Ellis tries again!

[Ellis]

Soprano, thank you!

Amy, Thanks. It does feel like this is my new way of eating. I think I've build a great foundation over the years with mods, but even though they didn't work out it did give me a good no-S training haha.

So yesterday was a pretty excessive S-day and I felt so full that I didn't have any desire to snack or have some sweets today. I wasn't planning to go for one S-day, but I think feeling this way after an S-day is a good opportunity to try it out.

[Amy3010]

An accidental green day on an S-day - this is the kind of progress that is easy to ignore, but in my opinion, this shows the habits are starting to be really ingrained. Nothing wrong with that!

[Ellis]

Well, it's not going great. I am going to te gym for 2 months now, and nothing changed, at first I thought my jeans fitted better, but it's not, I didn't lose any cm's. My weight is heavier than ever, and I am just at a loss. I changed no-S again from 2 S-days to 1 and I am still not losing weight. I am at a loss. It feels like I wasted all that time... and I feel so depressed about it. I just don't know what to do. Counting calories makes me so miserable and obsessive, I will go straight back to binging. I just want to see some progress, even if it's just a tiny bit. But there is none, my weight is going up. I feel like I will be this weight (which is way too high for my frame) forever and will be miserable forever.
Any suggestions? I can use all the tips I can get!

[Amy3010]

Hi Ellis - I hear your frustration and I understand feeling down and depressed about having tried everything and nothing seems to work.

When I am in this place, I ask myself what the alternatives are. Just give up trying and eat whatever I want? Further restrictions? Continue on this path of moderation? It's natural to feel like giving up when nothing seems to work, or to want to massively restrict (only to know it will make me crash and end up bingeing). But then I remind myself that I won't be happy with these alternatives, either.

When you are so close to your goal weight (I am in the same boat as you are) it can be incredibly frustrating. But you just have to keep thinking about how good it is that you are so close, and also that with your current habits, you are staying relatively stable. Then you might look at what little tweaks you can make to gently nudge yourself in the right direction. That could be what type of foods you put on your plates, the amounts, or other little things. I know you have the added worry of your blood sugars, but these can really be small things. For example, can you fill half your plate with salad and veg, and eliminate something higher in calories?

Think of it this way: your current eating habits support your current weight. You are very close to your goal weight, so you should not have to take massive action: your habits have gotten you this far, and now you just need to continue to adjust them to get to your goal and maintain there. I see it as a constant work in progress. I know it's frustrating but hang in there!

[Ellis]

Amy, thank you so much for your reply—it’s incredibly helpful. I honestly don’t have a better alternative at the moment. Yesterday, though, my blood sugars were all over the place during my S-day, and it made me question this way of eating again. It feels so doable and sustainable, yet my blood sugars just aren’t manageable on S-days.

I’ve been thinking about why I can’t seem to keep the S-days less "wild", and I realized it’s because my N-days are quite low in calories. That makes my weekly S-day trigger an “all-or-nothing” mindset. I wish I could be comfortable with the moderation that comes from setting a carb limit. The challenge is, to make it work, I’d need to allow sweets every day—otherwise I end up feeling deprived. But that could be bad for my LDL cholesterol, which is already too high. I’ll be retested in January, and if it’s still high, I may consider statins… though I’m worried about potential side effects.

Right now, it feels like I’m constantly torn between keeping carbs strict to control my blood sugars and avoiding deprivation to prevent cravings and bingeing. I just can’t seem to find an approach that works for both.

[Ellis]

Well, I’ve followed No-S successfully for almost 47 days, and if it weren’t for my type 1 diabetes I would have kept going. Unfortunately, the S-days still trigger an all-or-nothing response in me, which makes me eat too much in one go. It’s incredibly difficult to keep my blood sugars under control when that happens, and I end up correcting until deep into the night.

I know the alternative is really challenging — a carb limit — but I’m going to give it my best shot. I’m going to try it for 30 days to see how I feel. It will be an extra mental load since I’ll also need to watch my saturated fat intake. But I hope it goes well. Basically, it’s like a No-S structure with three meals a day, only I’ll see if I can include something sweet with it. I really hope it doesn’t trigger a binge. I’m on day 2 now, and my blood sugars are already much more stable.

