Pinkhippies daily check in

[pinkhippie]

Linda thank you! My ankle does feel better today but I am holding off my walk/jog. Tommorow I will do my bike ride. My husbands vacation is coming up and we are planning bike rides so I need to make sure I am in good working order.

Yes Jen I know what you mean about the iron, I definitely need to make sure I have enough. I am always torn about dairy and always cutting it out and bringing it back in. I do love yogurt though... Food experiments are so fun! Expecially when you come at them from "how does this make my body feel,?" versus " Im a bad person for eating blank, a good person for eating/not eating blank".

Auto, thanks! Its purely for my own benefit that I make a meal plan. I discovered a few years ago that it was SO stressful for me to have dinner approaching and not know what to cook or what I was going to make for dinner. I also hate going to the store, even before the pandemic so a menu plan reduced how much I had to go to the store. Now, I make my menu plan for 2 weeks and it's even better. I love going to my pantry or fridge and having everything I need for the meal Im about to make.

Aug 5 2020

B: fiber one cereal with whole milk, cherries and almonds, piece of whole grain toast with honey, coffee with cream
Wow, I can't believe how much more filling this breakfast was when I increased my fruit a little and used whole milk and cream instead of soy milk

L: homemade hummus pita pocket with lettuce, cucumbers and peppers, vegetable soup and 1 peach
This was a lot of vegetables. But it was good. I feel like though, maybe it would have been more mentally satisfying to have a little less vegetables, and some peanut butter or cheese or something. I was physically satisfied after the peach.

D: 2 chicken fajitas with sour cream, salsa, avocado. Small dish of Greek yogurt with 1 sliced banana
delicious. Felt satisfied mentally and physically

Chamomile honey tea


No formal exercise:

walked around the yard while talking on the phone for about 20 minutes.

[alene1]

PH, I hope your ankle is feeling much better soon! Yes, you want to be able to get out for some great rides while your husband is on vacation. Your breakfast this morning sounded really yummy!

[Jen1974]

I so agree on the “how does this make me feel” vs “I’m bad”. I always believed that I couldn't’ be “good” around baking/baked goods & would end up eating in a way that felt terrible!! Once I let go of thinking I needed the perfect diet & focused on eating in a way that felt good instead it made such a huge difference in my relationship with food!! I can bake & enjoy it without acting all bingey around it!!

Me too on the meal planing!! It’s been my problem lately, no definite plan leads to too much eating out!!

And I LOVE whole milk & cereal!! So much more satisfying & filling & keeps me satisfied for a really long time!! Adding fat to my meals is probably the most important thing for me. It was why the low fat craze of the 90s turned me into crazy person who was always hungry & always felt guilty for eating

[pinkhippie]

Thank you Alene! It seems like it felt better yesterday and fine today. My lack of activity really got me with restless legs last night though... I had to do tons of stretches and take my leg pills and have my husband massage my legs. I am glad my ankle feels better so I can get back to exercise.

Jen oh my goodness yes! The low fat diets of the 90's! I was actually thinking about that today and thinking about my recent foray trying to eat more vegetables, legumes etc which led to lots of low fat eating and how I then overate on S days and sometimes on N days. I was thinking about if its just a trigger because it takes me back to those days or if its just because my body really needs a lot more fat than that way of eating provides. My dad and his wife are oil free vegans for probably 10 years now and so is my best friend. They all seem totally fine with it. But not me. It's too bad because I think unconsciously I associate that way of eating as the healthiest. So when I try to get healthier that is what I do. But, I can't do it because overeating makes me feel physically bad and that way of eating seems to cause me to overeat. That crazy person who is always hungry is definitely me on low fat diets!

Today we finally got our gutters on. My husband has been going crazy about getting gutters and it has been this whole ordeal. Finally it is done. He is not happy with the downspouts because they are REALLY long! I don't know if I have seen such long downspouts. But at least we have gutters now. The house didn't come with them. So now we have a fancy blue roof and white gutters.

August 6 2020

B: fiberone with whole milk and cherries and almonds, coffee with whole milk, 1 piece of pecan cranberry toast with honey
So delicious! I ended up eating breakfast a little later than normal so I used less cereal and less almonds. Ate to fullness

L: 1 chicken fajita, side salad, 1 peach and greek yogurt
Was very full. In hindsight, I could have probably skipped either the peach or the yogurt. Oh well, Sometims I just decide that I am going to eat something and regardless of what my body is telling me, I just plow on ahead and eat anyway. Im not sure why I do that

D: pulled pork sandwich and coleslaw. 1 banana with half a glass of whole milk, 1 piece of dark chocolate cherry /chilli pepper.
waited until I was more hungry for dinner. Was more easily satisfied because I was more hungry at dinner. . My husband had been bugging me about trying this chocolate for a few days. So I tried it. It was good but a little spicy for me.

Today I am starting an experiment. I am not going to eat at "dinner time" but I will eat when I am hungry. This is taking FOREVER today after that very filling lunch. I often eat dinner at dinner time and think I am "hungry enough" but its not really the level of hunger that makes food taste amazing. I have this weird fear of not getting enough food at lunch and being hungry before dinner, but I really need to get over that. It makes the afternoons feel like torture when I am hungry. But hanging out waiting for myself to get hungry while the whole family eats is not really fun either. Tommorow I am going to try downsizing my lunch a bit.

Edit ate dinner an hour and 45 minutes past when I normally do and honestly could have waited longer. But dinner was much more enjoyable.

Exercise

30 minutes Stationary bike ( this went fine, ankle felt good, it felt good to exercise again)

[lpearlmom]

Oh i was so into the low fat thing for many years. Dr ornish was my bible. I felt okay in it but i dont want a life without avocado, cheese or chocolate bars. Glad you got your gutters!

[automatedeating]

I eat dinner when I'm hungry, rather than watching the clock - I think maybe we've discussed this before. It means I might eat as early as 4pm. Sexy and I make the kids (and him) dinner later, although as a family we still eat earlier than many families.

[pinkhippie]

Linda oh yes, Dr. ornish! I have read him too. Thanks! We got to test those gutters out today because we got a big storm that lasted for hours.

Auto, yes you have mentioned that. I like that idea but it's hard to make it work in my family. My husband is actually the outlier who eats differently than everyone else and at different times. I always feel like I need to be the eating glue or something. I guess that could be a case of putting everyone's needs above my own as usual though. Something to ponder...

Good morning!

It's rainy here today and in the high seventies. Im thinking of dialing my exercise down a bit for a while. Maybe ride my bike 3 times a week and just try to get in 7- 10 k steps on the days I don't ride. it was just starting to feel a little overwhelming and that is not sustainable. Also this weekend I am going to get out and ride by myself at least once.

I have been thinking about food and eating and hunger patterns. I have been noticing that I have been having a hard time stopping when I am full. I think it is fear of hunger. I have decided that I HAVE to give myself permission to have a snack if I need it. I need that mental safety net to stop eating before I explode. Something simple like a piece of fruit or veggies should be fine. I can usually snack on fruit and feel satisfied if its only an hour or so before a meal. So my goals are to have 3 meals a day. Stop eating when I am full even if there is food left on the plate. give myself permission for a snack if necessary between lunch and dinner or even after dinner. (this will be a hard one).

Going to try to push lunch a little earlier so I can be hungry around dinner time, which means a smaller breakfast. Also thinking about trying to eat the same thing for lunch and breakfast every day. The only problem with that is dinner leftovers. I always have tons and that is why I eat them at lunch as well.

It's weird how being hungry between breakfast and lunch doesn't bother me but being hungry between lunch and dinner is so mentally hard for me.

B: half cup of fiber one w whole milk, cherries, almonds, cranberry toast, coffee with cream.
I was actually hungry at 8 30 this morning and I didn't feel full like I have been. I felt neutral when I was done. Not hungry, but not full. I plan to try to have lunch a little earlier today so I feel ok about it.

L: pork tenderloin, sauteed onions, bbq sauce and coleslaw
I did pretty good with eating to satisfaction today. I probably overate by a few bites, but did better than I have been. I will be interested to see when I get hungry for dinner.

S: half a banana and half a glass of milk
I got hungry about 1.5 hours before dinner. I tried to wait it out, because morning hunger is no problem but I started feeling really tired and light headed and generally awful. I finally ate a snack about an hour before dinnertime. I tried to keep it small and after I ate it, my head felt much better but my stomach still felt hungry. Which is good! I want to be hungry for dinner, just not feel terrible before it. In hindsight, I should have had my snack 30 minutes earlier as soon as I felt hungry.

D: 4 chicken nuggets, roasted broccoli and serving of vanilla frozen yogurt with half banana plus 1 piece whole grain bread with crunchy peanut butter and a few cherries
I was hungry. I didn't really want any more nuggets. I told myself if after ice cream I was still hungry, I would have a piece of peanut butter toast.
I was and I did. I ate to fullness and satisfaction.

Steps 7k and counting... will update at the end of the night.

Edit update: 9,500 steps! I was very proud.

[Octavia]

Sounds like you did really well, pink. This thing of coping with hunger is a constant challenge. Sometimes it’s not a problem - the sensation of hunger stays in the stomach - but sometimes it seems to affect the whole system. The tiredness and lightheadedness, I know those feelings. They can stop you functioning effectively. And obsessing about the contents of our meals isn’t always helpful - the self-doubt, ‘did I eat enough? Get enough protein? Fibre?’ - just speaking for myself, but this is the slippery slope towards obsession. Best to do what you did, and have a sensible snack! I had an effective mod for a while, of having two pieces of fruit mid-afternoon. I think if you formalise it and place a boundary around it, then it won’t harm your No S habits.

Have a great weekend and stay cool!

[lpearlmom]

I think your snack idea is good. I dont know why but switching to 4 plates has really had a calming effect in me and made it easier to eat a smaller amount each meal. I use two small plates and two tiny plates (6”) and it’s been working nicely.

Have a great weekend!

[pinkhippie]

Thanks Linda, switching to 4 smaller plates sounds like a great idea. I really don't like cramming my stomach full of food to last 5 hours. Sometimes it works out but sometimes it doesn't. I can see how 4 smaller meals would be calming. I like that idea a lot.

Ocatavia thank you! Exactly, sometimes my hunger won't stay in my stomach, that is a great way to put it. I agree that I need to lay off worrying about meal contents too. That is always the path to obsession town for me. I think I need to figure out my meal patterns that work for me and that I can stick to and eat enough to be satisfied before I start messing with that. I may place the afternoon snack boundary for sure. That is still not mindless eating whenever I have the urge.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Yesterday something I did that was really helpful for my lunch was I gave myself a lot of food on my plate and then set aside two tupperware containers right next to my plate ready to be used. It was a good reminder that it was ok to not eat everything and that I could save it for later. And that is exactly what I did. I ended up having some of them today for my lunch. Also today I was able to not put as much food on my plate because after the success of yestrerday's snack I felt more confident in taking less because I could snack if I needed it.

August 8 2020


B: 1 bowl of fiberone cereal, cherries with milk, almonds , a piece of toast and an experimental cold brew almond milk latte with WAY too much cinnamon.
I ate a quick breakfast and then met my dad and my step mom for a 10 foot apart outdoors coffee date in their garden. I decided to try making a cold brew the night before and it was WAY too much cinnamon. The recipe called for 3 tbsp and that seemed like a lot but I went with it... Otherwise it was pretty good.

L: pork tenderloin with sauteed onions and coleslaw
I feel like I ate a good amount of this, not too much and not too little. The portions I gave myself were smaller and I ate almost all of it.

S:

D: Probably some kind of pizza and a side salad


Exercise:

Going on a bike ride tomorrow, so today just trying to get 7k- 10 k steps

[Jen1974]

I see nothing wrong with adding a snack!! I know for me getting too hungry leads to far worse things than having fruit for a snack My biggest question to myself lately has been “is this sustainable” because if it’s not, I’m setting myself up to eventually fail!!

[automatedeating]

I really am convinced that the biggest factor in our long-term sustainability is planning ahead. So if it's 4 plates, it's 4 plates! But we know ahead of time that is our plan. So there are still clear boundaries/fences around our eating, which reduces decision fatigue.

