Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Counting carbs/calories is a drag. Obsessive scale stepping is a recipe for despair. If you want to count something, "days on habit" is a much better metric. Checking off days on a calendar would do just fine, but if you do it here you get accountability and support. Here's how. Start a new topic in this forum called (say) "Your Name Daily Check In." Then every N day post a "reply" to that topic as to whether you stayed on habit. A simple "<font color="green">SUCCESS</font>" or "<font color="red">FAILURE</font>" (or your preferred euphemism if that's too harsh) is sufficient, but obviously you're welcome to write more if you want. On S-days just register that you're taking an S-day. You don't have to do this forever, just until you're confident you've built the habit. Feel free to check in weekly or monthly or sporadically instead of daily. Feel free also to track other habits besides No-s (I'm keeping this forum under No-s because that's what the vast majority are using it for). See also my <a href="/habitcal/">HabitCal</a> tool for another more formal (and perhaps complementary) way to track habits.

Moderators: Soprano, automatedeating

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beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Tue Nov 05, 2019 10:09 am

Hello!

I'm 26 years old female from Europe, more specifically from Finland. As a courtesy I'd like to excuse my writing errors in advance.
Where were we? Yes, so 26 years old woman.
I'm 162cm tall and I think that's somewhere around 5 foot 3 inches.
My current weight is 74,3 kg or 163,8 lbs.

My eating history is very disordered, with binge eating being the main problem. For years I tried to fix this with super stupid fad diets. I used to weigh consistently 62 kg (137lbs) for years and in 2016 I managed to basically fast to around 55kg (121lbs). As you already know, it did not last and I shoot up to this (current) weight, which is the highest I've ever been.
I found No S maybe 1-2 years ago, but have been fantasizing of doing some stupid diet again and first getting to a more acceptable weight. I've been in that cycle of fasting and of course binging for a few years and right now I'm just.. done. And if that fasting thing worked for me, it should have maybe .. worked, right?
I think Einstein was the one who said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

So here I am. For the first time in my life my biggest goal isn't some weight, but sanity. With that I'd like to rejoice in my new NSV which happened last night. I was preparing breakfast for tomorrow (which I'm also proud of) and I looked into the freezer to hopefully find some bread. What I didn't expect to find was ice cream, that I bought over a week ago. I had completely forgotten that it was still there. I actually laughed out loud. Not bad for someone who used to down several thousand calories of sugar almost everyday.

Today is day 5 and I've already eaten breakfast and lunch. I'm hoping to join the 21 days club soon.

Almost forgot, but there's another kind of NSV-moment. I don't think about food, unless it's getting near a mealtime. Funny how you're not trying to starve yourself all the time you have time to think about other things. I actually have the mental capacity for hobbies. Wow.

automatedeating
Posts: 3942
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by automatedeating » Tue Nov 05, 2019 1:33 pm

Welcome! Thank you for sharing your journey with us! Welcome to satisfying moderation, the journey that has great epiphanies (similar to what you've already experienced) with pretty fun regularity.
:-)
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1; 10/19-21.8

beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Wed Nov 06, 2019 7:38 am

Thank you automatedeating for your warm welcome!

Yesterday was a success, so today's day 6.
Last night and this morning I noticed that I wasn't so tragically hungry before or after meals. It was a nice sensation of hunger instead of teeth gritting. I guess my body's starting to notice, that I get to eat in decent intervals, so getting hungry doesn't send panic signals to my brain anymore. I feel balanced.

I almost get emotional because this way of eating feels so good, and I'm only six days in.
I forgot to mention in my first post, that I weigh myself daily. Weighing for me is not a trigger and I use the Libra app, which focuses on the weight trend instead of individual datapoints. Today I weighed 74,1kg (163,3lbs). Logically there's no way to not lose weight like this, because like I said I used to binge several thousands calories almost everyday. And to be honest, I'm not that concerned about weight loss now, which feels weird but very liberating. I'd be fine and happy with maintaining, if I could keep this nice and sane feeling.

automatedeating
Posts: 3942
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by automatedeating » Wed Nov 06, 2019 2:40 pm

You seem to have been made for the style of NoS! Many people work for years to get to what you are already having glimpses of - that peace and acceptance and enjoyment of the journey.

