anra's not so daily check-in

anra · Post by **anra** » Fri Mar 04, 2016 7:21 pm

so i'm this plan again since two weeks ago. it is working great so far.

earlier this week, i was anxiously awaiting a few things for the new semester ahead and i was tempted very hard to go and get some chocolate. i used to be an emotional eater, very much so when i don't have full control over my life and decisions and if i feel dependent on others.

but - i didn't get any chocolate because i knew i just couldn't. there was just no real debate over this. there is the law and the fence around the law and i just have to stick to it.

the decision not to eat the chocolate on n-days may not show results tomorrow or the next week ... but in the long term it will.

also i decided to weigh once a month, on the last saturday. the batteries in the scale are empty at the moment anyway.

Kittson · Post by **Kittson** » Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:15 pm

Hi Anra! Great choice on weighing once a month and nice work on putting off that chocolate bar too. You have a great attitude about not expecting results tomorrow or next week, but over time it certainly will make a difference.

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Sat Mar 05, 2016 6:00 am

Welcome Anra and glad things are going so well!

Linda

anra · Post by **anra** » Sun Mar 06, 2016 6:07 pm

thanks kittson and linda ...

the s-days are just coming to an end and even though i did not go overboard (no snacks or seconds, but chocolate at teatime), i long for the structure of my n-day tomorrow. plus i had a little heartburn from the sugar ... funny how fast the tolerance can go down.

due to my religion i would be supposed to fast this time of year. this would mean no food or drink from dawn until sundown, but i chose not to this time around. i did not want to "spoil" my habit forming by not eating. i just love the sanity and the structure nossing gives me i just wasn't able to take the risk, even if it was only those 19 days of the fast. even if it was supposed to be a spiritual thing i just love the physical balance too much, and feel it is still too fragile, i just could not bring myself to it. ... hopefully until next year the habit will be solid and sound and i can fulfill this holy duty.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Mon Mar 07, 2016 6:46 am

Welcome back! Hope it goes well for you

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:11 am

Good work, Anra. I think your decision to start your new habit strong is wise. You will likely have a more moderate fast next year.

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Mar 08, 2016 8:39 am

thanks oolala ... your comment just gave me kind of an epipaphany or vision right into next year ... the habits strongly formed AND being able to fast.

so yesterday was monday ... midmorning was a bit tough, it was hard to get into n-day-mode. didn't have any particular snack in mind and definitely was not hungry but somehow ... if there would have been real temptations around, i may have given in.
luckily enough, i do not have risky items around. (we lock our sweets away after the weekend, literally. we have an old, roomy strongbox full of treats and my husband takes the key with him. so there's not only a fence around the law, but also a lock on it.)

so i kept myself busy and went on with my day. by and after lunchtime all was good and sane again. habit keeps on forming. it was a productive day. habitcal was marked green.

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Tue Mar 08, 2016 10:04 am

anra wrote:...we have an old, roomy strongbox full of treats and my husband takes the key with him. so there's not only a fence around the law, but also a lock on it.

Wow, that is awesome! I really applaud your coming up with a system like that. I think so often we set ourselves up to fail by making it too easy to access the treats, and then lo and behold, "Who could have known/predicted that I would have gotten into that before the weekend?!"
(I don't have a husband with the key so I just leave whatever it is at the supermarket until it is needed.)

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Mar 08, 2016 11:15 am

sonya - this made me laugh.
in the end, it IS probably best to keep the stuff in the supermarket

so many times in my life i tried to keep chocolate around and be reasonable with it ... and failed.

i came up with the strongbox after once i read about the all-time high in sugar consumption we have today and that in former times, not so long ago, sugar tins used to have locks on them. it used to be so valuable, expensive AND addictive, that they locked that stuff away. today it is not valuable or expensive, but just as addictive as ever.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Mar 09, 2016 2:15 am

Brian Wansink says the motto around the Eating Lab is, "If you see it, you eat it."

anra · Post by **anra** » Wed Mar 09, 2016 10:18 am

oolala53 wrote: "If you see it, you eat it."

i completely agree.

yesterday was fine. calm. i am getting more in tune with hunger, serving size and satiety. had to leave a slice of bread at breakfast.

i hope i can keep the times to eat as they are atm, just would fit so fine.

breakfast around 7 (yesterday: 2 large soft-boiled eggs, 3 thin/small slices of bread, homemade hummus, tea with lemon)

lunch at around 1-2 (soup of lentils and veggies, cornbread, all cooked from scratch and absolutely what i wanted, felt a bit sick with a sore throat)

tea at 3-4 (just tea and lemon)

dinner at 7 (more soup and some cornbread).