[lpearlmom]

Yay—glad the snack thing is working! I love the Tupperware idea too. So smart!

[Jen1974]

I totally agree with auto on the boundaries!! That was my issue with IE!! No boundaries set me up for MAJOR decision fatigue!!!

[pinkhippie]

*I couldn't access the forums yesterday so I wrote my usual entry in google docs and just pasted it in a separate post. *

Jen so true! It's got be sustainable and having a planned snack is better than going nuts because you are hungry.

Auto yes, decision fatigue! I notice that when I do decide ok, I will have a snack, suddenly its like what will I have? And that is decision fatiguing for sure. I need to decide ahead of time one or two things that are going to be snacks and just eat those.

Thanks Linda! The Tupperware is a total mental mind trick but it really seems to work!

Absolutely Jen, the boundaries are so important!

Aug 9 2020 Sunday

Today I went on a bike ride all by myself! Hah, I have only gone with my husband before and you know how when you live with someone or are married you each take on a role and so sometimes you don’t do what they do and vice versa? Like when I got divorced, the first morning my ex husband wasn’t there i realized that I had NO idea how to make coffee. I felt proud and independent when I figured it out. Same as this time. I had never set up the bike rack, or fastened my bike or bungeed it or driven the van with bikes on it. But I did all the above and had a great ride. It was HOT and I only did about 5.5 miles but I was faster than I have been on previous occasions so I am getting stronger.

B: 1 waffle with peaches and syrup, 2 pieces of bacon, coffee with creamer

L: 2.5 small pieces of chicken florentine pizza

D: the toppings off of a piece of pizza, minus the chicken. So cheese, onions and spinach. 1 bowl of greek yogurt with chopped peaches and almonds. 1.5 pieces of cranberry pecan toast with butter and honey.
I have been craving toast lately so I am going with it. All the bread I have is whole grain and has about 4 ingredients from a local bakery so its AMAZING.

I noticed that this weekend I didn’ thave any rubber band eating. In fact, I was able to pay attention to my hunger signals, eat rich and processed food and sugar to satisfaction, and not go crazy on it, and my weight stayed stable all weekend which wasn’t the case the past 2 weekends. The scale jumped by about 3 pounds because I was eating so much, like last supper eating. I thought maybe since i was doing different eating for my health and not for weight loss that it would be ok, but I would venture to say that I was not getting something I needed. I am glad to be back on an even keel. My 17 year old left for her last week at her dad’s so its another week of experimentation but i am going to also try to eat what I really want and not what I think I “should”. I think that always gets me into trouble.

Exercise: 30 minute bike ride out in the world.

[pinkhippie]

Today is my husband and I's 15 year wedding anniversary! It's hard to believe its been 15 years. I am loving growing older with this man and raising our family together. I feel very blessed/lucky. <3 We are not doing anything special per se but DH is actually on vacation all this week and the little girls will be going to grandmom's for a few days later in the week. We plan to get in some bike riding!

This morning I made banana muffins with my 11-year-old and they turned out so delicious! I am also cooking up the biggest batch of 15 bean soup known to man in my crockpot with lots of extra veggies from the farmers market. Then I will let my youngest help me make the cornbread.

Aug 10, 2020

B: 1 banana muffin, some fiber one with milk, cherries, almonds, coffee with milk
Yeah so I couldn't eat pretty much any of my cereal after the muffin. I drank the milk and ate the cherries and dumped the cereal down the drain. Mentally that was a bit easier because I always feel like I need to get through my cereal box since I am the only one who eats it, and I only gave myself a small amount in the first place

L: the last of the pork stuffed into a pita pocket with sauteed onions and bbq sauce. small helping of coleslaw
This was good! But I couldn't eat it all. I ate a few bites more than I needed, but it was harder mentally because I knew I was tossing everything once I was done since this was the last day it could be eaten.

S:1 small apple

D: 1.5 bowls of 15 bean soup with cornbread and butter
I felt like I ate a little bit more than I needed. I think I have a mental issue with soup. In my mind I worry about it being filling enough. I did not need that second half. I really need to get better about embracing no seconds but it's so scary which sounds so funny but the fear of being hungry after dinner is still strong. Not helped at all by my months of IF when I wasn't getting enough food in my window and so I had many many very hungry nights after dinner. It's like I'm incapable of being hungry after dinner now. .

Exercise:

7k steps.

[Jen1974]

Your meals sound amazing & I love that you have your daughters help!!

Congrats on 15 years!! How fun for your kids to spend tome with grandparents & you to get a little time just the 2 of you!! I always wished my parents were those grandparents but they don’t really get into the grandparenting thing!! My kids are older & they have not much of a relationship with them. They don’t even like going to dinner with them because they just end up getting on their phones listening to the adults talk

[Octavia]

Congratulations on your wedding anniversary! I’ve just looked it up, and 15 years is your Crystal Anniversary (according to tradition!). Ahhh!

[alene1]

Happy anniversary!! I also get a lot of fear around being too hungry between meals, after dinner, etc. I totally get it! I think over time you will find your sweet spot.

[healthyskillz]

Congratulations on your anniversary!

[pinkhippie]

Jen thank you! Yeah, my parents haven't been very involved in my kid's lives compared to my husband's parents. My dad will see the kids once every few months may be and we would never ever send them to stay overnight! That doesn't happen. He usually visits us here. He tries, but he is not really a "kid" person, and my mom is completely overwhelmed by 3 kids. When I was a kid my parents moved as far away from their parents as possible and I rarely saw them, so I think they just think about being grandparents very differently.

However, my husband's parents are die-hard southern family is everything grandkids are the most important thing, and they actually moved up here after we had our third child to be involved in their lives. They have their spare room set up for them to stay in and toys and all the accouterments of grandparenthood. And up until the pandemic, they saw them every other Saturday. We waited for 2 months post start of-pandemic but eventually, the grandparents basically said their lives were worth more with the kids in them and they wanted to take the risk. So we started letting them go up there again. ( they are 45 minutes away) I feel so lucky because up until they moved up here we never had breaks because we had no family who would watch our kids. So yeah! I am very excited about our time without kids!!!

My girls love to help me cook, and I try to let them. I didn't learn how to cook until I was 33 and just started trying recipes. I didn't even have a cutting board and used the back of a hardback book. Ahhh those were the days... So, I want my kids to be in a better position than I was.

Thank you Octavia! I had no idea it was the crystal anniversary! That is neat.

Thank you Alene! Yeah its weird that fear of hunger. I mean, food is always available in plentiful amounts eventually. I guess its just getting your body and your mind to understand it.

Thank you HealthySkillz!

Today we finally got that bunk bed donated! It's been sitting in our living room.

Now we are getting my 17-year-olds room whipped into shape with a new bedframe, getting her desk out of there and into the living room for virtual school, and some reorganization. We still have to get a new computer desk and rearrange our living room in a major way so all kids will have a workspace for virtual school. Our school and mine Starts on August 24.

Aug 11 2020

B: a banana muffin, fiber one with cherries, almonds, coffee with cream.
As usual didn't finish, but this time I ate more cereal and left some of the muffins. They just aren't as good fresh from the oven.

L: plan for 15 bean soup and whole grain toast with butter

D: take out is planned

Exercise:

I don't know... its pouring rain here today, the husband is on vacay... I will try to get 7k steps. Tomorrow we have a big bike ride planned so I am saving my thighs and my rump for tomorrow!

[Jen1974]

Your husband’s parents sound awesome!! That’s the type of grandparents I want us to be someday!! My husbands parents were always the ones who we could count on!! They are amazing grandparents but have 22 grandkids (my husband is one of eight) so we didn’t ask very often but it also meant that my kids had this awesome family full of cousins. When my daughter was 8 weeks old she got RSV & was in the hospital for 10 days. Everyday my husband would drop our 2 & 4 year old boys at the hospital all day with me to go to work. My parents wouldn’t come home from Vegas but my in-laws would drive up & help. That pretty much sums up my parents as grandparents

[pinkhippie]

Jen thanks! Yes, I want to be that type of grandparent someday too. They are pretty great! WOW! 22 grandkids! I can see why you wouldn't ask for help very often. They sound awesome too! It's too bad when parents aren't on board as grandparents. They are just really missing out in my opinion.

Today we rented a mountain bike for me! I went mountain biking for the first time. Holy Moly! That was a lot of hard work! It was fun but HARD but fun but SCARY but fun! We went about 5 miles and I am done for the day. I can see why my husband is so into it though. There is a lot of adrenaline in avoiding trees and barrelling over rocks and roots. And then climbing uphill over the rocks and roots gives a whole new meaning to riding up a hill. I definitely want to do it again.

The girls left this morning and won't be back until Monday, and my teen won't be back until Sunday night. I still have to do work as far as their school because of the time of year but it will still be great to be just me and DH.

B: half a donut, 1 bowl of fiberone with a peach, almonds, coffee with cream

L: ( Eaten while sitting on top of a mountain overlooking the lake, perched on a rock) 1 peanut butter jelly sandwich, chips, and an apple. I ate it ALL.

S: half a donut

D: not sure what the plan is

Exercise:

Mountain biking about 5 miles

[alene1]

Ooh, mountain biking is fun!! I used to do that quite a few years ago. There was a trail by our first apartment that was great for it. It does take a lot out of you! Enjoy your time together alone with your husband!

[automatedeating]

We waited for 2 months post start of-pandemic but eventually, the grandparents basically said their lives were worth more with the kids in them and they wanted to take the risk. So we started letting them go up there again.

Wow. This brought tears to my eyes. Very special.

[Jen1974]

Nice job on the mountain biking!! I did it in college & liked the uphill better than the down. The down scared me

[automatedeating]

Agree, Jen! Pinkie - I guess I've never said this to you but mountain bikers are in some awe-level coolness zone, in my book. Mountain biking terrifies me. So, basically, you rock!

[pinkhippie]

Thanks Alene! That is neat you used to mountain bike! Yes mountain biking is pretty intense!

Thanks auto, we feel very lucky to have the grandparents and the relationship that we have with them and the kids. I didn't have that growing up. I just worry about what will happen to the girls when they are gone, but at least they got to know them and form a special bond.

Thanks Jen! That is cool you used to mountain bike! Yes I feel the same way! The downhill is terrifying! Narrowly missing a tree might be my husbands idea of a good time, but it is not mine! Uphill is much better except well... its very hard. My cardio and my strength need a lot of work.

Thanks auto! I never would have tried it without my husband's support. I am glad I got to try it. It is REALLY scary! (but fun to push yourself as hard as humanly possible) I made sure to only do a green-rated trail(which is the easiest level) My husband is a total adrenaline junkie so I see why he likes it.

I feel like I am really behind on the board because of vacation. We are basically on vacation without the kids. Just at home. Today we went on a 21 mile bike ride on the pavement again and I noticed that my balance was much better after just one session on a mountain bike. There was one time, I was trying to get on the mountain bike on the edge of mountain and I lost my balance and almost fell down the ravine. Very exciting! The 21 mile ride wasn't as hard as it was last time. Still hard! But not quite as hard so that was awesome.

I have been engaged in a frustrating back and forth via email with a counselor at a credit recovery program for my 17 year old. I have registered my kids for full virtual school online with absolutely no face to face meetings. Zoom has been used and google forms have been used for submission. However, he is trying to get me to meet him in person to fill out these forms. It is really weird. I suggested virtual meeting and that he email me the form and he said he couldn't email them. I said, Ok, mail them to me and I will mail them back, we can have a virtual meeting when I have the forms and he refused to do that too. He keeps saying I have to come down in person. I finally told him that due to the pandemic I was not able to meet him in person because I had family members at risk of death if they got exposed to covid 19. Which is true. The grandparents have a lot of health issues and the girls see them every other week. Very frustrating and weird. The school is in the same district as all our other schools. I feel like I shouldn't even have to spell it out. Our city has the highest rate of rising cases in the entire state!

Anyway, I don't know how it will turn out. He hasn't gotten back to me after I told him no due to pandemic/possible death.

B: cereal with peaches, coffee (the usual)

S: trail mix and gatorade

L/S: A blueberry smoothie. I got a new blender and it's what I was in the mood for. I added some almond butter and it was delicious and pretty filling.