Sometimes I get a little emotional about how NoS has changed my life. I used to have something in my signature line about how NoS started by straightening out my eating routine, but the method spilled over into so many other areas of my life.

Oh, and I weigh myself every day too. I use the Renpho scale/app. It's also not triggering for me. It's just another data point. My fasting blood glucose is another data point, and sometimes that one DOES trigger me! But if it does, it's a good kick in the pants to eat well.
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1; 10/19-21.8

beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Thu Nov 07, 2019 8:00 am

Thank you again automated eating!
It's so weird you know, but I think I figured out the reason why this feels so different. Every other diet I've been on has been brought on by the self-hatred and this diet is a result of self love. I can't say that I fully love myself but I definitely despise myself so much less :lol: . Also instead of loving my body, I'm now reaching for body neutrality. My body just is and there's no reason to attach any meaning to it. I like it, because it allows me to notice the things my body can do, instead of how it looks like.

Yesterday was a clear success, so if this one's too, my first week is complete. Funny how last night after dinner I didn't get the slightest bit of hunger and this morning I wasn't hungry at all, but had a small youghurt, just to keep things regular. I really feel full for a long time, which is pretty great.

Scale said 73,6kg (162,2) today.

automatedeating
Posts: 3942
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 2:16 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by automatedeating » Thu Nov 07, 2019 1:47 pm

I describe my eating patterns as "self-care", very similar to what you said about self-love. That powered me through in the early years of NoS, even before I could articulate like you just did! Then, finding foods that I LOVE to eat, but that also are super nourishing to me was a significant turning point for me around year 5. LOL!! That's crazy that it took so long!
Month/Year-BMI
8/13-26.3; 8/14-24.5; 5/15-26.2; 1/16-26.9; 9/16-25.6; 8/17-25.8; 11/17-26.9; 3/18-25.6; 8/18-24.5; 10/18-23.8; 1/19-23.4; 2/19-22.7; 3/19-22.1; 10/19-21.8

beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:34 am

automatedeating wrote:
Thu Nov 07, 2019 1:47 pm
I describe my eating patterns as "self-care", very similar to what you said about self-love. That powered me through in the early years of NoS, even before I could articulate like you just did! Then, finding foods that I LOVE to eat, but that also are super nourishing to me was a significant turning point for me around year 5. LOL!! That's crazy that it took so long!
Yes pleasureable and nourishing are key components for me as well!
And 5 years might seem long, but better late than never, right? :)

Scale today: 73.5kg (162lbs)
And now an assortment of musings:
- I am 1/3th of the way done with my first 21 days. Yay me!
- Today's an S-day for me, since I have them on Fri and Sat.
- I arranged a movie night for tonight with my friend and bought some snacks for that occasion last night. It was awesome to buy chips and chocolate, put them in my pantry and not have even an small craving for them! I feel so proud and now I want to fill my pantry with all the sweets, just so that I get to feel this awesome proud feeling.
- I had a few small moments of "hey let's start OMAD again, 'cause you want to be skinny asap for holiday parties". What that actually means is that if I follow that thought, my next move is to binge now, and start tomorrow (and the next I day don't actually pull through). So in fact the sentence actually says "Let's binge now". Therefore I've identified that as my eating disorder voice, so basically nonsense, and there's no logical basis for me to even consider it. It was weird at first to ignore it, since it has pulled me for many years, but since I'm well fed and sane, it's easier.
- My not-really-hungry-phase is continuing. Yesterday I ate lunch, and seven hours later I still wasnt' really hungry. It's super weird, and I'm not even eating that calorically dense meals. Same was this morning and now it's almost lunch time, and just a small inkling of hunger. I've tried to eat even a little, just to tell my brain that no worries, food is coming. I fear that if I skip a meal, my disordered thoughts come knocking - no pounding - at my door.