[Sammybunny711]

Dealing with the diabetes sounds so challenging, Ellis. I completely get how mentally taxing that is. I have been enjoying my 3 meals a day (with the option of adding in something sweet with meals) and it's nice. There's no ambiguity and no Ses to manage.

[Amy3010]

Hi Ellis! Given the challenges of your diabetes, it makes sense to adapt your eating pattern to work for you and help you keep your blood sugars under control. I am sure that you will figure this out!

[Ellis]

Sammy, it definitely is! The plan does sound pretty similar to yours!

Amy, thank you as always for your support! I really hope my motivation stays strong.

Day 4 of my new plan, and I finally feel like the number on the scale is starting to go down. My blood sugars are soo stable, and that makes me feel really good. So far, so good. There haven’t been many tempting foods around, although I did buy some cookies so I could add one to my meal each day. I’m curious to see if moderation will actually work for me. Tomorrow will be a good test: Mr. Ellis has a business dinner, and I plan to order pizza for myself. The plan is to weigh it out for the right portion and save the rest for the next day. Pizza is super carby, so it’s usually a lot less than I want. I just hope that feeling of deprivation stays away.

[Amy3010]

I'm glad things are going so well, Ellis! Good luck with the pizza challenge tonight - you can do this!!!

[Ellis]

I messed up thursday evening (of course after I just posted how well it's going ) by forgetting an insulin dose, it completely derailed my blood glucose. It was very high the whole night, so I felt awful in the morning. It was a fun day though, because went shopping with my parents and enjoyed a lunch. And the pizza went well! I didn't feel deprived, the portion was fine. I added some cherry tomatoes and cucumber slices to the meal and I enjoyed it! But I was super tired of my blood glucose.
Yesterday was my official weigh day, and I gained 0.1 kilo's... so basically maintaining. It feels like my food noise is a lot less, because I don't have any forbidden foods which is good. I do have to pay more attention to my saturated fat intake.

[Sammybunny711]

I messed up thursday evening (of course after I just posted how well it's going ) by forgetting an insulin dose, it completely derailed my blood glucose. It was very high the whole night, so I felt awful in the morning. It was a fun day though, because went shopping with my parents and enjoyed a lunch. And the pizza went well! I didn't feel deprived, the portion was fine. I added some cherry tomatoes and cucumber slices to the meal and I enjoyed it! But I was super tired of my blood glucose.
Yesterday was my official weigh day, and I gained 0.1 kilo's... so basically maintaining. It feels like my food noise is a lot less, because I don't have any forbidden foods which is good. I do have to pay more attention to my saturated fat intake.

Gosh, that sounds so hard!! I'm sorry you have to worry about insulin dosages and stuff. That sounds so hard to keep up with. I hope you can feel better today.

[Amy3010]

I'm glad to hear that despite the problem with your blood sugar overnight, that you were able to have a good day afterwards, and enjoy your reasonable pizza dinner - that is a win!

[Ellis]

After two weeks on the carb limit diet (which at first seemed to be going well), I decided to switch back to No-S. In the first week my blood sugars were fairly stable, but by the second week it became a struggle to keep them in range. The reason I gave up on No-S before was because the S-days threw my blood sugars off. But if I can’t keep things steady on the carb limit plan either, then what’s the point? Might as well go back to no-S.

To make things harder, last Friday my cat was put to sleep. He was my first pet when I moved out on my own 15 years ago. We lived together for eight years, and when I got busier with work, my parents took him in so he wouldn’t be lonely. He made it to 15 years. He’d been sick, but I didn’t expect that Friday would be his last day. Different vets said different things, but it was clear he was uncomfortable. At least he enjoyed his favorite snack the day before. I saw him one last time, but I wasn’t there when he passed. If I’d known, I would have been. My parents were with him, and they said it was quick and peaceful. Still, after 15 years, losing such a sweet, gentle companion has been hard.

