Depressed :(

[gratefuldeb67]

Hi everyone. I just felt like posting this publicly, not just on my HabitCal, in hopes I'll be able to nip this in the bud asap!!!

I have been going back to eating in the middle of the night in the past few days. I'm sure it's because I am sad because I have had a lot less contact with my dear bloke from England. I know it's not intentional, because he has limited internet access these days.. He wrote me a few days after my Birthday and was a really nice upbeat and caring message, as always, but the gaps between emails have been pretty long. I am trying to be mature and not be sad when a long silence happens, but to be honest, I am the type who starts to feel a bit down if it goes for more than a week. Last email I got was 11 days ago. So it's just hard for me to deal with, being the communicative person I am. I know he's having a hard time these days financially and also has some health concerns too, so again, being the type of person I am, it's really a bit hard for me to not hear anything, without it making me feel sad and a bit worried too.
But mostly just feeling lonely.

I'm putting two and two together here and figure this must be why I'm going back to eating at night. I *really* don't want to continue doing this.
Even on S days, I don't want to mess up like this because it's totally going to thwart my weight loss, not to mention, I think it makes it harder to sleep through the night and generally ends up making me feel bad, both emotionally and physically.

Wow.. hahah well this was a bit rambly and long so sorry, but I really wanted to talk to someone.
Thanks for listening friends
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.
Here's to getting back on track right now.

Debs

[la_loser]

Debs,
Sorry you're feeling down. . . now that you DID manage to go for a while without doing your middle of the night eating, you KNOW you CAN do it. . . so hopefully you'll be able to do some positive self-talk and get right back on track again. Maybe print your post about your losing 10 (I think it was 10?) pounds and stick copies on your fridge handle and where ever else you go to seek those wee hour snacks.

Maybe that would be a motivation to go back to bed or get on the computer or read (something boring maybe!) or do something else with your hands till you're ready to sleep again?

Hang in there-you know you can do it!

[gratefuldeb67]

Thanks LA! I appreciate those suggestions.
Yes, I know I can do it, and that's something I don't want to revert back to my old self... It's just that the Habit for unconscious emotional stress eating is still winning when it hits and I'm not prepared in advance or conscious of it to begin with.
It will have to be the self talk. Maybe I just need to spend a bit of meditation time before going to bed. I can't help being sad, but when I actually let myself experience it, I end up always feeling better, and it passes quickly.
And being able to simply vent is helpful, so thanks for listening!
Hugs!
Debs

[jules]

And just keep in mind that eating isn't going to get you the real results you want which is to hear from your bloke.

Next time you wake up in the middle of the night and are tempted by the fridge try to meditate then instead.

[kccc]

Deb, you've already made great progress...

1) You've been able to beat this habit before, so you KNOW you can do it.
2) And you've identified the real issue... which is not hunger. (What's that line - if hunger isn't the issue, food is not the solution?)

I sometimes wake up at night too. I have a bunch of calming things loaded on my iPod (cds would work) that I play. Some of them are just talking, like some of the Zencasts... I figure either I go back to sleep or I get to listen to something I wanted to hear anyway, so either way, I win!

I hope you find a solution that works for you, and hope your bloke (love that term!) is able to get to the internet more frequently.

Best wishes!

[mimi]

Awww Debs! Don't be depressed - that makes me sad! You were doing so well with your middle-of-the-night food raids, so I know that you can resume your good behavior! The suggestions from LA Loser, jules, and KCCC are all good ones to try.
Do you use Skype with your bloke? It's free to download (skype.com) and that way you talk to him, rather than just send emails. If you both have webcams on your computers, you can also see each other. This is how we kept in touch with our youngest son when he was recently in China for three weeks. It was awesome. Maybe using skype would help make the lulls between communication a little more bearable.
Hang in there - and let us know how you're doing!

Mimi

[oliviamanda]

I know someone that uses skype to talk to their family in Russia and it works well. Sorry to hear you are depressed Debs because you are such a champion to us fellow No Sers here on the bulletin board.

Are you eating ice cream in the middle of the night? Snacking on crackers? You can't have what's not available. I never keep sweets in the house because my husband will completely devour them within 24 hours of arrival. And I don't want to be tempted. Most of the time my sweets on S days are had at my mom's house.

Instead of hitting the cabinets or refrigerator, get online and write... or maybe tell yourself you are going to drink a glass of water or H2orange. You are not hungry in the middle of the night tell yourself; it must be frustration. Your friend wouldn't want you to eat in the middle of the night. Just think how awesome you will look next time you see him or have to send him a photo. : )

[StrawberryRoan]

Aww Deb, turn that upside down


Feel better,

SR

[gratefuldeb67]

Thank you everybody!!! You're all wonderful supporters!!!
I appreciate everything you've said!!!
Skype or any other phone calling would be great, but again, the problem is that he's not got a connection at home yet. He's got a good wireless laptop, but no connection due to financial probs for the last few months.
But, when he finally gets that back again, I am hoping we will get to talk on chat.
I feel much better just having shared this with you all.. And no, not eating ice cream or really bad things.. Actually I had some watermelon one night and some jalapeno peppers and plain yogurt (I know, weird!!!!! LOL), and about 8 stuffed grape leaves, the other night.. It's just I don't want to eat at night at all, because even these somewhat innocuous foods will still ruin my weight loss progress when they are in the middle of the night.