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Mar 09, 2016 2:18 pm

Are these the meals (two soups) because you're feeling a little sick?

anra · Post by **anra** » Wed Mar 09, 2016 5:58 pm

yes. i felt a bit under the weather and wanted lentil soup and cornbread.

anra · Post by **anra** » Fri Mar 11, 2016 4:08 pm

day 19. yaaay! close to being in the 21club again.

not much to report, only that i'm not very hungry these days or have much of an appetite. i eat my three plates a day but most of the time there are leftovers. food is a bit boring at the moment. not that i shop well or do my best at cooking ... it's just a lack of joy in food.

not that i complain. or even worry. to be frank it's quite a relief not to think about food and meals all the time. i'm sure this will change.

tomorrow is a s-day and family will be visiting. mom will bring some cake that i wished for.

anra · Post by **anra** » Mon Mar 14, 2016 7:50 am

today is day 22. i think i have to post in the 21 day club

the weekend was fine, eating-wise. and water-wise. i really get in trouble if i don't drink enough water, but i started to re-establish this habit along with nossing. i always had trouble to get enough water on the weekends.

the cake my mum brought was something i haven't eaten in a long time. not because i never allowed it, but there was just no occasion, so this time around, i wished for it. ... it is sort of an old-timey roll made of buckwheat flour and grated chocolate, filled with a tart cowberry jam. it is dense and light at the same time and the jam goes so well with the buckwheat. heaven!

so, after the short term goal of 21 days ... the next thing i need and want to accomplish is to get under 80 kg. i have no clue how far or near to that number i am, since i'm going to step on the scale only on the last saturday of the month. i only know i started off at around 84.

today is monday. onwards!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Mon Mar 14, 2016 11:18 am

That cake sure sounds good!
Is that a tradition of a particular culture, or just something your family likes to make?
Have a great week!

anra · Post by **anra** » Mon Mar 14, 2016 7:08 pm

i live in southern austria and part of my family comes from living a more farmer lifestyle where polenta and buckwheat is big.
the cake has been around for a good 40, 50 years in my family, when the addition of chocolate became affordable ...

hope you have a good week too!

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Mar 17, 2016 4:29 pm

things are going good, habitwise.

i am a bit under emotional stress (family affairs) and i noticed a tendency to have bigger portions at mealtime, plus a tendency to eat faster and chew less ... a real "stuffing mode".

good thing i realized, so i can push against it and keep some sanity.

today i came home from uni with a splitting headache, nausea, cold shivers and a runny nose. i hope i don't get sick full-on. i took an s-day (s = sick) for the rest of the day and tried to get rid of the headache (taking aspirin, getting so rest, drink a lot and keep the lights out). feeling a bit better now. nausea's gone and i had some lunch.

i have to sit down at my desk and get some stuff done for tomorrow. then off to bed and trying to sleep it off.

anra · Post by **anra** » Fri Mar 18, 2016 6:11 pm

soooo glad that i did not get full on sick.

but eating today was not solid. portions too small. felt very bloated before lunch and did not get much down. of course i was hungry two hours later. ravishingly hungry. i gave in and had some bites with tea.

i hate unorganised days like this.

i've been in a foul mood all day, tired, crabby, very irritated for no reason.

i have the evening to myself and i'm very glad about this, so i don't have to speak or interact with anyone.

well. tomorrow's another day.

anra · Post by **anra** » Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:07 pm

two s-days behind me. nothing to wild, eatingwise.

i'm on an emotional rollercoaster, old problems rising up again and need to be dealt with once and for all. i need to sort of testify about things from (my not so nice) childhood and i feel like i'm losing my mind. it is just so much shame and anger, at times i don't know how to deal with it.

had sort of an nervous breakdown yesterday and still not feeling good today. but i function. my husband is by my side. i try to keep up a schedule and we went out for walks yesterday and today, to get some fresh air and sunlight. we had sensible meals and i did not overeat or stuff myself. i just have to deal with the very intense emotions as what they are: emotions. let them ride over me. cry it out. let them pass. i try to distract myself and not sink in the intrusive thoughts and pictures.

i just have to let time pass until the testimony. and keep as much sanity as possible.

anra · Post by **anra** » Mon Mar 21, 2016 6:14 pm

at last, a productive day.

monday, an n-day, eating was fine.

feeling a bit better, emotionally and overall. have to get down to studying and doing some research for uni.

