The Blessings of Simplicity

[NoSRocks]

I echo everything that the two posters before me have said! Really excellent advice, guys for ALL of us, thank you!!
I also am really delighted to see that you have decided to come back to No S and really give it a try this time. I too, struggle with diets and food anxiety and if you've read my posts, you'll know there are times I contemplate trying something new/different. HOWever, as a compulsive over-eater with a massive sweet tooth (NOT exaggerating!) I can truly say that now I have stuck with the No S Plan long enough, it has (for the most part, still a work in progress) cured my binge eating and constant thoughts/obsession about what I'm going to eat throughout the day.

Kathleen: I think you will do well on this plan. Congratulations and good luck! ((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

[oolala53]

I am so proud of you for seeing that you haven't actually been on the plan for any length of time in these years. It won't suddenly be easy, but you sound so much more ready. And the fact that you having already started walking is fantastic! Have great meals and the only thing you bite between meals is the bullet!

[Anoulie]

Wow, this is great! I'm so proud of you! You know, I've been lurking on your Check-in for a while and I've always thought to myself: Why does this woman have to sabotage herself like this? She should just try No S for a couple of months... and now you do! Awesome! Congratulations! Stick to it! Don't overthink it! You WILL lose weight on this plan. It may be slow, and you may want to tweak the diet to be faster, or try a new one altogether, but please, for the love of All Things Vanilla, don't. Do No S, and your body will do the rest. Mmkay?
Wishing you all the best, Katie

[Kathleen]

Anoulie,
BrightAngel argued that point with me more than a year ago, but I wasn't ready. Sometimes people just have to figure out things for themselves. As the parent of teenagers, I often tell myself, "Some lessons are best learned the hard way." Well, I learned my lesson about tweaking this diet! Thanks for the encouragement!
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Keep going, Kathleen. I have an idea which might make things work a bit faster, and it has NOTHING to do with food-that's all been covered in No-S.

I started water-running around September, which consists of running laps in about 4 feet of water. I used a local college pool (memberships open to the community) and I go just about every day; you can't hurt yourself water-running. Although I've been really happy about the toning. and my back and knees feel much better, water-running hasn't done much for weight loss.
My bathing suit fits a lot better, though.

But you really start gathering momentum when you start exercising and the food part of things is pretty much under control. I started wondering if exercising in the evening, after dinner, would make a difference to weight loss. My theory was that if I could raise my metabolism in the evening before bed, I might lose weight. I always thought that you shouldn't exercise in the evening-I'm not sure what we all thought would happen if we did, but it was nothing good. Well, the worst that I could find about exercising at night was that some people might have trouble falling asleep afterwards, which is not the case with me.

I added in about 25-30 minutes of belly dance (took lessons-mucho fun!) and then a yoga program. The book is by Glenda Twining, entitled Yoga Turns Back the Clock, and it's hard but very good-incorporates flexibility, strength (uses your own body rather than free weights) and cardio, because you're supposed to move from one pose to another. Well, I can't do that yet, and some of my poses are, shall we say, less than ideal, but I can really see this working after awhile. My goal is to look like the author-she was 60 when she wrote this book. I should be so lucky!! But I like books for women of my age (now 53) to see what 's possible. A book by some 25 year old is really not much use to me-I don't know whether she looks so good because of her program, or because of her age.

Anyway, my point is that this has worked so far-I was plateauing for a long, long time, with the last 10-15 pounds just not wanting to leave home. It's early days yet, but I've lost several pounds in the last month.

Give it a try! But give it time, and if it doesn't result in weight-loss, well, the other health benefits are awesome. I know you have 4 kids still at home (i have one, and he's a senior in college so doesn't demand much of my time) but I think you'd be fully justified in asking your husband or one or more of your kids to do XYZ, because you're exercising for your health.

[oolala53]

Just read your update, Kathleen. A note on willpower from a "toughness" coach, something you quoted someone else saying how the beginning and the planning, when we are imagining that it's all going to work, so we feel euphoric. Then it gets hard and we switch. This toughness guy says what everyone has to accept is the stage of "pain." The time when it's hard, it's not "working," and all that. You CAN face and conquer this stage, but conquering means GOING THROUGH IT. It is harmless to endure on this path.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
I got a personal trainer. My goal is 10,000 steps per day plus two easy strengthening exercises. At the moment, that goal is a lot! Yesterday, I walked exactly 2.012 steps. I don't move much! My hope is to focus on exercise and ignore internal debates about how to improve on No S. I will look to additional exercise once I have down as a normal part of life a lot of walking. It's hard to even consider it exercise. It's more daily living.

oolala53,
There are people who walk down the aisle and spend their lives wondering if they made the right decision. Not me. When I made that decision, I was set. If my track record with marriage was reflective of my track record with diets, I'd be beating out Liz Taylor in number of marriages! I cannot say that I will stick with this diet for life, but I'm going to give it a good try -- say, a year minimum? I've already reserved a cabin at Family Camp at the Boy Scout Camp for a week in July, 2013. That seems like a good time to re-evaluate. Not before.... If I start to waiver, remind me of this post! I am sick to death of spending all my time tweaking. It may be that it's a part of my personality to tweak. Fine... I'll tweak my exercise program.

Kathleen

[oolala53]

[quote]If I start to waiver, remind me of this post! I am sick to death of spending all my time tweaking. It may be that it's a part of my personality to tweak. Fine... I'll tweak my exercise program. [/quote]

Oh, don't worry! I'll remind you. But I think I won't have to. As you say, you can put all that energy into your exercise plan.

And congrats on your willpower regarding your marriage!

[Kathleen]

oolala53,
Thanks! There actually is no willpower involved in staying married. I made a decision and that was that. I am hoping that I have the same attitude towards this diet going forward. I've made the decision, and I'm sticking with it! Being this fat really stinks. I have a job interview on Wednesday, and I cannot wear a suit and the coat I was wearing until December.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Well, "tweaking" for exercise is good; the only place where we'll all yell "NO! NO TWEAKING! DON"T TOUCH" is NoS.

It was tweaking that got me over my plateau. The heart-rate monitor is a good idea, so you can see if your effort is paying off.

But you can incorporate my idea into yours if you want. Maybe try walking for
ten minutes after dinner, to get your heart rate up, and see if it makes a difference in the rate of weight-loss.

I know that I ate a fairly larger dinner last night, and after belly-dancing and yoga, I was hungry again (slightly hungry). I went to bed, knowing that my weight would be down this morning.

You never know, it might work for you.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
It's 11:15, and I have walked 2,779 steps. The dog is begging for another walk. I think I can do best right now if I just try to increase the amount of exercise I get from non-exercise activities like taking the dog for a walk. In future, maybe it will be different. I was friends with someone who moved away and now I just read about her on Facebook. She's an athlete. I would be embarrassed to meet her today. The key for me, right now, is to accept where I am and build from there. Thanks for the encouragement!
Kathleen

[milliem]

Eurobabe2,
It's 11:15, and I have walked 2,779 steps. The dog is begging for another walk. I think I can do best right now if I just try to increase the amount of exercise I get from non-exercise activities like taking the dog for a walk. In future, maybe it will be different. I was friends with someone who moved away and now I just read about her on Facebook. She's an athlete. I would be embarrassed to meet her today. The key for me, right now, is to accept where I am and build from there. Thanks for the encouragement!
Kathleen

It sounds like you are in a really good place, looking at increasing your usual daily habits and building on these first is a fab idea. Something we see so often is people trying to go from 0 to 100 in their control of eating/exercise/whatever and being surprised when it's hard to manage! Keep building on your habits Kathleen, you'll get there!

Also I like your point about tweaking things except the basic NoS rules. As long as you try your hardest to stick to no snacks, seconds or sweets on N days you can tweak what, when and how you eat until it works for you!

[Maggie9190]

Hi Kathleen:

Just wanted to stop by and sell hello. I'm farily new at this too and my brain trys to constantly tweak things and make it better - generally this has worked for me in life in many ways - it's basically a problem solving technique, trying to see the issue from all angles. In my working life it has definitely been an asset! But with raising kids and relationships, I have found that consistant application of basic qualities is the answer. I now believe that is the best application of NoS as well.

I remember one time (before I found NoS) that I tried to combine the best (at least what I thought was the best) of WW, Carbo Lover's diet and Atkins - it got so complicated I failed miserably very quickly. I was constantly changing and tweaking to fit the issue/emotion/scenario that my mind was in at any particular time.

Again, although I am still new at this, I have found a peace in following the rules. I still get very strong cravings for sweets during the week, but I find telling myself that I only have 3 days, 2 days, etc. until I can have what I want helps tremendously. Also, not having those late night sweets makes me feel so much better the next day. I do find I feel quite yucky on S days but that is because I am really eating a lot of sweets at this point in my journey - I know as time goes by that urge to eat a lot of sweets will diminish as my brain accepts that I can have sweets - I just have to wait a few days.

I already find that I am getting very discriminating about what sweets I eat - this is very different than the binge eating I used to - it really didn't matter what I ate as long as it was high in calories and I was eating continuously for hours....

So good luck to both of us! I always enjoy reading your posts.

Maggie

[oolala53]

Just want to reinforce what you seem to be feeling: that the real focus right now is Vanilla No S. Everything else needs to be expendable. Desirable but expendable. Expendable doesn't need to mean it will be jettisoned. It often won't! But a failure of the expendables should have absolutely no effect on the focus. This is a huge turnaround for you and I hate to see it compromised advice to conquer too much at once. You actually sound very grounded in it, so my words are probably unnecessary.

I don't know if you read any of the testimonials but a relatively recent one was from a man who started slowly and incrementally with everything. The most impressive part to me was that I think he started with 3 minutes of exercise and after 5 or 6 months was still at only 12 minutes, but he has worked up to Vanilla No S in the meantime and has dropped about 40 lbs. I admire so much that he hasn't felt the need to be upping his exercise; he doesn't want to go gung ho and then have to scale back.

I think the way you are working with the steps sounds perfect. You've had some high-step days, and some not so many, but given how your life has been the past four years, any consistency at all is wonderful! and the way you see how it can work in with your life is just that much more reason to see it as permanent, just as Reinhard having walking built into his life made that easier to keep as a habit for so long. (I'm using the past because I'm not sure if anything has changed his being able to walk to work. )

[Kathleen]

oolala53,
Who is the person who dropped 40 pounds? That's great! At the dinner table, I said last night that my journal here had topped 100,000 posts. Tom asked if I had been honest about my weight, and I said yes. He was somewhat amazed. He wondered why people will read it. Well, I think the reason is charity! I needed the help and got it!

Maggie9190,
That's great to look at your prior experiences and say you don't want to tweak this diet. I think my motivation was that I wanted to take ownership of it, but some things are best left alone.

milliem,
I have not so far even been tempted to tweak No S. I'm viewing it as a foundation. The dog got three walks yesterday and I still did not make 10,000 steps. I need to be more active in my day to day life!

Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Hi Kathleen,

No, I didn't mean you should dramatically increase the amount of exercise you do-I worked up to the amount I do over a period of at least 6 months. My point is timing-if you exercise AFTER dinner, for at least 10 minutes-maybe a before-bed walk for your dog (since you plan to walk anyway) it may increase your rate of weight loss versus the same amount of exercise earlier in the day. Similarly, I read recently that 3 ten minute walks over the course of a day resulted in greater weight loss in one study. The researchers theorized that frequent walks might increase the body's metabolism over the course of a day.

Anyway, good luck.
And good luck with your interview-I have one too today.

[Kathleen]

Hi Eurobabe2,
Thanks for clarifying! And thanks for wishing me luck. I wish you luck as well. My life is so full, and it's nice to have this issue settled.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Yesterday, failure came a little earlier, about 3:30 PM, when I ate 1/2 peanut butter sandwich and then whatever I could lay my hands on. I don't like chips. Why did I eat them?

Kathleen, a better question would be, why were chips in the house? If they hadn't been there, you wouldn't have eaten them. If S-type foods aren't in the house, no one can eat them. You can plan and buy your S-day snacks ON S-DAYS, and I suggest individual serving sizes. That way, you get one snack, not 4 or more, from a bag of chips.
Or better yet, you don't buy chips because you don't like them, so you buy something you do like in a reasonable portion.
I've personally had the odd binge on "healthy" food, but it's rare. I mean, you arent' really going to start a binge if the fridge is full of fruits, veggies, and low-fat dairy, are you?

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
My husband buys the chips. I have asked him not to buy chips. However, I am guilty of purchasing other goodies such as chocolate-covered almonds. You're right that binges rarely involve fresh fruit. Maybe I should pay more attention to what I bring into the house. Thanks.
Kathleen

[TexArk]

I think you are on the right track, Kathleen. It is hard to change bad habits and start up good ones. It takes TIME and there will be failures along the way. Failures if we mean missing perfection. But as you have noted, one failure is not a license for binge behavior.

I agree that whatever you can keep out of the house is a food that won't be a binge food. However, for those things my husband brings in, I have to believe the Lay's Potato Chips commercial, "I bet you can't eat just one." So I know if I never eat one, it won't be a problem.

I read that a can of Pringles and a dozen large boiled eggs have the same amount of calories. I could easily down one can of Pringles if I got started. A dozen boiled eggs? Don't think so.

[Kathleen]

TexArk,
I don't think I took this problem too seriously. I thought it would resolve itself on its own. Now I know better. I have to pay attention to whether taking one chip is a good idea.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

Now I know why No S won't work for me, even though it is a clever program that is designed to teach moderation.

Last night, my husband brought home two bags of chips. I ate and ate. Why? Well, I've already figured that one out: years of dieting trained me to eat whatever was allowed, and everything is allowed on S Days.

If I stuck with No S, would my eating moderate? No. I don't think so. I'm still on a diet, as moderate as it is.

I'm signing off. It's embarrassing. I don't blame the diet at all. It's me.

What I am going to do is simply focus on eating lightly. I read in The Power of Habits that certain keystone habits have a way of changing other habits and two habits that tend to result in weight loss are increased exercise and writing down everything you eat. That sounds good to me. I actually think no snacks and no sweets and no seconds could be considered as keystone habits, but it's still a restrictive diet and -- for me -- restriction results in binge.


Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

No, no, don't sign off. Your fans will miss you. Keep coming here and maybe we can help.
Don't know how your new diet will work, but certainly the increased exercise will help. I know I'm seriously considering a treadmill desk .
Also, maybe smack your husband upside the head for
1. making comments about your weight
2. then bringing home two bags of chips

Kiidding! I'm kidding!!

[r.jean]

No S is not a diet per se. It is a lifestyle change. It is changing your belief system. Nothing will ever work for you until you challenge your belief system. Don't quit now. You have a cheering squad here to push you along.

[milliem]

If I start to waiver, remind me of this post! I am sick to death of spending all my time tweaking. It may be that it's a part of my personality to tweak. Fine... I'll tweak my exercise program.

Just popping in with a reminder! Don't give up Kathleen, wild S days are part and parcel of developing new, moderate habits for a lot of people. Would you rather eat everything EVERY day because you aren't following a sustainable plan (or even a plan at all) or just eat a lot on two days out of seven?

I think I have said this before but I am going to say it again - restriction does not HAVE to result in binge behaviour. You can be in control of your eating as much as it is easier to say that you are not. A positive way forward might be to write down every time you don't eat everything in your house, or resist a temptation that is in front of you, or decide not to buy something you know will result in overeating. Of course, you can do this while being on NoS, but it might help you to see that you can make changes!

[Kathleen]

milleum,
I am totally embarrassed. Let me think about it. Let me take some time. I'll be back in early April, OK?
Kathleen

[BrightAngel]

I am totally embarrassed. Let me think about it. Let me take some time. I'll be back in early April, OK?
Kathleen

You know that I've been watching you for years.
Your latest VERY BRIEF attempt to follow Vanilla No S
is EXACTLY the SAME as all of your other very brief attempts.
Nothing new, nothing learned.
Now AGAIN, You plan to QUIT at the first signs of failure,
.......just as you do all of your other plans. ......

Briefly Cycling through various plans and quitting each one
when you fail, is dabbling, which cannot be considered as serious effort.
You might Consider the fact that it is totally obvious to anyone watching ,
that you have NEVER made a serious effort at following Vanilla No S.

If you keep doing what you're doing,
you'll keep getting what you're getting.

A BIG CHANGE would be to STICK to your committment
to follow Vanilla No S, for at least ONE FULL MONTH,
despite your initial failures.

[oolala53]

You can take it, Kathleen. You must take it. You've been strong all along dealing with all the input here and I laud you for that.

We don't believe for one second that you should be embarrassed because you overate chips. I might think for a second that you should be more embarrassed for signing off after all this time, but even then, so what? You don't need our approval to keep at this.

Your mental and physical health very likely depends on your learning these lessons.

Do you not see that you have made the classic fortune telling mistake of habit change? I failed once, I've failed thousands of times, so I will always fail? That you cannot follow No S because you ate a two bags of chips? That it means you will always do that? That you will always fail? The only way that will always happen is if YOU always do it. And it doesn't matter how many times you have done it or how many diets you have been on, YOU CAN LEARN TO CONTROL THE AMOUNT OF FOOD YOU EAT AND EVEN ENJOY EATING LESS. That is as true as all the other thoughts you think are the truth.

Almost every person who has ever lost weight and kept it off did it after hundreds of mistakes. The difference was they didn't stop and the successes began to outweigh the failures.

You might as well stay here. What is very unlikely is that any other program will be easier for you. You haven't been able to eat lightly, either. Just go back to N days tomorrow.

[milliem]

milleum,
I am totally embarrassed. Let me think about it. Let me take some time. I'll be back in early April, OK?
Kathleen

There's no need to be embarrassed for failing! Anyway, you can't actually fail on an S day... Don't think you are the only one struggling, I overeat on weekends all the time. Today I ate chocolate for breakfast, two scones with jam and cream between my large platefuls of lunch and dinner, and then an ice cream that I definitely wasn't hungry for!!

As Oolala says, just go back to N days on Monday. It will be uncomfortable at first, that difference between N day eating and S day eating. The longer you keep getting back on that wagon and trying to manage your N days though, the better you will feel and the more able to manage your S days.

[oolala53]

As a reminder, have you ever read through posts on my check-in? I semi-binged almost every weekends for 22 months! And I had about 85% compliance on N days. However, I managed to lose some weight, keeping 1/3 of it off. Then I got N days squared away and got back down again, and then I finally found the will to improve my S days. IMPROVE, I said. I've had some very good weekends, but I wouldn't say this is one of them. But I still weigh at least 20 lbs. less than I did two years ago (I'll update everyone on Mar. 20). AND I STILL HAVEN'T INCORPORATED REGULAR EXERCISE. But I love food, and don't feel it is my warden anymore, though I do eat a lot at times. I just don't believe anymore that that is going to be the status quo.

You don't have to do it my order. You can get N days and exercise down while "blowing it" on S days. But eventually you can get them all together. And you will be better off than abandoning it all.

And given that you are starting out weighing more than I did, your odds of losing more are better, too.

