But then he decided he wanted them and didn't want to share. Fine. I'll go to bed technically green but full of pizza.

Moving
45 walk/jog later in the day
going climbing with Creator. Update on this - joined for a month for he and I to go together. I kind of think this could be a good fit for me (and Creator loves it). I need something that requires focus so that my brain turns off the anxiety loops for chunks of time. My walk and jogs are lovely and I wouldn't ever want to give them up; my chin-up & pull-ups are fun and empowering; but I crave something more....not sure if the climbing could be it. I'd prefer if it was an outside thing, which I guess it could be if I'm really thrill-seeking. :-)

I was reading my post from yesterday about my teaching evaluation. After sleeping on it, I realize that my emotions were normal for feedback. I felt defensive, and that made me feel guilty, but it's normal to feel defensive in that situation. I read this article about feedback about 4 months ago and I'm going to reread it right now. I had read it from my personal role of giving feedback to my students, but I am going to read it now to help be gentle on myself for not feeling great about the teaching feedback I was given yesterday.
https://hbr.org/2019/03/the-feedback-fallacy
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:52 pm

Saturday, June 1
S Day

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil, Starbuck's ham & swiss egg sandwich + latte + a donut
(have to go to lab this morning with students and I will bring them donuts!)
L: I've already had a bag of chips, 1/2 of another donut, and a diet soda. I seem to be a bottomless pit this weekend (starting last night). I think I'm using food endorphins as a stand-in for wine endorphins (this weekend anyway). :|
1 Now & Later on the way to the party
D: party food - grilled salmon & flat iron steak! YES! Now that's party food! + asparagus salad, kale salad, root salad
dessert: cookie tastings, blindfolds and all! milk was the "palate cleanser". That was pretty fun. There were 7 cookies and I had a 1/2 of each, so I guess that's like 3.5 cookies.
Note - others were drinking wine and I realize (the next morning) I did not have a SINGLE pang for it......?! It didn't even look good to me!
Also, I found out one of my coworkers quit drinking entirely 4 years ago. I'd like to talk with her more about that at some point.

Moving
45 min walk with a friend
I'm on a 27 day streak.

Cat is eating and seems much happier
Creator's eye is slowly going down (it really was horrific)
I'm recovering emotionally from my poor teacher eval

And I managed this whole difficult week without resorting to numbing out (ie drinking). I'm 32 days alcohol-free as of today. I am keeping track of a few things on coach.me (username Auto E if you'd like to start a NoS HabitCal over there - supposedly it allows you to export all your notes and info into an excel sheet)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:05 pm

We'll done re 32 days and coping with your evaluation can't have been easy x
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun Jun 02, 2019 12:54 pm

Thanks Soprano!

Sunday, June 2

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + brain octane oil, part of a cookie, 1 egg & 1 piece of bacon
L: 1 cookie, lots of tortilla chips & lots of guacamole, 1 bowl of Reese's Pieces, diet soda
D: steak & a few jojos, diet soda
dessert #4 - another bowl of Reese's pieces

Moving
Climbing wall with the whole family!
30 min walk/jog w/HappyHerder
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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lpearlmom
Posts: 4155
Joined: Fri Aug 02, 2013 4:59 am
Location: Arizona

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by lpearlmom » Mon Jun 03, 2019 3:30 am

Wow, you are doing so fantastically with your drinking! To not even feel an urge at a social event is huge or at least it would be for me.

Climbing wall sounds fun! Glad things are going so well. 💜
💜💜💜 Please no body or food shaming. Eyes on your own plate. 💜💜💜

3/14-210 lbs;
3/19-163 lbs
7/6-176 lbs









Instagram "lpearlmom"

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Mon Jun 03, 2019 1:21 pm

Thanks Linda! The social situations are not my typical triggers, believe it or not. I am definitely more tempted by wine at home with husband or even alone. :oops: Which is probably even more of a red flag for me, haha. But seeing the red wine in people's glasses was the part I was very surprised didn't make me want to have some, so it was a good feeling to not be tempted.