D: 1.5 pieces battered fish, 1.5 chicken strips, some fries and coleslaw a dish of vanilla ice cream
Logically i knew I ate a lot of food here, but I didn't feel overly full in the slightest. My fitbit thinks i burned 900 calories on my ride which I know is not accurate, but I definitely ate more than normal, yet didn't feel full. I was really happy that I didn't feel like I overate and felt gently full and satisfied. I would like to achieve that feeling for dinner every day.

Exercise:

21 mile bike ride

[Octavia]

Ooh that sounds weird, that guy wanting to meet you in person to fill in the forms. Doesn’t he know what’s going on? Good that you said no.

I’m awed by your biking activities!

[automatedeating]

Does he have a manager you could call? I don't think any companies will be able to be that stubborn under the circumstances..... I'm imagining trying to tell my students that they HAVE to come in to take the final exam. Like.. no.

[pinkhippie]

Hi Octavia! Yes it is really weird, particularly as no other school or business in my area is demanding face to face meetings. It's all telehealth and zoom meetings here. As for signing papers, I have been able to scan them and email a pdf to our state government and schools, so I don't know why he can't email me the forms. Ahhhhh! Anyway....

Thanks for the biking awe! I am amazed that I can do what I can now do and I just want to do more! I am really worried about the resuming of school and activities because I don't know if I will have the mental fortitude to keep it up when everything changes. But I don't want to lose what I have gained.

Auto, he has a principal, and the principal has a superintendent. I really really hope not to have to escalate it to that degree but it just seems ludicrous. This guy is a counselor and his communication via email is terrible! He says we have to meet to sign forms and I say ok I can do a virtual meeting and he asks me to come to the school to meet him on Monday. It feels like talking to a wall. I don't think I will hear from him until Monday. I will figure out what to do then.

On Monday I have 2 virtual orientations via zoom from my children's other schools. That should be exciting! I will find out who their teachers will be and what the schedule and plan will look like.

Today I have no bike ride planned. My husbands vacation is confusing me and this morning I woke up at 7 am thinking it was Monday and panicking because I have early morning meetings for kids schools like I mentioned above. Hah! I don't want it to end though, it has been SO NICE.

B: a blended coffee drink with milk and maple syrup, cereal with cherries and almonds, 1 piece of toast
Having fun with my new blender! Haven't had one in several years.

L: tuna fish salad on toasted whole grain bread with roasted red peppers
Well between the fish last night and the tuna today, my fish cravings should be good for another month or two. This was good and hit the spot.
Ate to satisfaction and not too full, not too empty.

D:chicken alfredo with steamed broccoli, 1.5 breadsticks, 2 mini cinnamon rolls, 1 chocolate chip cookie and half a glass of milk
It was hard to stop eating because this is our last official night of vacation. I finally had to tell myself that if I wanted anything after dinner it was ok to eat something more.

S: 2 mini cinnamon rolls with a spoonful of icing.
I was still feeling a little empty and unsatisfied after I waited for about 2 hours. I ate two rolls, then realized I was done with the taste of the rolls and just wanted the icing, and I had a spoonful that I scooped off the rolls. Then I was done and satisfied.

Exercise: 20 minute walk

[pinkhippie]

Well I heard back from the counselor yesterday and he said that we could make arrangements for a virtual meeting on Tuesday. Yay! I have no idea why that was so hard. I am glad we can finally get these forms signed though.

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. It was the last day of vacation. Man, it was REALLY nice! Just me and my husband at home with no kids was great. I had a hard time stopping eating last night and I know it was because it was the last night of vacation. The food extends the vacation... and MOnday is back to N days.

Sunday

B: 1 bowl cereal, almonds, milk, coffee

L: the rest of my chicken alfredo with broccoli, half a breadstick.

S: one small container of greek yogurt

D: 2 chicken and cheese fajitas, 4 mini cinnamon rolls ( almost had ice cream too but managed to hold myself back)
It was hard to stop eating. I notice the more processed sugary food I eat in a row the harder it is to be in touch with my satiety signals. Days of eating that way definitely made it challenging to know if I was full or not.

Exercise:

30-minute walk


Monday Aug 17 2020

The teenager is back home and the youngest two are coming home this evening. I have 2 virtual orientations via zoom and I have to bathe the dog and other little tasks today. I have to make the menu plan and grocery list. These 2 weeks will be a bit different because I have been ordering all my pantry items online and they require in bulk ordering so my pantry is bursting right now. I have to figure out creative ways to use huge amounts of rice, kidney beans, black beans, spaghetti sauce, pasta and soups. I am kind of going to fly blind a bit this week and not plan out too much in advance and just rely on creating meals from the pantry.

B: 1 bowl of fiberone cereal with almonds, almond milk, blueberries and coffee with whole milk

L: 1 delicious chicken salad on whole grain toasted bread.
Yum, figured out a good recipe for chicken salad. Will definitely make again.

1 cup decaf earl gray tea with milk and sugar
Not really feeling hungry but bored or stressed or something. I have had a very busy day today, 2 zoom meetings and lots to do and think about and prepare for kids going back to school next week and coming home today

S: 1 small container Greek yogurt with blueberries
feeling really hungry and light headed.

D: spicy tofu over rice. 1 piece of bread with peanutbutter
The tofu didn't turn out that delicious. It wasn't BAD, just not delicious. I ate a helping and was still hungry so I had what sounded good, which was peanut butter on whole grain bread

Exercise:

30 minute walk

[Jen1974]

I notice that with processed foods too!! They don’t work well with hunger/fullness cues! I really do feel they are manufactured to do that to you!! It always bothered me in the IE community where that was such a taboo topic!!

[pinkhippie]

Jen yes! I think I do ok with them if i only have them once in a while, like once a week but if I have them on a regular basis I really notice a difference in my ability to feel hunger or fullness. I understand wanting to legalize foods, but at the same time we should be aware of how food affects us.

I am having a very rough day today. I dont' know if it is hormones(period time is always the worst on day 2) or the stress of getting the kids ready for school or going from 0 kids to 3 kids in 5 seconds but I am feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, depressed, and just yucky. Also VERY irritable! Sigh...

I didn't do any elliptical today like I had planned, and just did a 20 minute walk. My appetite was weird and all over the place. I just feel on the brink of tears all day for no reason that I can discern except for the reasons above. I am normally pretty positive and happy so I am sure this will pass.

August 18 2020 Tuesday

B: 1 bowl of bran cereal with raisins and 1 banana, a piece of cranberry pecan toast with butter, coffee with milk
I was pretty hungry this morning and ate more than I usually do in terms of density and amounts

L: 1 vanilla wafer, 1 strawberry
Wanted to check out the wafer, the strawberry looked good and then I was full. I decided to wait to eat until I was hungry

S: 1 helping of chicken salad, 1 small apple
My head wasn't hungry but I felt lightheaded and like I needed to eat. It tasted good. I wasn't super in tune with my body today I guess

D: pretty much an entire bag of frozen spinach(cooked in some butter and a little milk), a small amount of tortellini alfredo, garlic bread, and 1 cutie
I was really craving spinach... I thought I was still hungry and I honestly felt like i was craving chocolate but after my cutie I realized I was full. May have tea this evening if I feel like I need something more.

Exercise: 20 minute walk

[automatedeating]

Hey, hang in there. I totally have days like that. When you said,

I am normally pretty positive and happy so I am sure this will pass.

- I thought that is really great, because it is so true. We DO usually feel better the next day or in not too much longer. I guess we just are supposed to let the waves kind of come, accept them, and then move on.

Hope tomorrow is better!

[pinkhippie]

So true auto, thank you. I am glad to have the knowledge and experience to know that this will pass. I feel MUCH better today.

Yesterday I just reached some kind of limit. I was driving to return a Chromebook because they gave us the wrong one and there was very bad communication and it was part of a long saga and I was listening to the radio. A PSA for mask wearing came on and I just had to change the channel. Then a PSA for voting came on and I had to change the channel. I wear my mask and I vote but the reality of what is going on in our world is SO exhausting and overwhelming! I think on top of my regular stress, the reminder of it was too much.

But I feel so much better today. I think it's funny that because I usually am the happy calm patient one the family doesn't know what to do when I am depressed and unhappy. They can barely handle it. Well, I should say the kids barely notice. My husband has a hard time handling it. I try not to let my bad mood spill over onto the kids as much as possible but I do tell my husband how I feel. Then he tells me I should tell the kids how I am feeling so they don't think moms are supposed to be emotionless and cold(which always upsets me) but when I feel that way, I can't communicate with the kids in a way that I feel good about. I am so much more likely to snap at them or scream at them that I just say nothing and just do my mom duties. Today I will explain to them that I was having a hard time yesterday, because I do think communication is important. I know kids sense things even when they don't seem to act like they do. As usual, I am giving this a good overthink.

B: fiberone with peaches almonds milk the last of the pecan bread and coffee

L: leftover spicy tofu stir fry with rice, 1 apple
Ordinarily I would save that apple for a snack but after my very vigorous elliptical workout I was hungry! I felt really good after I ate this meal

S:

D:

Exercise:

30 minutes of high intensity elliptical ( working on my cardio to be able to do more on my bike) It was hard to force myself to do it, but I was SO glad that I finally did.

[automatedeating]

As a mom whose kids ALWAYS know when she's having a bad day, I am sort of in awe of your self-control when you feel down. If only we could blend our styles and have something perfect in the middle. Haha and there I go again thinking I need to be "PEEEEERRRRRRRRFEEEEEEECCCCCCTTTTTT".

[lpearlmom]

Omygosh, I relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed with all that’s going on in the world. I’ve seriously checked out from the news. I just needed to for my sanity, but yes I’ll vote too.

No matter how hard I try, my kids seem to always know when im stressed or upset. It’s annoying actually. I think it’s good to be honest too but sometimes i just want to sort out my feelings on my own. Anyway, so glad youre feeling better today.

[Jen1974]

I sometimes feel as if I’m the only one not allowed to be in a bad mood!! My husband doesn’t handle it well at all & I feel super guilty if I’m short tempered or no fun & disconnected! I’ve had to work on giving myself a lot of grace & notice it’s good for all of us that it’s okay to be in a bad mood or have a bad day!! It makes it all more normal.

[pinkhippie]

Auto, yes it sounds like we should perhaps meet in the middle! We definitely don't have to be perfect though, all we can do is our best.

Linda, I can understand how that would be annoying because being able to process on your own is good. However, I think its great that your kids are that in tune with you! It sounds like you have a strong connection with your girls.

Jen yes! My husband doesn't handle it well either because he thinks if I am not happy, he has failed. When he thinks he failed he gets unpleasant to be around. It is definitely a work in progress for him to "allow" me to be unhappy.

I am feeling better and not depressed, however I am still freaking out a little bit. My school and the girls school starts on Monday and Summer vacation is effectively over for me. It has been so glorious! And scary and stressful but also nice to not have major responsibilities. I am going to be responsible for making sure the girls do their work, setting up a schedule, making sure we all stick to it, attending my class AND doing my internship.. It all feels very overwhelming. I have been told the girls should basically be doing a minimum of 5- 6 hours of work a day. It is all new and scary for us. I just have one class thank goodness and my internship which I still haven't heard from but this is not unexpected. I expect them to wait until the last minute. This week we have to get our living room set up with desks and dividers and all sorts of things. It's an adventure for us all I guess.

B: the usual cereal peaches, almonds toast, milk coffee

L: the last of the spicy tofu with rice, 1 apple

S: 3/4 banana, 2 strawberries, half a cup of whole milk, half a cup of vanilla almond milk all blended into a smoothie
This was good! I had some old half bananas in the fridge that I needed to use up. The unsweetened vanilla almond milk made it where I didn't need sweetener at all.