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Mar 22, 2016 5:53 pm

a good day, 3 meals straight, got my water, did my work for uni.

am able to focus again. had a little craving for chocolate in the afternoon - but there was none available and i had a glass of water instead. basta!

funny thing i noticed: whenever i successfully fight a hankering like this - by letting it pass and have a glass of water - i tend to not get hungry for the next meal. ... maybe hunger and even more so, cravings are really just signals of dehydration?

anra · Post by **anra** » Fri Mar 25, 2016 10:03 am

still behaving. 3 meals straight and drink all the water i need.

still under quite some emotional stress. the inner turmoil has passed, i'm just waiting things out. the "hearing" is in two weeks. i noticed a loss of appetite and .... i'm constipated, i guess due to anxiety/tension. which makes me even tenser. aaaaargh.
rationally i can tell myself 20 times a day "all is going to be fine ... things will even out ... you will come out on top and free of those demons ..." but my gut knows better, it can't look into the future and the here and now is just ... bleh.

anyways. easter is round the corner. i personally don't celebrate, but my family does, sort of, and so we'll be visiting and have the traditional easter meal. i'm a vegetarian, so i won't have ham, tongue or sausage, but the highlight is a special bundt cake made from yeasted dough with tons of raisins, sugar and butter. (for pictures see here: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reindling) YUMM. that i can have!

(anytime i write about our food, i realise how much east european influence there is, even though i live in southern austria and we'd consider ourselves more middle european.)

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Mar 28, 2016 4:05 pm

Hope your visit went well. Sorry you're having to deal with getting ready for court.

It is just a human predicament that we all have a part of the brain that churns out some worry thoughts, thoughts that used to be concerned about possible real threats to our survival but now are more about the survival of some identity that we consider so fragile but which has little to do with our real survival. I don't even have anything I would need to testify by about in court and I grapple with this all the time.

I'm glad your husband is understanding. I hope you can find ways to enjoy the life you share with him and to be productive in your daily life. I"m finally learning that that is what people mean by letting the past go. Sure, there are times to deal with it, but those times don't need to fill up the whole day! (I'm saying this for myself now.)BTW, those breads/cakes look stunning!

anra · Post by **anra** » Wed Mar 30, 2016 9:28 am

oolala .... thanks! for reading, thinking and replying.

of course the things are just in my head. the threat i feel is very much one to identity and self-worth, so i feel a bit shaken to the core.
i was so down in the dumps over the last few days, i started taking a very small dose of 5-htp (made from griffonia beans) to brighten and stabilise my mood. it is a precursor of tryptophan, which makes serotonine in the brain - and it works. and i'm forever thankful for that. my outlook is more confident and relaxed.

i'm doing no-s for over a month now, and i felt that i lost weight in the first two weeks. i stepped on the scale last saturday and i had not lost one bit. ... well. i don't worry and even if i never lost another pound, i'd still would not want to give up the structure and mind-set. and i think after the stress is gone and i'm back to my true self, the weight will start to move, eventually.

started with exercise yesterday. i run up and down the stairs in our building (10 floors) and in 14 minutes, i really get out of breath and work up a sweat. even if i wanted to do more, i guess i couldn't.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Mar 30, 2016 1:20 pm

Stair climbing for 14 minutes on your first day? Wow! But it sure is efficient.

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Mar 31, 2016 5:26 pm

it sure is efficient; i was sore for two days, in fact i still am.

today it was like a summer day and i took my bike to work; that's 50 minutes of riding the bike against the wind

i got out of breath a few times and sure did sweat ... so it counts as a workout.

eating-wise all is fine; 3 reasonable meals straight; getting enough water and taking some magnesium to ... ahem, keep things moving.

the hearing is next week, less than a week actually. i can't wait for it to be over and things to be decided.

at least i'm stable enough to get things done for uni. and smile a bit more throughout the day.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Mar 31, 2016 6:07 pm

Does uni mean university? Tx

anra · Post by **anra** » Sun Apr 03, 2016 8:56 am

yes it does. sorry, i took that abbreviation mindlessly from german!