Monday, June 3

122.4

counseling this morning

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + 1 latte
L: yogurt w/berries
diet soda
D: bacon & eggs & tortilla chips w/guacamole
diet soda

Moving
20 min walk/jog in the afternoon because I am stayed home to grade this morning.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue Jun 04, 2019 1:17 pm

Tuesday, June 4

121.4

So now I feel depressed. I am not sure what's going on with me. Are these emotions about my job (wanting to quit) because I am burned out (emotionally exhausted, cynical, and feeling ineffectual)? Are these emotions heightened right now because I normally would drink every evening to get through these last weeks of the quarter? I wonder how much that has to do with it.... hmmmm
Is this just a season in my life and it will pass? Could I really make a career switch at 42, with kids to finish raising and then help with college? Do I actually hate my job or am I just depressed and using the job as a scapegoat? Argh. When I google around for other types of careers to do, nothing sounds that good. What I really want to do is stay home and read and write all day. Oops. Not very practical.
Ha. Well I know this might make you laugh, but working for a housecleaning job sounds nice. I did that during college and I really liked that work. Totally focused, detailed, moving fast. It was good exercise, nice people, and immediately gratifying to see the clean homes.
So. I just need to ride out these next 3 weeks and then I will have a long break from my job.
I signed up to take a CNA class this summer. Now of course I'm like, "what was I thinking?" But I suppose at least that would give me a back-up job if I really do quit.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
1 latte
1 glass of milk
D: leftover chicken drumsticks and tortillas w/guacamole

Moving
1 hour walk/jog w/HappyHerder in the afternoon
(would like to) take Creator climbing - update - nope on that. I forgot he has flag football tonight. We'll try for tomorrow.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Soprano
Posts: 612
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2018 8:56 pm
Location: UK

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Soprano » Tue Jun 04, 2019 8:42 pm

Sorry to read you are feeling so low. Keep pondering your options but don't make any decisions until you are more rested.

Big hugs

Xxx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

User avatar
liveitup
Posts: 195
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2016 4:17 am
Location: California

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by liveitup » Wed Jun 05, 2019 4:14 am

I am totally in a similar spot. I really dislike my job. It was my passion for 16 years and now I could care less. Se days it's not bad and some days I'm over it, but on no day am I ever enjoying it It's a good job, great career, and I like the people. I just don't care, and I don't like going to work. I am thinking of a career change too, but like you I'm 39 and already feel old in my line of work. But I know it's possible. We are still young!

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liveitup
Posts: 195
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2016 4:17 am
Location: California

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by liveitup » Wed Jun 05, 2019 4:16 am

Oh and didn't mean to shift the focus. I hope you find what you're looking for, even if it's a rekindling of what motivated you in your career to start with!

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Wed Jun 05, 2019 1:51 pm

Thanks Soprano - I know I need to just kind of let myself settle and examine and plan a bit more. I'm extremely fortunate that a break is coming, which will help me see if I'm really done with this type of work, or just need a break and refocus for the upcoming year.

liveitup, do you mind sharing what your current job is? I'd love to know if it's something you are OK telling me. Please don't worry that you shifted the focus. I very much appreciate knowing I'm not alone.

I woke up this morning feeling a tiny bit better. Not sure what switched inside of me but at least I have the energy to function this morning.

Wednesday, June 5

120.2

Kids last day of school (but hubby and I work until June 21st!)

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
D: 1 cup milk, 2 chicken drumsticks, 1.5 hot dogs w/mustard

Moving
Walk/jog later w/HappyHerder + climbing gym w/creator

PersonalLearning
I ordered some books on Attachment Theory. My new counselor is very into it. While waiting, I read this Wikipedia page on it:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_in_adults
I appear to have the "anxious/preoccupied" attachment style. And hubby the "dismissive/avoidant" style. Fantastic combo we are. :roll:
Now I'm reading this book:
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--and Keep-- Love
In Attached, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:

ANXIOUS people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back
AVOIDANT people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
SECURE people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving
Also central to the science of attachment is the discovery that our need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes; so, contrary to what many relationship experts today may tell us about the importance of remaining emotionally “self-sufficient”, attachment research shows us that our need to be close to our partner is essential. That, in fact, we can’t live without it.