D: Grilled cheese, baby carrots, tomato soup, ranch, 1 cutie
Yum! I was looking forward to this dinner in a way that I don't normally. I guess it was what I was craving. I feel neutral after dinner. Not full not hungry and I plan to make a chammomile tea latte for later

Last night I made a chammomile tea latte and it was AMAZING. I just used about 2/3 cup of milk and chammomile tea with a little honey but I frothed the milk on the stovetop and sprinkled cinnamon on it and it was so good! I might do that again tonight. I also ordered some "desert" teeas that I am hoping will get here soon. I have been feeling the need to sip on something hot and sweet in the night lately. Probably because of all my stress. Every night I have crazy anxiety nightmares. I know everything will be ok but I have trouble with change.

exercise:

2 30 minute walks

My 8 year old asked me to go for a walk with her and said she had a goal of 30 minutes of walking. So although I had already done my walk, I walked with her too and she did reach 30 minutes. She was proud of herself.

Also, the two youngest found some of my old pedometers and they have been marching around the yard to get their step count up. The 17 year old has joined them and after dinner, they are all walking around and around our yard while music plays on the 17 year olds phone. They say they need "exercise". We are going to try to take them hiking this weekend.

[automatedeating]

Very cute about the kids and the pedometers. When my 14 year old wears one, I am always shocked at how many steps he gets. Must do a lot of restless movement!

Hang in there about the anxiety dreams about all the new things coming with school. I know it must be tough. Good for you to work on setting up the living room with desks and dividers. That will be great!

[Octavia]

Hi pink, I hope the recent spell of stress is passing. I just wanted to add that I often feel like this - overwhelmed by the world and by my own feelings. Were you a middle child like me? I was always the one who had to be happy, upbeat, stable, peacemaking. I don’t know how to be angry in a way that others can accept and understand. And we wonder why we’re on an overeating forum! But it’s great that you have the perspective to know it will pass. I’m gradually learning this too.

Really glad to hear you didn’t have to do a face to face meeting with that counselor. Well done you, for not giving in!

[pinkhippie]

Auto I know! My 8 year old started tracking hours later than I did and went to bed with 12,000 steps! I got 9,000 yesterday. Yes I am hoping our divider/desk set up works. We are supposed to set it up tomorrow so we will see how it all works.

Ocatavia, I wasn't a middle child, I was an older child but I had parents who weren't emotional grown-ups. I often felt that I and I alone was the glue that held the family together. My dad would get depressed and silent, my mom would freak out, my little brother would be the apple of their eye, and I felt like all their emotions were my responsibility and my fault. I concentrated on everyone else's feelings and not my own and was always like you describe, upbeat, stable, and peacemaking. Absolutely we are on an overeating forum for a reason! I learned pretty early on to take care of my emotions with food I think. I remember being at a job I HATED when I was 20 or so, and being so angry and not understanding why I was always SO hungry at that job. I feel I have come a long way since then.

Yes! I forgot to update about the counselor. He called me, I didn't have to sign any forms he said he would just put my name down and say per phone and I looked over them via email. SOOOOO simple and I really don't know why it was such a battle to get it done. He was nice and informative with direct questions but not much of a conversationalist. He pretty much just said "yes maa'm" to anything I said that wasn't a direct question. Oh well, at least its done!

Last day of summer vacay!!!! : (

It's been good though. I had a good talk with my teen, and I feel a lot calmer than I did yesterday. Of course... I also have been obsessing over something new and I think that helps. Right now its planners! I love planners and I have decided I need one to handle this new world I am about to be plunged in. Do I really? I dont' know, but just focusing on finding the perfect planner is a welcome distraction and has helped with the stress.

August 21 2020

B: cereal, milk, peaches, almonds coffee toast

L:

D: chicken nuggets, broccoli, honey Mustard, vanilla ice cream a few spoonfuls of Netflix and chill almond milk ice cream Ben and Jerrys yum!

Exercise:

2 20 minute walks. (lately I have been feeling more of a pull to get every day exercise, like lots more steps than hard core physical formal exercise. I am not sure if its my brain trying to trick me, but I am going with it for now. Every day I have gotten at least 7k -9k steps and that is a big improvement for me. I want to get stronger for bike rides, but I also am getting burned out from so much regimented exercise. I guess I am still figuring it out.

8k steps.

[pinkhippie]

Today was so social I am actually feeling stressed out. I saw my dad and his wife today. Unfortunately, his wife lives with terrible chronic pain and she needs a lot of medical marijuana on some days to function. Today was one of those days and she is already talkative, but on weed? Good heavens! I barely got to say anything and dealing with that onslaught took a lot of energy. I was glad to see him and her but wow. Then home to make and eat lunch for the kiddos and then I took my 17 year old to see her grandparents. She hasn't seen them since February so I was happy that she was able to but it was stressful too. Masks, 6 feet apart, figuring out all the logistics.

Converstion at my dad's ended up being very body focused. I think I have mentioned that they are oil free vegans and my step-mom started talking about how my step sister is having so much health issues and she would be so much better off eating less and going vegan but as she talked more, I realized she really meant that my step sister just weighs a lot more than she used to. Then I gave them a picture of my DD's and it started this whole conversation about how big my 11 year old has gotten and how she is going to be tall because right now she is holding onto weight and how she should be proud of her body and not down on herself especially comparing herself to her skinny sisters. ( She does not do that, that I am aware of) and how old was I when I lost that roundness? It was weird because it was meant to sound positive but just focusing on her weight made it feel negative. However, I was able to recognize that wow, my stepmom and my dad are focused on weight and body appearance a lot. And not feel like there was something wrong with me or my child, but recognize that this is an issue for them. And that made me feel pretty good! That is definitely a new development.

I know that I had mentioned earlier that I was concerned about my 11 year old gaining weight but I have been able to let it go(everyone's words here were very helpful) and I just feel proud when I see her. Proud of who she is becoming and just who she is as a person. Watching her grow up has been so amazing.


B: 1 bowl of cereal with peaches

L: Fried egg sandwich with colby jack cheese and 1 apple


D: 3 pieces of supreme pizza, one chocolate chip cookie, a serving of Netflix and chill almond milk ice cream
I was pretty hungry, maybe not super hungry physically but I really felt ready to eat and I enjoyed dinner. We did a LOT of work today getting everything ready for the girls school so I was tired. It was hard to stop eating but I didn't feel like I overate, so I think I did a pretty good job of stopping at enough.

Exercise:

Goal to get 7- 9k steps

[pinkhippie]

Hike with the family today. We went about 3 miles but it was a very hilly rocky 3 miles. We were all tired.

Tommorow is the first day of virtual school for me and the kids. We will see what happens!

B: 1 waffle with syrup and blueberries, 2 pieces of bacon, coffee with milk

S: half an apple as I made lunch after the hike

L: 2 pieces supreme pizza, 1 vanilla wafer

S: 3 strawberries as I made dinner, 1 waffle with butter and honey also as I made dinner

D: 1 hot dog sandwich, 1 serving of Netflix and chill( the last of it, which is probably good. That was really good and really rich!)


This is way more how I used to eat before No sS Just randomly grabbing food and eating while i was standing up. I am obviously feeling stressed and using the excuse of an S day to be like screw it! It doesn't matter! Hopefully tomorrow I can do a better job with my 3 meals. I have been trying to really stick to 3 meals a day without a snack and drink milk if I need it because I notice that now every day at around 3 pm I get hungry for a snack regardless of if I am hungry or not, had a big lunch or not, and I think it is habit hunger so I am going to try to at the very least, not chew anything for a snack and see if that helps.

Exercise:

3 mile hike

11k steps

[lpearlmom]

Understandable that you’re eating more chaotically than normal, but still doesn’t seem like much overall.

11k steps is great!

[pinkhippie]

Thanks Linda, it's probably not too much right now, but the attitude of just eating whenever wherever definitely adds up to a whole lot more food over time for me.

Today was the first day of school for everyone. I spent a few hours on school work for myself, and a couple hours for the kids. Their classes are not going to be fully loaded until the 4th of September. It's 3pm and I am tired. This is hard work. Eagerly looking forward to when my husband comes home so I can not be the only parent in the house. I have been working on a schedule for everyone and trying to establish a routine. It's tricky to do since classes aren't officially online yet. My 17 year old of course is not in the system and they can't find her and so she can't do ANY work today, even though she is the only one who is supposed to get started right away today. Sigh...

I did hear from my internship this morning so I am happy to hear that they are on it. Paperwork needs to be filled out before the internship can start. I did one assignment for my internship and I downloaded the appropriate software for my SQL class tomorrow.

I also decided... (why do I always bite off huge chunks all at once?) That since I am home I am going to try to slowly declutter and get our house in shape. I think that with us home all the time trying to get stuff done, we will all feel a lot better if we have a nice environment to work in. The kids are NOT on the decluttering enthusiasm board. That is another challenge. Toeday I cleaned off our living room bookshelf and rehomed all the dusty bike helmets that have been there for... hmm about a year. My husband is TERRIBLE with surfaces and he hates to throw anything away so this will be a real challenge.

B: 1 bowl of all bran with peaches and toast and coffee ( should have had those almonds I was HANGRY by 12ish. Ate lunch at 12:30

L: 1 turkey, cheese and bacon sandwich with most of an apple

S: 1 strawberry banana smoothie( the kids wanted a smoothie, and there was extra. )

D: plan for black bean quesadillas

It has been hard to care about exercise and 3 meals today. It's hard to focus my attention on these things with everything else going on. I guess that is why we strive to make these habits.

Exercise:

40 minute walk with the kids

[automatedeating]

I feel like I really missed a lot of your entries recently!

I love reading your thoughts, your journey, and the pride you can have in accepting in yourself, your family members, and your current situation in life to have peace.

I'm all for the decluttering challenge! I'm right there with you! For me, the physical work is extremely satisfying, and acts as a healthy counterpoint to all my computer/video making work. Also, it's a form of exercise and I find I like switching things up. I've been getting lots fewer steps the past couple of weeks, but I feel great about my movement and strength building when I am decluttering or doing house projects. Good luck with all of that! I don't think it needs to be stressful; I find it DE-stressing to get rid of stuff!

[pinkhippie]

Hi Auto!

Thank you! I know I am very verbose. I dont know why, I try to shorten my entries but they always end up really long.

I am very excited to declutter! I agree, it feels less stressful to have less stuff to worry about.

Day 2 of kids virtual school. Less pushback from my 11 year old on some things but it was like pulling teeth to get her to write an email to one of her teachers. My 17 year old failed her first quiz in English, and my 8 year old got to have a google meet with her class. My 17 year old seriously doesn't seem to care. There is no way to make someone care, I really hope she can graduate this semester.

I had my first class which was pretty basic. I am feeling less anti school work and getting more into the groove.

I also really started missing my formal exercise! Can you believe it? I missed that feeling of pushing myself and getting stronger. I did a very intense ride on my stationary bike today and it felt great. Especially with the stress of dealing with the kids all day and helping them figure out all these new things. once we have a schedule and they actually know what their typical day will look like, I think it will help.

Everyone is done with schoolwork and the rest of my day is going to focus on decluttering, cooking, and home tasks.

August 25 2020

B: cereal with blueberries, raisins, almonds, milk, toast with coffee

L: black bean quesadillas, half an apple


D: barbecue kielbasa, rice, green beans and cornbread
I never ended up having a snack. We are starting our day and eating breakfast early now, and I had to do lunch early today because of my class which is at noon. I was worried that lunch early would be disastrous yet it was fine. The kids were actually hungry for dinner. I had a mental desire for a snack but didn't eat anything. I think I will stick with 11:30 lunch and an early breakfast. I had no seconds and I mentally really wanted them. Then I wanted something deserty like a piece of fruit. But, that is alllll habit.

Plan to check out my chocolate orange desert tea tonight! I had my decaf chocolate hazelnut last night and that was delicious.

Exercise:

30 minutes high intensity stationary bike, 20 minute walk

[automatedeating]

Your family is finding its way with the new normal fall.... you know, even when the kids go to school those first couple weeks are exhausting for me as I adapt to our new mornings. Hey, at least now you won't have the hectic mornings getting out the door.

Good job on the fun workouts (I say fun because clearly you truly enjoy those pushes!). I bet it's the ideal stress reliever for you and your body knows that and sometimes craves it for that reason.

[pinkhippie]

Auto, so true, thanks for the reminder. It is an adjustment even when the kids go back to school. Transition can be tough but I am sure we will eventually find our rhythm. I do seem to really enjoy the stress relief of pushing myself physically but its hard to do without motivation of riding with my husband or something like that. home on my stationary bike requires discipline.

