Frustrated but Persevering

[FarmerHal]

I guess I failed today. First time in a long time. I think I had 4 21 days in a row up till now. Oh well.
Since I'm breastfeeding, I had allowed myself one option of a snack if I truely needed it.
Today I was feeling very stressed, as ds (3yr) has been a complete handful what with testing his independence. Then there's 8mo dd who is clingly and nurses a lot. Very frequently through the night and I'm So tired. I feel like I get through the day much like a robot. I have to keep moving or I darn near fall asleep (I'd like to!).

So I had a pb&j on whole wheat bread this afternoon. I was stressed but I've also been uncomfortably hungry and hungry overnight. Still, even though I'm allowing a snack, I still feel like a failure for taking the option.

Then there's weight loss. As in LACK of weightloss. I am SO uncomfortable at my weight. Even more so since I've been eating well and walking at least 5 days a week. And still, my weight hovers.
Once dd weans I worry that my weight will skyrocket.

Why does this happen to me? Why have I had to be on a diet since the 2nd grade? Why? I am just so tired.

Ok sorry, ranting.

Is this just because I'm nursing that I'm having vicious hunger and no weightloss? Anyone know?
Grr..
Off I go, another N day tomorrow. <sigh>

[Bee]

Shamrock,
Give yourself a break. You're doing great and you're doing great things for yourself. A healthy snack if you're hungry while you're breastfeeding is not a bad thing. One PB&J is not the end of the world. Try to see the big picture. You've gained control over perma-snacking and grazing and now you are in charge of what goes into your body. Building those good habits is the important thing, and you've done AWESOME at that!

I don't have experience with having kids or breastfeeding (hopefully I will one day soon!) but I can imagine that this is a time when your body is not behaving in predictable ways--it is serving a very important function right now and maybe it is just going to do what it has to do physiologically. Go easy on yourself and do what you can. Try to be strict with the NoS + a healthy snack and get as much exercise as you can get but don't beat yourself up and don't give up. All you can do is keep trying.

When you're tired all the time it is hard. It sounds like with a 8 month old and a 3 year old you've got it ROUGH in the sleep department. That makes it harder to stay strict with the NoS and it makes it REALLY hard to be active. All things considered, I'd say you're doing excellent.

Maybe things will change when you stop breastfeeding, but maybe it will be for the better! Maybe your appetite will calm down, maybe you'll get more sleep and have more energy and feel like doing more exercise and have less cravings. Either way, if you keep up the NoS and moderate exercise, I don't think you're going to gain weight. That is a tool you have now and while NoS might not cause the pounds to go flying off (that is not the point though, as we all know), it is a pretty good way to keep them from piling on, isn't it? That is half the battle right there. Just take it one day at a time and keep up the good work! You can do it!

Bee

[Jaxhil]

Bee, Excellent advice!! I agree wholeheartedly.

For someone who hasn't breast fed or had small children, you hit the nail on the head


I meant to mention on our check in, Tiffani, that lack of sleep CAN DEFINITELY stall weight loss. I don't really know why, but I have heard this from more than one source. And I know from my own experience that it must be true-I never lost ANY weight while breastfeeding-it was always after I stopped, and I had started to get at least 5 or six hours of sleep in a row (very important that they are consecutive!) on a regular basis.

Don't be discouraged. You will need to eat more now and then, with bfeeding there is no getting around this. I know you can do this. And once Evoli's weaned, you will already have the habits you need in place, so you'll be far ahead in terms of habit.

Hang in there-{{{{{hugs}}}}}!

[wosnes]

There's no way it can be said -- except by those who have never done it -- that staying home and caring for children isn't stressful. It's very stressful. I remember realizing at one point when my kids were little that it would be far less stressful for me to go back to work and leave their care to "others" for a certain number of hours daily than it was to be with them. Gave me a whole new appreciation for those who care for children as a way to make a living!

Studies have shown that when we're stressed our adrenal glands release a hormone that causes us to hold onto or even gain weight. The trick is to reduce the stress. There's even a diet based on this (it includes some kind of supplementation).

You say you're always tired. Well, this is going to sound entirely too simple, but REST. Im sure your dd still takes a nap sometime during the day. When she's down for a nap, you rest. But there's the 3 y/o you say. Well, I discovered that there's no way you can make a child sleep, but you CAN make them stay in their beds or in their rooms or on a couch for a certain length of time. I found that one of the most effective things was to read to the child -- either on the couch or in my bed -- and tell him he had to be quiet. Sometimes if you just get them to slow down, they'll end up falling asleep for a while, too.

