florafloraflora,
I'm so sorry to hear that S-days are such a problem for you, but there are some positive aspects to your situation as well which I think you can build on:
1. your N-day habit is solid. That is huge. It seems to at least have kept you from gaining, which is something. And you've had tantalizing little drops which indicate that if you could just tidy your s-days up a bit, this could work. This is a great foundation from which to advance.
2. have you read the
"what do YOU mean by sometimes?" discussion linked to from the home page? There are some good suggestions in there. Like "interpret sometimes as "once" per s day (or some similarly small number). If that seems too cruel, start by simply counting the number of S-incidents you actually indulge in now each S-day (how many snacks, how many sweets, how many seconds). Then use that status quo to come up with a realistic (but slightly lower) limit. Honestly, the simple fact that you do count incidents, that you pay such careful attention, might be enough pressure, even without imposing limits, to keep you in line. If the prospect of never having a totally free s-day seems awful to you, maybe divide your s days into "capital S" and "lower case s" days: on routine, weekend s days adhere to the tight definition of "sometimes," on major holidays or celebrations, give yourself total freedom. Just some ideas to consider. There is of course a danger to all of these: extra complexity and extra restrictions you might resent. But the potential gain might be worth the risk.
3. are you proactively treating yourself to something especially nice on S-days? That's the first, best line of defense against egregious excess. Unlike counting or limiting s-events, there are no potential downsides to this, and many upsides (like real enjoyment).
Don't despair, you've accomplished so much in terms of habit and self-discipline. With a little fine tuning I'm sure you can push past this plateau.
Best wishes and please keep us posted,
Reinhard