Anyway, I had a good day after unloading and went for an hour of "pool jogging" and I am very content and relaxed.
I really hope I hear from my friend soon, but in the meantime, you are right, he would want me to take good care of myself, so I'll keep that in mind when I'm sad and finding myself raiding the fridge mindlessly.
I especially like the idea of doing the meditation then.
Thanks so much again!!
Love to all
Debs x

ps.. I would love to find out more about those Zencasts KCCC if you can link me up?
pps.. I too love the term bloke, and also love chap.. He's a fine chap and a top bloke!

[kccc]

ps.. I would love to find out more about those Zencasts KCCC if you can link me up?

I get them as a (free) subscription from iTunes - do a search on "zencast" to find them. There, you get a variety of speakers, some of which I like better than others.

However, I just noticed a Google search on "zencast" turned up a website by that name, but it doesn't look right. I couldn't find "my" podcast on it. So I searched for the name of my favorite speaker, Gil Fronsdal, and here's a direct link to some of this podcasts: http://www.audiodharma.org/talks-gil.html

He has a very calm voice, and I really like the content of the talks a lot. There's a recent series on dealing with anger and other strong emotions that was excellent. You might try the one titled "Acknowledge, Feel, Soften."

Hope you enjoy them.

[reinhard]

Deb,

I'm so sorry to hear this... but it's only been a very few days, right? You've been doing so well, if you catch yourself quickly, and it sounds like you are, the damage will be very limited.

I like LA's suggestion about printing the post and putting it on your fridge. It's kind of like a positive "Zuel."

As KCCC pointed out, it's a huge advantage that you're so aware of what the problem is, that you're not confusing it with actual hunger.

I think that'll make it easier to deflect with some other activity. I'm not familiar with zencasts (maybe I should be!), but I've found that audiobooks in general are fantastic for lulling me to sleep when I'm anxious about something. You might want to get some good audiobooks and make it a rule that if you wake up late an night, your first response is to reach for an audiobook. The only con with this strategy that I've found is I sometimes wake up having missed significant portions of the book, but that's what the rewind button is for

If you don't think audiobooks will do the trick, try to identify something else. You've got a great "negative" pressure in place against this habit of night time eating -- the no s rules and the habitcal. But it would be good to simultaneously try to swap in some positive replacement response. And to plan it ahead, so you don't have to wrack your brains when you're not in a mood or state to make good decisions.

It's a cheap solution, too. You can get a ton of audiobooks from the public library. The new york public library system has to be an least as good as MA and I can get pretty much anything here. I interlibrary load through the website and they email me when it arrives at my local branch.

Reinhard

[FarmerHal]

Aww I'm sorry.

I agree with everyone too, and that eating isn't going to get you in contact with him.

I hope he's able to get back online quickly so that you two can be in touch again. Can you talk via regular phone?


(((hugs)))

[gratefuldeb67]

Thanks so much again guys!!!
I think I managed to re direct myself after posting this little vent, and identifying the pattern which was happening..
I really appreciate those suggestions and I'll see about trying them out soon!
Managed to get back on track since last post.. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about it.
Unfortunately no Tiffany, not possible to talk on the phone right now.. he doesn't have one at the moment... again.. bad financial situation which he's been trying to work out since February. So unless he gets to the public library or has enough to go to the pub down the road from him where there's free WIFI, I just have to wait through these quiet times..
Geez, I can't imagine living in the days when people had to send messages via carrier pidgeons! hahah
Feeling much better and just calmly (as possible! LOL) waiting.... tap tap tap
Big hugs and thanks to you all!!
Debs x

[Amoureaux2987]

I am very sorry to hear about your troubles. It is very good that you vented on this forum instead of keeping it all inside. That causes stress on the body, and we don't want that to happen.

I'm sure everything will work out for you because you seem like a caring person and I know your significant other feels the same way. Try to smile and stay as busy as possible. In fact, stay the same way as you are now. The best things will start to happen soon.

[gratefuldeb67]

Thank you Amoreaux for your kind words.

I heard from him today!!!
Love to all!!!
Debs x

[mimi]

Yay! Awesome! All is well with the world again...I'm so tickled for you Debs!

Mimi

[gratefuldeb67]

Thanks Mimi!!!!
Hugs!!
Debs x