No S and social situations...

[Merry]

Hi, I'm new to No-S (made it through the whole main page and many related links tonight! plus a lot of forum discussions).

I saw on the main page that we shouldn't trade S days (like take them on Thursdays). And I also saw the part that addressed social situations--however it only addressed dinner parties. The social situations I tend to come up against are snack/dessert oriented. How have people addressed those?

Specifically--our Bible study meets weekly on Tuesdays & has desserts & various snacks. I want to make that an "S" day instead of one of the weekend days. Other than "people might forget if it's not simple," is there any reason not to permanently switch a day? (Is there a reason to have two S days in a row, vs. one on the weekend & one on another day?).

Then, what do people do about occasional friend gatherings that would be non-dinner gatherings but where food is served? Just don't join in? Do people ever trade days when that happens?

And finally, I'd love to hear if people go into a party/gathering type situation with a plan on how not to sample everything on the dessert table, LOL! Yes, I have a terrible sweet tooth. Unfortunately I rarely feel full on desserts, my "hunger" cues must be napping then. I have lately been focusing on not eating something unless it tastes stellar (I understand the No-S snobbery thread on stale donuts, LOL!). But I need some better strategies for not going whole hog on sweets when I'm at a party!

Thanks, Merry

[Betty]

I take my S days on Fridays and Saturdays for 2 reasons: 1) We always have a big Friday dinner, 2) I have a lot of vacation time, and using Sunday to practice being at home and still on habit has been invaluable.

I think the point is to make a decision and stick to it. So make Tuesdays an S day!

But I would advise against just switching days spontaneously. Social situations are tough...

Betty

[kccc]

For me (note those important two words!), those types of social situations are EXACTLY the kind of thing I need to learn to deal with. There's always a social-food combination happening! So, I'm quite strict about them. Unless they fall on my designated days, OR I'm willing to take a NWS for them, I just don't indulge.

You would be amazed how few people even notice. And if they do, a simple but appreciative refusal ("It looks lovely, but I'm still full from lunch. Maybe later.") is all that's needed. ("Later" may not come... or I may decide the food can be a real meal "later.")

However, everyone has to find their own path. If you don't have a lot of those types of situations, you may not have to be so hard-nosed.
So, it MAY work for you to make Tu your S-days, IF there are no other "exceptions." (Is the food really worth it, though?)

What I would advise is that you draw your lines clearly, and observe them VERY strictly. No S is very moderate, and thus results in SLOW weight loss for most people - and it's easy to cheat enough to derail that slow loss if you aren't really paying attention.

Good luck.

[howfunisthat]

I have the exact situation! We meet for dinner & a study on Friday nights and there's always a dessert. I take my "S" days as Friday & Saturday. I think the issue here is the discipline of it. I am really careful not to take Friday & Saturday as "S" days AND then SORTA make Sunday a "Non-S" day. I'm really strick about not fudging (no pun intended). I really enjoy the Fridays with friends & would rather feel free to eat dessert or seconds with them instead of feeling deprived. When other social situations come up on Non-S days I try to keep myself busy chatting and far away from extras I don't need.

This is a great plan....I'll never go back to any other way of eating. Welcome to the forum & keep asking questions if you have them...

janie

[vmsurbat]

As others have said, you *can* make your Tuesdays an S day, but that seems rather limiting to me--just for the sake of desserts and snacks? Maybe if they are REALLY good and you just ENJOY them so much--yes. Otherwise, I would make a plan so you don't WANT to have them. Some ideas:

Eat a good meal before you go so you aren't hungry. I can totally relate to the sugar-only foods not being satisfying. When I know I'm going somewhere (eg. Birthday party) and I am choosing to make it a NWS day, I make sure to eat something savory first. Otherwise, I will get a sugar headache.

Stay away from the goodies table.

You can have something to drink, so keep a glass in your hand at all times.

Practice several lines (for your sake mainly): No, thank you. Perhaps later.

If you find that you really do want to make Tuesdays an S-day, you can still follow the one-plate rule--fill your one (hopefully smallish) plate with all the snacks/sweets that you are going to have and leave it at that. The danger with snack/sweet buffets is that it is incredibly easy to eat mindlessly.

I personally find that eating something before hand and keeping a drink (water, tea, coffee, juice) in my hand works well in social situations. I'm not starving and thus not much tempted to mindlessly eat, and by having something in my hand, I look like I'm participating in socializing.

HTH,

[Merry]

As others have said, you *can* make your Tuesdays an S day, but that seems rather limiting to me--just for the sake of desserts and snacks? Maybe if they are REALLY good and you just ENJOY them so much--yes. Otherwise, I would make a plan so you don't WANT to have them. Some ideas:

Eat a good meal before you go so you aren't hungry. I can totally relate to the sugar-only foods not being satisfying. When I know I'm going somewhere (eg. Birthday party) and I am choosing to make it a NWS day, I make sure to eat something savory first. Otherwise, I will get a sugar headache.

Stay away from the goodies table.

You can have something to drink, so keep a glass in your hand at all times.

Practice several lines (for your sake mainly): No, thank you. Perhaps later.

If you find that you really do want to make Tuesdays an S-day, you can still follow the one-plate rule--fill your one (hopefully smallish) plate with all the snacks/sweets that you are going to have and leave it at that. The danger with snack/sweet buffets is that it is incredibly easy to eat mindlessly.

I personally find that eating something before hand and keeping a drink (water, tea, coffee, juice) in my hand works well in social situations. I'm not starving and thus not much tempted to mindlessly eat, and by having something in my hand, I look like I'm participating in socializing.