You've talked a lot about using religious texts. Why not pray for the ability to see the upside, which I believe is actually more true than the downside?

[mimi]

Kathleen...dear Kathleen,
As already mentioned but worthy of repeating, you cannot fail on an S day, so no need to quit. Tomorrow you go back to three meals a day, no snacks, no seconds, and no sweets. Then you do the same thing on Tuesday, then Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. With each successful day, your confidence will grow.
I don't want to discourage you, but - wait, yes, I do want to discourage you. I don't think you will be able to "eat lightly." What is that anyway...sort of like intuitive eating and we all know what a fairy tale that is. You'll have no rules or boundaries with eating lightly, so how will you will you know when to eat or when to stop? How will you know what to eat? And when that doesn't work, what eating plan will you go to?
You need to go back to NoS and give it a chance...a good, solid chance, like, say, 6 months at least. You have many people here that support you and want to help.
I truly don't think your diet is the problem - whether you use NoS or some other eating plan - it's your thinking that's sabotaging your efforts, and I respectfully say that in all kindness. It's your internal dialogue and the things that you tell yourself that's getting in your way.
I would love to see you combine NoS for your eating plan, and The Beck Diet Solution for your mind plan. It has so many terrific exercises and strategies that I believe could help you turn around your self-sabotaging behaviors, which then would allow you to be successful with NoS.
Try taking a look at the daily diet solutions to get some daily encouragement.

http://www.beckdietsolution.com/daily-diet-solutions/

Tomorrow is a new day and with it comes a new chance to be successful. Don't give up...and don't quit.

Best wishes,
Mimi

[Maggie9190]

Well I am benefiting from all of this excellent advice even if Kathleen isn't. I weighed myself this morning after 2 wild S days and I was up 5 lbs!! First off, I shouldn't have weighed myself.

But I did, and I almost ditched the diet (I actually considered overeating today to excess, and then starting a "perfect diet" - whatever that is - tomorrow). But, I came and read everything above, and it has really helped me to realize I would be going down the same old path. So, NoS today and onwards until Thursday. It will be interesting to see my weight come Friday morning.

Maggie

[~reneew]

I hear ya Kathleen. We've both been around and around with our thoughts, mostly trying the same things, but I am here to tell you that I REALLY think that you shouldn't give up on noS. Here's why:

Like me, I don't think you've made it a habit and habit is the key to controling those binges! I personally think that I am a food addict, that being in my terms as someone who is controled by food. I am also a diet addict. Every darn day I start out with a plan that I AM going to follow. I go into all of the rituals of the current plan and write at length all about it. I buy little tablets and cool new pens, make graphs, make calendars, buy reward stickers, buy and read book after book or magazine article... I could honestly go on and on. I continue to return to my top 4 or so favorite ideas in hope that I have been away long enough for it to feel like a fresh start for me. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't. Twice in my life I lost 50. Since I started no S I've lost 26 pounds TWICE and am back at the starting point again. (See page 1 of my daily for specifics). But, I am learning as I go, and one thing that I've noticed this time of return (yesterday) is that while looking at my history of gains and losses, I get frustrated if I stall or it comes off too slowly. Then I seem to fall off the deep end probably because I think that it's not going as well as I want it. So, I start to tweak again, sometimes harshly, sometimes so weakly that it really is cheating myself. Then I gain. This whole last year I was in limbo thinking I knew better, but now I see that all I need is to continue on knowing that it WILL work long-term if I continue. ~emilyr and r.jean (sorry to use your names guys, but I need your influence here) both lost about 45 pounds while thinking most of the time that it was going slow and feeling frustrated. They were the tortoise while I was the hare... and I am back at the starting point AGAIN because I get impatient. Slow and steady wins the race. This does work! Hang in there! The habit will take over if you give it your all... keep at it. Be brutally honest with the rules. The habit will come and it will eventually help you when you want to chow on chips or whatever. Read the yearly check-ins for support on what I'm saying. Take from their sucessful attempts. Chips usually do me in by the way. I've come to realize that 5 good days and 2 sorta crazy days are way better long term for me than 7 fairly crazy ones...

[oolala53]

Kathleen, on another thread, I was trying to encourage someone who was getting defeated rather quickly. I told her that it takes a long time to claim that a marriage is solid and that No S was more like a marriage than a diet. She wrote and said that that had helped her. When she was offered sweets or snacks over the past couple of days, she said in her mind, No, thanks, I'm married.

Since you have such high loyalty to marriage, I think you should consider marrying No S!

[ZippaDee]

Kathleen,
Just wanted to be a part of your cheering section. You obviously have a lot of folks here rootin' for ya! Hang in there. I'm back to NoS after some time away. It's really a matter of the mind don't ya think? Just decide that THIS IS IT! This is THE plan that you can stick with for the rest of your life....and JUST DO IT! Ya mess up and you get back on the wagon. End of story. Be kind to yourself!

[NoSRocks]

Hi Kathleen! Just wanted to say hi, big hugs ((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))
and at the end of the day, whilst it is ultimately your own choice, PLEEZE don't sign off! We miss you already!

[Kathleen]

March 16, 2011: The Novena Diet

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Novena Diet
Day 1 of Novena Diet 1 - Friday, March 16, 2012: 215.2

Diet:
Each month, for nine days (preferably nine days in a row), eat three meals per day estimated at less than 300 calories for breakfast, 500 calories for lunch, and 700 calories for dinner. Have no snacks or sweets. During that time, do not weigh myself. For the rest of the time, weigh myself daily.

Day 1 - Thursday, January 26, 2012: 215.2 How many years have I been fat, and I still don't think of myself as fat? I have not read the comments but I will. My thanks to those who wrote because you took the time to try to help me. I am still shell-shocked. How could it get this bad? How could I spend all this time and effort and actually weigh more than I weighed four years ago? Yes, I know. I have kept changing the program. I did not believe in it.

That, I think, is the heart of the problem. You have to believe it will work. In a way, I almost set out to prove it would not work because I ate everything allowed. I ate as much as I could on the weekends, starting sometimes at midnight. I ate as much as I could at meals. What a surprise that I did not lose weight!

Now what? Well, The Novena Diet worked, but it was difficult to follow. For nine straight days, I would stay away from social events involving eating and count 1,000 calories per day. It occurred to me today at about 4 AM (it's now close to 6 AM) that I could combine The No S Diet with The Novena Diet and make The Novena Diet easier to follow. For nine days, I could just count calories at three meals per day. If there is a social event, then that day does not count. In nine days, my niece has a bridal shower. That will not be a day when I can follow a diet of no snacks. As a result, this diet will end on Sunday, March 25.

So sad. I feel sad. Dealing with my weight has increasingly overshadowed my life. There is a certain arrogance from those who have always been thin and are in the business of promoting weight loss. As much as I respect the Mayo Clinic, what comes to mind is a video of one of the doctors who wrote the book, advising an extremely obese man on how he should eat one raisin at a time and really enjoy it. That doctor is clueless. The overweight deal with a constant feeling of starvation. Ah, well... When I am strong enough, I'll read the comments, but thank you for showing your support.

My husband has told me to pray about jobhunting. It's good advice. Maybe I'll even pray about weight loss. What I did like about The Novena Diet was there was a certain prayerfulness to it. Time was set aside for a specific purpose, and I prayed for help in getting through those nine days of counting 1,000 calories per day.

Now what? Well, there is wisdom in The No S Diet.

1 PM: I am remembering what it was like to follow that Novena Diet. There was a certain thoughtfulness and an increased sensitivity. There were good aspects to it. It only became hard at around Day 4 or 5, which is why I learned over time not to weigh myself during that time. We are dogsitting, it is beautiful outside, and the dog we are dogsitting is pulling a Tommy. I need to go.

[oolala53]

Frankly, I"m very sorry to hear of this new turn. I also don't understand why you wouldn't already continually have been using prayer if you are a person of faith.

I'll check in again in a few months and see how it's going. Good luck.

[milliem]

Now what? Well, there is wisdom in The No S Diet.

I agree, which is why I don't quite understand why you seem unprepared to follow it for any length of time. I know this is difficult for you Kathleen, I hope you find your way back. Good luck!

*edit* I realise on reflection that 'unprepared' is probably too harsh, and harsh words probably won't help! I do feel for your struggle Kathleen, there is so much support and advice here that I hope you can use some of it to your benefit

[Kathleen]

March 21, 2011: Habits of Health

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Habits of Health
Day 1 - Saturday, March 24, 2012: 215.0



Day 1 - Saturday, March 17, 2012: 215.0 My Novena Diet didn't last even one day. Paul McKenna's approach is Intuitive Eating with some exercises. There is a separate book that is a 90 day journal, and I will follow it, including not weighing myself again until Day 15.

Day 3 - Monday, March 19, 2012: I walked more than 70,000 steps last week. It helped that we were dogsitting. The book book defines diet this way: "Anything or anyone who tries to tell you what, where, when, or how much to eat is teaching you to ignore your body -- and it you're overweight, your body is trying to tell you it doesn't like being ignored!" This approach is intuitive eating with some structure. There is an emphasis on how you eat -- eat consciously and slowly. I had also bought the I Can Make You Thin 90 Day Success Journal. Flipping through it to the end, I see that the point of the journal is to identify habits which you develop that help you to eat less. These habits are individual. For example, I drink almost no water. Now I'm trying to drink two cups in the morning before breakfast. I have a certain routine that I follow before the first child is up. I read the Wall Street Journal, floss my teeth, fill the dog's bowl, etc. Now I'll add a habit of drinking two cups of water. The author has this advice: "If you change only one thing about the way that you eat, do this: "Consciously enjoy every bite." I'm going to work on that piece of advice this week.

Day 4 - Tuesday, March 20, 2012: The idea of consciously enjoying every bite is a good one, BUT I would test it to its limit. It might work better for me if I just come up with specific behaviors correlated to eating less. This, in fact, is the idea behind No S: develop habits, and the weight will come off. Habits need to be customized to the individual, and No S did not work for me. The concept behind it, however, is valid: to lose weight permanently, you need to develop and follow habits that you can follow for life. What I think I'll do through the end of the month is continue the 10,000 steps per day and add no reading while eating. When I take breaks, I tend to eat and read. If I have to choose, I won't always choose to eat.

Day 1 - Wednesday, March 21, 2012: 215.0 I need specific habits to cultivate, and these are the ones I will cultivate:
1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
2. Follow a program of strengthening exercises (under development; have a personal trainer).
3. Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day.
4. Don't read while eating.
5. Don't use electronics (including listening to the radio) while eating.
6. Chew each bite 10 times.
7. Place fork down until the food is completely swallowed.

Aristotle said it well: that virtue is a habit. I see the effects of this philosophy in how my kids are reacting to Kumon, a program in which they do worksheets every day. Because these worksheets are timed, they cannot allow themselves to be distracted, although I did catch Katie texting during one of them. How do you get a kid to focus? By having them focus. As for me, how I get myself to be healthy is by following habits of health.

Day 5 - Friday, March 24, 2012: I am eliminating the word "No" from my diets. That leaves me with five things to do. The reason for this is simple: just like you cannot help but think of a polka dotted elephant when you are told not to think of a polka dotted elephant, so there is a trap with every restriction in dieting.
1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
2. Follow a program of strengthening exercises (under development; have a personal trainer).
3. Drink at least 8 glasses of water per day.
5. Chew each bite 10 times.
6. Place fork down until the food is completely swallowed.
Will this approach result in weight loss? We will see, but at minimum I will get some exercise and slow down my eating.

Day 1 - Saturday, March 24, 2012: 215.0 My focus now is on what I do to be healthy. As I sit at the computer, I observe my very unfocussed 12 year old working on Kumon. She is unfocused the rest of the day, but here she is working away so that she can play on the computer and text her friends. That's OK. This is a way to teach her focus as well as math. With me, the same thing applies: crowding out bad habits. Here is my plan:
1. Walk an average of 10,000 steps per day.
2. Follow a program of strengthening exercises (under development; have a personal trainer).
3. Drink at least 2 glasses of water per day.
4. Try to have oatmeal every morning.
This is not much, and neither is 1/2 hour per day of Kumon. We'll see...

[milliem]

Day 5 - Friday, March 24, 2012: I am eliminating the word "No" from my diets. That leaves me with five things to do. The reason for this is simple: just like you cannot help but think of a polka dotted elephant when you are told not to think of a polka dotted elephant, so there is a trap with every restriction in dieting.

You have a really interesting point, positive goals that help you actually move forward and focus on something to attain are way more motivational than ones that just tell you what you can't do. Maybe the one downside of NoS?!

If it helps, you could convert any 'diet' or eating plan into positive approach goals rather than negative avoidance goals. Therefore NoS would become (for example):

Eat three meals per day
Eat a plate of food at each meal
Eat savoury foods.

Doesn't sound too restrictive when you put it like that huh?!

[Kathleen]

milleum,
I agree that it does not, but there is a negative aspect to eat three meals a day which is don't eat between meals. With walking, the focus is on doing rather than not doing. There is wisdom in No S, but it's almost as if my reaction to not doing is so great that I cannot even manage No S. At any rate, I felt a lot calmer today. Each step is a positive. Each glass of water is a positive. Each strengthening exercise is a positive. No action is marked as a negative. Every action is a positive.
Kathleen

[milliem]

Positive actions are great, I agree

I would suggest though that anyone can turn a negative into a positive if they so choose (or vice versa). For example I could say to myself 'I am NOT ALLOWED to miss an exercise session this week' or I could say 'I am going to do 3 exercise sessions this week'. I could tell myself 'I MUST NOT buy any new clothes this month!' or I could say 'I'm going to spend my money on things I really need, and save the rest'.

In terms of 'don't eat between meals' there's no reason you have to spin it that way. Sure there's a restriction, but no healthy eating plan says 'you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want'. You could keep focusing on 'I'm going to achieve 3 solid meals a day'. Something that really works for me as well is 'I can eat that snack/cake/chocolate bar, I just won't right now'! Of course it doesn't always work but if it works say, 50% of the time, then 60%, then 70%.... that's progress

[Kathleen]

milleum,
The No S Diet fell apart for me as have many other diets, and I believe it is due to my not being able to handle the restrictions over a long period of time. Today, I weigh exactly what I weighed on the day I started No S in September, 2008. Something that has stuck in the back of my mind is that people who lose weight tend to walk a lot, like 28 miles per week. In the next week, I will find out if I get one of two possible jobs. If not, I may go to 20,00 steps per day. One thing that also happened was we found out our family responsibility for Anne to attend the prestigious college which accepted her: $40,000 + per year. I was in the Dollar Store the other day thinking how can I be in the dollar store when we are so rich? The school sends what it calls a "Family Responsibility Worksheet", allowing the family to list the total direct costs of room, board and tuition, the scholarship amount, and the remaining amount to be provided by the family. Looking at that total of $41,298, I thought it would be nothing but irresponsible for us to send her. Yes, we could liquidate assets for the first year, but what about the remaining three years? Also, there are always unexpected expenses and cars that need to be replaced, not to mention three younger siblings of Anne. So sad. I have a better understanding of what is wrong with this country now that we have been categorized as being able to afford that much. The whole financial aid process gives people an incentive to spend and to not work. With dieting, I also believe that there is some built-in assumption that creates the wrong incentives. Is it the focus on the negative (what not to do) rather than the positive (what to do)? I don't know. I do know that Anne is going to the local university where she got a $5,000/year merit scholarship which brings her tuition room and board under $18,000 and she has so many credits she can graduate in three years. It's very clear. With dieting, my hope is that it will become clear.

[Maggie9190]

I'm sorry but I'm very unclear as to what not being able to follow the NoS diet has to do with your daughter being accepted to a prestigious college and it being beyond your financial means?

[Kathleen]

Maggie9190,

It has been determined (through the FASFA, which is the application form used by colleges to determine financial need) that that amount is within our financial means. In fact, we could do it. We have 401Ks and stock and cash and land and could take out s line of credit on our house. We could liquidate assets to provide for her education at that school.

What does this have to do with dieting? Well, you do lose weight if you restrict calories.

With both the financing of college and dieting, what I am looking for is sustainability.

No S seemed to me to be sustainable. Apparently, it is sustainable for some people. It just isn't for me.

Kathleen

[milliem]

Kathleen,

I get that you don't like restrictions, I really do. They SUCK. Ugh they really suck. It sucks that some people get to eat whatever they want and they can maintain a healthy weight. It sucks that some people don't really have to think about what they eat, they just naturally make good choices.

Unfortunately for some of us that's just not going to happen. People don't lose weight by walking. They lose weight by eating less food. Research supports the idea that while exercise is good for you and can help with weight loss (particularly resistance exercise), the majority of the success (or not) of weight loss comes from what food you consume. How you go about that is totally your choice - NoS, tracking calories, low carb, crazy juice diets, whatever. Hard facts are hard facts though, and unfortunately for us people who love food, we just have to eat less of it! And yup, that means restriction.

I would reiterate, the focus of dieting is what you make it. If you are constantly considering it a negative, restrictive process then of course it's going to be tough for you! It's tough for the most positive of thinkers! If you can find some way of thinking more positively and proactively about your food choices, you might be able to find a way to eat less food without questioning the process so much.

[Kathleen]

milleum,
You are right. What matters is what goes in your mouth. I'm returning to the Novena Diet.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

March 16, 2011: Becoming Naturally Thin

The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with Ultra Diet
(Month 1) Day 1 - Tuesday, March 27, 2012: 214.4



Day 1 with morning of Novena Diet and afternoon and evening of Ultra Diet - Sunday, March 25, 2012: 215.0 There were two big drawbacks to the Novena Diet as I practiced it: 1) I became something of a hermit because I limited myself to 1,000 calories per day and had to keep away from social events when I was following it, and 2) I scheduled it for when I could stay away from social events. With this revised diet, the calories are higher so I can follow the diet anytime. Because the calories are higher, I need a shorter time period between diets than the one month time in my prior diet.

Day 2 of Ultra Diet - Monday, March 26, 2012: How frightening! I lasted until mid-afternoon even with 1,700 calories. Last night, it occurred to me that The No S Diet (as BirghtAngel suggested) can work for some who are slightly overweight but not for those who are obese. I am too far gone for this diet or The Novena Diet. What could work? It occurred to me that there was a book recommended by someone here written by a guy who was over 300 pounds, and his approach -- eat only every other day -- may get me re-acclimated to normal eating. The book is Ultra Fat to Ultra Fit. I ordered it again from the library. My body needs a reboot. It's not about gradual anything or normal anything. It's about rebooting.

Day 3 - Tuesday, March 27, 2012: 214.4 I ended up eating dinner and then eating after dinner. That's OK. As I look ahead even this week, it's just too hard to skip food all day. We have too much going on. It seems much more feasible to diet by simply not having any calories until dinner. At Many Point last year, I did try 4 24-hour fasts in 7 days, and I gained weight. This is a warning to me that I should diet by having no calories every day that it is at all feasible to do so.