In that moment, the carb limit felt overwhelming. Returning to No-S, oddly enough, felt like going back to an old friend. Something familiar, a little bit of control when everything else feels heavy. For a few days I just ate whatever I wanted, and it was comforting. Today is my new “Day 1” on No-S, and it feels right.

[Soprano]

So sorry to hear about your cat, glad you took it easy for a while it's important to grieve.

Hugs

Jx

[Amy3010]

Aww, Ellis, I am so sorry to hear about your cat

I'm glad you found some comfort in having an S day...I hope moving forward with it this time goes well!

[Sammybunny711]

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, Ellis. That is so sad. Pet friends are such warm companions. Hang in there. Grief takes many forms and time to heal.

[Ellis]

Thanks Amy, Soprano and Sammy. I will start tomorrw, the last couple of days were red, and I just couldn't really focus. So tomorrow is a fresh start.

[Ellis]

Well, no, not today. Felt sad after work and got a huge craving.... so I bought a (small) cake... Food is my comfort, and I felt like I needed it. Next week I have two weeks off work, this is my last workweek... I am not really in the mood to go on a trip yet, but maybe...

[Sammybunny711]

Be very gentle with yourself. It is hard to get back on track sometimes and that is perfectly okay. Food IS a comfort. And that is okay.

[Amy3010]

Hang in there, Ellis, and like Sammy said, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the time you need to grieve. Maybe it will be helpful to get away on a trip?

[Ellis]

Thanks, Sammy — it really is!

And thank you, Amy. I think you’re right: a trip could be really good for us, though I’m not sure where yet.

Anyway, today is my first true green day for the 100th time — no more starting over or switching around. My goal is 75% green days, though I’m hoping to go even higher. I feel I’ll do better with one S-day a week, plus flexible S-days for holidays, trips, or dinners outside the weekend.

I haven’t weighed myself in a while since I’ve been eating a lot, so I’ll just see how I feel for now. I’m also going to try not to weigh in daily. Instead, I want to focus on accepting wherever No-S takes me.

[Amy3010]

Good job on the green day!

Shifting your focus to the habits (input) rather than on what the scale says (output) is a great approach.

[Ellis]

Thanks, Amy!

Well, yesterday was my S-day, and it turned out pretty wild. I ate a lot and ended up feeling uncomfortably full. I managed my blood sugars quite aggressively to avoid any crazy spikes. Overall, I think it went okay—good enough, I guess. Still, it always makes me realize how much better I feel when I stick to controlled portions. But… no more switching. I hate how my brain keeps contradicting itself. Just stick to the plan…

It was a weird week, but I do feel better now. Not about my body though… I made the mistake of weighing myself after that crazy S-day. I know it’s just food and water weight, but I hit a number on the scale I haven’t seen in a long time… and not in a good way. It’s the highest in a while.

I’m also not sure yet how to handle my two weeks off from work. We had planned a city trip to Rome, but the weather forecast was pretty bad, so we ultimately decided to stay home instead. Maybe we’ll take a car trip to Belgium—we’ve been to Antwerp and Ghent before and really enjoyed both. So it’ll mostly be a staycation with some day trips. My goal is to keep as many green days as possible, but I won’t deny myself good food on those trips.

[Sinnie]

Ellis, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about your cat. I feel your pain and grief as my little dog also passed away somewhat unexpectedly last Friday. She lived with my mom the last few years, and we’re all just heartbroken. She was 14 and the first dog we bought when we got married.

Enjoy your two weeks off! You have such great options of where to go. I’m envious!

[Ellis]

Sinnie, thank you — and I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I can imagine how hard that must be. I have a little dog myself and she’s my world. I hope you can find some comfort in the memories you shared together. I’ve been looking at lots of photos and videos of my cat, and I’m starting to smile again when I see him… but it’s still tough. Pets are so precious, they are family.