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 1:21 pm

so far, so good.

the hearing is tonight. i'm all over the place. at least i'm having a day off and i spent it cleaning the whole place, taking out the garbage, taking old clothes to caritas (a chain of second hand stores that gladly takes donations), ... anything to keep me busy and my mind from ruminating. ack.

had a hard time getting enough water over the last few days. it's unusually hot and still - i just forget about staying hydrated.
also, it's very hard to resist the urge to numb myself by stuffing food in. overate a bit at lunch yesterday, not a good feeling. it was nowhere near a real binge, but still three or four bites too much. was not really comfortable all afternoon.

anyway, i feel my stomach and belly area is getting a little flatter and smaller, bit by bit. which is good, because my belly and my face are my least favourite body parts at the moment. i think everybody got those - the parts of you that you notice and dislike first in pictures. ... people say i have a pretty face but i think it's not build to carry fat well. i'm unlucky, my face is the first place to show weight gain. i don't have a strong jaw line or high cheek bones, so i get puffy. ... oh well. so far i got along in life quite well, so no real reason to complain. i'm just mumbling.

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Tue Apr 05, 2016 4:57 pm

Mumble away - we don't mind! It's lovely to feel yourself getting smaller - and I hope that feeling will motivate you to keep going!

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 2:19 am

I hope the hearing went okay. So sorry you have to go through this.

anra · Post by **anra** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 8:19 am

thank you cookie and merry!

the hearing went fine. the board decided in my favor and with my best interests in mind. and they decided quickly, within an hour.
i can finally let this part (bad childhood/father issues) of the past go.
this cloud has been over my head for a few weeks now and it feels strange to suddenly be "officially" free of those demons.

and now i can tell myself - onwards!

i have to catch up quite a few things that had to be put on the back burner. i'm looking forward to getting things done.

cookie - of course i'll keep going. i'm too curious to see what happens in the long run.

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 8:26 am

Hooray! So happy to hear you had a positive outcome from that.

Right - onwards, eh?! See you tomorrow

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 12:59 pm

I'm so glad the hearing went well for you! Thanks for sharing that.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:38 pm

Sigh of relief for you!

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Apr 07, 2016 4:00 pm

thank you everyone!

this morning i woke up after a full night's sleep, well rested and ready to face my day.

completed the last missing hours of my internship, fixed a few exam dates, got a few other things in order and now i am working on a presentation for next week. busy but happy. and i feel truly blessed for being able to live and work in peace.

3 meals a day is going fine. drinking enough water is in check. exercise habit is fine but i wish i'd find a fixed time in the day to do my 14 minutes. we'll see.

hope everybody's well!

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Apr 10, 2016 3:33 pm

Are you finding you aren't doing your 14 minutes or are you actually managing it even if not at the same time?

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 4:51 pm

hi oolala! i'm doing my 14 minutes of intense working out not every day, because there is no real routine at the moment. so some days just fly by and to be honest, i do completely forget about those 14 minutes.

i move a lot by bike, i walk a lot on a daily basis (don't own a car) ... but the intense movement just .... slips my mind.

yesterday was red. not because i overate or had sugar ... just not three straight meals. had to get out of the house very early, had my breakfast and all. ... but then ... i did bring lunch, but only had a few bites due to things that were to prepare for a presentation. was in between hunger/satiety for the rest of the day. had the remaining lunch in the late afternoon but then kept snacking/rummaging through the fridge for the right kind of food. somehow my palate was "confused" and i kept looking and trying for the right kind of taste ... i turned out, i wanted ("needed") some sour-crunchy-briny gherkins. but by then i had already tried and eaten a few other things. i guess i permasnacked.
well ... i marked yesterday red and started fresh today.

and today went fine.

RAWCOOKIE · Post by **RAWCOOKIE** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 5:29 pm

I had a RED day on Monday too - and ended up with briny salty-sour pickled gherkins too! Hope you're

today? I've made it!