I also realized that the standard eating for medieval times was a meal at about 3 PM. Only the very young and the very old ate before then. Do we really need breakfast and lunch? It remains to be seen if I actually lose weight doing this, but at least I can do this -- at least it looks possible to skip breakfast and lunch almost always and still be social. When I go out to coffee, I can have black coffee instead of lattes. We do have social breakfasts on occasion, and that's OK to do without just ordering black coffee.

Day2 - Wednesday, March 28, 2012: I am cycling through several favorite diets at increasingly short intervals. Yesterday was a fail for the Ultra Diet, and I went back to listening to the hypnosis CD. I also met with a personal trainer, decided to drop the gym, and went downstairs this morning to use the bicycle in our basement. I lasted 10 minutes. What I now would like to do is listen to that hypnosis CD an average of once per day and let it change my eating habits. Then I can concentrate on exercise. I look old. This morning, when Tommy and I were discussing Kate's choice of clothing, he said my input was irrelevant because I was "past middle age". Heck, I'm 53. Am I really past middle age? Later this week, I'll have an interview, and my concern is that they will reject me because of how I look -- old. All I can do is start anew today.

[Eurobabe2]

Your imput is "irrelevant"??? How is that? Is there a certain age at which one's opinions are worthless?

I think I'd smack my son upside the head if he told me that!

As far as getting old goes, heck no! You're my age, and I'm not old, so YOU can't be old!
I have to say, though, that an overweight body usually looks older to me, and I think to most people. We associate a slim, fit body with youth, so, another reason to lose weight.

Good luck this week, both diet-wise and work-wise. Too bad we live so far apart, we could work out together-I often find it quite lonely to work out by myself (I'm back on the East coast, my husband's still in Europe, and friends have different schedules.)

[milliem]

Last night, it occurred to me that The No S Diet (as BirghtAngel suggested) can work for some who are slightly overweight but not for those who are obese. I am too far gone for this diet or The Novena Diet.

Actually, I think the opposite is true. Any changes from uncontrolled eating to controlled eating will have benefits, if you stick to a plan which reduces the amount you eat. From what I've read/learned over the years, weight loss slows down and gets harder the nearer to your goal weight you get but can be quite speedy at first. I think this can be particularly hard with NoS as the general moderation approach means being only loosely in control of your calorie intake.

Don't give up hope Kathleen, you are not too far gone and it is never too late to make changes!

P.s. children always think their parents are 'old' whether they are 33 or 63!!

[Kathleen]

milleum,
The harder I try, the more I binge. Today I weigh 215.8 pounds, and I feel sick because of all I ate. Is this a psychological problem? No. I really don't think it is. I think it is a physical response to dieting. What to do? I think I'm going to address the binge behavior only by following rules for how I eat. This is really discouraging. I actually can taste last night's dinner in my mouth. Is my job interviewing going to go well today? Well, I'll make the best of it, but whether I get the job or not is so minor compared with my eating problem.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Hi Kathleen,
When you wrote "I think I'm going to address the binge behavior only by following rules for how I eat", did you mean you're now going to follow No-S?

Because I think your only chance is to follow rules. Waiting for your body to make itself naturally thin isn't working, and you've tried it several times.

Keep going, cyber-friend. We're all with you.

[Kathleen]

My only chance is to follow rules, but what rules? I'm going to decide by Monday, and it may include No S with additional rules like chewing each bite 10 times.
Kathleen

[milliem]

milleum,
The harder I try, the more I binge. Today I weigh 215.8 pounds, and I feel sick because of all I ate. Is this a psychological problem? No. I really don't think it is. I think it is a physical response to dieting. What to do? I think I'm going to address the binge behavior only by following rules for how I eat. This is really discouraging. I actually can taste last night's dinner in my mouth. Is my job interviewing going to go well today? Well, I'll make the best of it, but whether I get the job or not is so minor compared with my eating problem.
Kathleen

I know it's been tough for you Kathleen, but you keep trying which is a good thing

I have to disagree about the physical response to dieting though. I am a firm believer in cognitive behavioural theory which basically means that what we do is directly linked to how we think (and feel). Which then means that if we want to change how we behave, we have to change what we think and how we cope with our feelings.

It's a difficult thing to accept sometimes, that our own problem behaviours are directly caused by our internal thoughts, and that only we can control them. It's not just diet though, the same principles have been applied successfully to smoking, drinking too much, aggressive behaviour, feeling anxious, all sorts of things. Some people might need more help and guidance to see through their unhelpful thinking though - have you ever thought about talking through your food/dieting worries with a professional? I don't want to make it sound like you have some serious psychological problem because you don't! But, if you struggle to counter negative thinking patterns about your weight and diet (and are unhappy with your eating behaviour) maybe seeking out a cognitive behavioural therapist could help. Alternatively, there are loads of really great resources online

[Kathleen]

milleum,
I do think my own internal thoughts contribute to the problem, which is why Iw as so interested in the I Can Make You Thin book. I think I'm returning to No S and adding exercise.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

April 25, 2012: Becoming Naturally Thin



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with Modified No S Diet with exercise:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Wednesday, April 25, 2012: 216.8


Weights:
Day -2 – Sunday, April 1, 2012: 218.0
Day -1 – Monday, April 2, 2012:

Day 0 – Tuesday, April 3, 2012: 215.0
Day 1 – Wednesday, April 4, 2012:
Day 2 – Thursday, April 5, 2012: 214.4
Day 3 – Friday, April 6, 2012: 214.8
Day 4 – Saturday, April 7, 2012: 213.2
Day 5 – Sunday, April 8, 2012: 215.6

Day 1 – Monday, April 9, 2012: 217.0 (Exception Days as of end of day: 2)
Day 2 – Tuesday, April 10, 2012: (Exception Days as of end of day: 1)
Day 3 – Wednesday, April 11, 2012: 216.0

Day 1 – Thursday, April 12, 2012: 216.8
Day 2 – Friday, April 13, 2012: 217.0
Day 3 – Saturday, April 14, 2012: 215.6

Day 0 – Sunday, April 15, 2012: 216.6
Day 1 – Monday, April 16, 2012: 216.4
Day 2 – Tuesday, April 17, 2012:
Day 3 – Wednesday, April 18, 2012: 216.4

Day 1 – Thursday, April 19, 2012: 218.0
Day 2 – Friday, April 20, 2012: 216.6
Day 3 – Saturday, April 21, 2012: 216.4

Day 1 – Sunday, April 22, 2012: 216.0
Day 5 – Monday, April 23, 2012:
Day 6 – Tuesday, April 24, 2012:

Day 1 – Wednesday, April 25, 2012: 216.8
Day 2 – Thursday, April 26, 2012: 217.0
Day 3 – Friday, April 27, 2012:
Day 4 – Saturday, April 28, 2012:
Day 5 – Sunday, April 29, 2012:
Day 12 – Monday, April 30, 2012:

Journal:
Day 0 - Saturday, March 31, 2012: Pepper got her first tick, so I bought Front Line off Amazon and added The No S Diet book which I, of course, had thrown out. I gave up on the pedometer and tried going on the exercise bike, to find that I could not last 5 minutes with a raised heart rate of about 120 beats per minute. Pathetic. I need to actually sweat! It seems that most ideas for controlling my weight end up backfiring. No S didn't. It just didn't do the job of reducing weight. Of course, it was a three-legged stool (no snacks, no sweets, no seconds), and I was only following the no snacks and no sweets portion. I think I'm going to follow it, identify S Days ahead of time, and mark non-compliance days which are not identified ahead of time.

Day 1 – Sunday, April 1, 2012: Why did I eat so much yesterday even though today is an S Day? Was it because I'm starting this diet today? Why don't I even know why I'm eating so much? I think I'm giving up weighing myself and will just concentrate on vanilla No S and exercise. We have our first camping trip in less than two months, and I wonder if I'll be able to sleep in a sleeping bag.

Day 3 – Tuesday, April 3, 2012: 215.0 At about 6 PM last night, I realized there was no way I was capable of following this diet right out of the box. I allowed myself to eat fruit, and I proceeded to eat at least 3 bananas, 3 oranges, and 3 apples within one hour. That's OK. I started last week exercising on the bike for only 5 minutes.

Day 4 – Wednesday, April 4, 2012: My list of food allowed outside of mealtime expanded considerably last night, and I am not happy this morning. I also did not get the job for which I interviewed on Friday. My husband lectured me that my working is gravy, and I should not worry so much about college expenses. Maybe I can do what reneew did and just focus on a 21 day perfect compliance.

Day 5 – Thursday, April 5, 2012: One day at a time. Yesterday was a success. I also got to 22 minutes on the exercise bike.

10 PM: I took Anne to the Science Museum today, and we discussed weight. She said she'd rather be fat than obsessed with dieting, and she thought No S was the best diet she'd seen. I agreed. I told her to learn from my mistakes and not veer into calorie counting, etc. It may be that you are not thin if you follow No S, but at least you are sane. I don't want to insult those who are focused on weight, because I'm one of them. It's a miserable way to live. There is so much that you miss! Is it really worth it to be debating all the time if a food should or should not be eaten? No S makes those decisions very easy: Is it an N Day? If so, is it a mealtime? If so, can it fit on one plate? Decisions made about food are limited to three times per day. For any other time, I think that I should ask myself, "Is the debate worth it?"

Day 6 – Friday, April 6, 2012: 214.8 I followed the program, so I don't know why my weight went up. It could be I got up earlier today. It could be I drank a lot of milk to help keep me on track. Who knows? I'm done trying to tweak. I choose the sanity of No S.

7:45 PM: It is Good Friday night, and I am starving. This is why I think this diet will work. If I were on a diet, I would be bingeing right now. If I were not on a diet, I would be eating right now. As it is, I am waiting, and my body is adjusting to not eating.

Day 7 – Saturday, April 7, 2012: 213.2 Last night's urgent desire to eat is gone. I managed it by going to bed early. It's an S Day, and I think back to the months when I was up at midnight eating Haagen Dazs bars. Maybe I'm over that phase of behavior because right now all I want is my coffee and The Wall Street Journal, which did not come this morning.

Day 8 – Sunday, April 8, 2012: 215.6 It is just amazing how much I eat with no restraints. I just got home from Easter dinner and wolfed down another piece of carrot cake, an entire grapefruit, and two handfuls of Easter candy. Why? Was I hungry? Not exactly... More like ravenous. It just makes no sense. I cannot even explain it. There is no craving for a particular food. It's more a sense that my stomach is a bottomless pit that cannot be filled.

I may weigh more than when I started No S almost four years ago, but I know I'm ahead because I am looking forward to N Days. On N Days, I only think about what to eat three times per day. I continue with daily 30 minute treks on the exercise bike with an aim of 125 bpm.


Day 9 – Monday, April 9, 2012: 217.0 What I missed with this diet was the need to combine it with exercise. It is 8 AM, and I just came upstairs after being on the exercise bike for 1/2 hour. Tom is waiting for a cab, and he chuckled at how exhausted I looked. He is very supportive of my exercising, and no wonder... I look awful!

8 AM: I looked back and concluded that I decided to follow No S on April 4, so I set that day as Day 1. There may not seem to be reason for optimism, but there is for me. Why? I think I'm addressing the root of the problem, which is the sense that my stomach is a bottomless pit. I can fill it on the weekend, so all I need do is focus on five days at a time. Also, best of all, I'm in a different place psychologically than I was when I first stated No S four years ago. N Days are not torture. I was looking forward today yesterday as I was wolfing down extra pieces of carrot cake -- and letting myself do that. Tom said there is something wrong with a diet like that, but its the focus on N Days that leads to long-term success, not the desire to control S Days. This is a long term project. In fact, it is life long. I've chosen my path. Today only Ellie is home on break, and my path is to focus on them and not on this diet. I can focus better if I am just worrying about what to eat three times per day.

8:42 PM: Tonight, I ate a ton, starting at 6 PM with an entire bowl of popcorn. After waddling to my bed, I asked myself why I failed. The answer that came back was that avoiding failure was not a sufficient deterrent. I need to count. I need to give up one Exception Day as I had previously, so I'm back to my old modification of No S except that this time I'll respect the one plate rule and add exercise. I'm restarting the count.

Day 2 – Tuesday, April 10, 2012: I do not get it, but I thought last night about what would have stepped me from breaking the diet and it was not marking the day as a failure. Instead, where I succeeded previously was in taking an Exception Day and those were limited to two per month. That then enabled me to claim perfect compliance with the diet since exceptions were part of the diet. How bizarre. Why is this? All I can think is that I somehow associated diets with fidelity both in marriage and in religion. Infidelity is not something you mark and move on. It's a catastrophe. Just so, having a failure in dieting is a catastrophe in dieting. Should this be? Absolutely not. It's absurd. There's no comparison between having one TicTac on an N Day and being unfaithful in marriage. What do I do? Do I try to follow vanilla S or return to what worked for me? I don't have time to try to change this somehow deeply embedded reaction to diet failures. It's better for me to return to what worked and add exercise.

1 PM: I need to be confident that I'll actually lose weight; otherwise, this diet is not worth the effort. I'm going with 2 Exception Days per month and no other exceptions. No exceptions on the weekend. Since I'm very likely to not be working until the fall, this can be my number one priority. Actually, it should be my only priority.

9 PM: Facing the reality of college bills, I agreed to drop the gym membership. It really killed me. Why? I rarely went there. In fact, I did not go once between August and January. Once I dropped it, I felt like I needed to figure out another way to exercise, so I looked to the exercise bike gathering dust in the basement. Now, with 20-20 vision, I see that paying for a gym membership was my expensive excuse not to exercise. I felt virtuous sending money every month to a place where I intended to exercise. Without that excuse, I needed to do more. In the same way, I fear that keeping a journal may have been my way to show effort without actually making progress. I think, like walkerlori, that I need to cut it out. If I just log what is going on once per month, that should be sufficient.

A rosy picture that I have in mind is that I would get to the point where I was before, when not following No S rules seemed as strange as not brushing my teeth. It looked odd to see people snacking. There may be an adjustment period this time as there was before, but I bet it won't be as hard this time. It's just counterproductive to write about it. I'll be back at the first of the month with a weigh in. That should be enough.

Day 3 – Wednesday, April 11, 2012: 216.0 I realized what must be obvious to everyone else. I don't just have a weight problem. I have a problem with binge eating. My goal is not necessarily to be thin. It is sanity. Is this how alcoholics live? Are they always on the edge of a binge? No S is a good response because it puts boundaries on food consumption.

9:44 AM: My stomach just growled, and it felt good! I had a bowl of Cheerios at 6:45 AM and just finished 1/2 hour of exercise on the exercise bike. Why am I not going ballistic because I am starving? This is a mind game. I'm not sure I understand it, but it seems to me that No S provides guardrails on my eating, and it is not painful to have my stomach growl. After last weekend, I actually was looking forward to Monday. Now I realize I don't need to have weekend S Days. My real need is to have exceptions for social reason. There is a family wedding in a few weeks. Can I have a piece of wedding cake? That's where I really need to have a flexible diet. Outside of social events, I don't really need to eat sweets or have snacks or have seconds. It's social events that trip me up, and even then I can often handle myself fine with a drink in my hand.

Day 1 – Thursday, April 12, 2012: 216.8 Yesterday was another binge. I decided that No S is good, but I need to address the binge problem first. I decided on these three rules:
1. At home, eat only sitting at my spot at the dinner table.
2. Chew each bite ten times.
3. Place utensil or hand down and leave it there until the bite in my mouth is swallowed.
This will slow down eating.

9 PM: I can eat as much as I want so long as I follow the rules above, and tonight I am grumpy. How can this be? How can I feel like I am starving just because I am eating slowly? Normal kid behavior is irritating me. Why?

Day 2 – Friday, April 13, 2012: 217.0 My weight may have gone up, but I think this approach has some merit. I don't have much patience to sit down and eat slowly. I'll give it some time. Right now, I'm doing chair stand exercises before blow drying my hair. Yesterday at this time I had a bowl of Cheerios. This morning, I won't. I'll wait until after I'm on the exercise bike. Is there any willpower in this decision? None at all. I have better things to do than sit at the table and chew each bite ten times: I got up later than usual and want to finish my morning routine which includes reading the paper before the kids are out to have breakfast before they leave for school.

Also, the diet strikes at the very core of my bizarre eating behavior: wolfing down food, which I do often without anyone else around. Even when I'm with others, I tend to finish eating way before anyone else.

Day 3 – Saturday, April 14, 2012: 215.6 Tommy is running late to caddy, so I have to go fast. Last night, I did not want dinner. Why? No idea. Was it all the times yesterday that I sat at the table and chewed each bite ten times? Was it the chocolate covered almonds that I got at Costco and then ate in the car, chewing each bite ten times? I don't know. This does strike at the heart of binge behavior. I may have eaten a lot yesterday, but I did not binge. Binge, by definition, means fast eating.

Day 0 – Sunday, April 15, 2012: 216.6 I realized that I'm in need of exercise and eating rules and No S. This isn't an either/or situation. This is an all of the above situation. Starting tomorrow:

No S:
No snacks, no sweets, and no seconds except for Saturdays, Sundays, and a rolling average of two Exception Days per month

No Binge:
Chew each bite ten times, place utensils down after each bite, and (at home) sit at dining room table to eat and don't read while eating

Exercise:
Do strengthening exercises three times per week and go on the exercise bike a rolling average of four times per week

Day 1 – Monday, April 16, 2012: 216.4 I don't know why I was looking at the situation I'm in as one in which I need to choose a diet rather than combine diets, since Reinhard himself has encouraged experimentation. At any rate, I'm happy to be exercising and think that the no binge rules are really critical as well. How the heck did I get into the situation in which I have an almost animal approach to eating food? My husband once teased me and brought up some sort of animal, but I cannot remember which. Maybe a vulture? It's disgusting. I know it's disgusting. That's often why I eat alone because I don't want my children observing my wolfing down food. Why? I am of the view that this comes from years and years of restricting how much I eat so that I would eat as much as I could as fast as I could before the restrictions got enforced again. It's almost a reptilian response like the response of someone under life-threatening circumstances: your body takes over. Who knows the cause? Who cares? If this approach gets me out of this habit which is not one consistent with human dignity, I think I'd be happier than if I was thin. I have to go exercise and this afternoon I have a job interview. If this one doesn't come through, then there is still a possibility at the place where I was chosen over someone else. Other than that, I'm home for the summer.

7PM: I lasted until 6 PM and then binged, so now I'm just going to try and build the habit one day at a time. No tracking of exceptions.

9 PM: As I was cleaning up from dinner, I spotted watermelon in the refrigerator, considered getting some, and said "Habit" to myself and closed the refrigerator.

Day 2 – Tuesday, April 17, 2012: I took the idea that a negative could be turned into a positive and created a chart of all the habits, including no reading. I set it up so that I can check all the habits and exercises at the end of each day, giving myself positive feedback for when I do follow the habits. This means no exception days or S Days which means no perfection.