It’s been hard lately… “diet brain” is back, trying to convince me to switch again — this time to intermittent fasting. And honestly, I don’t even know why. I never cared about IF before, but suddenly it’s on my mind. I know the reason: I’m a binger, an overeater. It’s not good for my blood sugars, but the thought of “just having an eating window and then eating what I want” sounds so tempting. Of course, I know I could still overeat during that window. The truth is, I don’t even know how to eat like a “normal” person anymore. My sweet cravings are intense, and while No-S helps keep them somewhat under control, I wonder if IF would just make me eat more sweets. I’ve been reading and watching videos about it, but honestly, it scares me to even try it. But at the same time, it's fascinating.

Yesterday was supposed to be a green day, but… staycation still feels like vacation. We went to a nearby city for lunch, and they had an all-day breakfast menu. I couldn’t resist the pancakes. They weren’t very filling (European portions are smaller), so later we had some fries. It was nice, but I ended up feeling guilty.

I track my progress by the percentage of green days, and in the beginning I need a lot of them to “earn” S-days. But the way I’m doing it now just feels too hard. I don’t know. I’m feeling a bit down about everything. I get so jealous of naturally slim people who just eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. I do have some fullness cues, but they don’t feel “normal.” None of my "succesful" previous methods sound good to me anymore.

Anyway, thank you for reading if you made it this far.

[Sammybunny711]

I'm sorry things are so hard right now, Ellis. As someone who has yo yo dieted and suffered from eating disorders for 24 years, DON'T DO IT. Don't diet. If I had just left well enough alone when I was thirteen, or even in my twenties, I fervently believe I wouldn't be in a 220 lb body right now. Trust me. No S is PLENTY.

[Amy3010]

I am sorry you are going through this. I understand your frustration and disappointment 100% - and how feeling this way makes you think you desperately need to find another approach, anything, that will get you out of this circle you seem to be going around and around in, get you to stop obsessing about food and diet, and get the weight off fast. I also feel this way on a regular basis, just yesterday, frustrated at two red days in a row, I was looking at some of my old diet books, the ones with extreme plans, which I know I will only be able to follow for a day or two before it triggers a huge backlash binge...but still I regularly think about giving up on No-S and trying something else, something a lot more regimented.

I look at those books and then remind myself how unsustainable that would be, and then I think about the opposite - giving up on No-S and just eating what I want, when I want. I ask myself if I would be okay with my body being at the weight/size that would be the outcome of that way of eating. I know in my heart that right now I would not be happy with myself (maybe someday I will feel differently about it, I think it's a very personal question and good to check in with ourselves - are we doing this for our own peace of mind and happiness or other important reasons?)

I guess what I am trying to say is that I get how hard it is and why you keep doubting if you are on the right path. I think a lot of us here on the boards have struggled with disordered eating for many years and this has had an impact on our way of thinking (obsessing) about food and diet. I think a lot of us came here looking for a sense of peace around diet and food, in addition to weight loss. But the fact that we have been dealing with this for so long might mean that we never really find the perfect solution, perfect peace of mind, or even permanently get to our goal weight - this might just be something we spend the rest of our lives working on. And if that is the case, then we need to figure out what is the most sustainable, peaceful, healthful way to organize our eating habits in a way that supports our physical and mental health, a way that is sustainable in the real world.

For me, that way is my personal approach to No-S, and no, I am not perfect at it (just look at all the red on my HabitCal ) but when I think about the things I mentioned above, I always come back to it. It is a continual work in progress. There is no one answer for everyone. Hang in there, Ellis!

PS: writing this out inspired me to let go of two of those old-school diet books

[WINhappy]

Hi Ellis,

First, I am so sorry you lost your cat. Our beloved pets never live long enough; all we can do is cherish them while we have them and remember them with love when they're gone.

Second, I'm sorry that you're struggling so. IF clearly helps a lot of people, and it's possible it could help you. Just as clearly, a lot of people either struggle with it or realize the approach backfires on them spectacularly (this was my experience, over many, MANY separate past attempts - absolutely disastrous). Given your Type 1 diabetes, is it possible to approach it as a temporary experiment and try it out for a pre-specified period of time? Since you monitor your blood sugar consistently, perhaps you could assess how it effects your blood glucose levels, as well as your mental health and happiness? Or would that be too risky?