In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate—or potential mate—follow, offering a road map, starting from the first date, for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

User avatar
liveitup
Posts: 195
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2016 4:17 am
Location: California

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by liveitup » Thu Jun 06, 2019 4:00 am

Auto, I'm a software engineer. A couple of years ago, I realized I didn't really enjoy it like I used to, and I started developing my career in ways to get me away from the isolation of the computer. I've been a senior engineer for a while now, which means at least 1/2 my time is spent face to face with people. So, while I've found a good balance between interacting more with others and writing code, my passion for everything about the development process is gone. I lost interest in improving my technical skills, and I'm bored with all the new shiny libraries, languages, and frameworks so full of promise that others get excited about (they'll learn that those promises are made to be broken!). I'm cynical about what it means to develop my corporate leadership skills beyond the important person-to-person skills we work on (like empathy, listening, grace, patience, all of those are good things, and those are the things that keep me afloat). I look up at my career progression and I absolutely don't see myself happy there. I look at what I'm doing now, and I can't see myself doing the same thing in a couple years either. It's sad, but it's time for me to make some kind of change. Maybe it's doing a similar job with a more positive social impact. I've started looking already, and it's a little scary!

On the other hand, and despite everything I just said, I would still 100% recommend this as a career to anyone at any age, especially as a second career, and especially for introverts, obviously. :) Anyone who is willing to spend time learning on their own, and gets true enjoyment out of it, should try it. Companies don't expect degrees from MIT and Stanford anymore (I didn't have that, I got lucky!). Seattle's still booming. Maybe this is your new calling? 8)

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu Jun 06, 2019 1:44 pm

Oh, thank you for sharing!! It's really neat that you know yourself well enough to be able to recognize that you have loved this type of work, but you just don't anymore. I think I struggle with that idea that my interests and passions could change so much. This will be a summer of introspection, without the numb-out of alcohol. It will be fascinating what I find on the other side of this summer.

Creator has told me for years that he wants to be an "inventor" when he grows up. In the last 6 months, he has started calling himself a "software engineer". I didn't really even know that term so he must have found it in one of his coding programs. Coding is his passion, that is for absolute sure. He's 10.

It's scary to look for another job while we are both raising young ones. I'm exploring some opportunities, and kind of seeing how it all feels to "try on" a different mindset. I figure I have 4 options:
1. Quit and find something new;
2. Do my best to "mail it in" at work - settle for doing the bare minimum and consider it just a job;
3. Do nothing, and perhaps become more depressed and ineffectual;
4. Find a way through this, and end up staying at my job with a renewed sense of purpose.

All 4 of those options look difficult. #1 is terrifying and perhaps a bit impractical. #2 is temperamentally nigh on impossible for me. #3 sounds like hell. #4 may not be possible. I think #1 and #4 are my only options that could align with my morals and temperament.

Thursday, June 6

119.8

Last night after the climbing gym Creator and I went to Just Peachy (a frozen yogurt place). I took an S event and we had a great time together.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
1 cup milk in the afternoon
D: once again, no clue. I am so in Week 9 of this quarter....
Update - oh man. Last night was interesting. Went out for date night and it has been a while.... so I wanted to order wine (but I didn't); I wanted to indulge somehow, so I did - Pulled pork nachos. And they were delicious and technically "on one plate". However, I ended up paying for it with late night nausea. I even threw up. Ugh. Well, it was better than giving in and drinking I guess.

Moving
(will) walk/jog w/HappyHerder today at some point

PersonalLearning
Now I have this workbook: The Attachment Theory Workbook. I'm doing this and reading the other book at the same time.
Put attachment theory into practice—the definitive workbook.