10:30 AM: Yesterday, my interview was with a company that did loyalty marketing: you earn points when you buy. It occurred to me when I was out walking Pepper that I could be motivated to earn points associated with good behaviors. I already wrote up a list of good behaviors. Maybe I could assign points to them: 5 points for my 30 minutes of exercise, 1 point for each strengthening exercise, 1 point for each eating behavior, and 1 point for each of the three parts of No S. I can then assign a dollar value to points -- maybe $1 for each 100 points. What would I do then? Well, I could make that my book budget. Interesting idea. The focus then becomes the achievement of good behavior.

11 AM: It's 11 AM, and I still haven't exercised. 5 cents as a reward to go on the bike 30 minutes in not enough. I'm doubling the points.

Day 3 – Wednesday, April 18, 2012: 216.4 There were enough points to motivate me to get on the bike but not to follow the eating rules, so I'm doubling the eating rules points as well. There is no success or failure in this game. There are just points that I earn. I'll have 10 for each eating rule and 2 for each strengthening exercise, plus I'll have one (maximum of eight per day) for drinking glasses of water and 1 for listening to that I Can Make You Thin CD (maximum of one per day). The focus is then on behavior. Can I afford the points? Yes. Right now, I splurge when I want. Now I'll have to earn the splurges!

12:23 PM: Too complicated.... I am going to try to build habits one at a time, starting with exercise. Maybe I'll add in chewing each bite ten times initially as well. I am all sweaty and just got off the exercise bike. Pepper does not like my change in routine because she has not had a walk yet today.

7 PM: No job. I'm bummed. There was something weird about the interview. I don't think they were seriously interviewing. It was more an informational session -- exploring in case they needed someone in the future. Ah well...

Day 1 – Thursday, April 19, 2012: 218.0 I really took it hard not getting that job, although my sense was that they weren't really looking and were instead testing out the recruiting firm. Last night, I binged, that's for sure. Today, what? I have to switch gears. I'm making personal health my only priority.

8 AM: A new day. A new Day 1. This is the cycle of diet/no diet. Millions are in it. I am one of them. How do I get out? Well, one thing I have learned is that exercise is critically important. I thought 10,000 steps would be good, and Pepper sure enjoyed that approach, but I am finding that the bike is really, really tough. I've had some difficulty with my left shoulder being in pain, and I could not figure out why. It turns out it was due to how I pushed on the handlebars on the bike. The pain is still there but it is about 10% of what it was. My goal now is:
- A rolling average of 3 times on the bike per week.
- A rolling average of 3 times strengthening exercises per week.
- Chew each bite 10 times.
- Start on the next bite after finishing the first. (This translates to putting the fork down or taking the food away from my mouth.)
- No snacks, sweets, or seconds except a rolling average of one exception per week. This will allow me to create a strong habit while still having wedding cake, birthday cake, etc.

2:09 PM: Detox. I keep on thinking of that word and wondering if I shouldn't just get rid of all exceptions until I am below a certain weight. I've been above 200 pounds for almost 10 years. It's just hard to believe. How could this have happened? Maybe a jolt to the system is appropriate. Right now, I am looking at food and thinking maybe an exception... If there are allowed exceptions, then they can be taken anytime. That of course is why Reinhard came up with the S Day concept so you wouldn't be considering exceptions all the time. The problem for me with that idea is that I can't seem to take failures. At 218, I have certainly experienced plenty of them! If I detox, then with no exceptions I just follow the rules and that's that. When I get below a certain weight, then what? An exception every week? Maybe.

2:15 PM: I got it! One piece only of celebratory cakes.... OMG, how many are there? Birthdays and weddings and congrats on being on the Math Masters team and on and on and on. OK. That's OK. That's a lot of the social reason to eat - to celebrate something or other. A lot of what is left can be handled with a drink. This sounds good.

4:19 PM: I am so fat that I have difficulty zipping up my jacket even while wearing a polo shirt. I took the dog for a walk and felt winded. It's just disgusting. Still, the specter of binge eating is so terrifying that I simply cannot restrict calories. The habits I list are great, but they cannot be followed consistently for social reasons. Would I be willing to trade all sweets for life in exchange for being thin? Yes. Would I be willing to trade not having wedding cake in exchange for being thin? No. That's the problem I have. Maybe I can just record social exceptions that present themselves. I promised the kids a trip to the malt shop when all three had finished Level G of Kumon. Is that an exception, one that I created? Yes. It's best to record the exceptions and see how this goes.

Day 2 – Friday, April 20, 2012: 216.6 Katie forgot her binder, so I'll haul it to the school and have to change out of my exercise clothes. This is part of the reason why I want to work: to force the kids to be more responsible. Three thoughts come to mind when evaluating this current approach: 1. Brian Wansink saying that the goal should not be mindful eating instead of mindless overeating; the goal should be mindless eating. 2. A book on medieval eating practices stating that gluttony was about timing of eating rather than quantity of eating, and 3. An article in a journal from a diet author in which the goal is to time when to start a meal. I could not easily find that reference but I think it was Ladies Home Journal and an article on dieting. Looking at this list, I think, "I need a job." At any rate, there is no need to think about food if you aren't making a decision about food, and what I've set up is three meals per day plus exceptions in defined ways. Over time, I'll need to make decisions about when an exception is a qualified exception. For starters, is wedding cake? Yes. Is a doughnut or cookie after church on Sundays? Debatable. I think not. I can have coffee or orange juice instead.

11:45 AM: There is a certain exhaustion that sets in if you constantly think about food. Now all I need to do is think about food three times per day. Nice.

Day 3 – Saturday, April 21, 2012: 216.4 I munched before and after dinner, so I did not follow the plan and was upset with myself, so much so that I did not sleep well and just got up now at 9. My weight is probably this low due to my getting up so late. In my nighttime fretting, I thought about how I am exercising for 30 minutes on the bike. I am getting to 220 calories expended for the standard 150 pound 40 year old which keeps me approximately within my aerobic heartrate of 117 - 140 bpm, usually at around 135 to 130. How do I do it? One minute at a time. I start off trying to get to 8 calories at the end of a minute and, during the workout, set minute by minute goals to reach 220 or greater. When I reach that minute's goal, I take a rest until 50 minutes left in a minute and then I bike hard again. Usually, about 15 seconds of each minute are taking it easy and 45 seconds are biking hard. At the start of next month, I'll bump up the goal to 225 calories for 30 minutes.

How can I apply this success story to dieting? I've looked on dieting as a marathon and maybe it's just a series of sprints with rests. The sprints can be these diet rules, and the rests can be no rules. My sprint goal can be to get below 216 pounds, and then I can rest a day. This sprint goal is likely to take two days, and that's OK, although I dread the thought of seeing my parents when I drive them to see my aunt at the end of May. I'm so huge! Still, I have to accept where I am and enjoy the day. My wonderful aunt turns 90 in May, and it will be a joy to see her again.

5:45 PM: Tom took Kate, Ellie and two friends to church, and I ate two entire bowls of popcorn, several pretzel sticks, and two clementines. Now what? I think a sprint may need a defined time period. Oh this is hard...

Day 1 – Sunday, April 22, 2012: 216.0 Yesterday afternoon, I drove the three girls and two friends to the library booksale, and Anne asked that I take her to Starbucks so she could spend her own money. I said no. When we got home, she said she needed to go to Starbucks because she had decided to take an S Day today. I told her that maybe the S Days were why she was so heavy, and she blamed me. I told her I know. It was a mistake. Last night, I realized that this diet was not going to work for her or for me because it was not about moderation as it should have been. Instead, the focus was on those S Days. I'm done with the diet. I'm returning to Novena Diets.

Seriously, out of consideration for Reinhard who has a program that works for some but not all, I don't think I should post here anymore. I'm willing to continue my diet story but just not here. If anyone has any ideas for where to post, I'm open to them.

As for my plan, I'm back to the Novena Diet as a base but just not how I practiced it when I was single, which was a strict 1,000 calories per day for nine days. One big problem with the diet is that there was no schedule for when I would go on the Novena Diet, only the plan that there would be a month between diets. With my new approach, I'll have 1,500 calories per day plus 1,000 calories per nine-day diet to be used for social occasions, and I'll track one month between diets.

Day 1 – Wednesday, April 25, 2012: 216.8 It turns out that 195 looks pretty good to someone who weighs 216.8. I decided to keep my basic eating plan from before and then just add chewing each bite 10 X and exercise. Let's see where that gets us. It's now almost 3 PM, and I had breakfast and lunch but not solid food in between. That's much better than 24X7 munch.

Day 2 – Thursday, April 26, 2012: 217.0 I just can't do it.

[nonoodles]

I follow your blog hoping one day something will stick for you!
Did you every try low carb? It just seems to me that you will never be able to control the amount you eat unless you get off the sweet/starch roller coaster. At least that is the way it was for me and lots of other people I know. For years, I ate "well", exercised a lot, ate No S style, and could never get below 150 pounds. In addition, I was so weak in the presence of sweets and junk food, and could never control the amount I ate of them when I gave in and ate them. When I got into my later fifties, even my usual "healthy" habits did not work anymore. I then read the Gary Taubles book, and the new Atkins and gave it an honest shot. Almost immediately I lost all my cravings, dropped 14 pounds with literally no effort and felt better in every single way. (I check in with no S, because I do believe I feel even better when I eat on a regular schedule, and keep treats as a "treat") It is a year later, and I am happy to say I don't miss sweets and starch AT ALL, and look better than I ever did in my life. The insulin/binge thing is real if you ask me.

[Kathleen]

nonoodles,
Thanks for the suggestion. We are in different places, however. I'd be thrilled with 150! Right now, my fat is falling to the side of my stomach. It is disgusting! My first attempt at low carb was back in about 1977 when I tried The Scarsdale Medical Diet. My son's Scoutmaster has a big weight fluctuation depending on his following of low carb. At the last Scout meeting, he was scarfing down a cake and saying the whipped cream was low carb (letting everyone know he's not being very adherent!) I am willing to settle for a lower weight with sane consistency, and I think No S with exercise might be a good approach. Today I was on the exercise bike for 12 minutes. It went much better than yesterday when I was on it for 11 minutes and had to recover for about 10.
Kathleen

[~reneew]

...concentrate on vanilla No S and exercise. We have our first camping trip in less than two months, and I wonder if I'll be able to sleep in a sleeping bag.

Great plan! Vanilla is strictly written with reinforced rules and support system for it's simplicity right here. Go buy another book and follow it strictly. And by the way, you will be able to sleep in a sleeping bag, but I'm not sure about my fitting into a t-shirt that my daughter ordered for mom's day at her sorority. I just hate dreading for things like that, especially when it might embarrass one of my kids. By the way, I'm amazed at how easy it is to follow after 21 days of strictness. I couldn't even get 2 days straight all last year! The key for me was strictness. I will tweak after a long while of total compliance. Good luck!

[Kathleen]

Hi reneew,
That is great that you went 21 days. After I had gotten used to not having snacks, I remember looking at people snacking and thinking it looked rather odd. You are inspiring me! I decided to keep with the rules except allow fruits and vegetables outside of mealtime. Still, there is a lot of the program even with that tweak. I did order another copy of The No S Diet.
Kathleen

[TexArk]

Kathleen said,
"Maybe I can do what reneew did and just focus on a 21 day perfect compliance."

How about focusing on a one day perfect compliance?
Seriously.

[Kathleen]

TexArk,
You echo my husband's advice. He questioned why I was calling around about student loans for Anne's sophomore year when she's a freshman in the fall, we have money in the bank for her next year, and three of the kids are home on break. One day at a time. Yesterday was a success.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Kathleen,
Don't concern yourself with a .4 lb gain-that little bit could well be fluid etc. Just stick to NoS and know that your first priority has to be a normal relationship with food. All the rest will flow from that.

Keep going. We're all in your corner.

[LoriLifts]

Hi Kathleen,

You and I both started No S around the same time. We've also have had a similar journey.

If you would like to try a Vanilla S for 21 days, I'll do it with you. Since I began in 2008, I've haven't been able to string 21 days together. My 55th birthday is at the end of the month. I made a promise to myself that when I'm 55 I'm done with being a hobby dieter. The only rules I want to follow are the No S rules.

I know that weight is one of the reasons you want to do No S. Age is the reason for me. Maybe if we join forces we can get this done!

Lori

[Kathleen]

Hi Eurobabe2,
Weight fluctuation can happen, but it also can be a decision point, as in: "Why did I bother to follow this diet if I didn't even lose any weight?" It makes me consider not weighing myself.

Hi walkerlori,
I'm 53, and age is a reason for me, too. I have not had health problems to date but am on borrowed time. Also, life is slipping away as I go from diet to diet. I want to stick with this and be done. It sounds like you do, too. Let's encourage each other on!
Kathleen

[LoriLifts]

Also, life is slipping away as I go from diet to diet. I want to stick with this and be done. It sounds like you do, too. Let's encourage each other on!

Amen sister!

Here's what I'll commit to do...
-A 21 day to Vanilla S challenge on April 8 - April 28
-During this time I'll write a daily post on my check-in page.
-After I write my post I'll come over to see how you're doing and say hi.

Thanks for giving me a kick in the pants!
Lori

[Kathleen]

Hi Lori,
That sounds good! I'll track what you're doing as well.
Kathleen

[LoriLifts]

Hi Kathleen!

Just stopping in to say hi. I'm baby stepping my way to Vanilla S. This week I'm tackling my biggest challenge...snacks. I'm typing this during my most difficult time of the day, 3-4pm. If I can keep my mouth closed until dinnertime, I'll be ok. So far, so good.

Hope you're doing well, I'm working out of town tomorrow but if I have time, I'll drop you a line.

Lori

[Kathleen]

walkerlori,
I'm going back to 2 Exception Days per month. It's a slight tweak from vanilla No S.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

[quote]Day 3 – Wednesday, April 11, 2012: 216.0 I realized what must be obvious to everyone else. I don't just have a weight problem. I have a problem with binge eating. My goal is not necessarily to be thin. It is sanity. Is this how alcoholics live? Are they always on the edge of a binge? No S is a good response because it puts boundaries on food consumption.
_________________
Yes, food can definitely be an addiction, and No-S is the best program.diet/what-have-you for changing disordered eating into normal eating (even if the weight change isn't as much as one would like sometimes).

But THIS is why you should post regularly. We are your food AA-this forum and all your many readers. I can't speak for the others, but I keep reading/cheering/encouraging/nagging because I really admire your perserverance, and I know that if YOU KEEP AT IT, you will eventually get there.

People in AA go to their meetings every week, most of them, if they want to continue to be successful. WE are your meeting!

[Kathleen]

Thanks, Eurobabe2. My husband quipped the other night that I finally realized I was fat, and he was right! Somehow, I thought this problem would just go away on its own.
Kathleen

[NoSRocks]

Hi Kathleen!

Just dropping in to say we are gunning for you!

I know it isn't easy but we just have to keep at it and it will (hopefully) get a little easier with time.

[~reneew]

I tweaked for the past year and a half and it got me nowhere but back to ground zero with my weight plus another 5 pounds!!! I decided to try very strict vanilla, and treat it as my last chance, as that was how I was feeling. I was making ammendments constantly but in the end they are all just ways to make it easier on myself and not really break my binge problem. After doing 30 days now, I have to say that the "pull" from food is going away and I feel that N days are honestly turning almost default! I am so surprised to hear myself say that but it's true! I finally have hope. I've ebeen reading your posts for so long, that I just have to say that I really feel that you should give it an honest try... strict vanilla. Tweaking weakens it. If you allow fruit (which I tried many many times) you're just allowing continual eating. I don't want to offend you or tell you what to do, but we have seemed to run along parallel lines and I've tried every tweak that I could, but vanilla just seems to be the only thing that has worked for me. Reading the yearly check-ins really helped me also. I care my dear!

[Kathleen]

reneew,
I know! I know! I'm two pounds above where I started. It occurred to me that there is a subcategory of overweight people who binge. We are both in that category. Maybe No S is good for us but only after we have addressed the binge behavior.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

Hi Kathleen,

If you're searchng for another place to post, try "Sparkspeople." They have a weight tracker/calorie tracker, and a place to blog. Let us know.

[NoSRocks]

GOOD LUCK WITH WHATEVER YOU DECIDE, KATHLEEN! I know we will miss having you here, hon, but wish you all the best

I still have awful struggles with my S Days and that often makes me want to give up this eating plan. Unfortunately however, I haven't found another diet to match it i.e. one I can stick with long term. If my weekends could be as compliant as my N Days, I would feel much, much better, but alas the S Days are a problem for me. This is not to discourage you or anyone else who is on the No S plan, btw. Just letting you know Kathleen that is difficult for everybody, some of us more than others and i am hoping that eventually my S Days will calm down naturally just like my N days have done.

Take care Kathleen. Hope you find peace whatever you chose to do.

[Kathleen]

NoSRocks,
Yes, this is the best plan I have found as well, but I'm not satisfied. Peace is what I want.

Eurobabe2,
I looked at SparkPeople and decided maybe I shouldn't blog so much. If/When I get below 205, I'll add to this particular post. Thanks.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

I give up on becoming naturally thin. I will need to work to become thin.

[Kathleen]

April 29, 2012: Becoming Naturally Thin



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Novena Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Sunday, April 29, 2012: 217.8



(Month 1) Day 1 - Sunday, April 29, 2012: 217.8 I woke up this morning, weighed myself, and faced the reality that I have been seeking what is not possible: that some combination of exercise and eating habits could result in my losing weight permanently. It's time to deal with my weight in a mature way,

[Kathleen]

May 1, 2012: Health One Day at a Time



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with Health One Day at a Time:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Tuesday, May 1, 2012: 216.2


Weight:
Day 1 - Tuesday, May 1, 2012: 216.2
Day 2 - Wednesday, May 2, 2012: 215.2
Day 3 - Thursday, May 3, 2012: 215.8
Day 4 - Friday, May 4, 2012: 215.0


Journal:
Day 1 - Tuesday, May 1, 2012: 216.2 It's our 18th wedding anniversary, and I weigh a good 80 pounds more than when I got married. I am not someone who let myself go. I worked hard to lose weight, and where did it get me? Now I'm focusing on living well one day at a time. I got up this morning and started steel-cut oatmeal and am now dressed in exercise clothing. The No S Diet does provide a useful structure for health one day at a time. It does not work for me. If this diet doesn't work for me, what would? Nothing. I cannot live within rules of any kind. Those years of dieting created a diet backlash that is just too much to overcome. Do I give up? I give up on dieting and turn to health one day at a time, starting now.

Day 2 - Wednesday, May 2, 2012: 215.2 I painted a room on Monday, Tom didn't like the color, and so I repainted it yesterday. Last night, I did not feel well and went to bed without eating dinner. There was a problem with inflammation in my nose which has come and gone for years, and I've been to the Mayo Clinic twice to be told nothing is wrong with my nose. I did not have a problem with it after I started on the exercise bike, which really surprised me. Because Tom thought I should go on the bike with a lower tension, I ended up not going on at all for three or four days, returning to my original program yesterday. Could it be that there is a correlation between inflammation and exercise? I don't know but, if there is, that is a great motivation to exercise.