Third, what Amy said. 1000 times over.

Whatever you decide, know that I am thinking of you, wishing you well, and hoping you feel better about things soon. All the best, WINhappy

[Ellis]

Sammy, you’re right… I really shouldn’t fall into that diet mentality.

Amy, wow, I’m honestly a bit speechless. Your words really touched me, and you’re absolutely right. We’re constantly struggling to figure out what works—maybe even chasing that perfect feeling, wanting to tick all the boxes, which is of course completely unrealistic. You hit the nail on the head: there probably isn’t a perfect way. Since the damage to my eye from diabetes, I’ve had an extra challenge added, which makes finding balance even harder. I really admire the way you approach this, Amy—you’re doing so well, even if you don’t always feel that way yourself. I deeply appreciate that you took the time to share this. It really helped me reflect on what my expectations actually are. Thank you so much for your support and wise words!

Win, thank you! Our dear pets never live long enough, and it’s always such a loss—but I’m so grateful for the beautiful years we had with them. And you’re right about IF, it can go either way. I’m sorry to hear it went so badly in your experience. The reason I wanted to try it was just to reset a bit after an overeating day. I feel so uncomfortably full then, and I want to keep my blood sugars stable. I tried it today after we’d been away for a few days (of course eating plenty), but we also walked a lot. My blood sugars were all over the place, so today I didn’t start eating until noon. It actually went really well, but at the same time, I wonder if I could stick with it as a lifestyle. Honestly, I don’t think so. I’ll just keep going with No-S. I’m on day 11 now, and today I really want to make it a green day.

So my current “mod” is aiming for a high percentage of green days. If I succeed today, I’ll be at 63.6% green days. I want to get that number above 70% eventually. So here we go again! Like Amy said, for me too, the alternative just isn’t an option. No-S isn’t perfect, but I do believe it’s the best long-term solution.

[Sammybunny711]

Are you keeping a spreadsheet? Is that how you know the percentages?

[Ellis]

Are you keeping a spreadsheet? Is that how you know the percentages?

I track my green days with an app that shows me the percentage. In the beginning, each day has a big impact on the number, but over time, one S-day here and there makes less of a difference.

[Sammybunny711]

Ahhh gotcha. I wish I could do an app like that, but I have an android phone. Bummer. I might have to start a spreadsheet.

[Amy3010]

Ellis, you're welcome! I'm glad you found it helpful - I didn't mean to hijack your thread!

It helped me to write it and remind myself of those things as well...

Let's just keep plugging along - perfection isn't necessary, as long as we do the best we can.

[Ellis]

Ahhh gotcha. I wish I could do an app like that, but I have an android phone. Bummer. I might have to start a spreadsheet.

You can, the app is also available for Android, it's called Habit Tracker.

Amy, no, I am glad you did! It's super helpful! And I am pleased to hear it may have helped you as well!

And once again, I am looking for other ways. I checked my previous methods and I did 3 meals a day, everyday. The thing is, it's nice and peaceful until you travel to a fun place and want to try new foods, like snacks at Disney for example. There is just no way to make it a part of a meal, it's just a snack. I am not sure how to handle this. That's why I eventually failed. I have this all-or-nothing kind of mentality.

[Sammybunny711]

Ooo okay! I'll have to look into it.

[Amy3010]

I totally get the all-or-nothing thinking and feeling bummed you failed. Maybe when you travel to a fun place would be the time to take a non weekend S day? Like me with the buffets, maybe we have to cut ourselves some slack for those kinds of occasions?

[WINhappy]

Hi Ellis, I think all-or-nothing thinking really challenges a lot of people. I second Amy's suggestion to loosen the reins a bit during experiences like yours at Disney. Doing so might take some pressure off during events or experiences whose entire purpose is fun, relaxation, and enjoying life. Regardless, I'm glad you had fun at Disney! Best regards, WIN