Today was not too bad. Slightly more schoolwork than before. My kids are all so different. I really need code names for them. My 11 year old was up and working on her schoolwork at 7 am this morning, an hour before anyone else was up. She wants to burn through all her assignments and I am trying to get her to slow down because by burning through them she is not really getting the best grade she could be getting or even really learning what she could be learning. My 8 year old didn't want to do her assigned reading or assigned math. My 17 year old did the bare minimum and that is probably what she will do every day.

I felt terrible this evening as I held my 8 year old in my lap as she sobbed her little heart out. The little neighborhood kids (3, 4, 5 years old) were all playing together and we won't let her play with them due to Covid 19. She misses playing with "her friends" as she calls them, but we don't know the parents, we don't know anyones situation and we can't in good conscience let her play with them right now. They are just too young to understand social distancing and she is too young to do it reliably. And of course, no one was wearing a mask. But that really sucked. She is very extroverted and having a hard time without the social aspect. My fingers are crossed that she can at least do the blended option in the spring.

And then I just got a call from the kids school that they had some positive cases turn up today and a bunch of students are being quarrantined... sigh what is this world we live in now?

B: 1 bowl of cereal with almonds, blueberries

L: leftovers, small quesadilla and a few pieces of barbecue kielbasa, 1 apple

D: 2 pancakes with blueberries and syrup, some hash browns, scrambled eggs and a banana muffin with peanut butter
I didn't have a lot of dinner so there would be enough for the kids. But, I didn't have a banana muffin this morning when we made them so I added that to my meal with some peanut butter and I was satisfied.

plan for some decaf vanilla chai tea. The chocolate orange tea was AH MA ZING! I couldn't believe how good it was with a little bit of milk and half a tsp of sugar. It really didn't even need the sugar. I am hoping the vanilla chai will be delish as well.


Exercise: 2 20 minute walks
Lots of decluttering

[lpearlmom]

Ugh, this virus has been so hard on our kids. As hard it is to be raising teens during this time, I can’t imagine having young kids that just want to play with their friends. You’re doing the right thing though. Praying for a vaccine soon.

The tea sounds lovely. Can you share the brand name? (Sorry if you already have,)

Also, my husband is the same on the clutter front. Sooo frustrating!!

[alene1]

Oh, I really feel for your daughter!! That must be so very hard. It sounds like you're doing a great job managing the kids' school work. I know it's a challenge! Good work, Mom!

[pinkhippie]

Linda, its so funny because I am always saying how grateful I am to not have young kids during the pandemic. I am thinking of the littles, like 2, 3, 4... but maybe it would at least be a bit easier because they probably wouldn't have the concept of friends in place and want to play with them. However, you would have to entertain them and that sounds like that would be exhausting! Yes hoarder husbands! I have to do a lot of my throwing away while he is at work. Not his stuff mind you, just random stuff that no one uses. He can find a possible use for ANYTHING I try to throw away.

The tea is from Stash. It's their organic chocolate orange. The other flavor I mentioned is decaf chocolate hazelnut and I never did try the Chai last night because my dinner was soooo sweet. I didn't want anything else sweet after dinner. Tonight I will try the vanilla Chai

Alene thanks! It's so hard to know the right call to make as a parent, especially when its hurting your kids. School is definitely a challenge but we will persevere! Let me tell you though, I am SO grateful tomorrow is Friday! My SQL class is going pretty well. Its frustrating because I don't have a microphone and there are some REALLY talkative people in my class. My teacher knows me and he tries to look for typed questions in the chat box but sometimes he misses things. And it takes me so long to type things that often he has moved on to another topic. There is this one woman in my class who seriously sounds like the stereotype of a stoned college girl. Every question she asks sounds like she is high. But, I saw her on her camera and she is probably my age!

B: 1 bowl of cereal with almonds, raisins, coffee with milk

L: I have started eating lunch in 2 parts on class days 1 turkey and cheese sandwich, a big bowl of vegetable soup and a few apple slices
about 3/4 of this at 11:30, and the rest after class around 1:30

D: teryaki chicken stir fry with veggies and rice, 1 cup of frozen fruit( pineapple, mango, peaches and strawberry my favorite!)
So I originally planed on teryaki pork tenderloin but after i made my marinade I saw that my tenderloin was 2 days past the use bye date! Argh! So I tossed it and used it on some chicken breast instead and now I am attempting a teryaki stir fry. We will see how it turns out. It turned out great! A happy accident, I will make it again in the future

Plan for vanilla chai in the evening

Exercise

30 minute stationary bike ride ( less intense but still tiring)
20 minute walk

[Octavia]

Oh wow pink, I haven’t checked in with you for a few days, and have missed your challenges and adventures - the trip to your dad, the unsettling comments made about your lovely DD, and the sadness of having to keep your little one away from her friends. But I totally think you did the right thing - social distancing is important - there is still danger!

There is this one woman in my class who seriously sounds like the stereotype of a stoned college girl. Every question she asks sounds like she is high. But, I saw her on her camera and she is probably my age!

This was a ROFL moment for me!

I was interested to read about your family background. Sounds like you’ve had to adapt to some tricky situations. Your family are definitely lucky to have you!

[pinkhippie]

Thanks for checking in Octavia!

Yeah it was pretty funny about that woman! I will be interested to see if she always sounds that way. Families are interesting in how they shape us, but I am grateful because it has made me the person that I am today. Hopefully, it helps make me a better parent and partner.

I am TIRED. I realized my 6th grader needs way more guidance than I have been giving her. She went from elementary to middle school AND virtual. She doesn't know how to do these assignments. She just burns through them at the speed of light, failing as she goes. I think for at least the next week I will sit with her and show her how to pace herself and how to do the assignments as they are meant to be done. That is what I did today. It took until noon. Luckily things are laid back with my schoolwork right now.

Declutttering is going great and my husband is noticing. He is grateful and has started doing small things around the house. He asks how he can support me and i want to say "Throw away all your stuff!" But alas... baby steps.

I skipped breakfast today and then ate lunch and then ate breakfast because I was still hungry. I thought that was funny, its like my body knows how much food I need to feel satisfied regardless of the time of day or what meals.

L: leftover stir fry, rice, half an apple

B: bowl of all bran with almonds, raisins and milk, coffee with milk

S: blueberry smoothie
The kids wanted a smoothie and I was REALLY hungry. I was hungry last night too after stir fry, maybe its not as filling as it should be

D: plan for nuggets, broccoli, honey mustard, some kind of ice cream

Not sure if I will have a desert tea. I didn't really love the vanilla chai. Chocolate Orange is my definite favorite, but I also really love orange tea. My second favorite tea is Wild Sweet Orange by Tazo, so I may be a tiny bit biased.

Exercise:

2 20 minute walks

[pinkhippie]

Saturday August 29, 2020

Went on a 25 mile bike ride. Was so worn out that it took me a while to be able to do anything. And thinking and writing journal entries was not happening. However, it was FUN! It was supposed to storm and although we rode pretty much directly into what seemed like a storm with dark clouds, lightening and cool wind, it never did really storm. So we had beautiful scenery and a cool breeze.

B: cereal with milk, coffee with milk

S: gatorade, trail mix

L: ritz crackers with deli meat and cheese, broccoli and an apple

S: 1 glazed donut with half a glass of milk
I felt like I could barely function until I had this donut an hour or so after lunch, I was so worn out and I guess hungry from my ride.

D:chicken sandwich with fries, frozen yogurt with chocolate shell


Sunday August 30 2020

Well, got to sleep in today, but the girls are coming home today. School is on Monday and we do this all over again. I turned in my first homework assignment for SQl so things are moving along.

B: Cereal with milk, coffee with milk

L: A chick patty sandwich with lots of sauteed broccoli, a glazed donut with half a glass of milk

D: plan for red beans and rice... Did I mention I accidentally ordered 6 27oz cans of red kidney beans?? Trying to figure out how to use them up.

[pinkhippie]

Feeling the stress a bit today. My 6th grader is going to need me to basically do her schoolwork with her for these first few weeks. Luckily school is pretty laid back for me right now.

Also took the kids on a bike ride today and my 8 year old's brakes didn't work on the downhill. She came very close to riding past a stop sign into a one lane road where people routinely go 50-60 miles an hour even though they are only supposed to go 35 mph. Luckily, the car saw her in time and stopped as she glided to a stop basically in front of it, right in oncoming traffic. That was not fun.

I was feeling the stress as I mentioned and I felt like I just oculdn't maintain nor did I want to maintain the control that No S requires.

B: bowl of cereal, coffee with milk

L: leftover red beans and rice, half a chocolate glazed donut, half a piece of oatmeal cake
As I mentioned, I just didn't care. We have it here and I didn't have the will power strength to not eat it.

S: a ramekin of frozen fruit

s: Ritz crackers with cheddar cheese
Yep off the rails today. However, I was hungry and I put it on a plate and I ate it, and I didn't eat it all because I realized before I was done that I was no longer hungry. So, although its a red for No S, it's a win for listening to my body and not doing WTH eating

D: plan Baked ravioli with toast

[Soprano]

So pleased your daughter was ok, that was scary!!

Go you stopping part way through a snack, that's a huge step forward.

Jx

[automatedeating]

Wow, that is scary about the bike incident! I'm so grateful the driver was paying attention.

[pinkhippie]

Thank you Soprano, it really felt like a big step forward.

Thanks auto, I was grateful too! SO grateful. I am really reluctant to take them all for another bike ride.

BUSY BUSY BUSY

Sep 1 2020

B: shredded wheat with milk, blueberries and a drizzle of honey, coffee with milk

L: weird smorgasbord lunch of leftovers... ravioli with spinach and red beans and rice, 1 piece whole grain toast

D: 2 black bean burritos, 1 cup of frozen fruit

Pretty much no exercise

Sep 2, 2020

B: Shredded wheat with milk, blueberries, and a drizzle of honey coffee with milk

L: turkey and cheese sandwich, 1 bowl of vegetable soup with spinach added

D: 2 eggs in a hat, about 8 ritz cracker peanut butter sandwiches
This is the dinner of someone who has not been to the store in over 2 weeks and ran out of eggs. I realized I coudln't go to the store on my usual day with this crazy schedule I have for schooling the kids so I have to wait until Friday. I was kind of craving those ritz but once again, I stopped before I ate them all and I was satisfied. This used to be a binge food for me, so this is AMAZING for me.

Exercise:

23 minute walk

I have been SO busy! Several zoom meetings a day, kids school, my school... I finally got my internship paperwork done and I will start working on that next week. I realized that I could cut WAY down on my stress if I altered my schedule and my expectations. Now, I do not do any schoolwork in the morning. I use that time to do my decluttering projects, meal prep for dinner if necessary, clean the kitchen, tidy the house, laundry etc... Then after lunch and the kids are done with school, I sit down to do school/ internship myself all the way up until dinner. This works out fine since I did all my usual afternoon tasks in the morning, but it feels a little weird. However, its way less stressful than trying to do my schoolwork while hopping up and down constantly to help a kid. I just pretend I have a job where I can't do schoolwork until I am done, and it works well so far.

Also, I have been a little extra hungry. I feel like I get more hungry when my brain is working overtime. I have switched my brain from how little can I eat to be satisfied, to how much can I eat to be satisfied... It's a subtle change but I actually find it easier to know when I am done and satisfied when I think this way, rather than how little can I eat. Maybe because its less anxiety producing? I realized my WHOLE life it seems like, I have been trying to eat as little as possible. Its so ingrained, its like a part of my thinking and I never realized it before. Thrfe is so much that goes with that, like I deserve to feed my body and take care of myself. I have to say, it feels pretty good to try to eat as much as possible to be satisfied versus eat as little as possible which feels like I don't deserve food and deep down like I am depriving myself.

Anyway, I don't know when I will be able to pop back in, but I wanted to update what has been happening and percolating in my brain.

[lpearlmom]

I love that switch in mindset so much! I think it’s the difference between self care and self punishment. Ive spent most of my life trying to eat less too & it is very stressful. I was trying to fast and eat on tiny plates and it unsurprisingly backfired. Now that im back to eating regular meals on regular plates , it feels so much better.