Meanwhile, I ate during the day while I was painting, and I ate too much. When have I ever felt I ate too much? I do believe this is the legacy of The No S Diet. It was a way for me to experience not being stuffed.

Day 3 - Thursday, May 3, 2012: 215.8 My weight went up predictably because I did not have dinner on Monday night. Now what? I think I'm going to follow the idea in the book Eat that Frog. It's called "One Oil Barrel at a Time", and the idea is that you look ahead only so far. How far ahead should I look? I have a goal of 212. I'm going to try to minimize eating until I reach 212. Maybe I'll even try for 207 but now lower. Then I'll take a month to adjust to the lower weight. It's the Novena Diet without the nine day restriction. Instead, the end date is when the goal is reached.

Day 4 - Friday, May 4, 2012: 215.0 I am not sure I even need to have one oil barrel at a time. The focus just needs to be on health. Today I may fast until dinnertime. I think the benefit of fasting may come from realizing you don't have to eat all the time. Exercise also is changing my desire to eat all the time. Out of the blue, I got called for an interview for a job where I would work from home, so I have an interview on Monday. The kids are happy. They like the extra money. If that doesn't pan out, I should be home without work all summer which would be boring.

8 AM: I lasted until 7:40 AM and then had breakfast. Maybe I should just focus on normal eating before I try fasting.

9 AM: Isn't it the nature of a human being to rebel against a restriction? While I was ironing just now, I thought about how the restriction from eating made me want to eat more. Now that I have lifted restrictions, what will happen? Will it result in a constant binge? That is what has happened in the past. Will this time be any different? I think there is a difference and it is due to my commitment to exercise. I don't want to eat as much.

7:23 PM: I decided to put my head down and go through the 90 day program for I Can Make You Thin and then I'll be back. Part of the problem for me is that I weigh myself and every time I weigh myself there is a decision point. If I don't weigh myself, I won't be making a decision.

Day 6 - Sunday, May 6, 2012: I walked into a different world yesterday and didn't realize it until this morning. Yesterday morning, I decided to take some wisdom from No S -- the wisdom of eating mostly at meals -- and applied this wisdom to I Can Make You Thin. How does this work? My goal is to get to full at every meal. We were at a wedding last night. The rolls were delicious. The fish was bland. The wedding cake was disgusting: the filling tasted like regular old jam. What did I do? I left most of the fish and the cake but had three rolls. This was good. It would not have been possible to pick and choose had I stuck with the one plate rule. Even with my everything before me before I take one bite, I have eaten food that I thought my cause an allergic reaction. I wasn't fussy about what I was eating at all!!!

Why do I feel like I have entered a different world? It's because I am eating at meals but am stopping only when I am certain I am full. This morning, at a hotel breakfast, I had cereal but did not feel full. Then I had a muffin. Only then did I stop.

This afternoon I reverted to overeating, but that's OK. I had an experience which I hope to turn into a habit.

Day 7 – Monday, May 7, 2012: I got up this morning and had a large breakfast: two blueberry muffins with butter and an apple. Now I am definitely full. This should carry me through to lunch.

1 PM: My interview was an entire hour. When I got off the phone, I ate a lot. I then listened to the hypnosis CD and decided to change my goal to just an average of listening to that CD once per day, an average of 3 strengthening exercises per week, and an average of 4 times on the exercise bike per week. How long? Maybe until Many Point in mid-July.

Day 8 – Tuesday, May 8, 2012: All I am doing is listening to the CD and doing the exercises, both the bike and strengthening exercises. Yesterday, I ate a lot. This morning, I bought doughnuts when I went out to buy new combs because Ellie had lice. While there, I bought cake doughnuts. I had two. There are several left, sitting on the counter. Do I want more? No. Why not? I'm full. I need to give this diet time. If I learn to stop eating when I'm satisfied, I should lose weight. What No S did was train me to eat until the food was gone. The good part of No S is I learned to pay attention to meals.

Day 9 – Wednesday, May 9, 2012: The hypnosis CD is having an impact on me, but I'm not sure that the immediate impact is weight. It's more about self-respect. I am dealing with a house that is one that has potential for the clutter program on TV -- not anywhere that bad, but still stuff on the floor. Right now, the family room has a hairband, a bookmark, a calculator, a book, and three dog toys on the floor. What does this have to do with weight loss? I don't know, but it does. It may be that my lack of self-confidence in dieting led to a more slovenly approach to housekeeping. Who knows? What I do know is that I won't be thin unless I am also neat. Painting the family room -- the central room in our house -- was a step in the right direction. On Monday, the carpet cleaner is coming to clean the carpet. This room will look a lot nicer after that.

Meanwhile, all I'm doing is the exercises and listening to the CD. I don't even really pay attention. I put on a headset and lie down until all 25 minutes are done. I don't know if this will work or not, but there are certain indications. For example, yesterday I bit into an apple and really enjoyed the flavor of that first bite. The emphasis in the CD is on enjoying your food -- eating slowly, enjoying every bite. There is no really plan here for me except to listen to the CD. I am not going through the journal. I am not doing any of the exercises in the program. That is all too difficult for me. Even as I write this and think about doing the exercises, my heart raced a little in panic. How bizarre -- I am so conditioned to rebel against dieting that I cannot even think about writing in a book and tracking certain behaviors like how much I drink. For some reason, I can track exercise -- perhaps because it does not relate to eating.

Day 10 – Thursday, May 10, 2012: I decided to have a habit of going on the exercise bike on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays when I am home and then do the strengthening exercises on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Since we are more likely to be out of town on weekends, this would make my exercise habit more consistent. For the past month or so, I've been on the exercise bike every day, and I don't think that is sustainable. Meanwhile, I thought I'd try chewing each bite ten times, and -- sure enough -- I overate. What to do? Well, the I Can Make You Thin has a big emphasis on drinking, so I'm going to focus on that habit. I'll try to get to eight glasses of water per day. I'll start with a cup of water before I have coffee in the morning.

1:33 PM: I am so uncomfortably stuffed in my jeans that I am wishing I owned sweatpants. Something has to change. I may incorporate No S wisdom in this approach yet. Maybe I can eat at mealtime, when there is a special social event, or when I am hungry but not just randomly when I want a break or see something tasty. Common sense...

Day 11 – Friday, May 11, 2012:
Day 12 – Saturday, May 12, 2012:
Day 13 – Sunday, May 13, 2012:
Day 14 – Monday, May 14, 2012:
Day 15 – Tuesday, May 15, 2012:
Day 16 – Wednesday, May 16, 2012:
Day 17 – Thursday, May 17, 2012:
Day 18 – Friday, May 18, 2012:
Day 19 – Saturday, May 19, 2012:
Day 20 – Sunday, May 20, 2012:
Day 21 – Monday, May 21, 2012:
Day 22 – Tuesday, May 22, 2012:
Day 23 – Wednesday, May 23, 2012:
Day 24 – Thursday, May 24, 2012:
Day 25 – Friday, May 25, 2012:
Day 26 – Saturday, May 26, 2012:
Day 27 – Sunday, May 27, 2012:
Day 28 – Monday, May 28, 2012:
Day 29 – Tuesday, May 29, 2012:
Day 30 – Wednesday, May 30, 2012:
Day 31 – Thursday, May 31, 2012:

[NoSRocks]

HAPPY (BELATED) ANNIVERSARY, Kathleen! Sorry it's late: I just read your post and realized that your wedding anniversary was yesterday.

Also sorry to hear about your nose condition (inflammation). Hope you're feeling better soon. Don't mean to sound flippant however sometimes paint fumes can aggravate one's nose. Not saying that was the cause of it but it could be that it irritated your condition in some way. Perhaps once it calms down (paint dries) it will help somewhat. Glad to see you are still posting, btw!

[Kathleen]

NoSRocks,
That's exactly what my husband thought. I'm now just scraping paint off the baseboards, and I have some touch-up to do after that. My problem with my nose has been going on for more than five years ago. Five years ago in April, I started using a nasal rinse twice per day. Last month, suddenly, I didn't need it. I think exercise could help my nose. It's really strange but very motivating. Thanks for encouraging the posting. It's good for me to write but I feel guilty about going beyond No S. Maybe I'll circle back to it.
Kathleen

[~reneew]

Many things came to mind while reading here... Hang in there! You sound frustrated, and I understand! I really believe that the repeated compliance of the vanilla rules erases the bad habit and creates new. I can never be naturally thin, and I really need to work on it now but I believe that the pull from food will disappear or at least recede to such a tiny ignorable tug that I'll be able to breeze through the temptation some day.

Bethmoore was talking about James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
Then she went on to say "He doesn't flee from us, beloved. He runs from God who is standing right over us every time we submit." Just thought I'd throw that out there.

An other thought: there are so so many diets out there that may be good and help us loose weight. Low carb, low fat, low calorie, wait until you're hungry, eat at certain times... But if you really think about it, NoS teaches you to eat less fat, less calories etc., and you will most likely be hungry when you get to eat! It's an easy set of rules, it's easy to count, it's NOT easy to follow, none I've found are, but it gets easier the more you actually do it.

And an other thought: like you I also want to fast until dinner sometimes, but I couldn't do it all last year while I was trying every diet under the sun. BUT, I am completely able to do it now after a month and a half of vanilla. Also, we weigh about the same right now.

Hang in there!

[Kathleen]

Reneew,
There is some humility in my turn to this diet. I recognize my failings in following the No S Diet and wonder if I should not respect my weakness by following something easier. It is peace I want more than a thin body.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

May 14, 2012: The Bright Line Diet



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Bright Line Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, May 14, 2012: 218.0


Weight:
Day 1 – Friday, May 11, 2012: 218.0
Day 2 – Saturday, May 12, 2012:
Day 1 – Sunday, May 13, 2012: 216.6

Day 1 – Monday, May 14, 2012: 218.0
Day 2 – Tuesday, May 15, 2012: 217.2
Day 3 – Wednesday, May 16, 2012: 217.4
Day 4 – Thursday, May 17, 2012: 217.6
Day 5 – Friday, May 18, 2012: 217.2
Day 6 – Saturday, May 19, 2012:
Day 7 – Sunday, May 20, 2012: 217.8
Day 8 – Monday, May 21, 2012:
Day 9 – Tuesday, May 22, 2012:
Day 10 – Wednesday, May 23, 2012:
Day 11 – Thursday, May 24, 2012:
Day 12 – Friday, May 25, 2012:
Day 13 – Saturday, May 26, 2012:
Day 14 – Sunday, May 27, 2012:
Day 15 – Monday, May 28, 2012:
Day 16 – Tuesday, May 29, 2012:
Day 17 – Wednesday, May 30, 2012:
Day 18 – Thursday, May 31, 2012:

Journal:
Day 1 – Friday, May 11, 2012: My jeans were getting tight, so I knew this wasn't working and sure enough it wasn't. Now I'm furious at myself and currently not too polite to my daughter who is home today because 7th graders have off. I am bursting out of my bra and just ordered a bigger size. Ick. Ick. Ick. The Novena Diet, for all its faults, does work if I follow it. I am revising it as follows at least for this time:

Nine days of 3 meals per day capped at 300 calories for breakfast, 500 calories for lunch, and 700 calories for dinner plus an additional 1,800 calories discretionary throughout the nine days (200 calories per day). After nine days, maintain the lowered weight for a solid month. My goal is to get below 215 pounds, a very modest goal.

6:49 PM: Failure. I'm continuing but increasing the calories I can eat in the next eight days: 500/800/1000 for breakfast/lunch/dinner plus 200 calories per day extra.

Day 2 – Saturday, May 12, 2012: Today is my son's 16th birthday and he's out with his dad earning his backpacking merit badge. It's a beautiful Saturday, but it's sad I won't see him today. He was born at 1:15 AM on Mother's Day. Today, I restart the Novena Diet with a difference. I'm going to have a minimum and a maximum number of calories for nine days, and I'm going to start with a minimum of 2,000 and a maximum of 2,500. I think I normally eat well above that amount. At the end of nine days, I hope to be below 215 pounds.

11 PM: Things went well until dinner. I know feel utterly defeated. I am cycling through different diet ideas. Now I'm back to what I was thinking last summer with The Bright Line Diet. It's sad to review my journal and see that I was about 200 pounds. I'm going to try 24 hour fasts on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays but only if I can avoid being noticed as fasting.

Day 1 – Sunday, May 13, 2012: 216.6 I had forgotten what a nightmare it is to count calories. It's like Chinese water torture: the drip drip drip never stops. You never feel satisfied. I could not take it even one day.

I woke up about 3 and was up and down all night. It was from the book Willpower that I read about the term bright line. I went back and pulled out the medieval book on fasting and feasting and read some of that as well. There was a divine command to fast. Everyone fasted.

It's Mother's Day. Tom and Tommy will be back at noon from backpacking. I just don't want to spoil another day of my life because of dieting. Fasting is easy. I've already proven that. What remains to be seen if I lose weight after establishing a habit of fasting.

Day 1 – Monday, May 14, 2012: 218.0 I am just going to do this and see what happens. So far, my journal is supporting the wisdom of No S because my weight has gone up since abandoning it.

Fasting is an admission of defeat. Like someone subjected to water torture -- the slow and constant drip drip drip, I simply could no longer stand dieting. There is something about dieting that makes me feel like I will never ever again be satisfied. On Saturday night, as I went about 2,000 calories, I realized it was because of my imagining that I was not fully satisfied. How could it have been a real hunger when I ate so much all day?

The problem is in my head and is caused by years of dieting. We had a Windstar that we bought new at the end of 1999 and sold in 2006 for $1,000 because the transmission went out. In the two years prior to selling it, we spent $6,000 in repairs. We used to joke that the oil changes were $500. After that, we bought a used Toyota. For about two years, I'd react whenever I heard something while driving. I had been conditioned because of that Windstar to fear the need for repairs. Our Toyota is now up to 120,000 miles and still I can react to noises.

In a similar way, my prior experience with dieting is so bad that I just cannot return to it. As a result, I need to resort to fasting. With fasting, you know it will end. There is no restriction when eating, only no calories when fasting.

I tried this last summer for one week while I was at the Boy Scout camp and actually gained weight. This time around, I'm giving it more than one week. I think 'm done with dieting. This is it.

7:30 AM: I went back to my experiment with fasting last summer. I was at the Boy Scout camp and fasted four times for 24 hours but still managed to gain over a pound. That was one week. I think that the idea of a bright line is a good one, but maybe I need to add to the fasting. I could drink 8 glasses of water every day, chew each bite ten times, and take hand or utensil away from mouth while chewing. All these are possible Bright Line additions. I think all try all of them with fasting.

2:30 PM: I decided to ease into fasting like I eased into the exercise bike. I fasted until 1.

7 PM: After breaking the fast, I ate a lot. Now I understand why I gained weight last year. Still, I think this is the way to go. Fasting gives me the opportunity to actually experience hunger. By fasting three days per week, I don't have to worry about social situations keeping me from fasting on some of those days.

9 PM: This little tidbit came from I Can Make You Thin: if you think you are hungry, drink water and then see if you are still hungry. I think I'm just going to stick with fasting as a bright line but make an effort to drink water before eating. Tonight, I felt uncomfortably stuffed. I think the fasting gave me an experience of the pleasantness of not being stuffed, and that is the genius of fasting: you find the golden mean by undereating.

Day 2 – Tuesday, May 15, 2012: 217.2 It felt good to go without food yesterday morning, and so this morning I'm not going to eat so much.

9 AM: The dog does not like my new exercise program. I wonder if exercise sooner or later changes the type of food you prefer and the amount you want. How many very active obese people are out there? I have been exercising now for several weeks and only now am starting to notice a difference. I feel a little bit of tightness in my 40 inch belly, and I got a leg cramp which I only have had previously when pregnant. Tom told me that I've never exercised vigorously in my life, and he's right: I haven't. Even while backpacking, I went at a constant rate. It is different to exercise vigorously.

Day 3 – Wednesday, May 16, 2012: Coward that I am, I did not weigh myself today. Yesterday was Katie's birthday, and we ended up having cheesecake at 8:30 -- after the flute lessons and after a trip to the mall to buy a Build A Bear. We haven't been there for years, but that's where she wanted to go on her 13th birthday.

Anne, following the No S Diet, had a piece of cheesecake as well. As a former No Ser, I could think about what I would do in her shoes, which would be to eat a lot of cheesecake as long as I was having any. Anne didn't do that -- she had a small piece -- but that's what I would have done and maybe that's why No S didn't work for me.

Now I am sipping my cup of coffee and looking forward to a day of cleaning and nothing but coffee and water until 2 PM. I think that this experience has something in common with how I felt on The Novena Diet in that I experienced hunger and had a desire to satisfy it. With The Novena Diet, I had to slog through nine days of hunger. With this diet last Friday, I didn't feel any hunger at all until about noon and only slogged through one hour.

There is still the question of whether I will lose any weight doing this. I believe that the answer lies in how much fasting affects my eating when I am eating. I don't know. It's an open question. This diet is really Intuitive Eating with periods of not eating. Where I place my hope in this is that I will experience hunger and then will be able to appreciate that optimal point of satisfaction as I cross from stuffed to satisfied to hungry while fasting.

What Aristotle called the golden mean is the idea of moderation. I don't experience moderation. I overeat. My hope is that these periods of fasting will help me to experience, appreciate, and prefer the feeling that comes with moderate eating which would be the same feeling experienced during a period of fasting that follows a normal day of overeating for me. In other words, sometime today the feeling of stuffed that I am now experiencing will slowly change as food is digested from yesterday's eating and I will move into the feeling that most people have who are thin as I continue to fast. It will be a brief experience because I'll be eating again at 2.

8 PM: This diet is Intuitive Eating with exercise and two fasts that involve skipping breakfast. I think that's all I need. I came up empty-handed on the job because I had not had prior work experience with that specific company. Bummer. It's almost as if God is putting me through Groundhog Day before I get my home life right.

Day 4 – Thursday, May 17, 2012: I face the quiet of the kids at school. Here I am, 217 pounds and my knees are starting to hurt when I go up stairs, and I'm worried about a job when my husband makes a good salary. I am going to turn exercise into a vocation for the summer.

Day 5 – Friday, May 18, 2012: 217.6 I am done with belly gazing aka Intuitive Eating. It leads to constant thoughts about food and constant eating. The No S Diet has meal eating plus weekend relaxation of rules. I'm going to go with the medieval approach of meal eating plus fasting. Friday is the traditional fast day. I think I'll fast until dinner and then work on mostly eating at mealtime.

Day 6 – Saturday, May 19, 2012: 217.2 Last night, before going to bed, I asked God to show me what path to follow. I've just been cycling through diets at a faster and faster pace, with my weight going up. What to do? The answer I got back was to drop everything except the fasting and to start out at a slow pace with fasting three times per week but not too long each time. Next week, I'll try fasting to 11 AM each week if possible. My parents are in town. They are at a family reunion to celebrate my aunt's 90th birthday, and I'm so ashamed of how I look that I let my brother take them and I stayed home with the excuse that I'm needed at home. How pathetic.

