Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:41 pm Post subject: Mitchelll_2018
So I'm back again. A common story: I lost about 20 lbs. Started looking and feeling better. People noticed. Then I lost track of the habit building portion of NoS. Focused only on my weight and pant size. Stopped tracking days. Started trying to limit calories/carbs too strictly. Slowly regained.
My wakeup call was just after this Christmas. I knew I had regained the weight and was back at approx. 240, largely due to resuming snacking. Knew vaguely "I need to do something," but still in a bit of denial.
My sister was in town and we sent to visit some relatives. There were only 4 of us, and my cousin's wife had prepared Hot Buffalo chicken dip for a pre lunch appetizer. She and her husband ate very little of it, and sent the leftovers home with me. Over the course of the afternoon, I ate about 1/2 of it. The recipe says it makes 18 servings.
I had trouble sleeping that night, I was so full. I could feel my stomach protruding and lying on the bed in front of me. It was so large, it felt like a separate body component. I woke up and knew I never wanted to feel like that again, neither physically or mentally.
I began NoS again at the beginning of this year, and pledge to continue it for the full year. My goal this year is to focus on the habit building; to make the number on the scale secondary. Because no matter whether or not I lose weight, I feel so much better when I eat NoS. Even when the scale doesn't move. I don't like the way I feel mentally or physically when I eat unrestricted. After two weeks, my mental state is so different.
yesterday's green square was a white knuckle affair. It started out fine, good even. Woke up happy to go to gym. After gym had my planned and eargerly anticpated breakfast, savory oatmeal. Had a lunch planned....the remainder of my salad from a restaurant meal the day before, which I planned to bulk up with a boiled egg and bread.
The problem was that my client visit lasted much longer than I anticipated, and it was almost 3 before I was able to eat my lunch. I ate it, enjoyed, but I think the waiting so long triggered something, because soon after eating, an urge to snack kicked in.
It was so strong that when I started preparing my evening meal just a couple of hours after my lunch, all I wanted to do was throw over my planned meal, left over red beans, and dive in to the left over pizza in the fridge plus the pile of snacks my mother in law had given us. She just gave us a set of new leftover containers, and filled each one with snacks!!!!
Luckily they weren't, mostly, trigger snacks for me, but yesterday, I wanted to dive into each one. I managed to not do that, and sent most of them to work with my husband, who had to work an overnight shift. If they had been in the house, I'm pretty sure I would have caved.
Last week was a bit of a mixed bag as concerns NoS and my exercise plan. I would give it a C, maybe C+.
Wednesday was a technical fail, but not a big deal. My husband, without being asked, braved the freezing temps to go to the fridge in our garage which is about 10 feet from the house (the one in the kitchen is currently not working) to bring me a small serving of Halo Top ice cream after dinner. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I had it, but it's low calorie and the rest of my eating was on plan.
Thursday is where problems began. I stayed on my eating plan, but ended up drinking a lot. Husband had a snow day and I didn't want to drive in the ice, so I rearranged my schedule. We ended up snuggling down and watching Lord of the Rings, the entired expanded epic. Which was fine, but at some point, I decided a glass of whiskey would enhance the mood. It did, so I had another, and another. Again, it didn't impact my eating that day, but....
Friday came, as did a hangover, I managed to go to the gym, but limped through my workout. On the way home (I walk to the gym), I stopped for soda, chips, and donuts. This was just the beginning. I ate my way through Friday, including half of a bundt cake.
Sat, though, I managed to get back on track. I worked out as planned, and didn't binge or eat sweets. In fact, I ate very moderately at the birthday party I attended that night, enjoying what I did want, but stopping when I was full and not continuing to eat just to eat. I also avoided the temptation to drink heavily.
Sun. was similar to Sat, in that my eating was relaxed, but not out of control.
I am excited about turning this coming week green, however. And, like I didn't already know, I was made very aware that drinking does not aid my fitness goals.
1/23 Monday: Monday was an all around green day. Made it to gym, enjoyed my workout. Stayed to NoS. I am toying with IF, so I skipped breakfast. There was a bit on an issue with too long a period between lunch and dinner....a client meeting that ran long; I was ravenous when I got home and, initially, had the thoughts of "screw this NoS, I'm eating everything...dinner, a tv watching snack, Reese's peanut butter cup.....I'm eating it all." I managed to calm down and tell myself to start with my planned dinner. If after finishing it, I really did want to eat more, despite that eating not being in line with my goals, I could. After dinner, I made a decaf coffee, and that ended up being enough.