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Apr 12, 2016 6:20 pm

ha?! how funny is that?

yes, today was

jackn · Post by **jackn** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 5:37 pm

Encouraging to see, Anra and Raw, how you slip and just get back in track without being fazed.
Hope to match that when I slip next.

Good luck with setting a time for your exercise, Anra.
Let us know.

How do you enjoy shovelglove, if that's what you're doing?

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 6:50 pm

hey jackn! thanks for stoppin' by! i really like your signature

i LOVE the sanity of marking a day red, putting it behind me and just start afresh the next morning. it is a very grown-up, self-empowering thing to do.

the 14 minute workout should be stepping the stairs in our building, we have 10 floors and this makes for a good opportunity to get out of breath and sweat little. i tried shovelglove for a while but it is too brutal for me.

at the moment i'm out the door in the very early morning (get up at 6 am the latest) and then it's many different meetings and appointments all day long, coming home, get some housework and meal prep done, sit down to work at the desk and going to bed feeling happy, but totally exhausted. the last few nights i fell asleep within minutes.

if i'm not crazy-busy like this, i sit at the desk all day and immerse myself in research for my degree i want to accomplish by september. i have to get the reading on the papers i need for my experiment done by next week and it's all a bit much. so. many. articles! here's where excercise just slips my mind.

---------------

today went fine. breakfast was a bit small, so i pushed through till lunch (water, water, water!) and then enjoyed it very much. dinner was just a quick bowl of cornflakes with almond milk, i did not have much time, and cereals was what i wanted anyways.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Apr 14, 2016 10:57 pm

If you can't do all 14 minutes at once, maybe 5*5*4 minutes done between every two papers read?

'd be nice if I followed my own suggestions. ..

jackn · Post by **jackn** » Fri Apr 15, 2016 6:49 am

anra wrote:really like your signature

Hi Anra.
As to 'At meals only eat, only eat at meals', glad you noticed, and thanx for the encouragement.
I tried it like a year or two ago, and ended up picking up my old ways after a few days. I'd surf on the net while eating, I'd eat while relaxing on the sofa...

I think I may have grown a little in the meantime, and I think that the no-snacks rule, together with the whole spirit of NoS, and the support of this great forum, now allow me to do better.
I don't know where this is going, and I'm cautious, but so far so good.

How interesting about the stairs.
I do that, too, when I'm good: I go for twenty-five minutes of up-and-down in our five-story building.
It's a real workout.
I do it once a week, but then I do skip it at times.

I see about the papers and experiments, not to mention busy.
I used to be a research (life) scientist myself and am familiar with the grind.

anra wrote: i tried shovelglove for a while but it is too brutal for me.

I think that's a positive approach, too, and mature, to pick up your important emphasis.
In the spirit of NoS, whatever we do must be sustainable.
If it's a deadly workout, you can do it once, twice... but, then, you start dreading it... I try for my part, though this is work in progress, to strike a balance between challenges and limits.

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue May 03, 2016 8:57 am

just a super-quick check-in:

my days are, and have been, good, stressful, incredibly challenging. i'm still with the three meals a day, sometimes portions are too big, but that's okay for now.

exercise is not happening, but that is also okay for now. i just can't have another layer of stress and things "not getting done" on me at the moment.

i eat well, i sleep fine (for the most nights), i get my water (for the most days), i get ahead with my workload at university, i have a bit of a social life and my husband still loves me, despite being absent most of the time.

so, all in all, things are busy and fine!

osoniye · Post by **osoniye** » Tue May 03, 2016 9:21 am

Good Anra! Thanks for checking in.

jackn · Post by **jackn** » Tue May 03, 2016 2:06 pm

anra wrote:i'm still with the three meals a day, sometimes portions are too big, but that's okay for now.

Sounds great.
Exactly, it's ok.

Good luck to all.