Because he's testing his independence, you may run into resistance for a few days or even a week or two. But remember, you're the parent; you're the boss.

Oh, I find that when I'm "running on empty" I get hungry.

[FarmerHal]

Thanks everyone, the encouragement has helped SO much

I am trying to get naps in, that is helping. One thing for sure is htat I dont' mindlessly permasnack all day long, so I guess a snack now and again isn't going to completely ruin what I'm trying so hard to do.

Some friends and I started a walk 'club' and we walk at a local park at 9am. today was great and met a couple of other ladies with a 2 yr old who is going to meet us tomorrow also.

Anyway, just wanted to say, everyone here is so great and encouraging and that's what I love about this place

Tiff

[navin]

Shamrockmommy -

And if it makes you feel any better, there are some of us, like me, who have been doing this for *years* and still have mess-ups from time to time (often bigger than yours!) And I don't even have any kids.

I have friends who either are or have recently nursed children, and it seems that is universally a difficult time to lose weight, so you're definitely not alone there. Think of it this way, you're putting your children's needs ahead of your own for a little while - quite noble when you think about it.

I think the walking idea is great. And consider it a bonus if you have to carry one of your kids... even more exercise.

Another not-too-intrusive way to get exercise is yard work - do you have a yard? Things like gardening, mowing (if you have a push mower), etc. can burn a surprising amount of calories.

Good luck!

[reinhard]

Shamrockmommy,

I'm sorry you haven't seen progress -- but nursing is a tricky time. Dieting is something you want to be VERY careful and moderate about. That you've been able to largely set up these habits is an astonishing testament to your willpower. I have a two year old at home, and we're expecting our second child within the next two weeks, so I have some inkling what you're going through. If you can hold to these habits now, think how much easier they'll become once you stop breastfeeding and things become (a little) more normal again.

The walking group is a great idea. Moderate pleasant sociable exercise plus the moderate eating habits you've established will eventually yield results. The great thing about both these habits -- no s and walking -- is that they are goods in themselves, even apart from the results (which they WILL bring). Yes, waiting is intrinsically unpleasant, but if you're waiting in a temperate climate as opposed to the frozen arctic or the sweltering equator, it's not so bad. Be mindful of how pleasant the climate around you is is and you might even forget that you're waiting. Layover in Bermuda? Call it a vacation.

Reinhard

[Kevin]

SM,

You're nursing. You're body is going to insist on all sorts of things. Could part of the stress you are feeling be from not eating enough? Maybe that's why you are exhausted, because you are nursing and your body is in "famine" mode?

It's not a straight food-in exercise-out equation. You're body has input. It'll raise or lower your energy and stress levels until it feels it has what it needs to produce milk. Babies are our reason for being, biologically speaking.

I'd try to eat three (or four) regular, generous meals a day while you are breastfeeding. You're weight may not go down, but if it holds, and you feel better, isn't that okay for a while?

[Kevin]

I should say, while I have no direct experience in this (being a father, not a mother), I do remember my wife not being able to lose anything while she was nursing.

SM,

You're nursing. You're body is going to insist on all sorts of things. Could part of the stress you are feeling be from not eating enough? Maybe that's why you are exhausted, because you are nursing and your body is in "famine" mode?

It's not a straight food-in exercise-out equation. You're body has input. It'll raise or lower your energy and stress levels until it feels it has what it needs to produce milk. Babies are our reason for being, biologically speaking.

I'd try to eat three (or four) regular, generous meals a day while you are breastfeeding. You're weight may not go down, but if it holds, and you feel better, isn't that okay for a while?

[FarmerHal]

Thanks Kevin.
I think you are correct in your suggestions. Lately I have relaxed about needing snacks (and have made them healthier). Because generally, I feel very hungry, often through the night and I'm not sure but dd seems to nurse a TON when I restrict my food, and she acts hungry as well.

So I have modified my eating habits, Still I feel a little bit defeated that I eat more than I think I should.

By eating more this week than previous weeks, I still managed to lose weight, so maybe it's the right thing for the time being.

You guys have been a great source of inspiration and comfort to me, thank you