Feeling like a failure

Lizzy6 · Post by **Lizzy6** » Fri Feb 24, 2017 12:07 am

I bombed again today. I am feeling so discouraged. I just can't seem to get past the afternoon cravings. Once I give in, it is downhill from there. I feel like there is something wrong with me. It doesn't make any sense. I am so frustrated with myself. I feel like I am going to be fat forever.

Please help. Tips. Advice. Anything.

MaggieMae · Post by **MaggieMae** » Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:06 am

I think these same thoughts about myself when I fail( which is often lately)...BUT, feelings aren't always the truth. You're not a failure. You're trying. Every day you start over and try again. That's not failure. Failure would be not even trying. Is it hunger in the afternoon, or emotional eating, or just eating because that's the habit you're used to? Once I figured out that it wasn't true hunger in the afternoons, I have been resisting temptation easier. Have you tried having a liquid like tea or milk? Virtual hug. Its not easy,but we're worth it, friend.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Fri Feb 24, 2017 5:48 am

MaggieMae wrote:I think these same thoughts about myself when I fail( which is often lately)...BUT, feelings aren't always the truth. You're not a failure. You're trying. Every day you start over and try again. That's not failure. Failure would be not even trying. Is it hunger in the afternoon, or emotional eating, or just eating because that's the habit you're used to? Once I figured out that it wasn't true hunger in the afternoons, I have been resisting temptation easier. Have you tried having a liquid like tea or milk? Virtual hug. Its not easy,but we're worth it, friend.

Beautifully put. I agree 100%!

You're definitely not a failure--you haven't given up! Sometimes it's hard. I did find that having something to drink in the afternoon helped with a lot of cravings. Also, think about whether you have any triggers. I work from home, and I realized that everytime I had a challenging question to answer, it was a trigger to me to get up and get a snack. I've shifted that trigger to getting up to do some stretching exercises or to getting some coffee or tea. Maybe you will find you have a trigger and can then shift it once you recognize it?

Hang in there and keep trying!

lpearlmom · Post by **lpearlmom** » Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:36 pm

First of all eating even overeating is not a moral issue neither is being fat or slim or anything in between.

I think the key is to set yourself up for success by meeting yourself where you are. In the beginning I had big piled plates with sometimes quite heavy food. I drank lots of coffee (sometimes even nf mochas) in between and basically did whatever it took to be successful.

While I didn't lose much weight in the beginning, I did solidify my habits and was able to slowly make changes over the last couple of years to lose 44 lbs. some changes I've made are smaller plates, lighter food and a bit more exercise. I now only drink coffee w a little cream. I made all the changes only when I was ready and they didn't feel like a burden.

So be kind to yourself and problem solve till you find a way that you can do this without failing. You make the rules ultimately. Do you need a small afternoon snack in the beginning? Maybe use a small plate and stick to 3 meals, 1 snack. I'd bet you'd be ready to let go of that snack after a few months.

Keep problem solving! You'll get there!

Linda

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Fri Feb 24, 2017 9:03 pm

Guilt is a funny thing. Feeling it strongly after a behavior can actually make it more likely to repeat the offending behavior. It's a fake penance. What works is to recall the displeasure of the guilt right when you're tempted and act to avoid it then.

So, I hope you marked it and moved on.

Lizzy6 · Post by **Lizzy6** » Sat Feb 25, 2017 6:06 pm

I think adding in a small planned snack might be a good idea.

I will see if it helps.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Mon Feb 27, 2017 11:07 pm

A week of that will give you some good feedback. Sticking to the set limit is good training.

Lizzy6 · Post by **Lizzy6** » Tue Feb 28, 2017 1:13 am

I had the snack today. I was not hungry at dinner time. Now, I am feeling a little emptiness in my stomach, but it's much later than I would normally eat. This is not as simple as I hoped it would be.

oolala53 · Post by **oolala53** » Tue Feb 28, 2017 5:32 am

You are going to feel all kinds of sensations in your stomach at various times. I gently say to try to ignore them They are irrelevant to your eating. Mealtime is your new cue. You can do this! Your body was MADE to sustain you without eating all the time. Give it a chance to learn to use its stores.