Im glad you’re relaxing your schedule a bit too. You’ve got so much on your plate & anything you can do to remove some stress will really pay off im sure.

[Octavia]

These are excellent plans, Pink and Linda - it’s funny how many of us seem to be on the same page in this regard, just wanting to feed ourselves plentifully and properly without always trying to cut down. Three good, satisfying plates.

Wow, your life sounds very busy right now, pinkie. Amazing how you are dealing with the kids being at home, plus your own work demands. I’m totally impressed by your new strategy, and I hope it helps calm things down for you!

[pinkhippie]

Linda yes! I think that is a great way to put it, the difference between self care and self punishment. Absolutely! That is how it feels. Restricting ALWAYS backfires! Eventually.. sometimes it can take years but for me I believe that it does.

Thank you Octavia! yeah we do all seem to be in a very similar place. That is one thing I love about No S. I think it draws people who are looking for moderation, and a healthy attitude towards food and feeding themselves. You can go nuts with it and turn it into more of a diet, and I have seen that too, but I really think just forming the 3 basic habits is so important.

In my case with eating enough to feel satisfied I have stopped putting it all on a plate. I just plan what I want to eat for a meal and then mentally have extra things in case what I served myself isn't enough. I don't take seconds of what I already served myself. This seems to work pretty well.

September 3 2020

B:Shredded wheat, milk, honey, blueberries, coffee

L: Turkey sandiwch with cheese, mayo and mustard, a ramekin of full fat yogurt, half a cup of soup, and a few slices of apple
I was a little extra hungry this day, but in retrospect it makes sense as I had a tough workout earlier

D: 1 turkey pepperoni tortilla pizza, 1 slice whole grain bread with crunchy peanut butter, frozen fruit
I was still a little hungry after the pizza, and we had run out of cheese. When I took that bread out of the package and inhaled the smell, it made me realize I was really craving that bread and I was still hungry. I didn't finish the bread, or the frozen fruit. I could have done without the frozen fruit, all the kids were eating it.

Exercise: 35 minute stationary bike

I feel so much less frantic at meal times now that I am trying to eat as much as possible to feel satisfied. I notice dinner feels way more laid back, and so does lunch. It's also SO much easier to not snack between meals. I think I eat slower, and sometimes eat less because it feels ok and safe to do so. I know all the books talk about this but its pretty hard for me to do. For example, the scale was a little lower than normal yesterday and I had to fight the mental battle of trying to eat a little less to keep it there or to make it go down further.

New schedule is working great! Kids are adjusting and there is much less pushback. 11 year old is figuring it out, it turns out my 17 year old needs only 3 more classes to graduate and if she passes these classes, she will graduate in December. THATS crazy! And the 8 year old is adjusting too. I have had enough time to get both my schoolwork done and helping the kids. Next week when my internship starts might be a little more challenging but I don't feel as worried about it.

September 4 2020

B: shredded wheat, milk, honey, blueberries, coffee with milk

L: turkey and ham sandwich with an apple

D: plan for nuggets, broccoli and vanilla frozen yogurt and banana with peanut butter chocolate shell

Exercise: 15 minute walk

[pinkhippie]

Saturday September 5 2020

Fun day, went and saw my dad and his wife, (from 10 feet away on benches on their porch... hopefully it won't get cold here for a while) Then got rid of a TON of stuff to the thrift store. Thankfully, we don't seem to have the donation trouble of waiting in long lines like auto does. I had been collecting stuff to donate as I decluttered and our entire front hallways was virtually impassable, and we had a desk on our porch. I was so glad to get it cleared out. I actually have some hope now that maybe we CAN get the house into a good state. Our room is the worst and the hardest because it consists of a lot of dh's stuff. I am going to keep deluttering my stuff though and hopefully it will inspire him the way it did the rest of the house.

B: shredded wheat, blueberries, coffee with milk

L: turkey sandwich with cheese

D: 3 slices and one bite of barbecue chicken pizza, one big bowl of frozen yogurt with shell and a square of chocolate
wow! I haven't had chocolate in months! I think since Christmas holidays. It was sooooo good! 72% dark. The pizza was amazing too, I had been craving barbecue chicken pizza all week. I ate 3 pieces and I was like I think Im done but I still want more. So i had one bite of the fourth piece and then I was done and satisfied.

Exercise:: not much... carrying boxes to the van to donate.

Sunday September 6 2020

Went on a 24 mile bike ride this morning. I didn't intend to go so far, especially as it is really hot and humid here but what happens is, those first 10 or 11 miles feel great! You feel like you could go forever, but you have to turn around and if you turn around at 11 miles, its automatically 22 miles round trip. It was fun, but I definitely felt it on those hills in the heat. I pushed myself a little too hard, but at the same time I love being able to do what I can do on a bike now, and I just want to get better.

Then I came home, ate lunch, had my phone date with my best friend in NY and then we drove up to the In laws to pick up our girls and have dinner. It was a very full day. I ate a LOT today, but I have discovered that if I don't eat a lot on a big ride day, I feel pretty bad later in the day and then the next day I am starving.

B: fiberone with berries, bananas, milk and coffee

S: a few nuts and some gatorade

L: 3 pieces of bbq chicken pizza

D: 1/4 of a steak, a roll with butter, 2 helpings of potato salad, some baked beans and a slice of chocolate cake. All with sweet tea.
I was STUFFED! However, pretty soon after that meal I felt neutral and not like I ate too much, and only a few hours later I feel empty and like I could eat more if I wanted to. I probably ate a little more than I should have for my body's needs, but it was food I won't get again for a while so it was hard not to overeat a bit.

Exercise:

24 mile bike ride

[automatedeating]

Lots of good stuff going on for you!

And can you believe the lines are STILL routinely 2 hours.... I've been there 3 times when it was that long (I leave in those cases), one time where I got through the line in 45 minutes, and several friends who have had the same experience as me. Crazy!

[Jen1974]

I like your “as much as I need to feel satisfied” vs “the least amount to feel satisfied”!! That’s a hard one for me too.

And I love your decluttering project!! I've been doing the same thing since cleaning out my parents!! It feels really good to live in a less cluttered environment!!

[pinkhippie]

Wow auto that is crazy! I feel lucky that we are able to donate without a wait here.

Jen, it is interesting after what feels like a lifetime of trying not to eat too much to switch to trying to eat enough. It is glorious to live in a less cluttered house! I love the small changes it is making just in our environment and the kids doing a little more around the house now too.

Weight update: l have been hanging out in the 150-152 lb range every day for at least a month now I think. I am very happy and content with that, and honestly amazed because I don't feel like I am hanging on for dear life. I am exercising less and eating more than I was before, but I feel like I taking care of myself better now. It's a little scary though because I am like, "can this really last?". My weight has become less of a focus and now when I work out I do it just so I can go further and faster on my bike. That is really my main motivation.

Monday September 7 2020 S day!

Husband was home, and I treated it like a weekend only better than a weekend because no obligations and nothing to do. Lazed around MOST of the day.

B: an apple, coffee with milk
So after that very large meal I had at my in laws, I was not hungry for breakfast at all this day. Eventually about an hour before lunch I got hungry and I had an apple to tide me over. That worked great

L: Turkey and cheese sandwich, a large helping of potato salad, a small slice of chocolate cake
I have really been into the turkey and cheese sandwich lately. It used to be that turkey sandwiches were not filling for me, but adding that slice of cheese seems to make all the difference

D: Walnut cream Pasta, 1 garlic knot, small serving of frozen yogurt
No vegetables and I ate slightly too much. I did get seconds on the pasta. I NEED to remember to give myself 20 minutes after my serving is done before I dish up seconds. I would say almost always seconds is too much. I didn't even finish them, just had a few bites but it was a few bites too many.

I love the feeling of freedom I have at meals now. It's the same feeling of freedom I used to have with WTH eating or going off a diet. The pure joy of knowing that I get to eat whatever I want until I am full or satisfied is an amazing feeling. I never thought I could have that feeling eating "normally".

Exercise: 20 minute walk

Tuesday September 8 2020

Back to the grind! Husband is still home but I said I didn't want dessert when he complained about all my weird little "rules". Because this is how I stay happy and healthy. He couldn't argue much with that.

B: Shredded wheat, milk, blueberries, banana coffee with milk
Maybe gave myself more than normal. I was full, and even though I ate at 830 I was not hungry for lunch until 130

L: last piece of leftover pizza, a large helping of potato salad, an apple with peanut butter
I thought for sure I would be full after the pizza and potato salad, but I wasn't so I added the apple with peanut butter and ate until I was satisfied.

D: pineapple chicken with rice, and 1 whole wheat dinner roll with butter, 1 cutie
Not my favorite meal, didn't turn out quite amazing... oh well. FInally used up that 5 pound box of instant rice though. WOOHOOO! Onto the Basmati! However, I felt like I ate just the right amount. I ate one plate and I didnt feel too full when I was done like the night before. No veggies on this meal either. I will try to get some tommorow.

Exercise 30 minute stationary bike ride (interrupted at various times to help kids with school stuff)

[Soprano]

Sounds like you have really got this. Well done on maintaining

Jx

[Jen1974]

I love where you are at Pink!! It sounds like the perfect relationship with food

[pinkhippie]

Thank you Soprano and Jen! I hope this lasts!

September 9 2020

B: 1 bowl of shredded wheat with blueberries, milk, and coffee

L: leftover chicken with rice and several ritz crackers
This was a mistake in hindsight. I wanted ritz so I had them but I noticed i was hungry around 2 30 or 3 pm. I managed to wait until dinner though.

D: A cheese omelet with spinach, 2 pieces of whole grain toast with butter and honey
this meal was ok but wow the toast hit the spot! I was carb craving on this day

Also, I was extra tired and worn down on this day. Not sure if that was the connection between being so carb cravey or not.

Exercise: 20 minute walk

September 10 2020

B: Shredded wheat with milk, blueberries coffee

L: apple early on, and then after class a turkey and cheese sandwich
This idea didn't work out too well. About midway through class I got really lightheaded. Next time I decide to break lunch in half I might need to eat more, add peanut butter, or something. Then when I ate my sandwich I wolfed it down and felt like I ate a bit too much. Next time I will make my whole lunch and just eat half then and half after class. I was just in a big hurry today.

D: ham and noodles with leftover spinach and 1 biscuit with jam
I was so full! I couldn't eat it all and I was eating and feeling full but really wanting to finish because it tasted so good, but then I was like when you dished this up did you know how much your body needed? Just because you got it slightly off doesn't mean you need to keep eating. Stop! And so I did. I still ate too much for what i needed but it could have been worse. I have been working on dishing larger portions to avoid seconds but I need to get better at being ok with stopping.

Exercise:

30 minute stationary bike ride

[Whosonfirst]

Saturday September 5 2020

Fun day, went and saw my dad and his wife, (from 10 feet away on benches on their porch... hopefully it won't get cold here for a while) Then got rid of a TON of stuff to the thrift store. Thankfully, we don't seem to have the donation trouble of waiting in long lines like auto does. I had been collecting stuff to donate as I decluttered and our entire front hallways was virtually impassable, and we had a desk on our porch. I was so glad to get it cleared out. I actually have some hope now that maybe we CAN get the house into a good state. Our room is the worst and the hardest because it consists of a lot of dh's stuff. I am going to keep deluttering my stuff though and hopefully it will inspire him the way it did the rest of the house.

B: shredded wheat, blueberries, coffee with milk

L: turkey sandwich with cheese

D: 3 slices and one bite of barbecue chicken pizza, one big bowl of frozen yogurt with shell and a square of chocolate
wow! I haven't had chocolate in months! I think since Christmas holidays. It was sooooo good! 72% dark. The pizza was amazing too, I had been craving barbecue chicken pizza all week. I ate 3 pieces and I was like I think Im done but I still want more. So i had one bite of the fourth piece and then I was done and satisfied.

Exercise:: not much... carrying boxes to the van to donate.