I had something else I wanted to write about, but now I forgot. I'll come back and edit, if I remember it.
Have a great weekend everyone!

beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:14 am

Didn't write yesterday, because I was busy all day. I went to my niece's birthday and visited a couple other relatives too.
I had my 3 meals, plus some cake and sweets. On Friday I had a small bar of chocolate after dinner, but it kinda tasted too sweet. In my last post I told you that I was planning on having a movie night with my friend. She couldn't come, but I still watched the movie and thought that I would want to eat some chips with dip. Didn't. I had a couple, but wasnt' feeling it.. This is the weirdest diet ever :D

If I remember correctly the scale read 73,3kg today. I'm almost halfway done with my first 21 days and still going strong. It's Sunday and even though I didn't really have a lot of esses, I still feel good about it being an N-day again.

beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Mon Nov 11, 2019 7:37 am

Officially halfway done with the first 21 days!
Still going through this not-really-hungry-ever-phase. I try to eat at least something during mealtimes, but this is starting to feel really weird. It's ironic, that when I start to feed myself adequately, I (as in my body) suddenly don't want to eat.
Mind you, I'm aware of portion sizes and I'm 100% sure I'm not serving too much to begin with (calorie wise at least).

Now as I'm writing this I suddenly remember reading about this on eatlikeanormalperson.com .
Spontaneous reduction in calories may be possible – a reduction in hunger

Let’s say that you are significantly overweight, as I was, and suddenly begin feeding your body normal, nourishing, honest meals. Within the first few months or so after resuming normal eating in this way, I found that (again, the reasons for this are pure speculation) my hunger levels dropped off intermittently, quite dramatically.
Perhaps my body knew that I had large energy reserves plastered all over my body (which surely it would, due to leptin signalling, for example) and that after demonstrating that the food supply was very high quality, reliable, and was not likely to disappear (ie I was suddenly fulfilling all nutrient and energy requirements regularly, day after day, and my body could trust on locating the correct nutrition/flavor profiles) that there was no need to demand as many calories. It seemed as though my appetite would dip quite low for a few days, and then rise up again (and of course, I would continue to eat as much as needed to feel completely full and satisfied, so my body NEVER had an occasion where it felt like the food supply had suddenly vanished).
Each time, I would just feed myself as my appetite demanded and then it would drop off again. After a while, as my weight reduced, my hunger became more even and steady. This caused me to lose significantly more weight in the first three months than I *should* have based on estimations of calorie maintenance levels, as conducted at the start of this article.
I can only hypothesise that my body really felt like the enormous weight gain was so detrimental, that once I started feeding my body well, with regularity, it dialed back hunger intermittently to get rid of it. Or perhaps it burned it super efficiently. Either or both mechanisms are plausible. But even if it happens slowly (which it did for me as I leveled out towards my optimal weight in the end) to lose weight naturally, WITHOUT DIFFICULTY, WITHOUT ANY RESTRICTION, HUNGER OR STARVATION IS. JUST. AMAZING! I don’t know how to convey the joy that this brings.
Hmm..

Soprano
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Location: UK

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by Soprano » Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:02 pm

I love that, it makes so much sense. I think the key is giving your body the nutrients it needs regularly :)

Jx
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

beeonne
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:08 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by beeonne » Wed Nov 13, 2019 6:32 am

Soprano wrote:
Mon Nov 11, 2019 5:02 pm
I love that, it makes so much sense. I think the key is giving your body the nutrients it needs regularly :)

Jx
Yup! I think so too.

Day 13.
Still here! Had a migraine yesterday, so didn't post.
Scale keeps going down. There's not much to report, because I'm not thinking about this diet all the time. Guys, I just love No S so much.

joy&balance
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon May 05, 2008 7:33 pm

Re: Beeonne checking in hopefully daily

Post by joy&balance » Wed Nov 13, 2019 2:31 pm

Love reading your journal, Beeonne. I'm also finally coming at this from a of place not hating myself - so different!

I hope you're feeling better!
10/19 - 146.5 (26.8 BMI)
Goal: 126.0 (23.0 BMI)

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