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Jun 09, 2016 5:27 pm

just another short and quick update.

just three more weeks ahead in this semester and i'll be done with my bachelor degree's coursework. just have to write my thesis over the summer (which will be a cakewalk, it's only 5000 words).

i am 105 days in on nossing. BUT i only recently started to lose weight, after i made a few changes in my diet:

1) i gave up being a vegetarian and allowed some meat back in. about 2 times a week.
2) i gave up my black tea. too much tea + too much stress = no sleep at all. and i used to drink it with too much stevia. had to cut it out.
3) i am very strictly sugar-free. that means no added sugar, only a little bit of fruit here and there.
4) i am watching my carbs and have drastically reduced my intake. i still have my bread and rice ... but only in small amounts. i eat a lot more veggies, greens and salads.

sounds radical? well ... i have to say i feel fantastic and i lost 2,5 kilos (=5,5 lbs) over the last two weeks ... whereas before that change, although being very strict with no-s, nothing really moved.

most of all i am very happy that i was able to quit black tea and stevia. i felt that i depended on it .... so it had to go. my sleep has improved very much. i am tired when i go to bed and not groggy in the morning. and i can sleep through the night.

i hope everybody's well!

jackn · Post by **jackn** » Thu Jun 09, 2016 7:32 pm

Great news, Anra.

Interesting.

Keep it up.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Fri Jun 10, 2016 4:50 am

Wow, that's great news, Anra! Congrats on your progress and on feeling better!

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:23 pm

... oh wow, time flies.

hello everybody, old and new

never really completely left the no-s lifestyle, just let the diary slip a few days and *boom* 18 months or so have gone by since the last post.

a lot has happened since June 2016 - we got married, we renovated our apartment, I started a master's programme (about to start my master thesis in the next few weeks). then my husband was seriously ill for a few months a year ago. he fully recovered but it was a stressful time, and sticking to this lifestyle change and losing more weight just did not seem so important anymore. we were more about "enjoying life because we realized how precious it is", even more so as one child of a family we know well passed away last winter. it was a hard time.

few weeks ago my thyroid went all out of whack and i started gaining weight, besides being exhausted, tired, crabby, slightly depressed and brain-fogged all the time. had to take a higher dosage of thyroid medication. now the energy is back and depression and brain fog are gone ... but of course the weight has stayed on and I feel heavier than I'd like to.

time to take it really seriously again. reasonable portion size and no overeating at dinner are my main goals for the moment. sugar is not real concern, most of the time I have none. no snacks is the easiest part for me.

here we go *again*

anra · Post by **anra** » Fri Feb 23, 2018 6:44 pm

success.

a demanding day at work, even if I had brought extra food besides lunch there would not have been time to eat it.

I had lunch and then only water and herbal tea. I'll have to figure this out ... did stop eating lunch when I was full, but 3 hours later I was getting hungry again (tough I had a nice combo of complex carb, protein, fat and veggies).

by the time I came home, I was "starving". Had the leftover from lunch plus some rice and an omelette. Did NOT overeat, even left some on my plate.

now, onto the weekend.

anra · Post by **anra** » Sat Feb 24, 2018 4:59 pm

success (mild s-day)

a small dinner means I wake up hungry for breakfast the next day - I like that.

a nice saturday spent with part of the family - went to an italian restaurant, had pasta and salad. the portions were really big, so I decided to finish the salad for lunch and take the leftovers from pasta home for dinner. also had a schweppes tonic water with lunch. I don't enjoy overly sweet fizzy drinks, but I like the bitter-sweets. was only a very small glass and I really enjoyed it.

nephew wanted to get a chocolate sundae after lunch. I was too full, but I treated him to one and had three very small spoonfuls just to share the enjoyment. it was really lovely, but I was just not hungry enough to have more.

now I'll go on and study for the rest of the evening. a polar cold front is supposed to move in over night, so winter is not done here in Austria. I'm excited, the city I live in has usually dull and mild winters, this time we had lots of snow and freezing temperatures. life feels more right with a proper winter.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 6:39 am

Sorry for your troubles since 2106 but glad for your husband's recovery. and for starting your thesis, etc. Welcome back. Nice to hear you are already enjoying some of the benefits again.

anra · Post by **anra** » Sun Feb 25, 2018 6:25 pm

hi oolala - thanks for your concern. i'm quite a positive person and always sure that things will turn out good ... so far in my life, all the trouble went away in the end and there's always been some kind of lesson in it ...

sunday - s-day - success

getting in tune with hunger and fullness again. I'm sitting down really hungry for meals these days but also manage to stop when I've had enough.

had two small chocolates as treat in the afternoon, no snacks or seconds whatsoever. just didn't feel like it.

lost 2 lbs within the last week, could be the higher dosage of thyroid meds kicking in or the more regulated meals or both. I'll take it.