1/24 Tuesday: Not a great day, NoS wise. Started off great. It was beautiful day, and I found myself, because I walk there, actually anxiously anticipating the gym. The workout went well, one of those where I was really into it and extended it a bit. Lunch was great as well....the trifecta of delicious, filling, and nutritious.
The problems came after lunch. First a phone call about a stressful work issue I thought was resolved weeks ago, but wasn't, that will involve an unpleasant call to a client. Then, I received a pic of myself from a party on Saturday. I was feeling okay with the way I look, then I saw that awful picture. Instant desire to eat my feelings.
I struggle through the next few hours, resisting. taking a walk to relieve the stress, having a coffee treat instead of eating, etc. But at dinner I caved. A frozen pizza I ate 2/3 of, most of a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies, crackers, two glasses of wine. It could have been much worse, but I'm just angry at myself. I know binging would help the real issues. I know overeating will ust make my weight worse and me feel awful the next day, but I still did it.
So, I'm going to try to follow the advice I almost gave someone on the subReddit Loseit about recovery after a slip. Think how someone with a healthy relationship to food deals with a bout of overeating. They just think....oh no, I ate more that I should. Guess I'll do a bit more exercise and cut down a bit the next couple of days. What they don't do.....dive back into a trough of junk food.
So, I'm going to brush myself off and try again today.
1/25 Wednesday: I managed to have a green day. I was feeling a bit discouraged at daybreak, but decided to just do what I knew would help me reach my goals: follow my meal and workout plan to the best of my abilities. I was so full from the night before, I skipped breakfast, but had an early lunch. Careful to not go into punishment mode, I had the lunch I wanted, chicken wings and snack crackers. I enjoyed it, and it was filling. So filling that I ended up eating much less of dinner than I planned. Again not a punishment thing for overeating the night before; I was genuinely satisfied with a small portion.
Exercise wise, I felt good about my workout, and to enjoy the fine weather, extended my walk about twice as long as usual. That was, at least somewhat, a direct answer to the extra calories I consumed the night before, but it felt like a proactive approach to calorie banking and not punishment.
Last edited by mitchelll on Thu Jan 25, 2018 11:57 am; edited 2 times in total
I managed to calm down and tell myself to start with my planned dinner. If after finishing it, I really did want to eat more, despite that eating not being in line with my goals, I could. After dinner, I made a decaf coffee, and that ended up being enough.
That's an excellent way to handle it. So glad that it ended up being enough. 💖
Monday and Tuesday went well; pure green on NoS, gym routine and glass ceiling. My real challenge comes next week with visitors and Mardi Gras. I am actually looking forward to the challenge of sticking to my habits
Edited to add:
Tuesday evening added with something of a NSV. I had a late (close to 2 pm) and filling lunch. Usually we eat dinner between 5:30-6:30, but I had a very late client meeting. I thought about going through a drive through on the way to the clients, but I didn't want to rush through my meal, so I decided to wait until after until I could sit and enjoy it.
Plus, my goal is to elmininate eating in a moving car. I know those calories aren't more calorific just because I'm driving, but there is no coincidence that higher weights and more disordered eating episodes coincide with my eating in my car. Many more high calorie fast food meals and mindless snacking.
Anyway, when I was finished, no fast food sounded good. I headed to my local grocery, but after walking around, nothing stuck out, so I decided to head home and eat some leftover pizza. By the time I got home, I realized I wasn't hungry, I planned to be in bed in 3 hours at the most, so I skipped dinner,
It's no coincidence that when I was at my thinnest as an adult, I skipped dinner if I wasn't feeling it.
well, i guess pride, or at least over confidence, does go before a fall. Wednesday was a big ol' red day. Not the worst ever, but i did not only have a second dinner (it was too big to call a snack) after eating left over pizza, I also polished off a pint of Halo Top and 3 Ferrero Roucher.
What got to me? Stress from a family disaster combined with, and I think the most important element, no meal planning.
Looking back, I see the lack of meal planning coming up over and over when I fail. I also know that the times in my past when I lost weight and maintained it, my meals were very regular and often the same item.
I keep vaguely making plans to make plans about meals, but I don't. And since I know that have a plan and having the food available to carry it forward, and I know how to do it, I can only come to the conclusion that some subconscious part of me is fighting this weightloss. That some part of me wants to remain overweight. I need to do some soul searching and figure out what is going on in my head.
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