What do you want from your closest relationships, and are you getting it? What concrete steps do you need to take to develop happier and healthier attachments? These are the central questions attachment theory seeks to answer, and this definitive workbook shows you how to apply these insights to your life and relationships.

Armed with effective tools and strategies, you’ll discover your personal attachment style and the role it plays in your closest relationships—with your partner, parents, siblings, or close friends. With guidance to confront challenges and explore possibilities for real change, The Attachment Theory Workbook offers an active approach to build close, healthy, long-lasting relationships.

With The Attachment Theory Workbook you’ll learn:

Attachment Theory 101—Learn the founding principles of attachment theory and what they mean to you.
Your Attachment Style—Understand how your thoughts and feelings about relationships impact anxious, avoidant, and even secure attachment behaviors.
How to Heal—Use exercises and questionnaires to foster understanding, intimacy, and stability in your relationships.
All the tools you need to lay the foundation for strong and lasting relationships—The Attachment Theory Workbook.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Fri Jun 07, 2019 1:18 pm

Friday, June 7

120.2

****I have decided to have a party day*****
******Let's see how much weight I can gain in one day*******
Eating
B: coffee w/milk + a cinnamon roll (fail already? it's only 8am!!) update - party day
L: strawberry sundae + chicken street tacos
D: 5 sugar cookies + 1 bowl of cheesy broccoli + steak

Moving
walk/jog planned

OK, so I'm getting a slightly better grip on things. I've decided I will definitely apply for sabbatical. If I get it, it will be not next school year, but the one after that. I would apply for the ENTIRE year, which means a reduction in salary, but I could pursue topics of interest to me. In my case, I have thought about SO MANY different things, but I suspect I should just work on a book. I like reading, writing, and doing research, so all that would be refreshing. I think I'd like to develop a curriculum that is story-based. Case studies, etc. I'm already doing this a bit this quarter.

Cat sick again. This time he's throwing up (rather than not eating).
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sat Jun 08, 2019 2:14 pm

Saturday, June 8

121.8 (so I can gain 1.5 pounds in a day lol)

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, 1/2 of a cinnamon roll
L: tortilla chips w/guacamole, ice cream cone, apple slices, 1 piece of pizza
diet soda
D: 2 more pieces of pizza, mint chocolate chip ice cream. I was seriously contemplating another ice cream cone but then realized I truly wasn't even craving anything anymore and was ready for bed.
totally weird few days of eating, starting with overeating within the "fences" Thursday night, a total fail day Friday which I sort of embraced, and then continued wild eating on Saturday (today).

Moving
walk/jog at some point. Sigh. Not sure I want to move anywhere today. I might possibly be in a junk-food coma, lol. :roll:
Update - amazingly, I walked for an hour and jogged for 15 minutes. I owe my thanks to a friend that asked me to go. Thank you friend for getting me out the door!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Whosonfirst
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:32 pm
Contact:

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Whosonfirst » Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:13 pm

automatedeating wrote:
Thu Jun 06, 2019 1:44 pm
Oh, thank you for sharing!! It's really neat that you know yourself well enough to be able to recognize that you have loved this type of work, but you just don't anymore. I think I struggle with that idea that my interests and passions could change so much. This will be a summer of introspection, without the numb-out of alcohol. It will be fascinating what I find on the other side of this summer.

Creator has told me for years that he wants to be an "inventor" when he grows up. In the last 6 months, he has started calling himself a "software engineer". I didn't really even know that term so he must have found it in one of his coding programs. Coding is his passion, that is for absolute sure. He's 10.

It's scary to look for another job while we are both raising young ones. I'm exploring some opportunities, and kind of seeing how it all feels to "try on" a different mindset. I figure I have 4 options:
1. Quit and find something new;
2. Do my best to "mail it in" at work - settle for doing the bare minimum and consider it just a job;
3. Do nothing, and perhaps become more depressed and ineffectual;
4. Find a way through this, and end up staying at my job with a renewed sense of purpose.