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 5:14 am

You said,

I'm sitting down really hungry for meals these days but also manage to stop when I've had enough.

That is so great!!! I can do the first part of this but then chronically eat more than I need.[/quote]

anra · Post by **anra** » Mon Feb 26, 2018 9:28 am

hi automatedeating,

you know what it is? I just realized that I enjoy my meal so much more when I'm hungry - so I don't want to spoil the next meal by overeating at this one. also, i keep in mind "there is going to be food soon if you get hungry again" - so I don't "panic" and stay out of restriction mode.

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Feb 27, 2018 8:18 am

monday n-day success

nothing special to report, meals were not my usual, it was a busy day and food was more of the "hit and run" type. but three meals, eaten sitting down, with a plate, as I was hungry. good enough.

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Feb 27, 2018 5:35 pm

tuesday n-day success

b: 2 pieces toast w/ butter, 2 soft boiled eggs, persian cucumber, cheese
l: rice, broccoli + cauliflower+cashews dressed w/ olive oil and lots of black pepper
d: more rice, spinach frittata

drinks: lots of water, herbal tea, almond "milk" cocoa sweetened w/ honey

a good day all in all, nothing out of the ordinary to report. (ok, I bumped my head quite severely yesterday and am a bit dizzy with a strong headache today, but I'm a klutz anyway and this is nothing new for me. I know from experience that this will last a few days and then I'm fine again

)

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Wed Feb 28, 2018 3:14 am

Oh my! That sounds scary! Like you just tripped and konked your head on something?

anra · Post by **anra** » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:43 pm

hi automatedeating ... I was sitting on the floor by the heater to warm up a bit after I came home. silly me then got up too quick and too straight and banged my head into the windowsill.
thanks for your concern! feeling better already, headache almost gone.

wednesday n-day success

another busy and cold day.

no real breakfast, just was not hungry. I had breakfast as lunch, since I'm always on the savory side it doesn't really matter.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Mar 01, 2018 8:12 pm

I wonder how many people out of 100 bump their heads each day? I bumped mine several days ago, but not enough to feel it for long. I did touch my head later and wondered at first why it felt sore.

anra · Post by **anra** » Sat Mar 03, 2018 7:39 pm

oolala - that would be truly interesting to know ... I bump and bang my limbs and my head quite a lot (as I said before I'm a klutz), and many times I wonder "where does this bruise come from?!"

thursday n-day fail - a very demanding session with my therapist. I'm getting down to the core of my "issues" and quite a lot of very old and deeply buried pain is coming up. I wanted the solace of chocolate. I had some dark chocolate. but it was not the best quality and I felt sick quickly, even though I did not have much. oh well. the old tricks don't work anymore. so before completely being stuffed and sick and disgusted I just stopped, cried for a few minutes more, felt the pain, took a deep breath and let the miserable feeling pass. and forgave myself for "messing up", just could not have another layer of misery on me.

friday n-day success

saturday s-day success

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:33 am

Crying is the best chocolate.

anra · Post by **anra** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 11:04 am

yes, oolala, I felt much better after just crying it out than after those pieces of chocolate. .... I knew going into therapy that days like this would come. I knew I was probably going to resort to old habits. gladly, they don't work anymore, so it feels a lot like progress.

sunday s-day success
no breakfast due to lack of hunger or appetite.
rest of the day fine.

two major exams coming up on monday and wednesday, trying to juggle studying with work and appointments. try to keep calm and just take one hurdle after another.

bleak weather, not so freezing cold anymore, but no sun to be seen. can't wait for springtime!

automatedeating · Post by **automatedeating** » Sun Mar 04, 2018 4:50 pm

I always tell my students that crying is the best stress reliever! We literally shed cortisol in our tears. The calmness and (relative) peace that comes over us after a good cry is truly healing to the soul.

I used to be embarrassed and would hold back tears. My counselor insisted I cry anywhere, anytime I needed and to hell with those that didn't go with it. I can't say I ever reached that point, but I have found a nice middle ground that I am proud of.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:59 am

I never had a therapist tell me to do it anytime, anywhere. Mine said to try to get to a bathroom or more private corner. I'll tell you when you can't cry:when facing a group of teens, and it's not about some terrible loss that they sympathize with. The ones who are tuned to that will subconsciously go for it again.