Day 7 – Sunday, May 20, 2012: 217.6 Interesting article on intermittent fasting: http://www.latimes.com/news/science/la- ... 0110.story

Day 8 – Monday, May 21, 2012:
Day 9 – Tuesday, May 22, 2012:
Day 10 – Wednesday, May 23, 2012:
Day 11 – Thursday, May 24, 2012:
Day 12 – Friday, May 25, 2012:
Day 13 – Saturday, May 26, 2012:
Day 14 – Sunday, May 27, 2012:
Day 15 – Monday, May 28, 2012:
Day 16 – Tuesday, May 29, 2012:
Day 17 – Wednesday, May 30, 2012:
Day 18 – Thursday, May 31, 2012:

[LoriLifts]

Hi Kathleen,

If we fall down 1000 times, as long as we get up 1001 times, we're successful!

I admire how candid you are about your journey. I've started and stopped so many times, I've been tempted to delete my blog and start fresh.

The struggles will be part of our success. We'll just keep going, one day, or hour at a time.


Lori

[Kathleen]

Thanks, walkerlori. I am determined. There is a path. I just need to find it. Thanks for the encouragement!
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

My parents are in town. They are at a family reunion to celebrate my aunt's 90th birthday, and I'm so ashamed of how I look that I let my brother take them and I stayed home with the excuse that I'm needed at home. How pathetic.


Kathleen, you are way too hard on yourself. THis is what I suggest: right now, right this minute, order some beautiful clothes online and express them to your house. THen get an emergency appointment with a good salon and have your hair done. There is NO reason to hide at home due to shame about your weight. Yes, I know you want to be thinner (don't we all?) but life is happening meantime. You can still look very good at your present weight with flattering clothes and good hair. Your confidence will be much greater also.
You will have much better success with weight loss if you tell yourself that you're a pretty woman who deserves it, than if you insult yourself about your looks. Here's one link to a catalogue:

http://www.landsend.com/ix/womens-cloth ... e=24&tab=2

You DESERVE to look good regardless of your weight. Then arrange to meet your parents and show off!!

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
I'm hiding. I have one pair of jeans, one pair of capris, one pair of black pants, one work pair of blue pants, several polos all the same style in different colors, and one white shirt that can be worn with the blue pants for interviews. My hair is tied back. I am making myself feel worse by how I dress.
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

[quote="Kathleen"]Eurobabe2,
I'm hiding. I have one pair of jeans, one pair of capris, one pair of black pants, one work pair of blue pants, several polos all the same style in different colors, and one white shirt that can be worn with the blue pants for interviews. My hair is tied back. I am making myself feel worse by how I dress.
Kathleen[/quote]

And what do us food-lovers do when we feel bad? We eat. So please take my suggestion and buy something flattering, and have your hair done. Do not let some arbitrary number (like, "I'm not buying a size......") get in your way. Buy what fits you NOW and makes you feel and look good now. And then buy more new clothes that fit as you go down in size.

Expensive? No. If it were your daughter, you would buy her flattering clothes that fit in a minute, even if you had to buy smaller clothes for her later. Maybe ESPECIALLY if you had to buy smaller clothes later.

Our physical health (like it being much more likely you will follow a diet/eating plan if you feel good) and our mental health is far more valuable than spending a bit of money on yourself.

Do this. You won't regret it.

[mimi]

Day 6 – Saturday, May 19, 2012: 217.2 Last night, before going to bed, I asked God to show me what path to follow. I've just been cycling through diets at a faster and faster pace, with my weight going up. What to do? The answer I got back was to drop everything except the fasting and to start out at a slow pace with fasting three times per week but not too long each time. Next week, I'll try fasting to 11 AM each week if possible. My parents are in town. They are at a family reunion to celebrate my aunt's 90th birthday, and I'm so ashamed of how I look that I let my brother take them and I stayed home with the excuse that I'm needed at home. How pathetic.

Kathleen, I feel that you are in a panic. You've been trying to find a successful diet approach that you can follow, you're finding that you aren't able to follow any of them, and you're watching your weight continue to creep up. If I was going to use an illustration, I would picture you in deep water far from shore, treading water to keep your head afloat, but going nowhere...just becoming exhausted in the process.
But the one thing you do have is determination, and I feel that in the end, that is going to get you through this.
My suggestions, for whatever they're worth, would be to do this:
1. Choose ONE approach, stick with it, and really work it. You haven't been doing that. Quit making your own rules. They're not working. If you have to change anything about NoS, add an extra meal - an extra small meal.
2. Don't panic, just keep going. One successful meal breeds another, and one successful day does as well. For now take baby steps.
3. Identify your real trigger foods and absolutely keep them out of your house.
4. Identify your true motives for losing weight. Write them down. Read them several times a day. When you are tempted to eat something you shouldn't, read your reasons for wanting to lose weight.
5. Maybe keep an unattractive picture of yourself handy as well that you can look at while you review your reasons for losing weight.

I feel that plain and simply you need to stop panicking and focus. Really focus. And really work your plan, no pretending to work it and then deciding it doesn't work and then just resorting to eating.

I hope this post doesn't sound harsh because it certainly was not intended to be. I feel your pain whenever I read you posts and wish I could help.
BTW, I think you should take Eurobabe's advice and get some new outfits and maybe even new, flattering, hairstyle.

Good wishes to you Kathleen. Keep us posted.

Mimi

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
I bought a pair of pants today.
Kathleen

mimi,
I hear you. It was disturbing, very disturbing, to not go visit my aunt when the next trip could be to her funeral. I have been cycling, and I do think it's time to settle but for me the choice is intermittent fasting. I won't have much time to think this week because my parents are in town, but I see much wisdom in your words. What the heck am I doing, wasting my life flitting from one scheme to another?
Kathleen

[Eurobabe2]

[quote="Kathleen"]Eurobabe2,
I bought a pair of pants today.
Kathleen

Very good start.
Now go get a good haircut.
You'll feel better.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
I did curl my hair this morning, but I want to tie back my hair this summer since it is likely to be hot out when we are at the lake. I'll look my best.
Kathleen

[Kathleen]

May 21, 2012: The Bright Line Diet aka The Last Chance Diet



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Bright Line Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, May 21, 2012: 217.0


Weight:
Day 1 – Monday, May 21, 2012: 217.0
Day 2 – Tuesday, May 22, 2012: 217.4
Day 3 – Wednesday, May 23, 2012: 217.6
Day 4 – Thursday, May 24, 2012: 218.8
Day 5 – Friday, May 25, 2012: 218.0
Day 6 – Saturday, May 26, 2012: 218.0
Day 7 – Sunday, May 27, 2012: 219.2
Day 8 – Monday, May 28, 2012: 218.4

Day 9 – Tuesday, May 29, 2012: 219.2
Day 10 – Wednesday, May 30, 2012: 219.4
Day 11 – Thursday, May 31, 2012: 218.6


Journal:
Day 1 – Monday, May 21, 2012: 217.0 There is scientific support for the idea that fasting is good for you. This article is from the May 20, 2012 issue of The Los Angeles Times which was printed in the local Minneapolis paper:


"In an age of long commutes, late sports practices, endless workdays and 24/7 television programming, the image of Mom hanging up her dish towel at 7 p.m. and declaring "the kitchen is closed" seems a quaint relic of an earlier era.

It also harks back to a thinner America. And that may be no coincidence.

From the May 20, 2012 issue of The Los Angeles Times: "A new study, conducted on mice, hints at an unexpected contributor to the nation's epidemic of obesity — and, if later human studies bear it out, a possible way to have our cake and eat it too, with less risk of weight gain and the diseases that come with it.

Just eat your cake — or better yet, an apple — earlier. Then wait 16 hours, until breakfast the next morning, to eat again.

"We have to come up with something that is a simple alternative to calorie counting," said Satchidananda Panda, a regulatory biologist at the Salk Institute in La Jolla who led the study published online Thursday by the journal Cell Metabolism."




I have hesitated about fasting in part because of the lack of scientific support, even though it occurred to me that fasting is part of many religions and there might be a reason for that. Fasting is quite easy. It is actually rather pleasant and relaxing. Right now, I have not eaten since 5 PM yesterday because I ate before we went to the school picnic where hot dogs were the meal. It is nearly 8 AM, and I feel just fine. Last summer, at the Boy Scout camp, I gained weight after a week even though I fasted for four 24 hour periods. It occurs to me now that the reason why I gained weight is that the length and frequency of fasting triggered the starvation effect of binge behavior.

This week, I am just going to fast until 11 AM on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. After that, I can eat what I want however I want and as much as I want. Over the weekend, my eating calmed down because I could tell myself there are no restrictions.

Last summer, I did some research on the Greek Orthodox religion, and fasting is a very significant part of it. One writer commented that the focus on the health of those living in the Mediteranian has been attributed to foods like olive oil, but no one has looked at the fasting required because of the Greek Orthodox religion. Fasting apparently reduces inflammation which is a significant factor in lots of health problems like cancer. I don't know. I just think that that article gave me some reason to think that fasting is good for you despite conventional wisdom that it is bad for you.

No S -- well, it introduces the idea of fasting between meals. It taught me that I can do well even if I don't eat for a few hours. How the heck did I buy into the idea that you have to eat NOW if you think you might possible be hungry? When did a twinge of hunger become a painful experience to be avoided at all costs?

I think that the defining characteristic of the obese is gullibility, and this is why. The gullible buy into the conventional wisdom that hunger is a terrible, terrible problem to be avoided at all costs and that you should eat constantly throughout the day and that there needs to be a balance of foods every time you eat and on and on and on. Isn't it nice just to seek wisdom of prior ages and fast, a simple method of governing the appetite?

Will I lose weight? It remains to be seen. I will at least be at peace.

9:40 AM: I'm beginning to not feel too great. That's interesting because last year I could go an entire day fasting and feel fine. Why is this? I think it may be that I'm not used to fasting. I am going to amend this diet to allow myself to eat by 11 AM or after 16 hours, whichever is sooner.

10:15 AM: I had three hard-boiled eggs, some vanilla ice cream, caramel corn, and something else but I cannot remember what else. The caramel corn was given me by my parents from my aunt's 90th birthday, and on the package was this from Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; Do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." What a wonderful verse to reflect my aunt's drive! How sad I now am that I missed that weekend.

Day 2 – Tuesday, May 22, 2012: 217.4 My parents didn't comment on my weight gain. I'm not sure they even noticed. After all, they are in their upper 80s, and my father just went to see the place where he grew up and his siblings, almost definitely for the last time. He's got a cane now. They have their own problems and don't need to concern themselves with mine. That's part of the reason why I reject calorie counting as an approach -- because it leads to obsession and narcissism. I woke up in the night just miserable because I ate so much yesterday. This misery actually made me happy. I don't think I would have felt miserable had I fasted, which means that fasting does have an impact on how much you eat after fasting.

Do I want to continue focused on my weight when my kids are growing up and my parents are in their final years? No. I am taking fasting and accepting the weight that results. The Greek Orthodox women, as I recalled, tried to fast Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until 3 PM. That sounds like a good approach to me. There may be an adjustment period. I may actually gain weight like I did last summer. I do think, however, that weight loss will result over time.

10:30 AM: I'm just going to go ahead and fast on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays until 3 PM unless there is a social exception. Meanwhile, I'm continuing to exercise -- 3X per week strengthening exercises and 4X per week on the exercise bike. There's no need to track because I either do it or I don't. Once the opportunity is lost, it is lost. With that attitude, I must have very good reason not to exercise.

Day 3 – Wednesday, May 23, 2012: 217.6 Yesterday, I was eating and drinking until 9 PM. It was hot, and I just plain didn't feel well, so I bought ginger ale and had oranges and orange juice. Even so, I ended up sleeping in the living room for part of the night so Tom could get some sleep. Why? I just think I'm at a tipping point with regard to my health because of my eating, and I'm done flitting. It is time to decide and do.

Deep down, I think fasting is the right approach, but it's more of a decision based on intuition than on facts. Now I'll try to gather facts to support the view that fasting is good. This is a somewhat backward approach from a scientific point of view. What I've really done is eliminate other options: restrictions based on when you eat (No S), periodic restriction of calories (Novena Diet), constant restriction of diets (Weight Watchers), no restriction so the body chooses a good weight (Intuitive Eating), restriction based on how you eat (The 7 Habits of Slim People, among others going back to books published in the 1980s), and restriction based on food type (The Scarsdale Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, Pritikin, among others). I look at this list and sees years of my life wasted.

Fasting is Biblical. In the Bible it is said, "When you fast" rather than "If you fast". That reading is given every year on Ash Wednesday. Why have I, a Catholic, never looked at fasting or been very hesitant to try it? It's because of conventional scientific wisdom about needing to eat whenever hungry or you'll be famished and needing to have several meals per day, etc.

The book Why We Get Fat likens the Atkins Diet to fasting in that, in both, there is severe restriction of carbohydrates for the person does not feel all that hungry. It's true. It's not really that difficult to fast. The good thing about fasting is the carbohydrate restrictions are lifted when you stop fasting.

I wrote this to another poster more than two years ago:


Here is the most honest description of the psychological damage wrought by dieting that I have ever read. It is from the chapter entitled "Dieting: A Waist Is a Terrible Thing to Mind" from the book What You Can Change...and What You Can't* by Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D.: "This is the most consistent failure in my life. It's also a failure I can't just put out of mind, like the failure to get rid of my slice at golf. There are too many reminders, every time I look in the mirror and every time I look at a tempting dish... I have spent the last few years reading the scientific literature, not the parade of best-selling diet books or the flood of women's magazine articles on the latest way to slim down. The scientific evidence looks clear to me, but there is not yet a consensus... Here's what the picture looks like to me:
- Dieting doesn't work.
- Dieting may make overweight worse, not better.
- Dieting may be bad for health.
- Dieting may cause eating disorders -- bulimia and anorexia....

When I am defeated by that piece of carrot cake, I feel like a failure: I should be able to control myself, and there is something morally wrong with me if I give in. Fatness is seen as shameful because we hold people responsible for their weight. Being overweight equates with being a weak-willed slob. We believe this primarily because we have seen plenty of people decide to lose weight and do so in a matter of weeks.

But almost everyone returns to the old weight after shedding pounds. Your body has a natural weight that it defends vigorously against dieting. The more diets tried, the harder the body works to defeat the next diet. Weight is in large part genetic. All this gives the lie to the "weak-willed" interpretation of overweight. More accurately, dieting puts the conscious will of the individual against a deeper, more vigilant opponent: the species' biological defense against starvation. The conscious will can occasionally win battles -- no carrot cake tonight, this month without carbohydrates -- but it almost always loses the war...

A concept that makes sense of your body's vigorous defense against weight loss is natural weight. When your body screams "I'm hungry," slows its metabolism, makes you lethargic, stores fat, craves sweets and renders them more delicious than ever, and makes you obsessed with food, what it is defending is your natural weight. It is signaling that you have dropped into a range it will not accept."

Just think about this for a minute. This is a guy who is known for his work on happiness psychology. He gave up on dieting. He is a very smart man.

__________________

I need to be done -- done with dieting done with journaling, done with seeing my life go down the drain as I battle my weight. With fasting, I do not need to worry about social interference because I can just eat if necessary, knowing that I'll fast on other days. This approach is so so simple.

I'll be back, of course, but maybe just once per week. My focus needs to change to other things.

10 AM: My parents are taking me out to lunch. They are leaving tomorrow. That's OK. I can just fast today until lunch. I no longer want to focus on eating and weight. The best way to accomplish this is to limit how often I weight myself and write about dieting. I'll be back once per month.

After all, does the difficulty of building this fasting habit actually matter? No. I've decided. There's been lots of difficulty in deciding, and I don't want to open myself up to more analysis and questioning by weighing myself or focusing on this at all. I'll be back in June.

Day 1 – Thursday, May 24, 2012: 218.8 Last night, I took my parents to an awards ceremony for Anne and other students, and it was pouring rain when we came out. Tom was taking Anne home, and I was waiting with my parents for Tom to bring in an umbrella. There I was, standing with many other people and my parents, when my father bellowed: “If you don’t get your weight under control…†I walked out to the van and drove it back, and they were out with the umbrella getting in the van. Nothing more was said. I feel bad because my father was indicating his concern, but it is not a topic we can discuss. I was awake last night thinking that might be a moment of grace for me, however. He cares. He doesn’t know what to do. Of course, he doesn’t know about all my attempts, but in a way they are perhaps half-hearted attempts or gimmicks. Today I’m going to start writing down what I eat and estimating calories. Maybe it will help with self-deception.
11 AM: I decided just to start over with the idea that “There is no free lunch.†Calories count even on S Days. I’m not going to set a limit but I am going to track calories and weight. I feel terrible about my Dad. There is no way I can talk with him about my weight, but he’s my father and he cares about me and his wife – my mother – is upset with him for bringing him up. I think that may have been the wake up call I needed. I was looking for gimmicks as a way to eat more. That won’t work. What will work is to face reality – that I need to cut caloric consumption.
11:30 AM: Several years ago, I saw a very obese man bringing in to work an entire box of lollipops. He offered me one, and I declined because I was on a diet. He then offered me a pomegranate lollipop, saying it was loaded with anitoxidants. Of course, it isn’t. It’s loaded with sugar and pomegranate flavor. The human capacity for self-deception is unlimited. Monitoring calorie consumption without limiting it is a way for me to see what I am eating and avoid self-deception.
8:42 PM: Even with my father’s heartbreaking plea to me last night, I could not last one day with calorie counting. Fasting is my only path left: I’ve tried all the others.

Day 5 – Friday, May 25, 2012: 218.0 I was awake again last night, worrying about my weight. It was so bad that I got up and made banana bread that my daughter had volunteered to take to school in the morning. I am actually reading Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. It’s obvious to me why I’m having trouble sleeping: I keep on changing what I am doing about my weight as my weight creeps up. Dale Carnegie cites that famous prayer: “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change..Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.†It so happens that our Catholic elementary school gives each graduate a plaque with that prayer on it, and I have one of those plaques up right next to the computer so I am looking at it. The frustrating thing about dieting is that it is unclear what you can do about it that actually works. It appears to be something you can do something about, and yet almost everyone who decides to lose weight fails in the long run. The next problem with dieting is, if you decide to do it, how you will do it. There are many, many options. That means there is no clearly successful approach because then everyone would follow that approach. Almost every diet I have read has its success stories, but here I am having followed so many of them and still obese. The words “mirage†and “tantalizing†come to mind when I think about dieting. I have tried so many approaches, and now I am trying fasting. What is intriguing to me about fasting is that it is wisdom from thousands of years of human history. I got a book on medieval eating practices, and in it the definition of gluttony has to do with eating outside time boundaries. Very interesting. Still, I come to the idea of fasting with more exhaustion than enthusiasm. I’ll try it.

Day 6 – Saturday, May 26, 2012: 218.0 I fasted until 3 PM and then had a classic “diet backlash†binge. My weight is exactly the same today as it was yesterday. Is this working? I’m not sure. It may be that my eating will be affected on the non-fast days because I sure don’t feel like eating a lot now. Maybe that’s why intermittent fasting rather than daily fasting is what has been proscribed by the Catholic Church for centuries.