All 4 of those options look difficult. #1 is terrifying and perhaps a bit impractical. #2 is temperamentally nigh on impossible for me. #3 sounds like hell. #4 may not be possible. I think #1 and #4 are my only options that could align with my morals and temperament.

Thursday, June 6

119.8

Last night after the climbing gym Creator and I went to Just Peachy (a frozen yogurt place). I took an S event and we had a great time together.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: yogurt w/berries
1 cup milk in the afternoon
D: once again, no clue. I am so in Week 9 of this quarter....
Update - oh man. Last night was interesting. Went out for date night and it has been a while.... so I wanted to order wine (but I didn't); I wanted to indulge somehow, so I did - Pulled pork nachos. And they were delicious and technically "on one plate". However, I ended up paying for it with late night nausea. I even threw up. Ugh. Well, it was better than giving in and drinking I guess.

Moving
(will) walk/jog w/HappyHerder today at some point

PersonalLearning
Now I have this workbook: The Attachment Theory Workbook. I'm doing this and reading the other book at the same time.
Put attachment theory into practice—the definitive workbook.

What do you want from your closest relationships, and are you getting it? What concrete steps do you need to take to develop happier and healthier attachments? These are the central questions attachment theory seeks to answer, and this definitive workbook shows you how to apply these insights to your life and relationships.

Armed with effective tools and strategies, you’ll discover your personal attachment style and the role it plays in your closest relationships—with your partner, parents, siblings, or close friends. With guidance to confront challenges and explore possibilities for real change, The Attachment Theory Workbook offers an active approach to build close, healthy, long-lasting relationships.

With The Attachment Theory Workbook you’ll learn:

Attachment Theory 101—Learn the founding principles of attachment theory and what they mean to you.
Your Attachment Style—Understand how your thoughts and feelings about relationships impact anxious, avoidant, and even secure attachment behaviors.
How to Heal—Use exercises and questionnaires to foster understanding, intimacy, and stability in your relationships.
All the tools you need to lay the foundation for strong and lasting relationships—The Attachment Theory Workbook.
Your attachment theory sounds interesting. I'm reasonably sure that I have some issues with attachment, especially now that I'm older. Not so much with immediate family, but pretty much everyone else. I often feel like I'm an actor with people trying to be nice, or maybe just polite. I often thought, I'd be a good candidate for a long space mission because of that feeling. Oh well, life goes on. Good luck on your sabbatical when it happens.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Sun Jun 09, 2019 3:40 pm

Thanks Whos! I suspect that you would like to have a 4-legged furry friend in the space station with you, though. :lol: I read your reply to my husband, who feels the same as you.

Sunday, June 9

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, sausage & eggs
L: chicken street tacos + a few peanut m&ms
most of a bag of strawberry licorice
D: a whole box of Reese's Pieces
dessert: mint chocolate chip ice cream

Moving
Climbing gym - I think I did the yellow route 3 times and the red route 3 times.
1 hour walk/jog w/HappyHerder
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Whosonfirst
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:32 pm
Contact:

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Whosonfirst » Mon Jun 10, 2019 12:45 am

Auto-Amazing the things we learn on here, like your attachment theory stuff. Yea, Gus would go along with me on the space station. Probably why I love those types of movies, just loved The Martian with Matt Damon. A few films before hand seem like they're not going to get much traction with me, and then wham, I love some weird ones.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:12 pm

Who's - I LOVED the Martian! :-) Book and the movie.
And as far as the stuff we learn on here. I have to laugh at myself, how I have determinedly used this forum for my own anonymous journaling uses. So much more than food stuff.

Monday, June 10

122.4

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + prebiotics + probiotics
L: yogurt w/berries
D: cheeseburger w/guacamole, tomato, bacon, onion & bacon and also asparagus
2 diet sodas
1 cup kombucha

Moving
30 walk/jog w/HappyHerder

PersonalLearning
Still working through the Attachment Theory Books. Counseling appt this morning. 42 days without alcohol.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Whosonfirst
Posts: 460
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2006 12:32 pm
Contact:

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Whosonfirst » Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:27 pm

Big congrats on the 42 day mark-sans alcohol.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Tue Jun 11, 2019 1:45 pm

Thanks Whos!