Sunday September 6 2020

Went on a 24 mile bike ride this morning. I didn't intend to go so far, especially as it is really hot and humid here but what happens is, those first 10 or 11 miles feel great! You feel like you could go forever, but you have to turn around and if you turn around at 11 miles, its automatically 22 miles round trip. It was fun, but I definitely felt it on those hills in the heat. I pushed myself a little too hard, but at the same time I love being able to do what I can do on a bike now, and I just want to get better.

Then I came home, ate lunch, had my phone date with my best friend in NY and then we drove up to the In laws to pick up our girls and have dinner. It was a very full day. I ate a LOT today, but I have discovered that if I don't eat a lot on a big ride day, I feel pretty bad later in the day and then the next day I am starving.

B: fiberone with berries, bananas, milk and coffee

S: a few nuts and some gatorade

L: 3 pieces of bbq chicken pizza

D: 1/4 of a steak, a roll with butter, 2 helpings of potato salad, some baked beans and a slice of chocolate cake. All with sweet tea.
I was STUFFED! However, pretty soon after that meal I felt neutral and not like I ate too much, and only a few hours later I feel empty and like I could eat more if I wanted to. I probably ate a little more than I should have for my body's needs, but it was food I won't get again for a while so it was hard not to overeat a bit.

Exercise:

24 mile bike ride

Wow, that is one long bike ride! Nice going.

[Octavia]

Good to hear your news. Sounds like all is going well! Amazing biking, as whosonfirst said!

[pinkhippie]

Aww thanks whos and Octavia!

WHat is so funny about that is the human mind. The first time I did a bike ride over 20 miles I was amazed at myself. Now, even though intellectually I know 24 miles is a long ride, it starts sounding like not a big deal and I want to aim for 30. I am excited for fall weather because I think I will be able to ride further and be stronger once this heat and humidity calm down!

[Soprano]

I find it really hard to stop and leave food but I've got better at it. Most of the time I get it right but what I do allow now the habits are better are seconds if I genuinely feel I need a little more. It's rare I do this, especially if I give myself 20 mins or so after finishing my plate.

Jx

[Whosonfirst]

Aww thanks whos and Octavia!

WHat is so funny about that is the human mind. The first time I did a bike ride over 20 miles I was amazed at myself. Now, even though intellectually I know 24 miles is a long ride, it starts sounding like not a big deal and I want to aim for 30. I am excited for fall weather because I think I will be able to ride further and be stronger once this heat and humidity calm down!

A guy on one of my other forums is a hard-core biker, and with some friends he's doing a virtual Tour deFrance everyday that matches the distance and often the elevation changes of that day on the tour. The distances he's riding every day are crazy, and he's been doing this in the heat of Arizona. Here's a summary of his Week one:
Week 1 Summary:
429km
3,259m elevation
HR: Avg 102 / Max 170
Temp: 22min / 45max

[lpearlmom]

So glad you’re enjoying the bike riding. It’s so greatvwhen we find an exercise we connect with & look forward to doing.

Wow whosonfirst! Im in AZ and it is hot here although the mornings are finally starting to cool down. I actually wore a sweatshirt this morning!

[pinkhippie]

Soprano, it is nice to be able to tell if your body genuinely needs seconds. Waiting for 20 minutes has been such a great way to do that for me. Stopping eating is hard mentally for some reason. My kids are so good at it, they always leave food on their plates and say they will eat more later. Sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't. But they definitely don't obsess over it the way that I do.

Whos wow! I admire road bikers so much as they zoom past me with their weighted belts and such. That is some serious training your friend is doing!

Linda, Im envious, a sweatshirt? I can't wait for fall!

[pinkhippie]

I am behind! I cant remember all I ate for the weekend. Yesterday I had a big breakfast, 4 pieces of pizza for lunch, and then a piece of chocolate cake for dinner because I wasn't very hungry.

The weekend was nice. We did a 3 mile hike with the kids on Sunday, I saw my dad on Saturday, but his wife was too ill to join us. She has a condition that makes it where she has to take medication that gives her really bad side effects randomly sometimes. Apparently she was even in the ER a few days ago for it. I feel bad for my dad as he is her caretaker and they are pretty isolated due to Covid. I am so glad I can visit him at a safe distance on his porch. I have no idea what we will do when it gets cold out!

Still decluttering, the house is moving towards a good direction. DH cleaned off the coffee table all of his own accord! School is chugging along for me. The girls school is still kind of a giant stressball. This morning at 8 am before coffee i had to help my kids with ratios, algebraic inequalities, multiplying decimals, simplifying an algebraic equation, and long division. I am SO grateful I took college Algebra a year and a half ago. And that I studied for hours every day and got an A. Otherwise I am pretty sure I would be useless.

I didn't weigh at all this weekend and I have to admit it was very nice. I might do that from now on if it keeps working for me. At 152 pounds this morning after a weekend of pizza and ice cream at meals.

B: 1 bowl of shredded wheat with blueberries, coffee with milk

L: turkey sandwich with cheese, some red seedless grapes
sandwich wasn't so great. Bread was stale maybe? I don't know, but it was kind of nice to just eat it anyway and not worry that the meal wasn't singing to me or the best ever meal the way I always felt it was supposed to be when practicing intuitive eating. Sometimes its nice just to eat the planned food at the planned time, and sometimes its nice to have the freedom to eat what you want on a whim. No S encompasses both those ways of eating.

D: 1 hot dog on a bun, small serving of potato salad, 1 banana, several ritz crackers with peanut butter.
hot dog didn't really hit the spot and I wanted a banana and ritz and peanut butter. I ate until I was satisfied and really enjoyed it. A little voice in my head was like" you really shouldn't eat ritz crackers for dinner" but my other little voice was like" this is what I want to eat and I am eating consciously and enjoying every bite so its ok". I figure eventually I will get over my ritz cracker craving.

Exercise: 20 minute walk

[automatedeating]

This morning at 8 am before coffee i had to help my kids with ratios, algebraic inequalities, multiplying decimals, simplifying an algebraic equation, and long division. I am SO grateful I took college Algebra a year and a half ago. And that I studied for hours every day and got an A.

You rock!

[Octavia]

This morning at 8 am before coffee i had to help my kids with ratios, algebraic inequalities, multiplying decimals, simplifying an algebraic equation, and long division. I am SO grateful I took college Algebra a year and a half ago. And that I studied for hours every day and got an A.

You rock!

You certainly do rock, pink. I couldn’t help my DD with any of her maths, from quite an early age. I was fine at school, but forgot it all...

[pinkhippie]

Thanks auto and Octavia,

I think its getting to me. I feel soooooo stressed out this week! Like I am overwhelmed and drowning. I am also stressed about my internship because the people I am supposed to do my internship for have either cancelled or not shown up for 2 virtual meetings. They haven't emailed me back any of my paperwork, and their HR person said I had to do an orientation to start work, yet hasn't emailed me back regarding my available times. I was supposed to have a meeting today and no one showed up. just hanging out in the virtual meeting room all by myself. And with 3 kids at home, its a FEAT to get ready for a virtual meeting. I can't start working on anything until an actual meeting happens and meanwhile September is half over.

Also... this week 2 out of 3 kids have MAP testing. ( Standardized school testing.) So silly that we have to do that at home. More work for the parents. Signing forms swearing that we won't help the kids. Watching videos about how to administer the test. And then parent teacher virtual conferences also. Having the kids fill out their student-led conference forms. And drive through conferences for all the kids. Today none of the technology for my 8 year old worked. None of her activities could be done and I had to email the teacher several times. She was extremely upset. I had to help my 6th grader with social studies, but luckily my 12th grader didn't need math help today. It's hard to explain WHY I am so stressed but I really am. With that in mind... my food for today.

B: shredded wheat, milk, blueberries, coffee, half a banan

L: turkey cheese and tomato sandwich, half a banana and potato salad

D: chicken broccoli rice cashew casserole ( 1 serving) 1 biscuit with honey and butter, a small handful of cashews, and 2 squares of dark chocolate.
I consider this a win. I wondered aloud if dark chocolate would make me feel better and dh put it in front of me. After I ate that chocolate I wanted to eat the HOUSE. It pretty much triggered an emotional eating desire to eat emotionally I think. I did not. And I will not, which is why I consider this a victory but I will remember that for next time

It's funny to splat your emotions across the page of a daily eating check in, but to me it makes perfect sense. Emotions and eating are SOOO closely twined as is self care with exercise. Putting this all here really lets me see the connection between my emotions and my food choices.

Exercise: 20 minute walk ( couldn't do a bike ride, it was too crazy today. ) Thatis a whole other thing I have to figure out.

[lpearlmom]

Omg, that sounds insanely stressful!! How thoughtless ppl can be about other ppl’s time and I can’t believe you have to do those tests at home. Can’t that wait??

Hang in there. To say you have a lot on your plate would be quite an understatement.

This too shall pass. *hugs*

[pinkhippie]

Thank you Linda! The internship thing has been the biggest snafu, but my saving grace is my internship adviser. She has my back and she has a backup internship for me if these people don't work out. We will see if they show up for Tuesday's meeting. If they don't I have to do something else.

I have been working on figuring out ways to manage my stress, so I suppose that has been good right? I have backed off some of my scheduled things on certain days. I can't be superwoman and part of my problem is I look at my life and my responsibilities and I feel wimpy that this is causing me distress because it doesn't seem like that big a deal. However, I have to look at how I feel and see that regardless of feeling like a weakling, I have to take care of myself and do what I can.

So I decided that I am not going to concentrate on decluttering projects every day, and only do them a few times a week on days that I don't have class and internship meetings. More convenience foods for dinner, more often and time to myself in the morning while the kids are doing schoolwork (in between times of having to jump up and help them) to get online for non school related reasons, visit this site, do something that is not WORK. Because dealing with the demands of having the 3 kids home and having to get them to do schoolwork is super draining. I have to be gentle with myself this semester and I am not going to feel like a failure for having to do so.

Currently my 11 year old is melting down in tears because she is taking the reading MAP test and its hard and a lot of reading. My 8 year old is asking me for second breakfast AND throwing a fit because she wants to watch her kindle and eat breakfast at the same time, and my 17 year old has run off to take a "break" but as usual has gone way longer than she is supposed to and I have to go get her. ( need to set some timers for her)

This morning I got up 15 minutes earlier and was able to fit in a bike ride before "school" started. So that was awesome and I am going to try to do that two days a week.

September 16 2020

B:shredded wheat, banana milk, coffee

L: leftover chicken, cashew broccoli rice

D: ham steak with apricot glaze, carrots and baked potato

Septmber 17 2020

B: shredded wheat, blueberries, banana, milk, coffee

L:

D:

Exercise: 30 minute bike ride

[Jen1974]

Oh my gosh Pink that all sounds SO HARD!! I love that you are finding ways to take a little bit of pressure off because that all is just too much for anyone to handle!!

[Octavia]

Wow pink, you are closer to superwoman than to a weakling. The demands of having 3 kids at home is massive, not to be underestimated, and keeping up with your own work as well...it’s a lot. You are not wimpy! You are amazing.

[automatedeating]

So sorry for what you are going through.......

[pinkhippie]

Thank you Jen, Octavia, and auto! It is so helpful to hear your kind words. I appreciate it.

I have been very stressed lately and have definitely gained a couple of pounds. It is fascinating to see the correlation so clearly. I am moving less and eating more.

I realized that one reason I am stressed is really just my mindset. The thoughts and feelings that I am having are really shaping my reality and how I feel. I am generally a very positive focused person but lately I have just become more and more negative and have been focusing on the negative and so I only see the negative which makes me more negative etc...

Yes, I am in a stressful situation, but I can still handle it a lot better emotionally and mentally. Yesterday I made an effort to focus on what I was grateful for and today as well. It's getting easier.

Also, I am letting go of some things. I'm going to stop making dinners that take an hour to prep/ make. I taught my 11 year old how to make a few simple meals for herself and her sister when they don't like what I make. I am having her make her own lunch. My 17 year old already does so now I have only 2 people to make lunch for, the 8 year old and me. I am going to stop worrying about health for the kids and go back to more convenience foods for dinner that either I or one of them can easily make. I realized it was taking me 30 minutes to make lunch for everyone, which was incredibly stressful when I had class in 30 minutes. These increased convenience foods are only for this semester, and I think it will be ok.