8:25 PM: Fasting helps me to recognize the difference between what I think I need and what I actually need.

Day 7 – Sunday, May 27, 2012: 219.2 I feel way different this morning. Last night’s lesson that I need to distinguish between what I actually need and what I think I need is still with me. I had a bowl of cereal. There is excess all around me. Part of the problem, I think, is that I am so messy, and I don’t see it. I haven’t seen the excess in my arms or stomach or thighs, either, except as reflected in the concern in my parents’ eyes. When did I give up on life? I am glad I am reading Dale Carnegie’s book on worry right now because, frankly, this is not the time to look back. What I need to do is look forward to a new future, one different from the one I have been on. Fasting changes more than how much I eat.
Day 8 – Monday, May 28, 2012: 218.4 After yesterday’s weight, the highest ever, I considered returning to the Novena Diet. Last night was another sleepless night. This morning, my weight was down, and the right side of my nose was inflamed again. I think fasting may help with inflammation, so I’m sticking with a fast. The inflammation was bad enough that I took Advil for it. I hate what my life has become because of dieting. I don’t want to go on a beach looking like I do. I don’t want to see my godmother’s daughter, which I will today because I’m taking my parents to visit her. I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay home and mope. That is not a good approach.

Novena Diet 1, Day 1 – Tuesday, May 29, 2012: 219.2
I’ve had enough. I’m back to a Novena Diet. I’ll have one Novena Diet every month with the goal of getting below the next lowest weight ending in a 5 or a 0. This Novena is in the month of May, and the goal is to get below 215 pounds. Today is Day 1. My nine days of eating will be to replicate the eating of a thin person. For breakfast, I had a small bowl of Cheerios. I did not measure it out. I simply poured a small amount in a bowl.

11:16 AM: That is THE END of the Novena Diet. In the past hour, I have eaten 2 cups of ice cream, an entire bowl of popcorn, ½ peanut butter sandwich and an entire grapefruit – and I don’t feel at all full!! How can that be? My body fears starvation so much that there is no limit to the reaction toward a planned caloric restriction.

I am returning to fasting, only this time it will be dinner to dinner fasts three times per week, starting tonight.

10 PM: I was really frightened by my starvation reaction this morning. There was no sense of satiety whatsoever.
Day 10 – Wednesday, May 30, 2012: 219.4 I’m still shaken by what happened yesterday. This was not the typical binge. It was completely out of control. Why? Why? Why? All I did was decide to go on the Novena Diet. I’m now completely committed to fating, and today I’ll fast until dinner.

10:30 AM: I am just cleaning this morning and am not at all affected by not eating. It’s curious. I look back to when I “fasted†between meals with No S and was in agony. Now I hardly remember. What’s strange is the difference, other than four years, is that I had breakfast with No S and am not having breakfast on days I fast. Could the conventional wisdom to have breakfast be wrong? No carb diets are popular because you don’t feel hungry, and fasting is a type of low carb diet. I don’t know. I’m very confused about all of this but yesterday’s binge was different for me than other binges and I am truly frightened by what happened. I’m wondering if I could end up in the super-obese of 300+ or 500+ pounds. I cannot try calorie restriction again. It’s got to be fasting or give up.
2 PM: I decided to stop my fast at 1 PM, and then I ate a lot of what I ate two days ago: grapefruit, peanut butter sandwich, and grapefruit. Still, I feel more in control. I’m reclaiming something. Fasting is a way for me to realize I’m in control.

Day 11 – Thursday, May 31, 2012: 218.6 I woke up not really wanting to eat a lot. To me the definition of a successful approach to weight loss is that you don’t want to eat a lot. Yesterday, I enjoyed getting hungry, but I am really, really not used to feeling that way. This morning, I ate a lot. Am I like a hamster on a hamster wheel? Possibly. Still, the door has been closed to calorie restriction. It’s fasting or nothing.

[Kathleen]

The Many Point Diet



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Bright Line Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, May 21, 2012: 217.0
(Month 2) Day 12 – Friday, June 1, 2012: 218.6.


Weight:
Day 12 – Friday, June 1, 2012: 218.6.
Day 13 – Saturday, June 2, 2012:
Day 14 – Sunday, June 3, 2012:
Day 15 – Monday, June 4, 2012:
Day 16 – Tuesday, June 5, 2012:
Day 17 – Wednesday, June 6, 2012:
Day 18 – Thursday, June 7, 2012:
Day 19 – Friday, June 8, 2012:
Day 20 – Saturday, June 9, 2012:
Day 21 – Sunday, June 10, 2012:
Day 22 – Monday, June 11, 2012:
Day 23 – Tuesday, June 12, 2012:
Day 24 – Wednesday, June 13, 2012:
Day 25 – Thursday, June 14, 2012:
Day 26 – Friday, June 15, 2012:
Day 27 – Saturday, June 16, 2012:
Day 28 – Sunday, June 17, 2012:
Day 29 – Monday, June 18, 2012:
Day 30 – Tuesday, June 19, 2012:
Day 31 – Wednesday, June 20, 2012:
Day 32 – Thursday, June 21, 2012:
Day 33 – Friday, June 22, 2012:
Day 34 – Saturday, June 23, 2012:
Day 35 – Sunday, June 24, 2012:
Day 36 – Monday, June 25, 202:
Day 37 – Tuesday, June 26, 2012:
Day 38 – Wednesday, June 27, 2012:
Day 39 – Thursday, June 28, 2012:
Day 40 – Friday, June 29, 2012:
Day 41 – Saturday, June 30, 2012:

Journal:
Day 12 – Friday, June 1, 2012: 218.6. Finally. I just this is finally it. Yesterday, I ate as normal, but I did not feel great and had a stomach ache, although that might also be attributable to having a meal with cabbage in it. What is happening here? My appetite is abating. I think that fasting may result in the body’s inability to eat large amounts of food when eating later. A few unpleasant experiences like yesterday’s are sure to curb my appetite even further. I won’t want to overeat because overeating results in stomach aches if I fast intermittently. This is my current theory. Am I discouraged that my weight actually went up since Day 1 of this diet? No. I’m focused on the long haul. What I want is a long-term solution to my weight problem, and a weight gain over 12 days when adjusting to a new approach is not going to discourage me. Last year, I tried fasting one week, gained one pound, and gave up on fasting. I lost almost an entire year, and even gained more than 15 pounds during that year, because I gave up on fasting too soon.

11:30 AM: I’m changing the name of the diet to The Many Point Diet to remind me of the place that is pictured on my cell phone, a place with very happy memories and where I will be for a week this summer. Yesterday, I picked up from the library a book by Christopher Kennedy Lawford called Moments of Clarity. It is a collection of writings by people who had moments when they gave up drug or alcohol abuse. It seems to me that there is some similarity between the despair of those battling what the author calls an “800 pound gorilla†and the despair of those like me battling a weight problem. What struck me most was a letter from C.G. Jung to Bill Wilson, cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous that was printed at the front of the book: “His craving for alcohol was the equivalent on a low level of the spiritual thirst of our being for wholeness, the union with God.†I think there is some truth to this statement in that there is a thirst for something that is not satisfied by food or drugs or alcohol, but there is some temporary respite from the thirst if there is an indulgence in alcohol or drugs or food. I never much thought there was a similarity between alcohol or drug abuse and overeating because, after all, you have to eat and also I’ve had such little direct exposure to drug or alcohol abuse. Now I think there is a similarity based on my reading of some books in the past month on alcohol abuse. What does fasting do? I cannot put it into words because I have still such an uncertain grasp of the benefit of fasting, but there is at a calmness that comes from realizing that you don’t have to eat the minute you feel any sort of hunger. What I see in the books I’ve read on alcohol and drug abuse is that most people need a fix daily. You cannot go on vacation and just set the drugs or alcohol aside for the duration of the vacation. Instead, you need to plan ahead. With food, you have to have access to food at least three times per day or you are in incredible pain from hunger. Except – fasting teaches me that that is not true. I can function just fine without eating three times per day.

[Kathleen]

The Bright Line Diet



The No S Diet:
(Month 1) Day 1 - Monday, September 8, 2008: 215.0

Restart with The Bright Line Diet:
(Month 1) Day 2 – Thursday, June 14, 2012: 222.0


Weight:
Day 1 – Saturday, June 2, 2012: 220.2
Day 1 – Sunday, June 3, 2012: 220.8
Day 1 – Monday, June 4, 2012: 221.0
Day 1 – Tuesday, June 5, 2012: 220.0
Day 1 – Wednesday, June 6, 2012: 221.2
Day 1 – Thursday, June 7, 2012: 220.0
Day 2 – Friday, June 8, 2012:
Day 3 – Saturday, June 9, 2012:
Day 1 – Sunday, June 10, 2012:
Day 2 – Monday, June 11, 2012: 219.6
Day 3 – Tuesday, June 12, 2012: 220.6
Day 1 – Wednesday, June 13, 2012: 220.8

Day 1 – Thursday, June 14, 2012: 222.0 2 Exception Days available
Day 2 – Friday, June 15, 2012: 220.4
Day 3 – Saturday, June 16, 2012: 220.4
Day 4 – Sunday, June 17, 2012:
Day 5 – Monday, June 18, 2012: 222.0
Day 6 – Tuesday, June 19, 2012: 200.8
Day 7 – Wednesday, June 20, 2012:

Day 1 – Thursday, June 21, 2012: 221.8
Day 2 – Friday, June 22, 2012: 219.0
Day 3 – Saturday, June 23, 2012: 221.0
Day 4 – Sunday, June 24, 2012: 218.2

Day 1 – Monday, June 25, 2012: 221.2 (2 S Events available)
Day 2 – Tuesday, June 26, 2012: 221.8
Day 3 – Wednesday, June 27, 2012: 221.2

Day 1 – Thursday, June 28, 2012: 220.0: 5 S Events
Day 2 – Friday, June 29, 2012: 221.4
Day 3 – Saturday, June 30, 2012: 218.8


Journal:

Day 1 – Saturday, June 2, 2012: 220.2 Fasting is good but not enough, so I’m adding chewing each bite ten times and placing hand or utensil down while chewing.

1:47 PM: I just ate and ate and ate today, and now I can only wear one pair of pants. It’s hot outside. I am disgusted. What to do? I think I’m going back to my Novena Diet.

2:10 PM: Self-deception is a big problem of mine: I eat without observing what I eat. I think my best approach is to record my eating, my exercise, and my weight as much as possible. This will allow me to alter behavior. There is no magic here.

Day 1 – Sunday, June 3, 2012: 220.8 I am taking the advice from Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and am going to live in day-tight compartments. I am returning somewhat to No S in that today’s goal is to eat three meals with approximate calorie counts of 300 for breakfast, 500 for lunch, and 700 for dinner.

12:22 PM: Calorie counting just isn’t going to work. I’m going to modify this diet to be three meals per day except, when possible, skipping breakfast and having no calories until lunchtime on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. How about S Days? No. I’ll have a rolling average of one S Event per week.

5:22 PM: I settled on the name of The Bright Line Diet. In thinking about the lessons of the book Moments of Clarity, I realized that people came to a moment of realization about the impact of drugs on them and then made a decision. I think I’ve been waiting for something to happen. Instead, I need to decide.

Here is my decision:
- Fasting until at least until noon on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, if not socially awkward
- A rolling average of one S Event per week. This is the only time I have sweets.
- Meals in which everything is before me before I take one bite. Normally, there are two meals on fast days and three meals on other days. The only other food intake is non-solid.
7 PM: I’m fasting until dinner. No breakfast, lunch, or caloric liquids until dinner three times per week.
7:35 PM: I made the decision. It was time to decide. There is no need to weigh myself or to keep a journal, since the decision has been made. Once per month weigh in and update is more than adequate.
Day 1 – Monday, June 4, 2012: 221.0 I have learned the importance of not snacking. Today I will fast until noon at least. Fasting is not enough. I am better off with No S than with fasting, but now I will try to combine the two. There’s a certain sadness in me. Almost all my thoughts are now directed towards losing weight. I have a child graduating from high school this Thursday, and am I thinking about that? No. I’m thinking about how I can only fit into one pair of pants now and my bras are getting ruined and how I can barely cross my legs right now. “The moving finger writes and having writ moves on…†I cannot do anything about the past. Here is my plan. Now I follow it.

8:30 AM: While on the exercise bike, I decided I had bit off more than I should chew, so I’m going to set aside fasting for now and just concentrate on meals with a rolling average of one S Event per week.

Day 1 – Tuesday, June 5, 2012: 220.0 For the moment, I am going to eat as late as possible each day and not try to change what I eat or how much I eat when I do eat. This morning, there was a breakfast for the volunteers at school, so I first ate at about 9:30 AM.

Day 1 – Wednesday, June 6, 2012: 221.2 Shortly before he died, Thomas Aquinas had a vision and famously said that all he had written was chaff. I have worked hard to document dieting in part because I wanted to pass this wisdom on to my children, three of whom are overweight. Now I realize that what it comes down to is a decision. I remember in one book a successful dieter saying, “Thin tastes better.†That is as good a slogan as any to indicate a decision on the part of the person to forego eating food now in order to be thin. Now I appreciate why there are many options for how you lose weight. Whatever results in lower caloric consumption works. What all successful dieters have in common is the decision to lose weight.

My plan is to designate days as Fast Days, Feast Days, and Normal Days. Fast Days are Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. On those days, I don’t have any calories at all (coffee, but no milk or sugar in the coffee, for example) until there is social pressure to do so or I decide to eat. Once I start eating, it is by the guidelines of a Normal Day. On Normal Days, I can have liquid calories anytime. Other than that, I can have three meals per day. On Feast Days, I can eat whatever I want. I start off now with 5 Feast Days. At the start of each month, I add one Feast Day for each Sunday in that month. In addition, I am exercising: three times on the exercise bike each week and three times doing strengthening exercises.

1:30 PM: I think that the deciding part of dieting is the hardest. I just ate lunch having exercised and lasted to early afternoon without eating anything.

Day 1 – Thursday, June 7, 2012: 220.0 Another day. Another Day 1. It’s also Anne’ graduation day. I started keeping a journal when Anne was in third grade, and I realized she was going to have a weight problem. I wanted to provide a paper trail for how she could manage her weight. Yesterday was my all time high for weight. What should I do now? Well, I think I should get busy. I created one page with a calendar on it where I can record my exercise, my following of a three meal per day approach, and my weight. Monitoring is all I will do. Each day has its choices: Should I eat today like a thin person?
Day 2 – Friday, June 8, 2012: I am going to spare myself the humiliation of weighing myself this morning and just acknowledge that monitoring is insufficient. What is the most I can do and think I could be successful? Here it is:
- A rolling average of two Exception Days per month which can be used at any time and allow me to eat as much as I want whenever I want; starting balance of five Exception Days
- Fast Days every Monday, Wednesday and Friday when I fast until 3 PM or whenever social necessity requires; after the Fast ends, only meals and liquid calories.
- Normal Days in which I have three meals in which everything is before me before I take one bite; liquid calories only.
I’m tired of thinking about dieting. This is good enough. I’ve been reading and reading Christopher Kennedy Lawford’s book Moments of Clarity and have concluded that people make a decision without thinking they have been the one to make a decision. What is comes down to is this: “Enough is enough.â€

Day 1 – Sunday, June 10, 2012: Reaching back to newspaper days in high school, I remember the core questions: “Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? How much?†Yesterday afternoon, I thought, “How often?†I decided to start a new diet in which I eat no more than 21 times per week.

Day 2 – Monday, June 11, 2012: 219.6 I have suspected for a long time that there is some error in conventional wisdom that has created the obesity epidemic, and now I am focused on frequency of eating. Isn’t part of conventional wisdom that you must always eat breakfast and that you need to eat frequently throughout the day to avoid becoming ravenous? Fasting is easy. I can fast and not even remember I am fasting.

I am reminded of the famous story of a person who heard Aristotle’s description of something inside a horse’s mouth and decided to check it out for himself, much to the horror of those who took the words of Aristotle as gospel truth. Here is something I got off the Internet about the story:
In Roger Bacon's terms, the Middle Ages held argument to be the primary path to knowledge: argument from authority. Experience, the other mode of knowledge to which Bacon refers, was slowly beginning to make its way into Western life. We can get a feeling for the medieval mode of knowledge from the anecdote about the stable boy who heard the scholars arguing about how many teeth a horse had. The scholars consulted Aristotle concerning this weighty issue, while the stable boy went to the barn and counted the actual number of teeth a horse had. After reporting his findings to the learned gentlemen, the stable boy was, of course, summarily dismissed, because experience had nothing to do with knowledge. Knowledge was found in authority and system.

We are so much more sophisticated than that, aren’t we? And yet… do we not accept as gospel truth that fasting makes you ravenous? Don’t we run out and buy diet books instead of thinking for ourselves?

10 PM: I have not eaten since 6 PM, and my stomach feels a little lighter. It feels good. Oh, how I have sought for a solution to this problem, one in which I desire to eat less! My goal has not been to lose weight or to eat less: it has been to desire to eat less! The key is to enjoy the feeling of having eaten less, and fasting gives me that experience. I am very hopeful this approach will result in my getting thinner and thinner as I feel better and better. I keep on thinking that my faith has saved me. Deep down inside, I just knew that God did not create us to be tortured by a desire for food that could never be satisfied. I knew that something in our culture must have led to the obesity epidemic – but what? Now I know: it’s the constant eating.

Day 3 – Tuesday, June 12, 2012: 220.6 I felt so confident last night, and then I saw the weight on the scale this morning. I am returning to the Novena Diet starting today, only I’m just going to aim for 300 calories for breakfast, 500 for lunch, and 700 for dinner for nine days.

Day 1 – Wednesday, June 13, 2012: 220.8 I ate sparingly until dinner and then had a binge that was totally out of control. It was horrible. Tom is gone, and I was up and down several times weighing myself in the night. The alarm went off at 4:30 AM, and my youngest woke me up at 4:36 AM to shut it off. I relate to the stories of alcoholics at this point.
What to do? I’m fasting every day for as long as I can without a social impact. On most days, that means until dinnertime.

Day 1 – Thursday, June 14, 2012: 222.0 When I stepped on the scale, I expected a lower weight because I fasted until 1 and was running around all afternoon. I went back to bed, read the paper, and decided to return to a modified No S. I never did follow the rule of limiting myself to one plate, but now I will. In addition, I will not have S Days but instead will have two Exception Days per month. What I have learned to do from following No S is more or less binge eating whenever I can, which is on S Days or Fast Days after breaking the fast. That’s not all bad. I’ve trained myself to ignore my hunger except at mealtime and when allowed to eat outside of meals. The problem is that I just eat and eat and eat when I’m allowed to do so.

9 AM: I ate a bowl of Cheerios which was on a plate that had strawberries on it. I remember reading a long time ago that obese people tend to respond to external signals to eat, and what No S does is make those external signals irrelevant. I’m not sure how difficult it will be for me to adjust back to eating only at mealtime but somehow I think it won’t be so hard. It’s like flipping a switch. I can do either just fine. What I’ve been doing is having S Days every day. That’s not good and my weight shows it.