You probably used good judgment. In any case, doing it sometimes is doing better than chomping.

anra · Post by **anra** » Thu Mar 08, 2018 6:56 pm

boy, what a week! but two important exams are done. just waiting for results.

monday to thursday n-days success

on tuesday no dinner due to lack of hunger/appetite
on thursday no lunch due to lack of hunger (I forgot to eat, more or less).

anra · Post by **anra** » Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:36 am

still going fine, been sick with a heavy cold and am still not fully fit again.

friday n-day success
saturday, sunday s-days success
monday n-day success

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Thu Mar 15, 2018 2:33 pm

So many people are either fighting off a cold or losing to one. Mine never took complete control but after two days of no symptoms, I woke up today with a raspy-feeling chest.

Good health to us all!

Did you get any results on the exams?

anra · Post by **anra** » Fri Mar 16, 2018 8:53 am

thanks for checking in on me, oolala!

now I finally got over the cold, after getting better and worse for a few days (my husband as well). we have quite drastic weather changes at the moment (from spring to early summer back to freezing temperatures within two weeks) and yes - so many people I know and even those in the street are all hacking and wheezing and sniffling. ack!

so. one exam I passed with a good grade (I guess in the american system it would be a b+ ?) and the other result is still not in, but the exam went well and I am quite sure I passed.

the last days:

working, studying, taking a farsi (persian) language course again, going to therapy, falling in love with music again, having people over, seeing my sister and having a gaming afternoon and looking forward to the persian new year (nowrouz) next week.

going strictly sugarfree again, even on s-days. my skin and mood just can't handle it.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Sun Mar 18, 2018 6:19 am

I'm sorry if this has been explained in a previous post, but why are you studying Farsi I ask because I lived in Iran in the late '70's.

And "eid-e'mobarak" I think I remember that right, though the transliteration is probably wonky.

anra · Post by **anra** » Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:30 am

saturday n-day success (strictly no sugar day 3)

oolala, that is soo cool, how was life in Iran in the 70s? I only know pictures and a few songs from that time ... and quite a few people who mourn a way of life that seems lost forever ...

I study farsi because I have quite a lot of Persian friends. I am a Bahai, a faith which is of Persian origin, and our community is very "Persian". I just fell in love with the language (so charming and intresting like the people themselves) and I wanted to challenge myself studying it, including reading and writing. I don't regret it, except when homework seems neverending

eid'e (to) mobarak is the greeting indeed

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Mar 20, 2018 3:36 pm

I had a good time at my jobs teaching English as a foreign language. The ex=pats were a lively group, more likely to be non-mainstream than I'd meet at home. I had an Iranian boyfriend for most of the time. He was a sweetheart, unlike the stereotype, as if I'd have put up that that. But I wasn't deeply in love and never had visions of our spending our life together. I lived in Isfahan for a few months. Lots of beauty there. I worked close to the center and got to spend a lot of time wandering in the bazaar and around mosques. Tehran was home for a couple of years, definitely the biggest city I've ever lived in. (4 million then, 13 million now) IMHO, not a very attractive city, but lively enough and good work mates. Foreigners and their Iranian boyfriends I knew made jokes about being watched over by the secret police, but nothing ever happened to any of us. After awhile, life was just life- working, shopping, eating, some playing. Not dull but not a revelation every day. It was quite shocking, at least to me, when we first heard news of anyone with guns besides the police. I thought it would all blow over, but of course, the revolution was beginning. Martial law was declared, I think sometime in the summer. I left in September of 1978 on what I thought would be a long tourist trip in India, planning to return and start a new job after Christmas. I called my employers in January, and they were still planning to go forward. Then the Shah left in February, and I never even considered going back. My boyfriend had been traveling with me. We split up and I came home. I had more culture shock returning than leaving! He eventually left Iran again and ended up marrying a German woman and having children in Germany. I was glad for him. In some ways, I'm still affected to this day by the experience there and traveling in the East. I never go in a movie theater or restaurant bathroom without marveling a little over the clean environs, running water, and soap! That's part of what's meant by "standard of living." We take it all for granted. That was certainly common as well in big cities, but there was this other side. We may have it in the States, but I'd never seen it.

Everyday Systems

anra's not so daily check-in

anra's not so daily check-in

i'm still here!

back at it again