Tuesday, June 11

121.8

Eating
B: coffee w/milk + prebiotic & probiotic supplement
L: yogurt w/berries
coffee w/milk in afternoon
D: leftover Caesar salad and leftover steak; tortilla chips w/guacamole
Diet soda
update - fail - had an ice cream cone.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:38 am

Wednesday, June 12

Having a hard time. Restless, irritable, unsettled. Not sure if I'm craving alcohol or what exactly. But food has been calling me.

Eating
B: coffee w/milk
L: garbanzo beans, 1 strawberry, hummus, veggies w/ranch, yogurt w/berries (it was a potluck with students)
came home, promptly ate an ice cream cone, then had hubby bring home pizza and dessert pizza and cookie dough.
D: so I had 3 pieces of pizza and 2 pieces of dessert pizza.

Holy crimeny what a day.

On a positive note, I had a strange sort of no-alcohol victory. At about 10pm, Creator came into my bedroom and was having some anxiety. He really needed my fully support, 100% "on". I was able to be there for him when he needed me without the dulling effects of alcohol.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

Candace
Posts: 207
Joined: Tue Jun 04, 2019 10:27 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by Candace » Thu Jun 13, 2019 11:16 am

I'm thinking of you. I read part of your thread yesterday. What a journey. I sincerely hope you get the peace you deserve. And...some days, cravings just win. Please be kind to yourself. It seems like overall, you're doing great.

I hope this isn't too intrusive, but do you feel like on compliant N days, you're eating enough at meals? We don't see your plates, but your food listings look a little slim to me. However, maybe that's how people who only weigh 120-something pounds eat.

Have a good day today.
53 year old female. Height 5' 5.5". Goal: 145 lb. Stretch goal: 140 lb.
Weight 6/14/2019: 155 lb.
8/3/2019: 151 lb.
8/24/2019: 149 lb.

automatedeating
Posts: 3773
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: automated eating tracker

Post by automatedeating » Thu Jun 13, 2019 2:23 pm

Hi Candace! Thank you for stopping by my crazy train thread. :-)

You're the second person to ask that question about if my meals are big enough. I think they are.
Here is my explanation:
I suspect people are underestimating the nutrient density of my meals. My whole milk has 210 calories per serving, and I have that every morning. Sometimes I add MCT oil, which adds another 260 calories! My 2 cups of high-fat yogurt w/ berries is between 500-600 calories. My afternoon whole milk is another 200 calories. My dinners are probably between 500 - 800 calories. So probably between 1400 and 1700 calories on N Days. Obviously I eat more on S Days. So for someone my size, I think I eat enough. I feel satisfied and not overly hungry. My horrible eating the last week is stress and alcohol related, not hungry. Never been hungry. It's more of a weird "need to stuff this empty spot" inside me problem of late. I used to use alcohol, and now I need to transition toward healthier replacements.

123.8

Eating
B: coffee w/milk, might get a latte on the way to work. Bringing Creator w/me because we decided staying home alone (he's on summer break now and I'm not yet!) might be triggering his anxiety.
L: yogurt w/berries
Linner and Fail: got home, had dessert pizza and 1 piece leftover regular pizza
D: tortilla chips w/guacamole
dessert: ice cream cone
I feel pleasantly thankful that this day wasn't actually worse than what's listed here. I'm definitely struggling with my alcohol free days; it's a weird limbo I find myself in. On the one hand, I don't actually desire alcohol. That said, I feel restless and casting about and empty. I think I must be dealing with emotions that I normally numbed with alcohol. What surprises me is that this restlessness didn't show itself until about a week ago, which was over a month into my alcohol-free days.

Moving
? - have been feeling slug-like this week. It's "dead week" at work, that dreaded week before finals. Always the worst for the professors.
And now my lower back is hurting. Ugh. I think it might be from the climbing wall last night but I don't remember a specific injury event.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1

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