HTH,

Thanks everyone! I can only *hope* that some day I would have the perspective that it's "limiting" to make my "S" day the one day a week I'd actually get desserts and snacks! Seconds aren't a big deal for me, I rarely do that, but I am a snacker, and have a big-time sweet tooth. I don't keep stuff around the house (though I've been known to make a late-night chocolate/ice cream/m&m's run, which is one of the ways I think no S will help me!). To go to a fun weekly social activity & not be able to eat anything would be truly depressing to me! But I like the idea of limiting to one small plate while I'm there, that's something practical that I think I can make work, instead of refilling several times. Thanks!

Merry

[reinhard]

Hi Merry,

You have a bunch of options, all with pros and cons.

1. You could just cowboy up and not snack during these study meetings. Pro: clarity. Con: might be very hard and unpleasant (but might not be that bad, with the help of a beverage).

2. You could switch days. It's not ideal, but people do do this. The risk is that you'll wind up also taking weekend S-days -- they're pretty powerfully tempting.

3. You could try to take a plate and "mealify" your Thursday study snack (as long as you steer clear of the sweets). This might be a tad strange looking, but (as long as you kept sweets off) would be totally legitimate in terms of the rules and you wouldn't have to be miserable watching everyone else indulge.

Reinhard

[blueskighs]

Merry,

I guess the question is why do you want to have those Tuesdays be S days? Is it just OUTRAGEOUSLY DELICIOUS food or are you self-conscious about declining? If you are self-conscious about declining you could look at it as an opportunity to build you're "no thank you, I am not hungry" muscles being a bible study, it would be hard to understand them urging you on to one of the seven deadly sins of gluttony ... hahahhahhaha

but if the food is just SO GOOD then you could use NWS days (non weekend special days) Reinhard suggests an average of two per month and personally I prefer to use for birthdays, holidays etc., so you would have to allot with some thoughtfulness, OR as you considered switching your S days.

I think the bottom line you are addressing here is WHEN DO WE SAY NO? Because the bottom line is that to lose weight and maintain it in the long run, we each have to say NO more than we are doing when we started NO S.

There does seem to be an idea and I am not addressing you individually Merry, this is in general, but there seems to be this idea that if we ever decline sweets that is just what? Not acceptable. Every "naturally thin" person I know never says YES to Sweets ALL OF THE TIME .... I think there is that self-conscious thing ... if we say no maybe people will think -god forbid - we are on a diet

Saying NO to food when I don't want it or need it has become part of my life, I find that the people who have issues with me saying NO usually have a ton of issues about food and weight themselves and I just don't worry too much about it.

Finally, I have learned that the less of an issue I make about not partaking the less of an issue other's make about my not partaking.
Things I keep in my hip pocket for such an occasion ...

No thank you
No thank you I am full
No thank you I am not hungry right now
No thank you maybe later (it is amazing how many people forget later)
No thank you my stomach hurts.
No thank you my stomach is a little bit upset right now.
No thank you, sweets give me headaches.
It looks delicious but I am full.
No thank you (then quickly refocus the conversation)
No thank you (then quickly change the subject)
No thank you, how have you been? (People would much prefer to talk about themselves rather than what I am or am not eating )
I just had a huge dinner and I can't get in another bite.
Would you mind if I take some home for later?
No thank you chocolate gives me headaches.
No thank you chocolate gives me heartburn.
No thank you sweets give me heartburn.
No thank you when I eat sweets too late at night i can't sleep.

Whatever comes out in the moment, I just try to keep it short and sweet and as innocuous as possible ....

Blueskighs

[Merry]

Merry,

I guess the question is why do you want to have those Tuesdays be S days? Is it just OUTRAGEOUSLY DELICIOUS food or are you self-conscious about declining?

Not self-conscious about declining (in fact, I'm self-conscious about the fact that I'm eating more than all of the other more sensible people there, LOL! So, I really like the one plate idea as it will make me choose what I want most, and give me a concrete boundary of when to stop). Mostly it's about people who bake awesome treats that I rarely make for myself at home, lots of chocolate (which I also love) etc... It's one thing to be home by myself & say I really don't need anything chocolate, and it's another thing to smell it & watch others eating it, LOL! I don't mind saying no sometimes & just enjoying a drink, but on a weekly basis--and particularly at these meetings where we spend 30 minutes talking around the table before doing anything else, I'm not really excited about 100% missing out on that to be honest! I could much more easily go to a church potluck, fill my plate once & skip the dessert table & be fine with it.

but if the food is just SO GOOD then you could use NWS days (non weekend special days) Reinhard suggests an average of two per month and personally I prefer to use for birthdays, holidays etc., so you would have to allot with some thoughtfulness, OR as you considered switching your S days.

I didn't remember there were 2 of these per month, but I mainly remembered birthdays & religious holidays. I think I really will try switching one of my days to Tuesdays though. I guess we're odd in that our social times don't tend to fall on the weekends often!

I think the bottom line you are addressing here is WHEN DO WE SAY NO? Because the bottom line is that to lose weight and maintain it in the long run, we each have to say NO more than we are doing when we started NO S.

Yes! For me the "no's" are going to be my regular snacking habits & my chocolate cravings & ice cream, and especially late night snacking habits. One time I lost 15 lbs. over 6 months just by not eating after 7pm. Anyway, I'm hoping this will work out for me similarly, maybe even a tad better.

And then the going nuts when I do see goodies thing, I really need to learn to control that.

Thanks for all the great ideas, I'm enjoying reading how others handle things!

Merry

[blueskighs]

Merry,

you sound pretty clear about what you need to do

Blueskighs

[Merry]

Blueskighs

I've been so curious...why do you spell your user name the way you do--just for fun or is there a special meaning?

Merry

[blueskighs]

no special reason, although the name itself has deep personal meaning

Blueskighs