I am not going to feel like a terrible mom for not making every single one of my kids meals. ( this is rooted in my own neglectful childhood where my mom literally didn't make me meals or even provide groceries)

This is good. It's making me learn to not do everything all the time and to stop trying to be super mom/ super wife and realize that its OK.

With that said, I have no memory of what I have been eating the past several days but it has not been only 3 meals. Yesterday I didn't eat a big enough lunch and I was so hungry before dinner I ate a bunch of nuts and trail mix. Then after dinner i had some pumpkin pie with whipped cream. So yeah...

My goal this week is to be green and to make sure my meals are big enough to make it easier to get from one meal to the next. When I have a lot of stress going on, its incredibly hard to put forth the effort required not to snack if my meals aren't sufficiently big.

I went on a 25 mile bike ride this weekend and that was awesome. But, my bike got a flat, it turned out the tubes were all very old and the wheels need to be replaced so its in the shop all week.

September 22 2020

B: shredded wheat, milk, coffee, blueberries

L: small amount of leftover sausage hash, half a turkey sandwich with cheese, an apple and half a packet of salted nuts.

D: plan for black bean burrito

Exercise: not really any today except some light walking

[automatedeating]

So proud of you for creatively thinking of places you can cut back.

Personally, I do not help my kids with schoolwork, which eases my load. I feel that their education is one of the remaining loci of control in a western child's life (and barely that, actually). If they fail, they still have a soft place to land. My best students are almost always the ones that realize later in life that they want to learn something specific in order to achieve a goal. The younger ones - I just don't see the benefit in pushing them or worrying about their grades. That's just me though, although I have to admit that since I hold this perspective I don't have to get stressed about their schooling, which is easier for me. Caveat - if they ask for help and are motivated, of course I help. But that's actually kind of enjoyable for me personally. But one bit of whining from them and they are back on their own.

[Jen1974]

I do that same thing as a mom, too much pressure to do it all perfect & its EXHAUSTING!! I end up less happy myself & when I’m less happy I’m actually not as good of a mom, less patient, playful, & attentive.

My kids usually make a lot of their own food but I always plan/make dinner for us all. That’s how I grew up & for me a I think it made me a more responsible grown up. Friends who had moms who did more for them than mine seemed to struggle in the real world when they had to do things for themselves. I try to remind myself of all this when suffering from mom guilt

[pinkhippie]

Auto, I totally agree with you on the kids schooling. It's really nice to hear your perspective as a college professor too.

Jen, glad I am not the only one. I was thinking about that today. The desire to be the "perfect" mom. I realized that I always put my needs below everyone else's including my kids. But, like you say when I do that I am more exhausted, more stressed and less of a good mom. It is SO hard to see that though. I am working on it.

For my kids school, I am not too concerned about their grades. I want my 17 year old to graduate high school of course... The main issue lies in teaching them how to transition from a typical in person class to a virtual remote online class setting. Every district is doing it differently. My district is doing it with online curriculum and computers grading the assignments. It's like the teachers don't even know what is going on in that curriculum. I get multiple emails a day from teachers who are still figuring it out and changing things on the fly. In the meanwhile they tell us to stay "tied to our learner" to really help them get the hang of this online curriculum. Compounding my difficulties is that my 6th grader is transitioning to middle school this year from elementary for the first time. She isn't used to having 7 different classes with 7 different teachers. She is getting the hang of things though and I have been able to "untie" myself more and more. For my third grader it is different. She has lots of assigned activities and will lie about completing them. On top of that, oftentimes there are technical difficulties where she can't complete the activities and then she will get very upset and not want to do any more schoolwork. I honestly don't care if she does them or not but then her teacher will email me a sternly worded email about her not completing her activities.

I seriously have been keeping the option of homeschool in my back pocket because I was worried this would happen. Forcing kids to do the same kind/amount of work they would do in a school environment without the constructs and support of a school environment( friends, connections, in person help from a teacher etc...) is ludicrous in my opinion. I have homeschooled before and it is WAY less stressful to be in charge of the kids learning then to have an external directive. Not only that, but we still have to deal with standardized tests, fundraisers, parent teacher conferences, all the stuff you would deal with in a regular school setting plus more because there is more communication from the teachers due to it being virtual.

Other districts are doing more of a every day is a zoom class for every subject kind of thing and I really think that is better. (While I was typing this I had to go double check my third graders work who insisted she was done but actually had not completed at least one activity).

I think that maybe eventually things will smooth out as everyone is figuring things out but it's been a challenge for sure. Thanks for listening to my rant.

After that big ol rant, things are going pretty well today. No testing for one thing and my 3rd grader has her weekly zoom meeting so I have all that time free because her teacher is there instead of me.

B: shredded wheat, milk, blueberries half a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese
I didn't have very much cereal left this morning so I added a toasted bagel. yum

L: 1 mini bag of pretzels, 1 half black bean quesadilla with sour cream and salsa and a little bit of buttered corn

D: 1.5 small bbq chicken pizzas. These were small crusts and each kid had 2 pizzas. 1 ramekin of frozen fruit
Feel nice and full. Dinner was a little late because we had to do a drive through parent teacher conference and I had to wait until it was over to make my pizza

Exercise

20 minute walk

[lpearlmom]

Oh dear, that school situation sounds like a nightmare. I know all the districts and teachers are doing their best but I agree that the system they’re using seems very challenging. You are doing a great job of making the most of the situation and I hope you’re giving yourself credit for that. I never thought about someone having to transition into middle school this year. Yikes!

My kids are on the all day zoom classes with teachers correcting the work and I really have had zero issues other than that I think it’s harder to learn for sure no matter what system is used. Plus both my girls are older so that helps.

This is just such a difficult time for everyone and we just have to do the best that we can and know that it’s not forever. I do believe things will get normalish again.

Hang in there!

[pinkhippie]

Thanks Linda!

This really is a crazy time. That is nice that your girls have the zoom all day. I just don't know why our teachers didn't choose that option. I think It provides so much more structure and connection.

It has been pretty good today. I talked with my 8 year olds teacher and found out how to check her assignments because she pretty much lies about completing them. My 11 year old on her own did about 8 hours of schoolwork today because she had fallen behind from not doing enough hours. I had a really good zoom class today because this one really obnoxious (the stoner girl) student was not there. She pretty much dominates the entire class with her stream of consciousness and it was so nice to finally have a chance to ask questions and also to hear from a lot more of my fellow students. AND my internship FINALLY started which I think has been a real source of stress for me.

Its kind of terrifying, I am using Joomla( a content management system) which I have no knowledge of and its changing their website in real time. No instruction or directions, they just threw me in a with a list of what they wanted changed and they are not too good about answering any of my questioning emails. However, I like stuff like this. Web development and programming is like being a detective to me. It's so satisfying to solve the mystery and get things to work! I also really like researching things to find the answer. So I enjoy it and now I can have a more regular schedule of hours that I work and that is helping me a lot too.

B: peanut butter crunch kashi cereal milk, blueberries coffee

L: 1 small bbq chicken pizza, 1 apple

D: Weird mac and cheese pasta dish with ham, pineapple, and bell pepper 1 ramekin of frozen fruit( I did have half of another serving but I count it as a success because I didn't feel overstuffed afterwards. I was genuinely hungry)
hah hah no one liked this! It definitely wasn' t delicious but I wanted to try the recipe.

Exercise:

20 minute walk, some stationary bike not timed

[pinkhippie]

Gosh today was a good day.

Even though I accidentally deleted something that I couldn't bring back on the website I am working on for my internship. Thankfully, they had reassured me that they can easily restore from a back up, and its an outdated inaccurate thing I deleted which is better I suppose than deleting something really important. But, that was a cold sweat moment.

School for the kids went well. I spent lots of time helping my 6th grader with conversions and now I am ready to convert tons to pounds, cups to quarts, yards to feet...

I have a way now to check on my 8 year old's assignments and she is eager for me to check, so that is nice not to have to worry if she is telling the truth.

I helped my 12th grader with her unit test. Lots of Olde English. She had pretty much all the answers but wow I am terrible at old English. Shakespeare is why I didn't major in English even though I love words, writing and reading.

And I got my homework done for my class, except for a small easier portion, but its not due until Tuesday.

I am ready for the weekend!

Tommorow I see my dad and we plan to go for a family hike.

My weight has been hovering a little higher than I would like and I realized I have been eating my whole meal whether I am hungry or not, so today I tried to be more aware of my hunger and fullness levels as I ate and stop when I was satisfied/full not over full. Hopefully I can continue that, because I don't want to eat more than my body needs as a habit over time.

I would like to say though, that despite keeping an eye on the scale, I do not obsess over how my body looks anymore. It is really nice. I don't worry about getting more toned, or how my thighs look or anything like that and wow is it freeing! I just eat my 3 meals, try to keep them moderate, ride my bike when I can and enjoy life.

B: Kashi peanut butter clusters, blueberries, coffee, milk

L: leftover pasta with ham, pineapple and green pepper
Tasted better than last night, I left a little in the bowl, and ate to satisfaction

D:Chicken nuggets, buttered corn, vanilla ice cream with chocolate shell, whipped cream and a few peanuts.(YUM!)

Exercise:
20 minute walk

[automatedeating]

You've had so much going on! I hope you get to have a restful Saturday!

[pinkhippie]

Thanks auto!

Maybe not a restful Saturday, but a pretty peaceful Sunday.

Yesterday I went to visit my dad which was pretty tough. His wife(my stepmom) suffers from Trigeminal neuralgia (a facial nerve pain disease) and it has gotten SOOO bad recently. She is on medications that the side effects plummet her sodium down to dangerous levels 120ish and she gets horrible cramps in every part of her body. She is totally weak because she has lesions on the side of her tongue and can't eat. She lives on smoothies. Plus chewing triggers the face pain from the TN. My dad has to take care of her because right now she is too weak to get herself to the bathroom or anything. It was rough. We visited for a little bit outside but he had to keep checking on her and trying to help her from the restroom to the bath and back. They have been to the emergency room twice, doctors every other day...

I was pretty sad when I left.

Then we went on a 3.5 mile hike with the family. That was pretty fun. We saw tons of armadillos on the trail and I have actually never seen an armadillo in real life. They are fascinating looking creatures! Then we got pizza.

Today I am doing no homework, no internship, no nothing! It's glorious.

September 26 2020
B: Kashi peanut butter crunch, with milk coffee

l: Black bean quesadilla, an apple

D: 3 pieces of greek chicken pizza, big bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and nuts.

Exercise: 3.5 mile hike and 14 k steps. A new record!


September 27

B: 1 waffle, 3 sausage link, coffee with milk

L: 3 pieces of Greek Chicken pizza, 1 apple

D: Some cheese and crackers and 1/4 cup of ice cream with chocolate sauce...


Exercise: none really

[automatedeating]

Hi Pinkie - so sorry to hear about your dad's wife. That sounds just terrible, frustrating, and painful.... I really hope they find a solution, for health's sake of course but also for the mental health of both of them.

[pinkhippie]

Thank you auto. It is really hard right now, and I hope they find a solution too. My dad and his wife have always been healthy vibrant go-getters who travel all over the country and the world, and have tons of activities. To see them reduced to this is pretty distressing.

It is cold today! WOOOOOOOO well you know, mid sixties. I am so excited to be wearing pants! I love fall. I hope we get a good one this year.

September 28 2020

B: shredded wheat, milk, coffee blueberries

L: vegetable soup, grapes, half a turkey cheese sandwich

D: 2 hot pockets, banana with peanut butter

[automatedeating]

We're having an amazing fall weather day here in NW Washington, too! Crisp and clear - just perfect!

[pinkhippie]

Sounds wonderful! We had another great fall weather day here today too. But tomorrow it's supposed to get back up into the eighties.

A busy day. My brain is tired. Lots of technical work and thinking today with the internship and my class. I am working on not eating mindlessly and while looking at my phone but it has been hard. I think because mindless scrolling seems to give my brain a break. But... maybe it really doesn't'.

B: Kashi peanut butter crunch, banana, milk, coffee

L:half a pbj, most of a can of vegetable soup, grapes, some pretzels

D: 2 pigs in a blanket, 1 crescent roll, some corn

Exercise...

Whats that?