Day 2 – Friday, June 15, 2012: 220.4 I am sick to death of this being a focus in my life. I am done! This is good enough. Maybe I’ll add fasting – as in skipping breakfast – to the mix but only gradually and only on this particular framework which is not changing.

7:30 AM: The framework is good, but I still think fasting is essential. For the next year, I’ll have a placeholder for fasting in that I’ll skip one breakfast per week as a way to prepare me for more fasting later. All these changes are just adding to my weight and my time spent worrying about dieting and here I sit unbelievably fat. I look in the mirror or in my reflection in glass and just cannot believe it.
I did buy more clothing including swim shorts so that my huge thighs are somewhat covered. Because I did not work this summer, we are not doing much. We got passes to a beach at a lake, and we got summer membership in the Y. Last night, chatting with two other Moms at Boy Scouts, I was hearing about all the rushing of schedules and was happy that we weren’t doing much. Part of the reason is that the kids are getting older and getting into their own activities. Anne does not have a job, but she is earning money: today she tutors a child in math and then babysits. Tom just biked off to caddy. The two younger girls, 13 and 11, are in one park and rec program only. It’s nice. I have fond memories of just going to the beach when I was growing up. Now Tom and Anne are beyond that, but the younger girls are not.

I have missed a lot of their childhood worrying about weight and changing my diet time and again, and I am just sick of it. This plan is it for a year. There is no way I am not going to lose weight following it.

While I have regrets about this, it is true that my weight alters what I can do and what I feel comfortable doing. It was important to address. I tried many things.

12:45 PM: I already recognize the importance of fasting. If a meal is delayed and I don't fast at all, I may view it as a crises and consider taking an Exception Day. If I fast once per week until lunch, then I'll consider a delay in a meal no big deal because, after all, I manage just fine going without any food at all for more than 12 hours and a dinner delayed until even 8 PM is still likely to be no more than 8 hours since lunchtime. This is brilliant. The general idea I've gotten from reading religious literature on fasting is that it teaches detachment. Sadly, all those intuitive eating approaches create great attachment: you are constantly belly-gazing to decide if you should eat. Even No S has its limitations in that you are dependent on meal timing. With fasting plus meal timing, I am speculating that the result is a certain detachment plus calmness. I am pursuing this idea with the assumption that there is knowledge about human nature in the religious idea of fasting that have not been uncovered by we humans in the scientific age. Only by doing am I going to uncover the brilliant insight of those who lived in times when not so many people were fat. The late medieval period was a time of great wealth and prosperity. People could get fat then. Why didn't they? I think it's got to be the regularity of meals and periodic fasting.

8:30 PM: Katie and Ellie made bread this morning. When I got home from grocery shopping, Katie raced outside to give me some warm bread, and I told her I was on the No S Diet so I couldn't eat it. She literally tried to shove it in my mouth and told me she had made it for me. I would not eat it. I had some not warm bread at dinner. It tasted good. It sure would not have tasted good had I taken an Exception Day to taste it when it was warm!

Day 3 – Saturday, June 16, 2012: 220.4 Weight is going to fluctuate. What matters is that I followed the diet.

Day 4 – Sunday, June 17, 2012: I weighed myself this morning but cannot remember what I weighed. Yesterday something happened which made me realize that my weight loss efforts are a mere distraction from what I perceive as an intractable problem. The saying that comes to mind here is: "It's not what you're eating. It's what eating you."

It's noon, I haven't eaten, and I have no desire to eat.

Monday, June 18, 2012: 222.0 I am modifying the diet I followed for about 10 years. Before, it was 1,000 calories per day for nine days which was followed when my weight got above 135. Now I am going to count calories and estimate no more than 1,700 per day for nine days. I’ll follow this diet mid-month next month as well. My goal this month is to go below 220. My goal next month is to go below 215.

9 AM: I have hope. I know this diet can work. What made it so hard for me when I followed it previously is the drastic cut in calories (to 1,000 calories per day). Also, I did not schedule the diet. Instead, I would only diet if my weight floated above 135 and then I would wait for a time when I could withdraw socially. The diet would hang over my head. I’d delay.
With my revised approach, I’ll plan on calorie counting for nine days every month whether or not my weight has floated above a set level. This will be a monthly routine. My expectation is that my weight will drift upward and the monthly Novena Diet will push it back down. Also, the number of calories I count will be decided based on my success in lowering my weight.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012: 220.8 I was miserable all day and then binged at night. Fasting is way easier than caloric restriction. It doesn’t seem logical, but it’s my personal experience that this is so. I’m going to try fasting until dinner for nine days.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012: I did not weigh myself today. Yesterday I fasted until about 11, and today I fasted until almost 2. Tomorrow I will fast until after 6.

Tonight I went to a little get together, and I could not believe it but I passed gas! Why? That is just not something I do. Is it because my body could not adjust to no food for more than 15 hours and then food? I think, sadly, that the secret to weigh loss with fasting is the unpleasantness of overeating after a fast. Never in my life have I passed gas in front of other people. Never. Tonight I stood uncomfortably to try to prevent it, but still it happened. No one commented, of course, but I felt really, really fat standing there trying to carry on a conversation while trying to keep my body from embarrassing me.

Thursday, June 21, 2012: 221.8 I am going to fast until dinner every day and see if that gets me to lose weight.

7 AM: Years ago, my daughter kept wetting her pants, and the pediatrician said to punish her. Finally, I took her to the Mayo Clinic where she was diagnosed with asymptomatic chronic urinary tract infections. She was treated, and she had to be tested for liver damage, but she ended up needing nine months of pills and we eventually weaned her off them. When I took her off the pills, I did so suddenly and she returned to wetting her pants. I then slowly got her off them. That worked. Now I look at myself, 15 pounds heavier than six months ago, and I think some change has been made which can only be corrected with drastic action. I think I’m going to fast completely every other day.

Friday, June 22, 2012: 219.0: I sailed through yesterday even though I was up past 11 because I was bringing my son home from a party. I had black coffee and sparkling water with no calories and that’s it. It is now
6:30 AM, and even now I don’t feel hungry. Incredible! I think back to my experience with my daughter and her body needing care for a period of time, and I think that that is the case with me: I need a temporary shake up so that I can lose weight, and every other day fasting is that shake up. I ordered the book Ultra Fat to Ultra Fit from Amazon because that’s where I got the idea of fasting every other day.

The book Why We Get Fat gives me some insight into why fasting works because fasting is a low-carb diet approach. When you don’t eat carbs, you don’t feel hungry. If you don’t eat anything at all, you aren’t eating carbs! I am just desperate to lose weight, and every other day fasting is a desperate approach.

I don’t understand it at all, but something changed with my body around Christmastime. I have gained 20 pounds since last summer. My body needs a shake-up. I think No S is a fine diet. I think there are a lot of diets that allow you to lose weight. The problem comes when the ability to restrict eating in any way just collapses. Can I explain why this is the case? No. I followed that Novena Diet for years and years, and now I cannot follow it even one day. Why? I don’t know. I do think, however, that the reason is physical and not mental. The famous Mayo Clinic has a diet out that just seems like the best of the restrictive eating approaches. It’s still a restrictive eating approach. That could work for 10 or 15 years or, for some, even longer. Still, there are lots of obese people out there, and are even half of them lazy or indifferent? No. It’s hard to believe. What’s happened to them is what happened to me: diet collapse.
Will fasting work? I don’t know. All I know is that restrictive eating of any type won’t work because of diet collapse.


8 PM: I got home from the beach and had the mother of all stomach aches. I think that fasting creates an inability the stomach to subsequently ingest large amounts of food. This is not a pleasant way to lose weight, but it does have the welcome effect of my not feeling hungry!!! I like not feeling hungry!!! I like that I don’t have that constant feeling of hunger.

Day 3 – Saturday, June 23, 2012: 221.0 I made Toll House cookies last night and had some. This morning, I’m meeting someone at a coffee shop. Guess what I’m having? Black coffee. Tom was in Boston this week, so he doesn’t know that I started this diet, but I need to tell him because I’m not having dinner tonight. I didn’t go for a walk last night with him because I’m concerned that I might hurt joints at this weight.

Day 4 – Sunday, June 24, 2012: 218.2 Last night, I had seltzer water while my family ate, and they were trying to guess my diet. No one guessed it. It became a joke. I am very surprised by how easy it is to follow this diet. The only real problem is social – being with others when I am not eating.

6:25 PM: This diet is very boring. Either I can eat whatever I want without restriction, or I eat nothing. There is no difficulty in following it. Tonight, after several attempts by the kids, Anne guessed my diet as eating every other day. Tom said that was a stupid idea. I told him it was a desperate idea. Will it work? I have no idea.

6:55 PM: When we were at the beach this afternoon, I admitted to Tom that I had gained 20 pounds since last summer, and he said, "You weigh 220 pounds?" He was appalled. How could I weigh that much? Well, I tried a few things that didn't work, and I only got down to 195 with No S so I didn't stick with that diet. Tom leaves for Boston tomorrow until Thursday night, and I'm glad because -- you know what? -- I'm terribly embarrassed. I'm not sure I'm going to squeeze into my swimsuit for fear of tearing it. Maybe I'll just have to go to the beach in the swim shorts I bought. I even had to buy new bras and -- even then -- had to get an extender for the strap. I did manage to find some size 18 shorts and pants so I'm not in women's sizes -- which was always my bright line: I wasn't going into women's sizes no matter what.

This diet needs to run its course. Here's the current facebook page of the author who lost a lot of weight by eating only every other day:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2046394

It's pretty impressive to me that he went from very large couch potato to serious athlete, and in the transition he fasted every other day.

Something else I happened upon that I found interesting was this from Ecclesiastes 10:16:
"Woe to you, O land, when your king is a child and your princes feast in the morning. Happy are you, O land, when your king is the son of free men, and your princes feast at the proper time."

What the heck does "proper time" mean? We moderns have no idea. We eat all the time!

Day 5 – Monday, June 25, 2012: 221.2 I feel really, really lousy this morning. If my theory is correct, overeating on days when I do eat results in feeling lousy and eventually I stop. I am concerned, however, that this might have a really negative impact on my health, so I'm not sure how long I'll test this theory.

9:54 AM: This is bunk. This diet is about immoderation, and what I need is moderation. Back to No S. There is one change, however. I have to establish moderation. I don't want to be less fat. I want to be thin. I am going to allow myself S Events rather than S Days. A rolling average of two S Events per month.

3:25 PM: This has been quite a roller coaster ride. I realized, belatedly, that there is no such thing as one size fits all when it comes to dieting. The diet chosen is dependent on the person and that person's needs. Some of the questions that need to be answered are: 1. How much is the person willing to exercise? 2. What can the person tolerate long-term? 3. What is the person's weight goal? 4. How sensitive is the person to the environment? 5. How tolerant is the person of hunger?

I blew it by moving from No S instead of modifying it. I should have switched to S Events from S Days. It was good that I allow myself to eat whatever is before me at each meal because then I only need to wait to the next meal before I am satisfied.

Yesterday was the mother of all pigouts. Do I ever want to eat like that again? No.

Day 2 – Tuesday, June 26, 2012: 221.8 My weight went up yesterday even though I had a successful day. Why? Well, I ate a lot. I wanted to make sure I could stick to three meals per day. This morning, all I wanted was a bowl of Cheerios with craisins.

In this morning's paper, there is an article on how the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force is recommending that all health insurance plans cover an intensive weight loss program for those who are obese. This is yet another example of the government thinking we cannot take care of ourselves, and it is a boondoggle employment opportunity that I saw coming a long time ago. Instead of health insurance paying for doctors, we'll be paying for people who have six months of community ed to tell us how to eat. Well, I for one, have figured out that my problem has been relying on others to tell me what to do. I read somewhere that most successful loses have customized a program for themselves.

Reinhard has a program, of course, but he also encourages customization. I think my big problem with weight loss -- my Achilles heel -- is the almost pathological aversion to portion control. I seem to binge whenever I consider it, whether it be with calorie counting or restriction to one plate.

Is my weight loss a lost cause as a result? I don't think so. I think I can still be moderate restricting my times of eating to three meals per day and completely eliminating the binge behavior. S Days were not a good idea for me because I just binged and I don't think that would stop even over the course of a lifetime. It certainly didn't stop over months and months and months.

Now I'm looking at S Events instead, and I think I can manage them for the simple reason that most days will be exactly like today, and I've been successful with this approach: three meals of everything in front of me before I take one bite plus liquids throughout the day.

Cardinal Newmann wrote just a beautiful poem in which one phrase comes to mind to me: "one step enough for me." Today's step is to not worry about the slight bump in weight and just have three meals today. Knowing I won't restrict portion size calms me down, so today I could maximize my enjoyment of breakfast by having one bowl of Cheerios with craisins and that's it -- no extra fruit, no milk, just the bowl of Cheerios. Being able to judge in the moment how much food I would like is certainly easy. Is it a realistic way for me to lose weight? I can certainly go below this weight but perhaps not down to my single days of weighing 132. That's OK. I'll stick with this for eating and focus on increasing exercise.

10 AM: I just ordered a swimsuit online since I'm concerned my old swimsuit may actually rip. $92 for my size. Also, I confirmed the time of my annual physical. I can hardly wait for that, either. There is something very calming about taking this "no portion control" approach to weight management. I ate to satisfaction at breakfasttime, and I am now feeling hungry. Will I eat now? No. I will wait for lunch, which is easy to do because I know I'll feel fully satisfied at lunchtime, too.

I wish I could look into the future and see if this approach will work for me. It does seem logical that I'll at least get below 195 since I got to 196 with S Days.

A curious fact I have uncovered in my weight loss efforts is that before the modern era people were gluttons who ate outside the proper time. The focus was on when you eat, not what you eat. Curious. I never heard of this before but think there is some wisdom of the ages that's been lost in this "portion control" world.

Who am I to say if it is valid? This is a test. Can I lose weight without portion control with meal timing?

1:30 PM: Four kids in four different places, and I'm alone with the dog. It's great! I thought a bit about the benefit of no portion control coupled with eating only at meals, and I realized that I am experiencing the benefit right now! I ate about an hour ago and enjoyed the meal, but now I'm hungry. That's OK. When it comes to dinnertime, I can eat as much as I want. Weight loss occurs between the time of satisfaction at one meal and the time of satisfaction at the next, when the body is actually burning calories. It's actually pleasant to feel this way. I feel a little bit light, which is quite a feat for someone over 220 pounds!!! The reason why I feel light is that my stomach is starting to empty. Instead of thinking it as a crises, I think of it as a natural process like the tide coming in (eating to satisfaction) and then going out (having my stomach empty so that there is room for the next meal.) How pleasant.

Day 3 – Wednesday, June 27, 2012: 221.2 Too harsh. I failed. Maybe I should allow one S Event each day on the weekend as well.

8:30 PM: What tripped me up before was how to count S Events that turn into multiple S Events -- a flat out binge. Maybe I can say that an S Day is the equivalent of 5 S Events.

Day 1 – Thursday, June 28, 2012: 220.0: 5 S Events Another Day 1. I am going to go with 1 S Event every Saturday and Sunday plus 2 floating S Events every month and a starting balance of 5 S Events. One S Day = 5 S Events.

Sounds complicated. On Saturday, I'm going to have a Starbucks Frappachino. I still can look forward to pleasures in the near future. What I need is being able to look forward to something like that. I don't need an entire day of pigging out.

The key to successful weight loss may be that you follow a program in which you think of yourself as waiting to eat instead of denying yourself.

Day 2 – Friday, June 29, 2012: 221.4 I went through the day just great and got to a little get-together where it would have been extremely awkward not to have 2 S Events. When I got home, I pigged out. Why? Was I hungry? No. I had crossed the bright line.

What I'm going to do is have three meals per day without sweets and write down anything that crosses that bright line and see where that takes me. Today I feel just plain sick.

7 AM: Yesterday was still Day 1 because I wrote down what I ate outside one sitting at three meals. At the get-together, I had one slice of an appetizer that was shaped like a pizza. After the meal, I had one almond bar. The bright line was crossed, and so I had two more bars. When I got home, I was in full pig out mode. I had three cookies left over from a Boy Scout event plus one cup of Cheerios plus 1 slice of Swiss cheese. I don't remember what else I ate. When I binge, I just grab. This reaction is not to satisfy hunger or to indulge. It's an almost survival-mode reaction, but to what? I can appreciate a binge reaction to calorie restriction but that was not the case. Had there not been social pressure, I am certain I would have kept to the diet yesterday. It was social pressure which pushed me over the edge.

If writing down exceptions works, I may have come away from last night writing down one appetizer and one almond bar.

Day 3 – Saturday, June 30, 2012: 218.8 My weight is lower because I got up so late. I could not sleep last night again, so upset am I about my weight. I thought I should ask myself everything I eat: "What do I choose now?" I think I'll start keeping a food diary because that can be a bright line rule no matter what. This means that I become aware of what I am eating more than I am aware now.

7 PM: I resolved to start a more active lifestyle, and today we went biking as a family. It was the first time in perhaps three years that I have biked. I was wobbly and the slowest of the family, but we biked about 10 miles. Also, I wrote down everything I ate and thought that the best approach to keeping a food diary is to be non-judgmental and just ask myself what I choose now. Looking back, I see that I thoroughly enjoyed the coffee Frappachino from Starbucks and got no pleasure whatsoever from having cold leftover Mexican chicken and rice. In future, if I just cut out the leftover Mexican chicken and rice, I can lose weight.

[Eurobabe2]

Congratulations on your daughter's graduation. It's a special time for a family.
I'm a bit confused about your diet. In one place you write that the only restriction is that you eat 21 meals per week. In other places you talk about exception days, fasting etc.
Could it be that you are focused on ritual rather than thinking through the reason for the ritual? Because whether or not fasting is easy or hard, or recommended by current experts isn't the point. The point is if you will lose weight by fasting. So far the answer is no.
On the other hand, you DID lose weight-you were 25 pounds or so below your current weight, I think-when you followed No-S.
(By the way, I'm in favor of ANY healthy weight loss plan, if it works).
By the way, since you listened last time and bought a pair of pants maybe you will buy some more flattering clothes that fit you right now. You have a right to look good and feel comfortable at ANY weight.
I'll get off my soapbox now.

[Kathleen]

Eurobabe2,
I actually did buy more clothing, including a pair of shorts that will be great when it is hot outside! No S is about fasting between meals. What I am doing is adding to that idea by skipping breakfast three times per week and only having 21 eating times per week. That doesn't sound too hard, and it's not. The reason why I think it may work is that you do start to experience what it is like to not be stuffed, and it actually seems pleasant! There are, by the way, no exceptions. Like an alcoholic who follows bright line rule of no alcohol ever, so I think I need to have a bright line rule -- and then I don't eat outside those line!
Kathleen
PS. Graduation is a special time, but tomorrow we are on to the next thing: we are attending college orientation!