Merry · Post by **Merry** » Tue Feb 28, 2017 6:04 am

Do you have the book? I was just re-reading the chapter on snacking last night where he talks about hunger being a wild beast that needs to be tamed--I'd get it out to quote but it's in my bedroom & dh is sleeping right now. Anyway--he also talks about ignoring hunger (because most of the time it's mainly habit and not full-on hunger that is the issue anyway). I tried to remind myself in those early months that I wasn't truly hungry--I was having 3 good meals a day. Lots to be thankful for. That and a cup of tea or glass of water or some other drink often helped.

It can help to re-frame the feeling too. I think as soon as I start to feel empty, I used to think that was hunger. But now that I'm feeling more actual hunger because of the spacing between meals, I tend to think of it as just comfortably empty. Nothing to worry about.

Hang in there!

eam531 · Post by **eam531** » Tue Feb 28, 2017 1:16 pm

Good posts from Merry and oolala! Reinhard also said in the book that the hunger you might be feeling is probably what a truly hungry person feels after the best meal they've ever had. I'm sure he didn't say this to make anyone feel guilty, but just as a way to nudge us to a different perspective (gratitude for the good fortune of getting to have 3 solid meals a day) and to learn the difference between true hunger and habit.

I really agree with him about snacking. When mealtime rolls around, I am pleasantly hungry and really look forward to eating. I think that anticipatory "oh boy, it's lunchtime!" feeling gets lost with permasnacking.

Also, I make dinner my lightest meal, so I often feel a bit empty before bed. The way I look at it is that I'm giving my digestive system a break so it can rest too while I sleep.

krawford13 · Post by **krawford13** » Wed Mar 01, 2017 12:34 am

Have you considered 4 small meals a day instead of 3 regular ones. That helps me.

ironchef · Post by **ironchef** » Wed Mar 01, 2017 2:15 am

Lizzy6 wrote:This is not as simple as I hoped it would be.

No S is simple, but not always easy. That's why there is a whole discussion board here where we support each other - so welcome!

I often feel a little "empty" before bed, as I eat early with my kids. I'm relatively used to it now and similar to Merry I kind of reframe it as getting my system ready to rest overnight when I won't need as much fuel. Interestingly, no matter how I feel the night before I find it makes no difference to how hungry I am at breakfast - so that tells me that it isn't a genuine need for more fuel. When getting started, remember you can always have a drink - a favourite herbal tea, or something - to get you through the evening. I often drink a tea, or sometimes a glass of wine, with my husband after the kids are in bed. If you are really hungry, not just "flat / empty / hmm, I usually something around now", then having a small glass of milk is still "vanilla" No S.

If you had told me 4 years ago that I would eat dinner at 5:30pm with my kids, then go through to 10pm bed time without eating any further I would have laughed in your face. Your habits can change over time, but it does take time.

Be patient with yourself. If you've been used to snacking and nibbling, your body is used to you drip feeding it little hits all day. I started No S from a background of dieting and "6 meals a day to rev your metabolism" etc, so I very much understand! Your body is probably all geared up to deal with all those little bites, and so sends you some messages of surprise when not all of them come. It will take a while for it to get used to your new rhythm both mentally and physically. You can do it!

And finally - you are not a failure! I've had more red days over the past 4 years that I can count, but I'm still here and I'm not a failure either. We can make mistakes, but WE are not mistakes. It's a really important difference, and I hope you can believe in it.

Whosonfirst · Post by **Whosonfirst** » Wed Mar 22, 2017 5:36 pm

Lizzy6, I apologize if you've already said this. Could you tell us what you eat for lunch/mid day meal? I have found that something with fat(s) in it is more satisfying to stave off hunger than something like mostly carbs. Cheese, lunch meat, a burger, leftover fried chicken(gasp), etc. will hold us longer to the next meal. I see a lot of people eating like birds or rabbits and then wondering why they're hungry all the time. It will get better. Trace