First, the simpler generalizations:
I don't often finish things. I have an idea in my head for a program I want to write, but I haven't even started. I've tried some very specific diets and some very general ones -- drink lots of water, only eat until you're half-satiated -- and I've tried three meals with one physical tray (think cafeteria), and I've tried simply telling myself to eat less.
I've also tried exercise. I think I should mention at this point -- I'm at least 250 lbs. The closest I came to a good exercise program was Dance Dance Revolution on Endless mode, doing situps, pushups, and crunches during the "breaks" -- a good solid 2 or 3 hours of exercise, but not maintainable, not because of the blisters and the soreness, but because a habit of an almost subconscious "exercise==pain" keeps me from getting started.
I did Urban Ranger a bit for awhile. I'm in a small town, and I was on a small campus, and everything was easily within walking range, but it was the same problem -- the memory of effort caused me to almost subconsciously and habitually avoid it after awhile. Generally, I'm fine till I get a car or any sort of alternative to walking, but from the first offered car ride, I'm lost. What's more, there are practical problems to walking -- I know (roughly) how long it will take me to drive somewhere, and leaving early can account for being a bit lost sometimes. But, I never know exactly how long it will take me to walk somewhere.
I've been to the Shovelglove page several times, largely because it was so simple and made so much sense. Urban Ranger immediately appealed to me, and I was already doing it on and off anyway.
But while these systems seem well thought out, I don't think I can make any of them work, simply because even if I can follow them all strictly for a few days, I doubt I can follow even one strictly for more than a few weeks or months.
The problem is, I'm incredibly bad at creating good habits to replace bad habits, and I'm incredibly good at coming up with new bad habits to replace the old ones.
So, for instance, if I were to become a Weekend Luddite, I'd read books instead. I don't know if that's a real improvement. During the week, I tend to not get things done because I'll do something else to avoid it. So, for instance, if I don't play videogames, I'll watch anime. If there's no new anime available at the moment, I'll read Slashdot. If I force myself to cut all Internet access (sort of), I'll read a book -- and I do prefer ebooks, oddly enough. And all of this sprinkled with a bit of IM and email.
Even if I am doing something productive, odds are it's not what I'm supposed to be doing. For instance, look at my homepage. That, and my resume, is most of what I was doing when I should have been calling people, making connections, and attempting to get a job. I fooled myself and others by claiming I was working on a resume, I just chose to put the resume in XHTML form and set up a webserver to serve it as part of the process.
And, of course, the web site/server is not finished. Just about everyone who isn't using Firefox will see a gigantic red warning at the top of the page. I haven't touched it in at least a week, because I've been busy doing other things, like reading books, actually going to a job interview, and writing this post.
I think I've diagnosed my problem pretty thoroughly -- I live mostly by habit, and I spend most of my life falling through a series of default actions: game, anime, read, tv, rent a movie, read Slashdot, in no particular order.
I think I'll pick up Urban Ranger, and I may make a Shovelglove to balance out my DDR (and to fall back on when I'm lazy), and I may even try No-S. But, none of this matters unless I can work out the essential problem of getting myself to do some activity, not just once, but every day for the rest of my life.
I guess what I'm looking for is a Meta Everyday System -- a simple system to follow to get myself to follow systems. A crutch to get myself into the habit of forming habits.
It's also possible that I'm only writing this as an excuse to rant, or to get myself some support to feel better. But I think I owe it to myself to at least make an attempt to stop thinking that way, even subconsciously.
Sorry I wrote such a long post... It does kind of prove my point, though. I didn't want to take the time to make it shorter
![Sad :(](./images/smilies/icon_sad.gif)